To Mend a Butterfly's Broken Wing
by ExquisitelyUgly
Summary: After the newborn fight things take a different turn with the Volturi. Edward goes missing, the Cullen's leave to search for him, and Bella flees town from the pain of loss. Can Jacob help her deal with the grief a second time? AU, M for language, sex
1. The Beginning

***I own nothing; I make no money off of the characters created by S. Meyer. My one and only disclaimer! Needed to say that partially because the part in bold – right in the beginning - will be taken directly from Eclipse and that's just to lead into where I take the story from there.* **

***Thanks to ILW, Sher, and Cris for dealing with my annoying self and helping me with my title. Might not be perfect for all of us, but I used something each of you liked in it!***

**A/N to follow below as well….**

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**"Edward," I said, my voice nearly inaudible. "Edward, someone got hurt."**

**I'd heard Seth's agony, seen the torture in Edward's face.**

**"Yes," he whispered.**

**"Who?" I asked, though, of course, I already knew the answer.**

**Of course I did. Of course.**

**The trees were slowing around us as we came to our destination.**

**It took him a long moment to answer me.**

**"Jacob," he said.**

**I was able to nod once.**

**"Of course," I whispered.**

**And then I slipped off the edge I was clinging to inside my head.**

**Everything went black.**

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**BPOV:**

There had been a flurry of activity when I had woken from blacking out. I came to slowly, the fuzzy blackness beginning to fade where I could begin making out colors; the soft green of the trees above me, the variety of colors in the Cullen's clothing, and most importantly the golden color of Edward's eyes hovering above me.

"Jake?" I whispered in a pained voice, all too aware of what had happened. I was scared to death to find out exactly what that was.

Every single one of the Cullen's looked worried - about what I wasn't entirely sure - as Edward's golden eyes met mine. He brushed a cool hand against my cheek, worry for me clear in his eyes. "He will be okay," he assured me.

"The bones in the right half of his body were crushed, but I'm about to head over there now to get them set so he can heal properly. He will recover just fine," Carlisle said in a reassuring tone.

It barely registered that he would be fine; I couldn't get past the fact that the bones in his body had been crushed. I felt the panic set in anyway, but before I could insist on going there, I noticed the Cullen's exchanging worried looks again.

"What is it?" I asked my voice rising at not knowing what was going on. "Is there something else going on?"

"The Volturi was here," Esme said gently after exchanging a look with Edward. "We kept you hidden back here in the trees after the wolves masked everything surrounding you with their scent. They weren't aware you were here."

"They... they were here?" I questioned faintly. I struggled to sit up. Edward slipped an arm around me and helped me stand.

"Yes. There were some worrisome things said, too," Edward said darting another glance at Carlisle.

"What..." I started to ask when Edward lifted me quickly.

"We will tell you, Bella, but for now we need to go. I would feel better having you at home."

"But... I want to see Jacob," I said changing tactics. I was already upset at hurting Jacob, at hurting Edward, at knowing I had to talk to Jake and tell him my decision. My heart gave a throb at the thought; it hurt so much more now that I was aware of just how strong my feelings for him were.

Carlisle had slipped away, presumably off to help Jacob, and Edward sighed. "Okay. By the time you get there Carlisle should be finished anyway."

"Why don't you go home," I said quietly. "I'll see you... after." My chin shook at the thought. I had to stop hurting them both, but a big part of me was screaming that I couldn't destroy Jake like this.

We were quiet as he dropped me off at my house. He lightly cupped my face in his hands, pressing his cool lips against mine. I breathed in his scent, trying to keep my mind of the feel of other lips; lips that had been warm and aggressive, his tongue moving against mine. Edward was going to be my husband, and I had to say no to Jake once and for all. The thought of doing that was ripping me up inside; how could I say this to him when I loved him so much? I didn't want to.

Edward leaned back and regarded me sadly. "Are you sure you made the right choice, Bella?" I thought I saw a flash of pain in his butterscotch eyes, but it was gone before I was positive.

"I'm sure," I said quietly, kissing him again, as the twinge in my heart told me while I may be sure about Edward, I was still in love with someone else. Not only did I need to see Jake; I wanted to be with Jake right now.

Torn by my feelings, I got into my truck. Edward leaned into the open window, lightly kissing my temple. "I love you, Bella Swan," he said simply, a small smile curling his perfectly shaped lips. "Forever and always," he added a twinkle in his eye.

Despite everything, I grinned back. "I love you, Edward Cullen. Future husband," I teased.

He laughed and backed away, and I pulled out of the driveway, feeling the tears pricking my eyes and beginning to blur my vision as I looked back at him, his skin sparkling just a bit as the sun peeked out for a moment. Little did I know what was about to happen.

I swallowed hard. This was going to be hell.

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I parked my behemoth of a truck and hurried to the front door as Carlisle came out. "Carlisle?" I asked worriedly, dread trying to take up residence in my heart.

He smiled. "It was not any easy process for him, Bella, but he's beginning to mend in the correct way. He will be perfectly fine."

I threw my arms around Carlisle, hearing him chuckle as he gave me a gentle squeeze. "Go," he said quietly. "I had to give him a lot of morphine, so it won't be long before he succumbs. He wants to see you." As Carlisle walked down the steps, Billy rolled to the door.

"Thank you again, Dr. Cullen. I appreciate what you have done for my son. I won't forget that."

An exchange of smiles, a handshake, and it looked like the wolves and the vampires were on the road to understanding each other a little better. I paused outside of Jacob's room, my hand hesitating on turning the knob. With a pained swallow I pushed the door open and felt my breath catch at the sight of him. He was in bed, the sheet pulled up to his waist. His breathing was labored, and he was holding himself a certain way, but what really got to me were his eyes. He opened them when I pushed the door in and there was nothing but a quiet defeat in them.

"Jake," I whispered past the lump in my throat.

"Bells," he whispered back.

Before I knew it, I was laying on the bed next to him. He had his arm around me, his fingers lightly touching my hair. He was so unbelievably warm; I snuggled against him my throat too clogged to say anything yet.

"I was worried about you," he finally said. "Was he upset with you?"

"No. Not at all," I admitted.

He looked surprised. "Figures," he sighed. We were both quiet. I knew I was going to have to say something; I needed to say this even though every cell in my body was screaming not to hurt him. I loved him so much, but I had to.

As I pondered that, I glanced up at Jake, and I realized he had fallen asleep. The morphine must have kicked in already. Well, I figured it gave me enough time to contemplate how I was going to break his heart. Again I felt sick at the thought. Instead I leaned up and kissed his cheek lightly and lay my head on his shoulder and drifted off to sleep.

I woke and sat up with a jerk at the flurry of activity that seemed to be coming from the front door. Glancing at the clock I realized only an hour had passed. Jake was stirring; the morphine must be wearing off already. I started to get up when the door opened with no knock and Sam stood there. My first impression was that he looked a little dazed.

"Bella?" he said.

Jake woke and sat up. "What's going on?" he demanded groggily. He looked surprised to see me in his bed and concerned to see Sam.

"Sam, what is it?" I asked quietly a nervous twinge in my stomach catching me off-guard.

"Bella, something is wrong. I don't know exactly what's going on, but you need to go home," he said quietly.

Scared, I jumped up. I looked back at Jake; he was sitting up and looking worried. I never got to talk to him. "Go honey," he said softly. "We'll talk later," he added. My heart felt as if someone had a painful grip on it; the tone in his voice spoke volumes. He knew why I was there, and I just wanted to cry and hold on to him forever.

I reached out and our hands met. He laced his fingers with mine, a small smile curling his lips. "I love you," I mouthed.

"Love you more," he whispered, but gave me a reassuring smile.

I hurried out of the room and jumped into my truck. With a loud growl and a spray of stones, I was pushing my truck as fast as it could go back to Forks. I barely managed to turn my truck off before I was leaping out of it. I yanked the front door open; as my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, I saw Alice's profile.

When she turned to face me, my insides froze. Her face…

I struggled to find my voice. "Alice?" I whispered. My voice sounded like a scared little girl's.

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. The agony on her face ripped at my insides, but I couldn't move. Her eyes were haunted, and I knew if she could cry she would be. I managed to move towards her and reached out to touch that smooth face, to try and offer comfort that I knew would do nothing.

"Ed-Edward's gone," she whispered. "The Volturi took him."

I just stared at her, uncomprehending. "That's impossible," I said calmly. "Edward can read minds, and you have visions. You would have known if they were coming."

Her lips were shaking with the effort to not lose control. "He got back to the house first," she whimpered. "When we got back the place was torn up; vases were smashed, a window was cracked, there were flowers scattered on the floor…"

"Oh Bella!" she cried. "I had no visions of this! How could Edward have been taken? Something rendered our abilities useless. My brother is gone."

The reality began to sink into my brain, and I began shaking. "No," I murmured. "No. No. No! NOOOO!" My voice ended in a scream, scaring me.

"Bella, honey," she said grabbing me into a tight hug. My ribs were being crushed by her strength. "Oh God, I _hate_ to leave you like this. I'll get someone to come to you, but Bella we _have_ to go. We're going to find him."

My face felt like a mask. I just stared at her, unblinking. "I'm going with you."

"No, you can't," she cried. "Bella, it's too dangerous."

"I went to Volterra with you!" I yelled at her. "I _saved_ him! I'm going with."

She cupped my face in her hands, forcing me to look at her panicked, grief-stricken golden eyes. "This is different, Bella. This isn't saving Edward from himself and facing the Volturi when they were at least partially cordial. They _took_ him; there's something wrong and I can _not_ put you at risk like that."

The tears began streaking down my cheeks. "B-but Alice… I don't know how to live without him. Not again." Even to me my voice sounded agonized. "He would never give up on me. I can't give up on him."

Her voice cracked. "Bella, you don't have to give up on him. Just because you can't come with doesn't mean you're giving up. I will be in touch with you; I won't keep you in the dark. Edward would want you safe, you know that."

I relented, my body sagging to the ground, nothing left in me to salvage. She knelt down with me and whispered, "I'm so sorry. Please understand and forgive me," she begged. I felt her lips press against my forehead. I nodded faintly, for her peace of mind, and she stood.

"I'm not leaving you alone, Bella. Someone will come and stay with you, to help you."

I nodded again, not knowing what else to do. All I could do was kneel in the middle of the kitchen as a fresh wave of agony rolled over me.

"I love you," she choked out.

"I love you, too," I managed to say. When I looked up she was gone.

I knelt in the middle of the kitchen, my mind a blank, for what felt like ages. All I know is when I got up, my knees ached fiercely and my back felt tight. It was nothing compared to the ache in my heart, though. My mind scurried away from what I had heard, trying to protect me from the pain.

I stumbled through the kitchen, into the living room. I stood there, confused.

Memories were pushing at my mind consistently; the couch where he sat with me. The movie "Romeo & Juliet" on the coffee table that he watched with me tickled my mind; as did the memory of him sitting at the kitchen table with me discussing universities to attend together. I trudged upstairs, escaping the grasping tendrils of something I couldn't bear to remember. In my room the memories hit me full force, dropping me to the ground again.

Gasps pushed out of me as the memories of Edward were all over my room. The rocking chair, my bed, the window; even his smell still lingered in the air and I tried to breathe it in, to keep it with me so I wouldn't forget. The tears came fast and silent and I laid my head on the floor unable to do anything else.

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I woke groggily, confused about where I was. As reality sank back in, I jumped up, agitated. Everything was a reminder; this room, this house, the town, and I had to get out.

I couldn't stay here; I couldn't stay surrounded by the promises that were now broken remains of a life with the man I loved.

My suitcase came down off the shelf in my closet, clothes thrown haphazardly into it, my toiletries following after in a mad rush to flee. It wasn't much, but it would do. I carried it down the stairs and ran out of the house in my haste. Throwing my bag in the truck, my chest heaving, I rested my trembling hands on the wheel.

I had no idea where I was going, but I couldn't stay with these painful reminders of what I could have had and now wasn't sure that I ever would. My thoughts drifted to Jake for a moment, but I knew he was strong and I prayed that he would be okay.

With a last glance at the familiarity of Charlie's house, I shoved my foot down on the gas and did what I had to do…

I ran.

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**A/N: I just wanted to let it be known that I am definitely not a hater of Edward. So any Edward or partial-Edward fans, this is definitely not my way of bashing him. It's just the premise of this story. Things will be revealed over time! **** And yes, I know there was a lot of Edward in this… Jacob will be back in full force, though!**


	2. I Will Run to You

staying awake to chase a dream

tasting the air you're breathing in

I hope I won't forget a thing

I wish to hold you close and pray

watching our fantasies decay

nothing will ever stay the same

**Muse – "Falling Away With You"**

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**JPOV:**

After Bella left, Sam promised he would be back if he found out just what was going on. Something just wasn't sitting right with me, and I couldn't pinpoint it; I was worried about Bella. I shifted around in bed, trying to get comfortable, but unable to settle my mind.

My body was still healing, but it had done enough in the meantime that I decided to try and get out of bed. My body still ached a little as I sat up, gingerly wiggling all the necessary body parts.

I stood, carefully stretching, feeling a little ping in my leg and my ribs. I held still, but everything seemed intact, just a little sore, so I stayed up. I moved carefully around my room, getting the blood flowing again. I went into the living room and spent some time with Billy until he decided to go visit Sue.

I watched a little television. I dozed off for awhile.

I ate nearly a whole pizza that was in the fridge.

I couldn't stand this much longer; I was told not to phase for a couple days, but if I didn't hear what the hell was going on soon I was going to Charlie's house to find Bella. Too much time had passed and my patience had worn thin as the afternoon shifted to twilight.

I had just gone back to my room to get my keys, intending to do just that, when suddenly I smelled a vampire and felt the air stir in my room. I spun around to meet it, but the vampire didn't move into the doorway of my room. It took me a second to realize who it was.

"Alice?" I said in an incredulous voice. What the hell was she doing here? In La Push? In my _room_?

I was furious. How dare she? But as I opened my mouth to confront her, I hesitated upon seeing the look on her face. Her expression was tortured, her unnaturally golden eyes filled with grief, and her mouth was twisted into a grimace.

"Jacob, you have to go to Bella. She's left town, and she needs you; whether or not she's aware of it."

I stared at her in shock. "What? What the hell happened?" I practically roared at her.

I tried to push past her to go, but she stopped me with her words.

"Jacob, here." She handed me a thick envelope.

One quick look inside and my jaw dropped. There was a thick wad of large bills in it. "I have to go," she whispered. "I want to help her, but I have to go."

I didn't even know what to say. Finally I shoved the envelope back at her, unsure of what was happening except for the growing dread in my stomach. "I don't…" I started to say before she interrupted me.

"Edward has been taken by the Volturi. Something is wrong and my family is leaving to try and get him back." Her voice sounded broken.

Again I was at a loss for words, but I managed to mutter, "What? How? Bella?" The best I could do was short and simple.

"I told her. And I told her we're leaving. I promised to send someone to help her; even with everything that happened I knew it had to be you. You're the only one who can possibly help her. Some of my family left, but I stayed to tell her, to come to you. She up and left with no destination in mind, but she'll end up in Hoquiam."

"We don't know how this happened," she whimpered out loud, but apparently to herself. "How Edward was taken and why my visions were useless…" she trailed off.

My head was swimming with information, but I needed to go to Bella. "Where do I go?" I asked abruptly.

"Go to the Econo Lodge Inn; that's where she will go. It's close to U.S. Highway 101, on Simpson Avenue. And here…" She handed me a cell phone. "Keep that. I don't see a decision either way about her coming back, so I want to make sure I can reach you."

"Haven't you done enough?" I growled.

Her eyes met mine. I couldn't even find the desire to berate her for leaving Bella alone. It didn't take Bella long to run; I couldn't even begin to think about how much she must be hurting. It hurt _me_ to know she was hurting. This fight – and losing Bella because I knew that's what she was going to tell me – had drained all the anger out of me. And peculiarly enough, I actually felt a degree of sympathy for Edward; and all the Cullen's as well.

"I wish I could do more. You have no idea. This is what I can do for her, though. I can send you to help her, I can give you money to get you set-up temporarily, and I can send you anything you need when you find out if she's coming back to Forks or not."

I nodded, needing to go after Bella. I didn't want to take money from the Cullen's, but I was wasting precious minutes not going after her.

"Take care of her," Alice whispered pleadingly as she turned to leave.

I nodded, both of us knowing I was doing this strictly for Bella's sake. "I'm sorry," I added, not knowing what else to say.

"Thank you," she barely breathed and with a soft stirring of the air she was gone.

I finished throwing my stuff together, and I met Billy as he came into the kitchen. My step faltered as we stared at each other. I couldn't not go to Bella, but I needed to know someone would help Billy out while I figured out what the hell was going on. "Dad," I started to say, but he lifted a hand. He knew.

"Go to her. Call me so I know you're both okay."

I swallowed hard. "Thanks Dad," I mumbled. "I think Rachel was planning on coming home soon; I'll call her so she knows to help…"

Billy reached for his wallet as he sighed, "Don't worry so much about your old man, son. I'm not a complete invalid."

I couldn't help a reluctant smile as he smirked at me. He started to pull money out of his wallet, but I shook my head. "I won't take money from you for this. Keep it. I'll be fine, okay?"

He gave me a look, but I stood firm. I didn't want to take money from the Cullen's; we were barely on steady ground with each other, but I let it go because I knew it was mainly for Bella anyway. I couldn't in good conscience take money from my father; his income wasn't much.

He reached out to me instead, and I leaned down to accept the brief hug. I couldn't remember the last time I hugged him. "I don't think Charlie knows she left," I said quietly.

He nodded. "I'll talk to him, but Jake, _promise me_ you or Bella will get in touch with him quickly. My word won't stop him from putting out an APB on Bella, and he has a right to know what's happening to his daughter; he's going to be upset enough as it is. She went to Hoquiam, right?"

I nodded. "I promise. I'm sure she was beyond upset and just wasn't thinking straight. And yes, that's where I'm going."

I squeezed his hand and hurried out the door. I threw my bag in the Rabbit and raced out of La Push, heading directly for Hoquiam and Bella.

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I drove the nearly two hours at the fastest speed I could manage without getting pulled over and managed to get there before it got dark outside. I found the Econo Lodge Inn easily enough and hurried inside. A bored, red-haired girl sat behind the desk chewing a piece of gum and playing with her cell phone.

"Excuse me," I said impatiently.

She looked up slowly, brown eyes widening as she took me in. "Yes? Can I help you?" she asked nervously.

"I believe a girl checked in here this evening. Bella Swan? I'm trying to find her."

"I'm sorry, sir, but company policy states I have to respect the privacy of our guests."

Frustrated, I nearly yelled, "She's a friend of mine! It's important that I find her."

The girl's chin shook, and she whispered, "I can call the manager…"

As frantic as I was to find Bella, I couldn't help but feel guilt over scaring this girl. I had a better idea anyway, so I apologized. "I'm sorry, miss, I didn't mean to frighten you. I'll try calling her again."

She looked relieved, and I quickly backed out of sight. Using my wolf senses, I slipped noiselessly by her when she wasn't looking and hurried up the steps. Thankfully it wasn't a big place, so I hurried down the hall, past room after room and listened for the heartbeat and soft breath I would recognize anywhere. Finally, near the end of the hall, I heard her.

A lump in my throat, I paused as I heard the shaky breathing and the wet sound of tears. I knocked on the door. "Bella?" I called out.

The sounds quieted, but there was no response.

"Bella, honey, it's me. I'm coming in, okay?"

No answer.

I worked at the door, wiggling my driver's license into the crack, and managed to unlock it. I pushed the door open and what met my eyes nearly broke my heart. She was still wearing her coat, her hair was a messy tangle, and she was curled up in a corner of the room on the floor.

She glanced briefly at me; her arms wrapped tightly around her knees, her beautiful brown eyes red and tear tracks marking her cheeks. I did the only thing I really could; I got down on my knees and reached out for her.

"No," she whimpered. "I can't go home. Don't even try. Stop it," she babbled.

"Honey, I'm not taking you home," I reassured her. Again I reached out for her and she glanced at my hands.

"Jacob?" she murmured.

"Yes honey, it's me." She let me take her hands this time. They were freezing.

"Edward's gone," she breathed almost silently. Then the tears fell, but her gaze never wavered, and she never made a sound.

I gently scooped her off the floor and held her on my lap, wrapping my arms as tightly as I could around her without hurting her. Her head dropped into the crook of my shoulder and neck and I felt the wetness of her tears on my skin.

We didn't talk. I held her as she lay crumpled against me, breathing in her sweet scent, worried beyond belief about her and what happened. I couldn't fathom how Edward could have been taken; he was nearly invincible.

As I stared at the white walls of the room, I wondered what had happened that had changed. I knew the Volturi were the worst kind of vampires there were, but Carlisle said they were the rulers, the ones who upheld the laws. I had no idea why they would feel the need to kidnap another vampire, a seemingly random one; though I wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that Carlisle had lived with them for a time according to Bella.

I hated vampires; I even hated the Cullen's, so I was surprised that I felt sympathy. Alice had looked so devastated. I wanted Bella for myself, I even threatened to kill Edward myself more than once, but faced with what happened I couldn't help but realize I truly didn't wish this on him or his family. I guess Edward and I really _had _come to some sort of understanding. A shaky one, considering I was in love with his future wife, but I couldn't even find it in me to realize this could give me the chance I needed.

My only concern right now was for my best friend; the girl who was broken yet again and crying on my lap. Hadn't fate done enough damage to her? My chest ached with every tear that fell from her eyes and I tightened my hold on her, resting my cheek on top of her head. I couldn't imagine what this would do to her; I just hoped I could help her again.

My thoughts drifted to Charlie and I felt guilty. I knew Billy would tell him everything, but I was hesitant to give away where she was. Charlie loved Bella, he was her father, and he had a right to know. I had no doubt Bella just ran without a thought, but deep down, I just had this feeling that she didn't want to be found right now. She knew what she put Charlie through, and she didn't want him to have to deal with it again I was sure, but this wouldn't help either. I really hoped Charlie would agree to give her time, if that's what she needed, even if I had to promise to call him every day.

I didn't know what this was going to entail either; would she go home? Somehow I doubted it if her reaction a little bit ago was any indication. I left behind my pack brothers', though I knew the threat was gone, so it shouldn't affect too much. Plus, I had Billy to worry about.

He was stronger than he looked, though, and I knew Rachel would help me out. For now my concern was Bella, though. No one had been able to help her when Edward left her except for me, and I could only hope my presence would be enough for her.

I realized that Bella had stopped crying and had gone still. I gently shifted her away from me, and I saw she was fighting sleep. Her eyelids were drooping, but then she'd open them wide again.

"You can go to sleep, honey," I whispered. "I'll be right here."

"I'm afraid to sleep," she mumbled. Her voice sounded so lost.

I stood, lifting her up into my arms. She stiffened and struggled for a second until I laid her on the bed. She settled down again, curling into a ball on her side. I sat on the edge of the bed until she drifted off into a restless doze.

Carefully I removed her shoes. She flinched and woke partially, only to doze off again. I managed to repeat the process with her jacket. I pulled the covers up over her and smoothed her hair back from her face. Once I was sure she was asleep – restless or not – I leaned down and brushed my lips over her forehead and lightly touched a finger to the tear tracks on her cheek.

I sat on the floor by the bed, resting my head on my arm, as I wrapped my fingers around hers. I wanted her to know I was here, but I didn't want to freak her out if she woke and I was in bed with her. I felt the tug of sleep even in this not so comfortable position.

All the fear, the worry, and the pain became nothing as I drifted off to sleep, my fingers wrapped tightly around the hand of my best friend.

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**A/N: Just to let you know, I will be posting this on my livejournal as well. Any music that inspires me while writing a chapter will have a link to a youtube video (if there is one for the song) on my LJ page for that particular chapter. The link is: ****http:/exquisite_ugly[dot]livejournal[dot]com****. **


	3. Putting Down Roots

I'm only

Falling through the cracks

I'm only

Losing my will to live

I'm only

Broken and beaten down

I'm only... I'm only

**Ra – "Only"  
**

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**BPOV:**

_I ran through the streets of Volterra, screaming Edward's name over and over. I couldn't find him. Desperation pushed me, my heart pounding in my chest as the sun glowed high overhead in a cloudless sky._

_ As the clock chimed noon, I managed to push through the throngs of people to reach the clock tower. Sweat beaded on my forehead as Edward appeared, just barely standing in the sun._

_ "Edward! No!" I screamed as I ran full-tilt at him._

_ His eyes met mine and suddenly icy-white, papery hands reached out and caught hold of him. I ran as hard as I could, but I saw red eyes and white teeth, and Edward was being yanked back by the vicious animals that made up the Volturi just before I could get to him._

I felt warm hands and a gentle but urgent voice as I struggled between sleeping and waking. I could hear a piercing noise and flinched, unsure of what it was. As my eyes opened and began to focus on the blurry shape in front of me, I realized the piercing noise was coming from me.

I was screaming in my sleep.

The blur solidified and I realized Jake was next to me, his hands trying to soothe me as he said urgently, "Bella, Bella, wake up! Honey you're just dreaming." The worry on his face was palpable.

My breathing was so uneven, I could barely catch my breath, but I focused on the warm feel of Jake's hands on my face. I rolled to my side, burying my face in my arm and felt the tears turn cool on my skin.

"I'm here," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

I was so tired, so impossibly drained, that I just wanted to fall back to sleep. But if I did I knew I would dream again, and I didn't think I could handle it. Staying awake wasn't easy either, though. I rested my cheek on Jake's arm; I was so cold and he felt so warm.

As I was trying to keep my mind a blank, Jake shifted slightly. "Bells, I'll be right back, okay?"

He got up, and I saw him pull something out of his pocket. "What's that?" I asked, feeling a slither of panic.

He hesitated, but showed me the sleek black cell phone. "What are you doing?" I asked, my voice rising in pitch.

"Calm down, Bells," he said quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm going to call my dad and then Charlie…"

"No," I whispered. "I can't hurt him again, I can't let him see me like this, you can't tell him…" I babbled as the tears began to build.

He smoothed my hair back from my face. "You know I have to call, Bella. I know that you don't want him to worry, but he needs to know you're okay or he _will _worry. I won't tell him anything else, okay?"

I picked at the comforter, unable to look at him, as a single tear dripped down my nose. I was selfish; I left my father behind without a word and I didn't want Jake to call him because I was afraid he would find out where I was and insist I go back home. A place I couldn't face. I knew he had to know I was okay, though, so I nodded.

Jake slipped out the door, and I laid back down, the tears silently sliding down my cheeks as my thoughts drifted to Edward. The pain in my chest increased. When I stopped hearing the murmur of Jake's voice, I was drawn out of my painful thoughts, and I began to panic. I curled up at the head of the bed, thoughts of him not being out there anymore scaring me. I began breathing heavily, my stomach hurting, until the door opened.

I saw Jake's expression shift to worry as he hurried over. He wrapped his arms around me, and I clung to him tightly. "Where were you?" I whispered shakily.

"I'm sorry, Bella; I just went downstairs to get some breakfast for us. I didn't mean to scare you."

He picked up the bag, and I caught the scent of blueberry pancakes and sausage wafting from the bag. "There was a little café in the lobby," he explained as he pulled the items out.

My stomach clenched at the thought of food.

"I'm not hungry," I whispered. Just the thought of food was unappealing.

"Bella, you have to eat. I know you're…," he said quietly trailing off. "But not eating won't help."

I flinched at the reminder. "My stomach hurts," I said and lay back down on the bed.

"Please Bella?" he asked. "Just one bite."

I just wanted to lay there like a slug, but I sat up and he handed me the fork with a big piece of pancake and sausage on it. I ate it, trying my best not to gag. As he ate the rest of breakfast he told me that Charlie was upset. Guilt wormed its way around in my stomach as he told me how Charlie yelled at him for at least five minutes, but eventually he agreed to not come after me with his whole department in tow as long as he heard from us in a couple days.

I missed Charlie already, but the bone-crushing grief of any reminders wouldn't allow me to go back. I had to focus on other things.

"Jake? Where did you get the cell phone?" I asked dully as I watched him ball up his trash.

He hesitated, not looking at me. "Um…"

"Don't lie," I whispered.

"Alice," he murmured. "She was worried… and she, well, insisted I take it; and money as well. She said she'll call…" he trailed off.

My body froze. Alice? She had went to Jake and sent him here?

She was going to call?

"Bells, I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what… I would have come after you whether or not Alice had come to me."

"She's going to call?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes. She wants to keep you updated."

I stared at the slightly dingy curtains and out into the pale-gray morning. There was nothing but an old building to look at. My chin shook as I recalled with perfect clarity the grief on Alice's face, the smile on Edward's before I left him and the tears started again.

The warmth of Jake's arms enclosed me, and I was crying on his shoulder.

"If we're staying in Hoquiam we need to find a place to live," he said after the worst of my crying was over.

"Jake…" I said. "I can't ask you to do that." A part of me wanted it, though. He was the only one who could help me last time.

"Rachel's going to stay with Billy for the time being. The pack doesn't need me right now; since we killed the newborns there isn't a huge threat right now. I'll visit them often enough, but I don't want to leave you alone.

"What about school?" I said half-heartedly.

"It's summer. We'll worry about that when the time comes."

I tried to talk to him, to tell him, but I was also scared to be alone so I didn't try very hard. Jake insisted I get in the shower and clean up so that we could go apartment-hunting. I was content inside my private bubble of this slightly dingy, but sufficient hotel room; going outside meant I had to try and be normal.

I knew it had to be done, but I dragged myself into the bathroom to freshen up. Once I changed clothes and opened the door, I saw that Jake had an odd look on his face.

"What's wrong?" I asked half-heartedly.

He glanced at the cell phone in his hand. "I just got what I think was a text on here that said which realtor to go to."

"Alice?" I whispered in a pained voice.

He nodded.

I reached my hand out for the phone, but he shook his head. "There was no number listed, Bella. If we could figure out how to send a text back, it wouldn't matter."

I turned away, feeling that horrible ache in my chest catch me off guard. My chest felt constricted, and I struggled to breathe. I couldn't even contact her.

Jake's fingers tilted my chin up so I was looking at him. "Relax and breathe," he whispered, looking scared. He hugged me and I buried my face in his chest, my breathing evening out as he held me. I wondered briefly where the other Jacob had gone; the cocky, self-assured, annoying best friend.

"Come on," he said, taking my hand and leading me outside.

I hadn't exactly been holed up in that room for a long time, but the noises, the smells, the feel of the cool wind was overwhelming. I caught a faint whiff of tacos, the smell of the salty ocean, and the sounds of people walking and driving by. I cringed a little, finding it hard to focus and just wanting to hide in my room.

We found the realtor pretty easily and we told her we were interested in renting an apartment. Once I gave her my name, she nodded in recognition. "We have a few apartments we would like to show you already," she said as Jake and I followed her out, exchanging a look.

So I could see money talked, and Alice must have thrown some the realtors way because neither of us had a job.

We visited one apartment first; an L-shaped building with ground level apartments. They were nice, but it reminded me too much of home and I nearly had an anxiety attack on the spot. The realtor looked at me strangely as Jake's hand tightened around mine. He ushered me outside where I could breathe again.

Thankfully, the next apartment seemed just right.

On the second level of a stone building we saw an apartment that opened into a medium-sized kitchen, complete with all the necessities. There was an arched doorway that was carved with curling leaves at the edges that led into a living room; it had a wide window overlooking the flower beds in the back of the building and the sill was wide enough to sit on. It also had a small stone fireplace.

The realtor led us up a short flight of steps situated in a corner of the living room that boasted two bedrooms right across from each other and a bathroom. Both bedrooms were situated near the front of the building, so both views from the bedroom overlooked the street below and there was even a decent glimpse of the ocean.

The apartment had been freshly cleaned and smelled faintly of fresh air and Windex.

"I like it," Jake was saying to me as I tuned back in. "It's a little small, but not overly."

I agreed. If I was going to stay in Hoquiam, I wanted this place. The realtor whipped out some papers, and I stared in surprise when she said it was ours immediately if we wanted it. Now I really knew Alice had been up to something as that painful ache gave another twinge; even I knew it couldn't happen this fast. Not to mention the realtor told us beds for the two rooms would be delivered today if we wanted.

So, on the spot, I signed the lease, and Jake gave me the money Alice gave us to put down as a security deposit. We had a whispered argument over the fact first; I didn't want to do it this way, and I knew Jake didn't either. He would never have willingly taken money from the Cullen's if it hadn't been for me.

"But Bells," he had whispered, trying to keep the realtor from overhearing us, "As much as neither of us want it this way, I'm sixteen, I have no money, I have no job. I mean, sure, you have some money saved, but how far is that going to get us when neither of us is actually _making _money?"

The amount of problems we were going to run into due to age, lack of living in the real world, was beginning to creep up on me. Even living off the sum the Cullen's gave us, we were both going to have to work. And it hurt beyond belief to think it was theirs. I tried to avoid any reminders of them, but it looked like I wouldn't be able to escape everything. I tried to keep my chin from shaking, holding the tears at bay, as we stared at each other in wordless silence.

I was taking so much from him, but he kept insisting he wanted to be here with me. I just prayed I was making the right decision. So I had signed.

########################################################################

I stood in the middle of my new living room, completely bewildered by the fact that I had _just_ left my father's house yesterday and was now standing in my new home. And I would be living with Jacob, who wasn't even legal yet. I had no idea how we were going to do this, but I was finding it hard to care anymore. Caring just meant I could be hurt again.

After our beds were delivered and set-up, we decided to go out and buy groceries with my saved money and pick up our stuff and check-out at the hotel. We hid the Cullen's money for emergencies. Neither of us wanted to touch it unless we had to; the less reminders the better. The only reminder I wanted – and craved – was to talk to Alice. I desperately needed to hear her voice. To hear her assure me they would find him.

I stared unseeingly out the window until Jake's husky voice pulled me back. "Let's go, Bells," he said, taking my hand.

I sat huddled in Jake's Rabbit as he drove us to the hotel and then to the store. He picked out the junk, while I picked out actual food. It was an odd thing to be walking around the grocery store with Jake shopping for food. Once we were satisfied with how much we were spending, we bought the food and took it back home to put in our new refrigerator. The day had passed quickly and it was already dusk when we were finished.

I picked up the cell phone while Jake idly flipped through the basic channels we got on the television in the living room. I bit my lip, then managed to find out how to click open a new message and typed in Charlie's work cell phone and sent him the number for this phone. I stared at it and barely a minute later I received a reply.

I figured out how to open it and saw:

_Thanks honey. I love you._

I swallowed painfully and cried quietly in my new kitchen while the noise of the television in the background filtered in. I knew I was going to have to talk to Charlie soon; I missed him and I felt horrible about what I was doing. I needed him to know that I loved him, too, so with my hand shaking I sent him another message: _I love you, too._

Sniffling quietly, I pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge and shuffled into the living room. "Jake?" I said. "I'm going to bed."

He glanced up at me. His brow wrinkled. "Are you okay? Do you want some company?"

I shook my head, shaking loose another few tears. "I need to be alone," I managed to mumble. Upstairs, I didn't even bother with brushing my teeth. I closed the shades and pulled the new covers back on the soft queen mattress supplied by Alice and as I pulled the covers up I tried to hide from the painful thoughts.

Edward… gone. Charlie. Jake leaving his family. Renee.

My mind circled back to Edward, and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, my lips shaking with the effort. I tossed and turned, trying to force my mind to think of other things. It took me a long time to fall asleep.

It didn't take long for the dreams to take hold of me. I kept running to Edward, only to see him being pulled away from me by nearly skeletal hands. I was never fast enough, good enough; I was always just short of enough. Interwoven in my dreams were the Cullen's and their anguish, Charlie alone. It was all too much.

Seeing Edward's beautiful face disappearing into the dark was enough to wake me from my sleep; I was distantly aware my scream was what woke me. My door burst open as Jake hurried into my room. I caught his hand as he reached out for me. There were no lines anymore, no boundaries, as Jake slid into my bed with me.

I held on to him for dear life, fear trying to take me over. Jake's warmth, his solid strength, his ease at consoling me began to settle me.

"I'm staying," he whispered against my ear. All I could do was nod.

He lay back in my bed, pulling me with him. His arms were wrapped around me, and I lay my head on his chest. His warmth and the steady thump of his heart lulled me back to sleep.

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**A/N: Okay, I know these chapters are kind of angsty, but well, that's how it goes right now. Bear with me! Also, I'm trying to tone it down some so it's not so over-the-top, and I'm trying to make her aware of other people even through the grief. So, if that's working or not for you, let me know. Reviews = happy me!**


	4. Trying to Cope

But where are you my angel now?

Don't you see me crying?

And I know that you can't do it all

but you can't say I'm not trying.

I'm on my knees in front of him

but he doesn't seem to see me.

**-Marketa Irglova "The Hill" (from "Once" soundtrack)**

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I woke slowly, feeling rather heated and confused. My eyes slowly blinked open and all I saw and felt was warm, brown skin. I turned my head this way and that, but I couldn't see beyond. Carefully I rolled over and felt a rush of cool air against the front of me while my back began to warm up.

It was then that it began to sink in; I was in bed with Jacob and he was curled around me. It was undeniably warm, which I loved, but I was afraid of the message it was sending. I knew he came in here because of my nightmare, but I couldn't help worrying.

Just as I began to roll away, he let out a small huff and slid an arm over me, effectively tucking me into him. I bit my lip, trying to shift away from him, but then my eyes widened. We ended up pressed together as he shifted closer, and I felt…_him_ against me. What I knew about guys was pretty close to non-existent, but I wasn't entirely clueless. I had never felt this before, even with Edward, and my cheeks flamed in mortification as I felt all of Jake against my back.

Trying to carefully ease my way out from under his arm, I gently lifted it as best I could. I managed to slide out, but got my foot tangled in the sheets and I ended up falling not-so-gracefully onto the floor.

Jake gave a startled grunt. His face appeared over the edge of the bed. "Bella?" he queried, looking confused. His hair stuck up on one side, eyes fuzzy with sleep, and he had crease marks on his cheek. "What are you doing on the floor?" he asked his voice even huskier than normal.

"It wasn't planned," I said dryly. "I was trying to get up, but I was pinned by your arm." He didn't need to know about what else happened. All that would do was make us both turn red and be uncomfortable.

"Sorry," he said with a huge yawn and flopped back on the bed.

I stood up, all of a sudden fully aware of the fact that I was wearing a faded pair of boxers and a flimsy tank-top. Jake's eyes met mine as I tried to casually cross my arms over my chest.

"I'm going to go shower," I mumbled, feeling my cheeks heat as I hurried out of the room. Carefully I poked just my head back into my room.

"Thank you," I whispered.

He smiled, stretched out on his side, his head resting on his arm. "Sure sure," he said softly.

After a hot shower, I stood towel-drying my hair, when my nightmare came back to me. I wrapped my arms tightly around my middle, kneeling on the floor, missing Edward and scared for him so much it was a physical ache. Tears blurred my vision as I tried breathing slow and deep. I didn't know how long I was on the floor, but suddenly I heard knocking.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Jake asked worriedly.

I brushed the tears from my cheeks, pulled my robe on, and opened the door. I tried to avert my gaze; I had been worrying Jake enough and I was beginning to feel bad about that. He caught my chin in his fingers, though, and he tilted my face up. My eyes were definitely red from crying, and he brushed his thumb over my cheek, catching a stray tear I missed.

"I'm going to go out and see what's available job-wise," I said to break the silence.

"Okay, that's probably a good idea," he said.

I quickly slipped into my room to change. I cringed as soon as I got outside, feeling the urge to run back into my new apartment and hide in my bed. I walked past retail stores, past logging trucks rumbling by, past food places with their scents wafting out their doors.

It was a lot of walking and only a couple applications later when I stopped in a bakery to pick up a couple cupcakes for Jake. The warm scent of cinnamon, chocolate, and baking scents mixed with coffee mingled in the air.

"We need that order filled by tonight!" A woman yelled as she banged through the doors of the kitchen. "Oh, hi," she said surprised to see me standing there for some reason.

"Um, hi," I said. "I'd like to get a few cupcakes to go please?"

"Sure," she replied, as I perused the different kinds. I picked out a red velvet cupcake with vanilla frosting, a chocolate cupcake with butter cream frosting, a peanut butter cupcake with peanut butter frosting, and a vanilla cupcake with chocolate frosting.

As she was putting the cupcakes in a bag, I noticed the sign in the window that I had missed previously. They were looking to hire someone full-time. "Could I fill out an application for the full-time position?" I asked as she rang me up.

"You a baker?" she asked as she rifled under the counter. "We need someone who's got enough experience in making cakes and cookies especially."

"I can make both. I mean, I don't do it extremely often, but I enjoy it and can do it," I said, fumbling a little.

"Well, the position is for some time spent here in the café doing retail, but we're expanding and becoming a catering business, too. We're looking for someone who could bake cakes and cookies and occasionally other things for weddings, birthdays, and special occasions. That can be done at home and brought in the day of."

I liked the idea of not having to deal with the noise, the people, and the questions that would inevitably be asked. I was already riddled with anxiety and the pain was ever present.

"That sounds great," I said quietly. "I'll fill it out right now."

She nodded and eyed me closely. "You okay, hun? You look a little… off," she said uncertainly as if unsure of what word to use.

If I wanted this job, I was going to have to try and pretend. I gave a better effort with my smile. "It's just been a rough week," I said trying to sound like any other person complaining about school, work, or relationships.

Her expression eased a little and she smiled. "Yeah, I know how those go!"

I filled out the application and handed it back to her. "You'll hear from me or my manager by the end of the week, Bella," she said giving me a wave.

I waved back and hurried back home; mine and Jake's home. It was going to take me a long time to get used to that.

########################################################################

**JPOV**

After Bella left I ate a few hot dogs, trying to curb my appetite a bit. I didn't want to eat us out of house and home; it was going to be a process. So was this whole sharing apartment thing. We both knew deep down just how much I loved her, and we both were aware of the fact that she was in love with me as well.

That didn't matter, though. What had happened with Edward took precedence because I knew right from the start what her decision was and how much this was hurting her. It was going to make things kind of difficult around here, but I was going to do my best to keep things on a friends-only level even though all I wanted to do was kiss away her pain.

It didn't help that I had woken up with a boner. I was half-asleep when I thought I felt Bella moving against me. The feel of her soft hair brushing my chest, the bared skin of her arms and legs rubbing up against me; well, I could barely help the reaction I had. I pretended I hadn't been at least partially aware that I was pressed up against her in that state to save her from more embarrassment, because I could tell when I woke up she was already embarrassed.

My only intention of going in her room last night was to help her, to hold her, and to try and ease her nightmares. I had done that, but in the process I couldn't help but notice neither of us had many clothes on. That had been proven when she stood up this morning and crossed her arms over her chest.

I couldn't help catching a glimpse of the soft skin of her stomach as she shifted her arms and of her pale, slender legs on show in a pair of boxer shorts. After she left the room to shower, I lay back with a groan. I was worried about her and yet I was attracted to her.

Seriously attracted to her.

I had no intention of letting that show; she couldn't handle too much right now. I would just have to deal with some uncomfortable moments in the privacy of the bathroom or my own bedroom.

Sighing I flicked the television on, trying to ease the worry of how I was going to handle this. I had no problems with working, but finding a full-time job at my age was going to be damn near impossible. My intentions had been pure, but I had no clue what to do first. I flipped through the classifieds section, noting a garage in the area that was hiring. It would be perfect, if only I was of legal age.

When Bella got back, I could see all the pain, the sorrow, the worry and fear in her eyes and it made it more difficult. I wouldn't give up on her; I would make this work.

She passed me a white bag that smelled like a little slice of heaven and I peeked inside. "Oh man," I sighed. "I think I'm dreaming. These look awesome, Bells. Thanks," I said as I inhaled one of them.

A ghost of a smile flickered on her lips, easing a smidge of my worry. "Try tasting them instead of inhaling them," she said.

I offered her a bite of each one, insisting she at least try it. She gave a half-hearted nibble which was something else to worry about; her appetite. "The bakery I bought these from is hiring a baker and someone to help with their expansion into catering. I applied," she told me.

"That's great, Bells. Sounds like something you would be good at. And you can certainly use me as your guinea pig."

That earned me another small smile.

The doorbell rang and we looked at each other in surprise. It was the mailman and he handed me a small package. "Sign here please," he droned.

What the hell was I receiving when we had only been here a day and a half?

I opened the envelope and my jaw nearly unhinged as I saw what was inside. A birth certificate for a Jacob Blackwater along with a fake I.D. of a picture that resembled me well enough. My age was marked as twenty-two. A note was inside:

_Jacob –_

_You shouldn't have any problems getting a job with these. Use it wisely._

_Tell Bella we love her and will call soon._

_Alice_

I tuned in when I heard Bella's voice. "Jake? What is it?"

I showed it to her and her eyes widened and flashed with the painful reminder. "Wow," she muttered. "I don't know, Jake…"

"It's the only thing that will get me a job," I said. I wished it didn't have to be this way, to build a life here on a lie, but there was no way around it. I was going to need to be older to get through all of this.

Bella bit her lip, as she stared down at it. "Yeah, I guess," she murmured. "You're going to have to be careful, though. If this gets back to Charlie, I'm not sure if he would feel the same," she added worriedly.

I knew I was going to have to be careful of that, so I agreed. Tucking it away safely, I decided I would go visit the garage tomorrow and check into the position they were hiring for. Bella went into the kitchen, looking half-heartedly in the freezer for something to thaw for dinner.

She seemed listless, unsure of what to do, as she paced. "I guess I'll wash the sheets," she muttered mostly to herself.

"Bells, why don't you just sit down and read? Or watch television? Or we can go outside and get acquainted with the area."

I saw her cringe at the idea. "But I need to…"

"You don't need to do anything, honey. The place was clean when we got here; the sheets were just put on the beds. Come here," I said, reaching out for her.

I could feel her shaking as I wrapped my arms around her. "I need a distraction," she mumbled shakily.

I led her to the couch, flipping the television on to some discovery channel program. She leaned into me, a little bit of the tension leaving her body, and I closed my eyes and tried to relax with the girl I loved curled up against me. She fell asleep partway through the program. I brushed her hair back from her face, gazing down at her, realizing the nightmares were keeping her from getting enough rest. I dozed off for awhile, too, until I felt the cell phone buzzing in the pocket of my jeans.

I slipped out from under Bella, laying her head on a pillow, and pulling the phone out. It was an unknown number and I knew immediately who it was. "Alice?"

"Jacob." She sounded exhausted and worn down.

"She just fell asleep… I don't think I should wake her; she's been having nightmares and isn't sleeping right," I started to say, but she cut me off.

She sighed. "I wanted to find out how she was, but I guess that answers part of my question."

"Yes, well, you all left her," I said coolly. "I know you didn't really have a choice, but she's a wreck. She's scared, she's beyond tired, she's devastated, and she cringes at the thought of just going outside."

I wanted to throw the blame at them, but I couldn't; even if I didn't like the Cullen's it didn't mean I wanted to be cruel to them. Deep down I knew they had to do this, but I couldn't help but be pissed because of Bella.

"But… you're taking care of her?" Alice asked almost pleadingly.

I leaned against the wall, closing my eyes, trying to stifle all the feelings that bubbled just under the surface. Guilt over all the times I snapped at Bella for loving Edward, for not choosing me, love for her, anger at the Cullen's for letting this happen and leaving her broken and for me having to deal with them, cautious happiness that I was here to keep an eye on her, fear for her well-being as well as her safety and above all else… confusion. I was confused over how I felt for the Cullen's and for her as I warred between love, lust, and the desire to just be her friend.

"Yes," I sighed. "I'm trying, but time will tell just how effective I'm being."

Even though she didn't have to breathe, I could hear how ragged it sounded. "Have you… um, is there any… news?" I managed to spit out what I was trying to say.

"Not so much…" she started to say when I heard a small sigh and heard Bella's footfalls coming toward me.

"Jake?" she asked softly. "Who are you talking to?"

I faltered for a second, unsure of what to do, but Alice's voice murmured in my ear, "I can't put this off; put her on the phone please. And Jake? Thank you."

I nodded stupidly and turned to Bella. I handed her the phone. "It's Alice."

Her chocolate eyes widened in shock, her pale skin flushing slightly, and she grabbed the phone. "Alice?" she gasped.

I watched, heart sinking as I saw and heard the signs of hope; her heartbeat increasing, her breathing accelerated, and the small light of hope in her eyes. This was going to hurt her, and I couldn't stop the pain.

"I miss you," she whispered, as I moved around the other side of the wall, leaning my head back against it. I could still hear Alice on the phone.

"Oh Bella, I miss you, too. We all do."

"Did you find out anything?" Her voice trembled and I clenched my teeth.

"No honey, we haven't," Alice murmured, her voice cracking. "I saw a very vague glimpse of a bare room, the Volturi, and what I believe might be the back of Edward, but we don't have much of anything to go on."

Bella was crying quietly now, and I curled my hands into fists, helpless.

"Nothing?" she gasped around her sobs. Any of the hope she had had been dashed.

"It doesn't mean we're giving up. We'll go to the ends of the earth to find him. I just don't know what's happening in the mean time and how long this will take since I'm not seeing much of anything. I think they found a way to block me."

Bella's gasping through her sobs ripped at me. "You'll still call me?" she whimpered.

"Yes, I'll call you. Let Jake help you," she added. "If he's the only one that can help you feel remotely normal, let him. Please?"

"Okay," Bella managed to mumble. "I love you Alice; all of you."

"I know, I'll tell them. I love you, too."

When she pushed the button to end the call, all was quiet. I took a deep breath, bracing myself. I pushed off the wall as she came walking back into the living room. Her eyes were red, tears were sliding quietly down her cheeks, and she looked so… she didn't look like the girl I fell in love with, but she was.

She stared at me; I moved toward her, picking her up, as she nearly crumpled to the ground. She curled into me as I carried her to the couch, sat down and cradled her on my lap. Her face was tucked into my neck and I felt her warm tears.

"They can't find him," she mumbled. Her arms tightened around me. "Don't leave me, Jake, okay?" she pleaded softly.

"Never," I promised as I held her against me, stroking her hair, and hoping beyond hope that we would somehow pull through this without too many scars

########################################################################


	5. A Father's Love

"Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
I'm needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me"

**-Sia "Breath Me"**

########################################################################

I had tried to sleep on my own that night, but it was a lost cause. I managed to doze off, but woke crying this time instead of screaming. Jake wasn't there, so I went to him. I padded across the hall to his bedroom, gently pushing the door open. The russet skin of Jake's back faced me and was glowing in the moonlight spilling in his window.

"Jake?" I half-whispered. He didn't move.

I cleared my throat. "Jake?" I tried again louder.

He stirred, rolling over, and his eyes opened. I was surprised he had heard me; it usually took a sonic boom to wake him up. "Bells?" he croaked my name questioningly.

I tried to talk, but my throat was closed. We just stared at each other for a moment and then he lifted his blankets for me. I crossed the room, nearly stumbling in the dark, and crawled into his bed with him.

"I had… had another… nightmare," I mumbled. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be," he said yawning. His heavy arm draped over my hip, holding me, our bodies just barely touching.

Jake fell asleep quickly, but I lay awake examining the defined muscle and the line of vein in his arm. He had big hands and long fingers; hands that were good at holding someone's hand or smoothing someone's hair back. I swallowed back a lump of emotion, tracing the outline of his hand with the tip of my finger.

There was so much unsaid between us; what had happened back in Forks with the kiss, the realization of loving each other. He had followed me to Hoquiam to help me, and he was now living with me and we were sleeping in the same bed. I didn't want to hurt him again, and I didn't want him to give up any semblance of a normal life back in La Push with people he loved, but he just kept telling me he was staying. Even though I worried about all that, I was glad he was here and that made me feel selfish.

Finally I drifted off to sleep, restless but with no nightmares, as I listened to Jake's soft, steady breathing.

The next few nights Jake just came into my room with no word and we continued sleeping together. Every morning I found myself wrapped up in Jake's arms, pressed a little too close for comfort. Thankfully I didn't feel anything since that first morning as I managed to wiggle free from his embrace.

Downstairs I listened to the rain hit the windows as I made a cup of tea. I was feeling melancholy and exhausted so I sat on the couch, gazing out at the rain blowing in sheets across the back yard. When the cell phone rang, I hurried over, feeling a tightening in my stomach as I checked to see who it was. Disappointed that it wasn't Alice, but hopeful since it was the bakery calling, I answered.

"Hi Bella, my name is Dana. We spoke earlier in the week when you filled out an application. I was just calling to ask if you were still interested in the job."

"Hi Dana; yes, I'm definitely still interested."

"Great! Because you have the job. Can you come in around 1 o'clock this afternoon to get briefed? We'll have you officially start on Monday."

I agreed, wishing I could be happier about this. It was a good thing, and I liked the place, but I couldn't seem to get excited about much of anything. At least I'd be making money now. When Jake woke up, I told him the news and he was excited enough for the both of us.

I think he was just happy about cupcakes.

I made scrambled eggs and bacon for the both of us and we ate in front of the television. Around noon, I went upstairs and took a quick shower, pulling my hair up in a ponytail and got dressed to go to the bakery. Once outside, I huddled in my raincoat and tried to ignore the daily noise of logging trucks and people and hurried to the bakery. When I pushed the door open, I smelled chocolate this time.

Dana was standing at the register, finishing up with a customer. "Hey Bella," she said with a smile.

I gave her a small smile back and when she was finished, she beckoned me behind the counter. Back in the kitchen, which was pretty spacious and full of chrome appliances, she turned to me.

"Bella, I wanted to introduce you to our other bakers. This is Clarissa," she said motioning to a red-head mixing a bowl of something that smelled like strawberries. She ran through the names and I tried to follow; the dark-haired girl with a friendly smile was Samantha. The blonde girl who gave me an unreadable look was Jamie. And then there was Elijah the tall, boisterous guy with floppy brown hair and the quiet, darker-haired and solemn Brian.

Feeling more than a little overwhelmed, Dana showed me around the kitchen and then sat with me in a small office that opened up off a corner of the kitchen. She handed me a few forms to sign and we went over my pay.

"So, Bella, you can start Monday morning? We'll just have you work on decorating; it takes a little practice, but you get used to it. I'll probably have you do a little retail and get you used to dealing with customers."

That part sounded kind of daunting, but I nodded. "That should be fine."

Dana leaned back, looking at me in a way that made me a little nervous.

"I really don't mean to be nosy," she said quietly, "but are you okay? I may be your manager, Bella, and we only just met, but I just want you to know if there's a problem you can talk to me."

I smiled a little wider. "I'm okay. I mean it's nothing serious." I winced inwardly. "There were a couple rough spots, but they're being worked on. I'm very interested in this job and will do my best." I wasn't sure honesty was the best policy, but I was never a good liar.

She nodded slowly. "All right. Well, we'll see you Monday morning then," she said with a smile.

"Thanks Dana." I shook her hand and headed home to Jake.

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JPOV

When Bella left, I decided I had better head to the garage that was hiring and see if I had a chance of getting a job there. When I got there, I was greeted with the smell of motor oil and grease; a smell I was familiar with and sort of oddly enjoyed. In the office, a man with greasy cover-alls greeted me.

"I'm here about the position you want to fill for an assistant mechanic?" I said smoothly, trying not to think about the fake identification in my wallet.

I filled out the application and just got back to the apartment when our cell phone rang. Bella wasn't home yet and it was Charlie, so I answered.

"Jake?" Charlie said without preamble. "How is she?"

I stared into the refrigerator, hungry again, as I thought of the best way to tell Charlie how Bella was doing.

"She's… handling things," I finally said, at a loss in what I should tell him. "It's really hard, but you know…"

"Jake, what the hell happened? Did he just leave her again?" I could hear the tinge of anger in his voice.

"It's… more complicated than that," I replied. I wasn't sure what I should or shouldn't tell him.

"Jacob, so help me…"

I cut him off. "Charlie, it's not my place. I'll tell Bella you're asking, but she should be the one telling you if she wants to."

He sighed. "Is she really okay?" he asked quietly. He sounded so defeated and I felt guilty for not telling him what was going on with his daughter; that she screamed or cried any night I wasn't sharing her bed and that I struggled with how much I wanted her. That she had that dead look on her face again.

"Not really," I said quietly. "Not yet. She's having nightmares and she isn't doing much, but she did get out and get herself a job."

Charlie continued to question me until I promised I would ask Bella to call him. "Take care of her Jake. Please."

I swallowed hard after I hung up.

When Bella got home, she went upstairs to lay down for a little bit, and I stared after her worriedly. I mean, it wasn't like I expected her to get over it within a week, but seeing her struggle so much just to go outside to do something was difficult. She just looked so lost.

When it was close to dinner time, I decided to attempt to make dinner to try and cheer Bella up a little bit. So, I dug through the refrigerator and found some hamburger meat. I bit my lip, worried about how this was going to go; a cook I was not. I was more of a microwave person.

I managed to form some lumpy patties and put them on the stove to cook. It couldn't be that hard, right? Well, I found out how difficult it was to pay attention to more than one thing while cooking. The burgers were a bit misshapen, sort of burnt, and I had trouble scraping them out of the pan. I had heated up some hash browns from the freezer in the microwave, so at least that was salvageable.

Bella came down while I was putting the food on plates. Even with everything going on, I couldn't help but think how adorable she looked in her sweat pants and t-shirt, messy hair and grumpy expression. I worried, though, because she had dark circles under her eyes; she slept better when I was there, but she was still not sleeping enough.

"What's all this?" she asked looking at the hamburger patties with an unreadable expression.

"Dinner… you want some slightly over-cooked hamburgers and microwaved hash browns?" I asked hopefully.

A little smile crept over her lips. "Sure why not," she said.

I threw a blanket from the couch down on the floor in front of it and dropped some pillows onto it. I turned to see Bella looking at me oddly. "We're having dinner picnic-style," I said as I gathered up the dishes to bring them into the living room.

She just shook her head, but followed me. Once we were situated on our pillows, she bit into her hamburger. Her forehead wrinkled as she chewed, and I realized they were also a bit rubbery as I bit into my own.

"Hmmm," I muttered. "Not that bad."

I was surprised to hear a little snort of laughter from her. Smirking, I glanced up at her. "It's a first effort," she said. "But I think I should supervise when you cook from now on until you get the hang of it."

We ate in silence; I watched her discreetly as we ate. The sadness in her eyes wouldn't be going away, but I was glad I finally managed to make her laugh a little. She ate about half the burger and a few hash browns before she was done. It wasn't enough, but I let it go for now.

Leaning back against the sofa when we finished, I draped my arm casually over her shoulders. After a moment, she leaned against me, her head resting on my shoulder. We talked a little bit about her job, about me applying at the garage. It was everything safe and not what we should have been talking about.

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BPOV

It was just nice to be able to relax and not talk about anything serious. I knew we would have to eventually, but for now just leaning into Jake's warmth and listening to him talk about innocuous things was good enough.

We watched a little television and then Jake told me that Charlie called for me earlier and had a lot of questions.

"I should go call him, I guess," I said quietly.

I turned around before heading upstairs. "Thanks for dinner, Jake," I said and was rewarded with his beautiful smile.

He stayed downstairs to watch more of the movie that had been on while I went upstairs. Perched on my bed, I swallowed hard before punching in the phone number. My heartbeat sped up at the thought of talking to my dad; I was nervous, but I was anxious to hear his voice.

"Dad?" I said softly, feeling the tears burn behind my closed eyelids when he answered the phone.

"Bella," he said. I could hear the relief in his voice and the guilt ate away at me.

We were both quiet for a couple minutes, taking comfort in just hearing each other breathe. Finally, he said, "Are you okay? Where are you staying? What happened?"

A little overwhelmed, I tried to answer his questions the best I could. "Not really," I said honestly. He deserved to hear the truth from me after what I had done to him. "I'm staying in Hoquiam in an apartment."

Before I could think of what to say about what happened, he interrupted me. "You rented an apartment? How? I know you have some money saved, but…"

"The Cullen's," I told him. My stomach ached and I wrapped my arm around myself trying to keep it together. "Before they… well, they had this set up because Alice knew I left."

"I can't believe this," he muttered. "Of all the… they _paid for your apartment?_"

"It was just so I would be able to get the place. Jake and I will be paying the rent."

"How?" he demanded.

"I just got a job," I told him. "At a bakery that does catering for events as well."

"And what about Jacob?" he asked. He sound exhausted.

"He applied at a garage," I said. "Part-time work," I added quickly in case he decided to question me further regarding Jake's age. "He'll be able to help, though."

"You won't come home?" he asked softly.

I squeezed my eyes shut again, too choked up to speak right away. "Dad, I miss you," I managed to say as I began crying. "But I can't… I can't be there right now…"

"I miss you, too," and I could hear him sniffling a little, too. "Honey, what on earth happened? Please… tell me," he pleaded.

I answered without thinking about it; I couldn't bear to hear him pleading with me after everything. "Ed-ward," I managed to stutter. "He was… taken."

Charlie's voice sharpened. "What? He was _taken_?"

I kept speaking before my brain caught up. "Alice said there had been a struggle and when they went home he was gone." I froze. In my haste to tell him I had a momentary brain lapse; my father was the chief of police.

"Bella, give me the details," he ordered. "Honey, I can't believe… shit, I'll do whatever I can…"

"NO!" I practically screeched. "Dad, no," I said, my voice shaking. I could kick myself for saying that. "The Cullen's have it under control."

"Bella, I can't do nothing. I'm the chief of police; if he was taken, I need to do what I can."

"Dad, I'm _begging_ you not to. Please. Promise me. There's more to it and the Cullen's left and you won't be able to get a hold of them to find out where they are; they know what they're doing. Dad, please," I babbled.

"Okay, okay, settle down," he said soothingly. "Oh Bella, I can't believe this," he murmured. "I won't do anything for now, that's all I can promise. But sweetheart, you know I'll do anything for you. Just let me know, okay?"

I wiped the tears away. "I know, Dad. I'm not quite ready yet, but I'd like to see you when I am. Mom, too; I'll call her to let her know I'm okay."

We were both quiet again, and I lay down on my bed, wishing Charlie was here to tell me everything would be okay. I knew this wasn't sitting right with him, but he was reluctantly abiding by my plea.

Before we hung up, I heard him say softly, "I love you, Bells."

I was half-asleep by the time he said it. "I love you, too, Dad," I mumbled.

As I drifted in and out of sleep, the phone still against my ear, I heard my door open and Jacob stood there.

"Bells? You want me to…?" he questioned.

I held my hand out toward him. He walked over to me, looming over the bed and gently removed the phone from under me. Once his hand took mine, and I was enveloped in his warmth, I gave a quiet sigh feeling sleep overtake me.

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**AN: I'm trying to keep the chapters interesting without bogging down with all the sadness. Things should pick up and progress soon. If you're reading, would love a review… feedback helps, you know! **


	6. Painful Reminders and Temptations

"Well I'm searching to find my reason  
To find a reason, to find my reason  
Why I need you  
And I need you and I want you  
But I need to get away from you"

**Linkin Park "My Reason"**

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**BPOV**

My nights were filled with warm brown skin pressed against me, the soft breathing of my best friend - whom I loved - in my ear. And now I had my days occupied with a job. I was still working on perfecting my decorating skills on cakes, cookies, cupcakes, you name it. I had been throwing myself into work. Cleaning cupcake trays and pie plates was mainly my job for now, being the new girl there.

Everyone had been pretty patient and friendly to me, especially Samantha, even if I didn't talk much. I felt guilty about that and hoped I could remedy that at some point, but it was hard to have a conversation when my thoughts were so consumed with everything that made my chest ache. I liked everyone, but Jamie made me a little nervous. She was a bit cold at times and I could see her eyeing me up now and again.

Dana had told me my decorating was getting better, so by the end of the week she would be putting me in charge of a small catering order to work on over the weekend. A woman had called in about getting cookies made for a twenty-first birthday party for her daughter. She wanted them in the shape of a bottle and she and Dana had collaborated on recipes; a standard cookie recipe with a splash of spiced wine in honor of the celebration. Decorating was up to me.

When I got done at work, I hurried home through the pouring rain, anxious to be inside and away from everyone except Jake; he always made me feel better. He was home already and went upstairs to shower off the grease from the garage. I got the chicken out of the fridge that I had defrosted and started the rice. I pulled the vegetables out and went upstairs to change into my usual sweats and t-shirt.

As I made it up the steps, the bathroom door opened and Jake stepped out. I nearly bumped into him, and my eyes widened. It wasn't like I was unused to seeing him without a shirt, but he was wearing only a towel and the water trickling down his chest caught me off guard.

"Um, Bells?" I heard him saying from what felt like very far away. He was watching me with a slightly amused look on his face.

My eyes had followed a trickle of water that slid down his chest to his stomach when I snapped my head back up. My cheeks were on fire; I ducked my head. "Sorry," I mumbled, not knowing what else to say.

I could hear his soft laugh behind me as I disappeared into our bedroom. _Our _bedroom. It still sounded funny to say that, but I liked having him near me. It made things easier. After I changed, I went downstairs to finish dinner. Jake stayed in the kitchen with me and helped chop the vegetables. He didn't say anything about the shower thankfully; I had always been aware of Jake's muscles and was usually in close proximity to him with no shirt, but coming out of a shower and nearly running into him felt a bit different. It was bound to happen, though, considering we had to share a bathroom.

We ate dinner and as we finished cleaning up, Jake turned to me. "I have to go call Sam," he told me. He looked tired and unenthused at the thought.

"Is everything okay?" I asked worriedly. My heart couldn't help giving a thump; what if they had found something?

"Yeah, I think so. I think it's mainly about me leaving."

I felt immediately guilty. It was my fault that this happened; he had given up so much to come here…

"Don't," he said. "Don't start blaming yourself. I'm fine, so there is no reason you shouldn't be."

"But Jake…"

He reached out and pinched my lips together. "Bells? Shut up." His voice was mostly gentle. I sighed and watched him disappear from the room to go call Sam.

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**JPOV**

I had been at the garage, working on a couple oil changes, when my boss had called me into the office. I was a little worried, considering I had only worked a few days there. It had to be something about paperwork, right?

"Jacob, there's a phone call for you," Jay said, eyeing me speculatively. "He said it was pretty important."

"I-I'm sorry," I fumbled a little. "I'll make it quick."

I was surprised to hear Sam's voice on the other end. "Jacob, I had a hell of a time tracking you down."

"And why the hell did you track me down and call me at _work_?" I hissed quietly.

"I'm sorry; this number was the first thing I came across. Blackwater? What the hell, Jake. Call me when you're done working."

"You have some nerve," I growled, my fingers tapping harder and harder on the wall in irritation.

He sighed. "Jake, I don't want to give you an order, but we are your pack no matter where you ran off to."

Irritated, I snapped at him. "Fine, whatever. I have to get back to work." I hung up the phone and noticed a dent in the wall that my tapping fingers had made.

I took a deep breath, apologized to my boss for the personal call. He was nice about it, though, asking if everything was okay. After I left his office, I got back to work and did the best work I could to show him I wasn't some jacked-up guy who shirked his duties.

When I got home that evening, my irritation with the phone call disappeared as I had a brief moment of amusement when Bella nearly ran into me while I was clad only in a towel. It left me with an inflated ego and very nearly an inflated something else when her eyes traveled down my chest to my stomach. I couldn't help my reaction to her. Being in close proximity all the time had its consequences. It was going to take awhile for her to begin to feel normal again, but I couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope.

After we cleaned up from dinner, I made the mistake of telling Bella I had to call Sam back. She immediately froze, and I knew she was thinking of _him_, of them, and if the pack knew of anything. Seeing the sadness creep back in after she realized it wasn't about the Cullen's caused a nearly physical ache in my chest. As usual she tried to blame herself in my choosing to leave and come after her, but I wasn't having any of that.

Upstairs I called Sam back. "What do you want?" I asked tiredly as I collapsed onto Bella's, or rather our, bed. I knew I was being rude; it wasn't his fault. I was the one who left.

"Jacob, you left your brothers. Quil and Embry said they talked to you, but didn't know a whole lot. Where the hell are you? What's going on?" He was understandably confused.

Feeling slightly defensive, I said, "I know, Sam. I'm sorry. I'm in Hoquiam with Bella, living in an apartment. I… I couldn't let her suffer again, not knowing where and what happened to Edward, so I went after her. She can't handle coming back to Forks."

"So you're abandoning us to live with Bella Swan? The same girl who was going to choose Cullen over you?"

I bristled. "She's my best friend," I snapped. "I'm doing what I can for her; what would have happened doesn't matter now. She's in a lot of pain and I couldn't ignore that."

"Jake…"

"Sam, you know I'm loyal to the pack. The immediate danger is gone, though. Quil and Embry are good friends, I care about the rest of you, so I'll always be in touch and I'll do whatever I can to help when I'm needed. I'll even be back often enough to check in on my dad and I'll see you all."

He was quiet for a moment. "I'm still not sure I like this. I won't order you back, though. You're right, the danger isn't present right now, and I know you will be loyal to us if need be."

I relaxed, grateful he was being reasonable.

"Thanks Sam. I'm sorry I left so abruptly, but I had to go after her…"

"I really hope you get what you want out of this. Stay in touch, okay, Jake?"

I lay back on the bed, scared and unsure of what my life was going to entail. I knew there was no other place I could be; I had to stay with Bella. There was no picking up the pieces of an old life. We had to push ahead and adjust to a new one.

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**BPOV**

On Friday, I decorated my last cake and was relatively pleased with how it turned out. I had improved in just a week's time as I glanced down at the little pink and yellow flowers I had just finished working on for a woman picking it up for her daughter's baby shower.

I passed it off to Samantha to box it and store it until it was picked up. "Nice work, Bella. You're doing well with this."

I smiled a little at her. There was going to be more of an effort on my part. "Thanks Samantha. It was fun to do."

She looked pleased that she got me to talk a little. "It's definitely fun to create different styles and to experiment."

"Yeah, I'll be able to experiment with that cookie order this weekend. I'm kind of looking forward to it."

She grinned. "Oh, I'm sure it'll be fun," she said.

As I finished drying the dishes Clarissa had washed and got ready to head home, Dana came over with the wine I needed to make the cookies. I took it from her, and her eyes widened.

"Bella, I didn't know you were engaged!"

My eyes automatically went down to my hand and I stared at the engagement ring Edward had given me. I had been so out of it since leaving Forks, I hadn't even been aware I was still wearing it. My throat got tight, and my heart was pounding painfully against my chest. The diamond winked up at me, a cruel reminder of what I had lost.

"I… I-I'm not," I managed to stutter. "It's a… but I'm not… anymore…"

I pulled my coat tighter around myself, picking up my things, and feeling the urge to flee.

Dana's face looked abruptly confused and sad. "Bella, I'm sorry…"

I gave her what I hoped was a smile. "No, no, it's fine. It's not your fault. I have to go, though…" I said hoping I sounded at least halfway normal and like my heart wasn't breaking yet again.

She nodded. "Of course; we'll see you on Monday."

I waved goodbye to everyone and slipped out the door. I tried to shut my brain down as I hurried home in the rain. How could I have not noticed I was still wearing his engagement ring? And I didn't know if I should be. On one hand, I had no idea what was happening, where he was, and how things would end up. It hurt to look at it, but he had given it to me. But what if they never found him?

The tears began working their way silently down my cheeks. I had been doing pretty well the past few days with crying, but the poisonous thought stuck in my mind, and I couldn't help myself. I pulled my hoodie up so no one could see me. Gratefully, I reached for my key as I arrived at our apartment and unlocked the door.

"Jake?" I called out. A tear slid slowly to rest in the corner of my mouth.

Then I remembered. He said he was going to be working until a little after eight o'clock today so he could have off tomorrow because he knew I had off, too. I had begun to rely on him so much; he was my sun in what felt like a life that was way too dark. My chin was shaking, and my eyes were blurry as I stood there unsure of what to do.

I set my stuff down and went upstairs. I stood in my room, twisting the ring on my finger. Gently I pulled it off and opened one of the unused drawers in the dresser. I carefully wrapped the ring in a tissue, securing it with some tape. A folded tank top I didn't wear was put in there, and I nestled the ring on top of it and closed the drawer.

It felt like a betrayal to him, but we had never formally announced an engagement, and I couldn't bear to be reminded. I sat on the bed, my face in my hands as I let the tears flow until I was cried out. I tried to go about my normal routine; I took a long, hot shower trying to chase away the chill. Once my skin was pink with warmth, I got out and dried off. I changed into a long sleeve shirt and lounge pants, methodically drying my hair and leaving it loose.

I went through the process of heating up a frozen pizza in the oven and ate alone in the living room while flipping through channels trying to find something mindless I could lose myself in until Jake got home.

I picked up the new cell phone we had bought yesterday. We were able to add another phone to our plan, but we had to dip into the money the Cullen's had given us, which neither of us was thrilled about. It was necessary, though; we both wanted to have a phone so we could call each other when we weren't together.

I debated for a moment, and then I just punched in the number quickly.

"Hello?" Charlie sounded a little confused.

"Dad, it's me," I said quietly.

"Bella," he said and the sound of his voice was like my lifeline. It was deep enough, with just a hint of roughness.

"Is this a new phone?"

"Yeah, Jake has the other one. I'll be using this one, so you can save the number."

He asked if I was okay, and my voice cracked when I told him I just needed to hear his voice. He sounded sad about that as he told me he had seen Billy and that he was glad he was getting phone calls from Jake; it sounded like Billy missed him already and my stomach churned with guilt.

Charlie told me that he was spending more time with Billy; that they watched the game a lot together and fished from the beach. There were stories about work, about the people we knew, but he didn't talk about the Cullen's for which I was grateful. I told him a little bit about my job.

We finally ran out of things to talk about it and I still had a little over an hour until Jake got back. Charlie had to go in for a night shift, so he had to go.

"I'm glad you called," he said.

I smiled a little shakily. "Me too. I love you, Dad."

Charlie and I had moved past the hardly ever expressing our feelings to ending every call with I love you now. He told me he loved me, and I just stayed on the couch afterward not knowing what to do. It was dark, I was scared and sad, and I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt the urge to call Jake, but I knew I couldn't do that.

I padded into the kitchen. My eyes lit on the small bottle of wine on the counter. I ignored the crazy urge to open it and try it. Peering into the fridge, I found my gaze wandering back to the wine. I wasn't a drinker; in fact I had never tried alcohol before and never really had the urge to.

The wine opener was in the bag the bottle was in, and it took me awhile to realize I had to twist the top to make the arms go up, so I could push them down and pop the cork out. Once I did so, I sniffed the wine.

It smelled good. Like apples and spices.

I put the cork back in and put the wine in the fridge. This was ridiculous. I knew people drank to help ease their pain and forget things, but I wasn't that type of girl. That was a stupid thing to do. Not to mention this was wine provided from work that I needed to bake with. It was so tempting, though.

I could at least try it. I opened the refrigerator again.

My hand was reaching for the bottle before I could really begin to process that, and I poured half a glass. With one last hesitation, I began to drink it.

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**AN: I feel the urge to say this is BAD. Any under 21's don't let Bella be an example for you. Hehe. Anyway, as always, look forward to reviews… so review away. **


	7. The Drunken Evening

"Let me be your everlasting light

Your home when there is cold

In me you can confide

When no one's by your side

Let me be your everlasting light"

**-The Black Keys "Everlasting Light"**

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**JPOV:**

I had stayed late at work to help Todd – the guy in charge of watching over me for the time being – take apart a couple pieces of this car we were working on. I was ready to go home, but it was cool that I could show what I was capable of. And he was suitably impressed. I decided to take advantage of the shower Jay had installed in a room off the office before heading home.

A quick shower and change and then I headed back to the apartment and Bella. I was starving and ready to crash on the couch or something. The trees in the woods near the apartment building rustled as I walked up the lit front steps. It called at the wolf inside of me. The scent, the soft whistling sound of the trees, and the cracking of branches stirring up the leaves was so familiar.

With a bit of a longing sigh, I stuck my key in the lock to realize it wasn't actually locked. I pushed the door open and had a few seconds to see the kitchen was a mess before I was attacked by a mini tornado with soft brown hair. Bella was typically a clumsy girl, so I was surprised at how fast and easily she pounced on me, arms winding around my neck.

Beyond surprised I stared into her eyes, so close to mine, to see they weren't focused and she was wearing a rather dopey grin on her face. I shook my head, unsure if what I was seeing was real, but it was official. The unfocused eyes that were a bit bloodshot, the grin, and the way her body was waving slightly from side to side as I held her was a dead giveaway.

Bella was drunk.

And my hands were on her ass.

I was torn between surprise, worry, and loving the feel of her in my hands.

"Um, Bella?" I questioned hesitantly.

Her grin widened. "Jake. I missed you. I'm glad you're home."

I tried to lower her before things got a bit out of hand, but her grip around my neck tightened and she draped herself over me. I carried my newly acquired barnacle – while trying not to think of her ass - into the kitchen.

"I'm hungry," I said idly and that was enough to get her to loosen her grip and slide down.

That wasn't such a hot idea after all.

With a sigh, I stopped thinking about a certain part of my anatomy – which wasn't easy – and focused on Bella as she practically dove into the refrigerator and pulled out some pizza and stuck it in the microwave.

"What's going on, honey?" I asked quietly. I couldn't help feeling amused as she twirled her way to the cabinet to get a plate and twirled back to me. Luckily her trip came when she was next to me so I was able to grab her.

"I drank some wine!" she exclaimed proudly. "Where'd it go?" she mumbled as she disappeared into the living room in search of it.

I followed and snagged the bottle away from her.

"Hey! Thas mine," she protested. "You should drink with me!" she added excitedly.

It was one of those smaller bottles, but she drank a little over half of it. This wasn't going to end up pretty.

She waved her hand spastically, trying to grab hold of the bottle, but I just held it out of her reach. "I don't think so, Bells. I think you've had quite enough."

She pouted her lips at me, eyelashes fluttering. "Please?" Her fingers traced over my chest.

What the hell had happened to _my_ Bella? The girl who couldn't flirt if her life depended on it? She was going to kill me with the pout, with her fingers moving over my chest. "How about I take a swallow and then we go eat something?" I asked, hoping to distract her.

She watched me expectantly, doing her weaving while standing thing again. I swallowed a mouthful of the wine and tried not to grimace. It was a bit sweet. In the kitchen, I hid the bottle while she got my pizza. I ate the food, following her around, making sure she didn't hurt herself.

"Let's play a game!" she exclaimed. She rummaged in a drawer and found a deck of cards.

We figured out a game we could both play, and when I won a round, she jumped up and banged her knee on the coffee table. "I have to take off an article of clothing!" she said with a giggle. Before I could do anything, she whipped her top off to reveal a little tank top.

My mouth fell open, but I couldn't help a snort of laughter. "Bella that would be the case if we were playing strip poker, which we are not."

It was tempting, but I knew I couldn't let her do this. She would be horrified tomorrow. Her hands reached for her pajama pants, so I grabbed her hands quickly, tugging her back down where she proceeded to snuggle into me. One hand wound into my hair, and she slipped her other hand into mine.

Apparently Bella was a bit hands-y when she was drunk.

"How about we get some sleep, my little barnacle?" I asked casually.

That caused a wave of giggles, which again caused me to laugh, too. As horrible as the reason was that she did this, it was hard not to like seeing her smile and laugh again. She agreed easily enough and bounced ahead of me to the stairs. I put a hand on her back just in case – we didn't need a concussion on our hands as well – and she turned to me clumsily.

"You take good care of me," she stated loudly.

I smirked. "Sure sure. Now go get ready for bed."

While she went into the bathroom, I quickly changed into a pair of cut-off sweats. Since the door was open, I checked on Bella. She apparently was having a little trouble getting the toothbrush in her mouth. I tried not to laugh as she finally managed to brush her teeth.

"I want to call Charlie," she pronounced when she came out of the bathroom. "I have to say goodnight."

It was my night to swipe things from her apparently. I grabbed her phone. "Not a good idea. Remember Charlie's the chief of police? And you're underage."

She pondered that, her brow wrinkling in consternation. "Oh," she said. "Jake, I'm tired," she whined.

I snickered. "Good. Go to bed."

"I'm cold in this tank top. I want my t-shirt." She pulled a shirt out of the drawer. Her hands went to the bottom of her tank top and I hastily turned away, everything in me protesting at this action.

"Damn," she grumbled. "Jake, I need help."

"I think you're beyond help," I muttered. "Are you decent?" I asked a little louder.

She mumbled a yes. When I caught sight of her, I couldn't contain my laughter. "Nice Bells," I chuckled. Somehow she managed to get her head through where her arm was, succeeding in trapping herself and exposing her stomach at the same time.

She turned her back to me, giving me a coy look over her shoulder. "No peeking," she teased.

Bella was going to drive me insane. I took a deep breath, reaching around her to extract her arm from the tank top. Squeezing my eyes shut, I pulled the shirt off of her quickly. She struggled with the t-shirt, trying to get it on, until I helped her get her head through the appropriate opening.

_Don't peek. Don't peek. Don't peek._

I peeked.

I mean, what sixteen year old guy wouldn't? As much as I loved Bella, as much as I came with the sole purpose of trying to help her, there was no way around the fact that I thought of her often before everything happened. And I thought of her naked. And those memories were coming back right now as my eyes focused briefly on her.

Her arms were raised and I saw the pale skin of her stomach. My eyes traveled up and I caught a glimpse of her rounded breast; it looked so incredibly soft. It lasted all of a few seconds, and it wasn't even a full-on look, but it was enough. I squeezed my eyes shut - the image of her perfect breast embedded deep in my mind - feeling guilty and turned-on.

A few deep breaths and I managed to regain control and by then Bella's t-shirt was down and covering all the tantalizing parts of her. Oh, who was I kidding? Every single part of her was tantalizing. She crawled into bed, yawning, and waited for me to get in.

In bed, she snuggled into me, one arm draping over my side and holding me close. I could feel her breasts brushing against my chest, and I sighed. She was _not_ going to make this easy for me.

"Jake, do you think about me?" She asked sleepily.

"It's kind of hard not to think about you, Bella. I live with you, I eat with you, and I sleep in your bed," I said dryly.

She giggled. "No, I mean do you _think_ about me? What do you think about?"

She couldn't seem to articulate what she meant, but I knew. I wasn't sure what to say. There was no easy solution here, and I wasn't sure she would even remember it tomorrow.

"Yes," I said quietly. "I think about you. I think about your hair and how soft it feels. I think about your eyes, and how small and pale you are, and I think about your hands and how they feel in mine. You know I love you, Bella." It was a painful admission; one that I was afraid would hurt me in the long run.

Bella was quiet for a bit, and I thought she had fallen asleep. "I love you, too. And I think about your lips."

I raised my eyebrows, my fingers smoothing over her thick hair. "Um…my lips?" I tried to ask casually.

"Mmhmm," she murmured. "You have beautiful lips. They're full, soft, and kissable."

My heart was banging against my chest as I tried to digest this admission from Bella. She liked my lips? She had enjoyed kissing me in the woods before the battle, I knew that much, but I had no idea she felt quite like that.

She tilted her face up to mine, her chocolate eyes sleepy. They dropped to my lips, a small smile curling up one side of her mouth. My eyes dropped to look at hers as our lips drew fractionally closer. I bent my head until our lips were just barely touching.

Suddenly her breathing deepened and I realized she fell asleep.

I sighed, cursing my luck. I shifted forward slightly since this was her intention and gently pressed my lips against hers. She murmured softly, lips parting slightly, as I breathed in her scent and kissed her. It was soft, brief, but I reveled in the taste of her. Tucking her against my side I lay back and stared up at the ceiling as patterns of moonlight traced across it.

I would have preferred a sober kiss, one that Bella initiated or asked for in her right mind, but I took some comfort in the fact that even if she was drunk she loved me and liked kissing me. It wasn't the same, but it was a start.

########################################################################

**BPOV:**

_What is wrong with me?_ The question flashed through my aching head as I cracked my eyes open only to close them again quickly. The sunlight was weak, but it still hurt. Slowly I opened them again to find myself half-sprawled on top of Jake, my head nestled under his chin.

_What the hell happened?_

I vaguely remembered drinking something with apples and spice and how smooth it went down. Groaning softly, I feared what I had said or done with Jake here. I couldn't seem to recall too much of what happened. Carefully I began to ease myself off of him, as he was snoring rather peacefully, but even the gentlest movement was the wrong idea.

My stomach lurched, and my eyes widened in horror. "Oh no," I gasped and even though my aching head protested strongly, I practically catapulted myself over Jake in a mad dash for the bathroom. Somehow I managed to avoid any klutzy moves and made it to the toilet in time. As I got sick, I felt warm hands gather my hair back and hold it out of my way.

Gasping, miserable, and bone-achingly tired I just kneeled on the floor feeling my stomach heave one more time. Afterward I felt slightly better though the headache was now pounding faster from all the movement. And my knee was throbbing as well.

"Oh God, I feel horrible," I moaned resting my sweaty forehead on my arm.

"I would imagine so. I came home to a nearly empty bottle of wine," Jake said, kneeling in front of me and handing me a damp washcloth.

I wiped my face off, stood shakily with Jake's help and brushed my teeth. I couldn't quite meet his eyes, not sure of what had happened last night. Vaguely I remembered clinging to him as he carried me around, but there was a big blank as to what I had said.

"Jake?" I asked quietly. I had to know. "What… what happened last night?" I mumbled.

"I came home to find you… well, drunk," he said.

I bit my lip. "Did I… um… what did I…" I couldn't finish my sentence, but he knew what I was asking.

He was smiling slightly, looking amused. "You're a pretty clingy drunk, Bells."

I glared at him and winced as my head throbbed.

"You weren't too bad; we played a game and you tried to undress when you lost…"

I froze, my eyes widening. "I… I did what?" I asked faintly.

He laughed. "Yeah, it was entertaining, but I stopped you before you actually did."

"I'm glad you find this so amusing," I said irritably and limped my way out of the bathroom. The sunlight coming in the window of the bedroom was too bright, and I pulled the shades tighter.

"Oh come on," he teased me gently. "You were a cute drunk. And I swear you didn't do or say anything too crazy."

"I will _never_ do that again," I vowed.

"It doesn't really help, does it?" he asked, his eyes locked on mine.

I swallowed hard and shook my head.

"Get back in bed," he said. "I'll be right back."

Gingerly I crawled back under the warm covers, snuggling down into the soft mattress. As I waited for Jake, I tried to remember, but gave up when nothing came to me. I still couldn't believe I had gotten drunk; it wasn't like me at all, but I had been desperate to stop feeling so sad.

When Jake came back in, he sat next to me and put a pill in my hand and handed me a glass of water. "This will make you feel better," he said as I swallowed the pill obligingly.

"Why is that you know what to do?" I asked as I set the glass of water on the nightstand.

He laughed, his dark eyes twinkling. "Lets just say I experienced it once myself."

My eyes widened and I stared at him. "What? You did? How come I didn't know this?"

He grinned. "It was before you and I started hanging out. Quil, Embry, and I decided to try drinking beer one night. We scored some from a friend on the Makah rez whose dad had a few cases, and he drank with us. We each had a few; it was enough to knock us for a loop. We didn't have the werewolf abilities yet, so it didn't take a whole lot."

"What happened?" I asked. I was oddly fascinated by his story, wanting to know how he fared.

"Well, we pretty much acted like you did," he said laughing. "Except there was no stripping," he added with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes and felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"To top it off, we passed out in the Rabbit, only to be found the next day. Our dad's were told of course and Billy paid me back big-time," he said chuckling. "I had quite the hangover and when I got up the courage to go in the house he had plenty of chores for me to do. They were all outdoors and hard work, like cleaning the gutter, mowing the lawn, stuff like that." I couldn't help giggling.

"It was his way of punishing me, and hell, it certainly did. I was hurting big-time later when he finally let me relax. I was practically falling down from exhaustion and a headache as I stumbled my way to bed and all Billy did was laugh at me."

I laughed, and I felt my own head throb in response. I groaned and burrowed under the covers. He smiled, smoothing my hair back. It wasn't long after that I was fast asleep.

When I woke a few hours later, my head throbbing less, but with serious hunger pangs I managed to stumble my way downstairs. Jake was on the phone with Billy and he motioned to the refrigerator. Inside there was a plate of leftover grilled chicken, potatoes and vegetables – food that would agree with my stomach. I smiled at his thoughtfulness in getting it together for me.

After I finished eating, I caught sight of the nearly empty wine bottle and froze. "Oh crap!" I cried, wincing a little as a leftover twinge shot through my head.

"What's wrong?" Jake asked coming into the kitchen, turning off his cell phone.

"The wine," I whispered. "I need that to make those cookies for Monday." I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. I felt the tears form in my eyes, unable to stop myself.

Jake picked up the keys to his car. "Don't worry, Bells. I'll go pick up the same thing at the liquor store. It's not a big deal."

"Um, aren't you forgetting neither of us can buy alcohol?" I said.

He chuckled, and I glared at him. "Relax honey. Remember I'm twenty-two?" He grinned when the realization dawned on me. He had the fake I.D. that was sent to him.

I threw my arms around him. "Thank you, thank you. I owe you. For everything," I added.

"I'll remember that," he said with a snicker as he copied down the name and left to get me a new bottle.

Annoyed at my irresponsibility, I got up and began preparing the rest of the ingredients for the cookies. When Jake got back, I had everything mixed together except the wine. My stomach gave a tiny lurch as I stared at what I had drunk the night before.

"Want me to add it?" he asked, again looking as if he wanted to laugh. I wanted to be annoyed at his teasing me, but he had been such a good friend to me I just couldn't. So I just nodded.

He added it to the bowl and stirred it under my instruction. When it was mixed in and I couldn't smell it anymore, I took over and shaped the cookies to be baked. It was a quiet Saturday, one spent recovering from the night before as the smell of cookies filled the kitchen. There were a few extra, so I gave one to Jake to try. I found that I couldn't tear my eyes from his lips as he ate the cookie; how they moved, the urge to brush a cookie crumb off them, the flash of his teeth. He gave me his excited noise of approval which made me smile.

The rest of the afternoon and evening I found myself occasionally thinking of Jake's lips and I wasn't quite sure why.

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**AN: Well, it may have been (mostly) because she was drunk, but I figured I'd throw you all a little minor kiss and admission from a drunken Bella. And that's my Thanksgiving gift to you all… heh. Happy Thanksgiving to all that celebrate! I can't wait for the food. **


	8. Flight of the Butterfly

"I'm trying to find  
Break me down replace this fear inside  
Take this nothingness from me  
I want to fight  
I want to shine  
I want to rise  
Break me down"

**Red – "Break Me Down"**

****AN**** to follow below…**

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The summer was passing quickly as I kept myself busy with work and maintaining a comfortable, easy friendship with Jacob. Complication wasn't something I wanted, and I was still grieving the loss of Edward. It hadn't eased much, but I dealt with it a little easier than I had the first month after everything happened. I had heard from Alice a couple times through the summer and after each time I felt myself slipping back into myself, back into what I was when I first left Forks. I would burrow under the covers and let the tears fall for what Edward could possibly be going through, and I would feel sorry for what we had missed out on.

Alice would tell me the general area they were, and it was sometimes places that I couldn't even begin to fathom. They were in Ireland last I spoke with her and she was beside herself with the fact that she still couldn't see much of anything. Jake never said anything, but he knew what happened to me after these phone calls with no news. He would simply hold me, his hands light and comforting on my back and my hair until I cried myself out.

The guilt was ever-present, and I was beginning to wonder what was going to happen come the end of summer when school was supposed to start up again. Jake hadn't said anything and I couldn't help wondering and worrying that I was ruining his life. It was mid-August when Jake and I had our first fight. The heat of the day had gotten to both of us; standing by the hot ovens at work while cakes and cookies baked and laboring over cars with no cool breeze to waft in the shop didn't help either of our moods.

At home we finished an early dinner of marinated steaks and were cleaning up when Jake broached the subject of going out for a little while.

"Bella, we should go out and do something. It'll be light for a couple hours yet; we could go to the Grays Harbor Bluegrass Festival for awhile."

The thought of mingling with a bunch of people at a festival wasn't something that appealed to me. In fact I still hadn't even gone out except to go grocery shopping or to go to work. It was probably ridiculous, but I felt claustrophobic being out in public and having to make small talk. I was used to it at work – and I liked the people I worked with well enough – but I just felt more comfortable talking to Jake than anyone else.

"I don't think so," I said, washing my hands. "I'd rather just stay in and relax."

"Come on, Bells," he said, sounding a bit frustrated. "You never go out anywhere; it isn't exactly healthy to stay inside all the time."

I gave him an annoyed look. "I just don't feel like socializing. I'm tired and I'm hot."

"You never feel like socializing, or going out, or doing much of anything," he said with an annoyed sigh and turned to leave the room.

I spun towards him, feeling an irrational anger bubble up under the surface. "I'm not stopping you," I said coolly. I felt the sting of his words even though I knew he hadn't meant to hurt my feelings. "You can go and I'll just stay here. If it's what you want, don't let me stop you."

I headed toward the stairs, feeling an uncomfortable, restless feeling in my chest and needing to escape, but Jake had other ideas. He caught my arm before I could go up.

"I know I can go by myself, but I'm worried about you," he said, struggling to keep his temper in check. "You don't do anything, Bella. I don't expect you to move on from this easily, but you need to live your life. You can't coop yourself up all the time and distance yourself from others," he said, his voice beginning to rise in irritation.

I glared at him. "Live my life? I'm trying, but every day is hard in some way, Jacob. I'm sorry I'm not moving on fast enough for you."

He gave an exasperated sigh. "Come on, Bella. I can _see_ how hard it is for you, but what is this sitting at home doing for you? It just gives you time to think about what happened. Getting out and trying something new isn't a disgrace to him."

The sharp pain of sadness hit me again. "What is it that you want from me?" I cried. "You want me to move on with you? Is that it? You followed me here – can you tell me there was no ulterior motive?" I hit back with the sadness and anger bearing down on me without thought and regretted it instantly.

Jake's face closed off. There was no pain or anger – there was just nothing. Jake shook his head slightly, pushing past me as I froze in place, and disappeared into his old bedroom and shut the door. I managed to stumble into my bedroom – our bedroom – and felt a few tears slide loose. I was horrified at what I had said to him. I knew Jake came solely out of concern for me and what I had said to him was inexcusable.

I lay on the bed, feeling the tears drip down my temples to soak my hair spread out on the pillow. After awhile, I took a deep breath and crossed the hall to Jake's bedroom. Hesitantly I stood there, unsure of what to do. I had to talk to him. I couldn't bear knowing I hurt him. I knocked gently, but he said nothing. I knocked harder, but still nothing. Biting my lip, I opened the door slowly. It was beginning to get dark out, but I could see Jake's back facing me.

"Jake?" I whispered tentatively.

He didn't move.

"Jake, I'm sorry," I whispered. "I am _so _sorry. I just said it… I don't really believe that."

He finally turned and his dark eyes met mine. He was quiet, and I felt even worse. Jake was strong, but I could tell I had hurt him. Throwing away reason, I sat on the bed and took his large hand in mine, pressing a kiss to it.

"I'm not asking you to say you forgive me right away. I just needed you to know I'm an idiot. I let what you said upset me, even though I know that wasn't your intention, and I lashed out." A few tears dripped down my cheeks as I lowered my head.

"I have never lied to you," Jake said his voice calm. "I told you that you were my best friend and I meant it, I told you that I had fallen in love with you and I meant it. I have always been upfront about my feelings for you, and we both know that I love you, but I never followed you here so I could _get in your pants_ or anything of the sort. I came because you were hurting and I wanted to help."

I sucked my lower lip in, fighting back a sob. "I know, Jake, I really do." I tightened my fingers around his. "You were right. As much as I still hurt, I can't shut everything out. I knew you were right, but I was scared, and I let myself get angry. You are the best person I know, and I'm grateful to you every day for what you've done and are doing for me."

"We can go out if you want," I added quietly. "I'll try for me and for you."

"Wisest thing you have said all night," he said idly. "You have to try for you. But I'd rather stay in now. How about we try tomorrow?"

I nodded, still feeling guilty, and I lay down next to him. He didn't curl around me like he usually did, but throughout the night his hand stayed in contact with mine.

####################################################

The next day was Saturday and I went in to work for a few hours in the morning. Everyone was there to put out a big order, but I managed to score shortened hours for the day. I kept busy with decorating and mixing up tarts to be baked. Every now and then when there was a minor lull my thoughts immediately went to Jacob. I couldn't help worrying about last night; he had held my hand throughout the night, but I missed the easy affection. It was my own fault, though.

I tried to push the worry aside and listened to the idle chatter between everyone, occasionally saying something as well. I had just finished my last tart, ready to head out at noon, when Dana came into the back room.

"Damn," she gasped. "There is one _seriously_ hot guy out there who just came in. Should I go for it?"

Samantha and Clarissa laughed. "Do it, do it!"

"Seriously, peek through the door," she demanded. "He's beautiful."

Samantha dragged me with her so we could all peek through the crack of the door.

Even with his back to us, I would know Jake anywhere. "Oh, that's Jacob," I said, pushing the door open.

I smiled a little as I walked up to the counter, practically hearing their jaws drop behind me. Jake turned and aimed a sunny smile at me. I was glad to see it after what happened and gave him one in return.

"Hey Bells," he said, catching my hand and pulling me around the counter and into his arms for one of his bone-crushing hugs. I had missed them.

"Why are people peeking through the door at us?" Jake whispered in my ear.

I tried to suppress a giggle. "They think you're beautiful."

He raised his eyebrows, the slight shadow over his dark eyes lifting when he heard that. "Well, then, introduce me," he said with a little smirk.

"You can come out now," I said to Dana, Samantha, and Clarissa.

They all had the grace to look embarrassed at being caught. I saw Dana eyeing me speculatively and I knew she would be hounding me later. I introduced Jake to them and he shook their hands with a flourish and a charming smile which had me shaking my head.

Jake herded me out the door after making small talk and twisted his fingers with mine, lightly swinging our hands between us. He seemed to be in a good mood, but I couldn't help myself. "So, about last night," I said hesitantly. "I really am…"

"I know, Bells, I believe you," he said. "Let's not talk about it, though. I have a surprise for you."

He ignored my occasional questions or guesses and drove us to this nearby park. The day wasn't exactly sunny, but there were no heavy rain clouds hovering today so people were out taking advantage of the weather. Kids were playing on the swing sets and the slides, while their mothers looked exhausted perched on benches. There were a couple groups of teenagers lounging in the grass and playing with a Frisbee.

Jake grabbed a bag from the backseat and led me to an area of the park that was quiet, but not totally isolated. He set a blanket down, sitting on it and leaning back against a big oak tree. I smiled. "We're having a picnic?"

"It's a first step. We're outside doing something and there are people around, but no one invading our space."

I smiled and sat next to him. He pulled me closer, so my back was tucked against his side. He pulled out ham, turkey, and roast beef sandwiches and little bags of chips. "I wasn't sure which sandwich you would like more, so I got all different kinds," he explained.

"Thanks Jake," I said quietly. He was being so good to me and it made the twinge of guilt more noticeable. I leaned back into his warmth as I bit into a turkey sandwich.

We talked a little, but mostly just basked in the dry, warm air and ate our lunch. I stretched out on my side and watched him flick open a pocket knife and carve a pretty shape out of a tree branch. His hands were amazing; they could be so rough when he wasn't thinking, but they could also be so gentle when he wanted. And it went without a doubt that he was extremely skilled with his hands. He could handle car parts like nobody's business and apparently he could do the same with wood and a knife. I fingered the little wolf on my bracelet as he continued.

I had ended up taking the heart off and putting it on another bracelet. It was a piece of Edward I needed and wanted to keep, even if it hurt, but I had never felt quite right having it on a gift that came from Jacob. I laughed when Jake handed me a little wooden flower that he had shaped. We nosed around the area and just inside the trees I saw a little patch of wildflowers. Intending to pick some for at home, I saw a little fluttering amidst the flowers.

Upon closer inspection I saw a beautiful monarch butterfly with its wing torn. It couldn't fly and I felt myself choke up immediately. I had no idea why, but seeing it hurt and helpless was upsetting.

"Hey Bells, look what…" Jake started to say, but trailed off when he caught sight of me crying.

"Bella? What happened?" he asked worriedly.

He saw the butterfly then, and he wrapped an arm around my waist. "Are you crying over the butterfly?" he asked a little confused.

I felt like such an idiot, but I nodded. I hated seeing it struggle, to see how it looked so helpless. It was too much like me, and I just didn't like seeing anything alive struggle like that.

"It's nature, honey," he said. When that really didn't help my state of mind, he frowned and thought for a few minutes.

"I don't know if this will really help or not," he said slowly. "But we could take it to this wild bird store I see on the way to the garage. I saw advertised in their window one morning something about butterflies."

I had no other suggestion, so I agreed readily. It just made me sad to see it, so I was willing to try anything. I threw our stuff together as Jake carefully scooped his hands around the butterfly. Once he had it secure, we hurried back to the car and he instructed me where to go. We were there within five minutes.

Inside the shop the woman behind the counter looked up. "Hi, can I help you?" she said with a smile.

Jake cracked his hands open and showed the woman. Her eyes widened in surprise. "I have no idea if this is pointless or not," Jake told her, "but we figured bringing it here was worth a shot to see if there was anything that could be done." He looked vaguely embarrassed, so I felt grateful he was doing this.

"Actually, yes," she said with a little smile. She called for someone in the back room and a man came out as Jake and I stared at each other in shock. We didn't actually expect anyone to be able to help.

"I have repaired a wing once before," he told us as he carefully put the butterfly in a jar. "Putting it in the refrigerator to cool will calm it and then I can repair the wing with contact adhesive."

We decided to wait as the man disappeared into the back room again. I wandered the store, deciding on a whim to buy a hanging perch to put nectar in for hummingbirds and butterflies. When the man came back out, he was smiling.

He held out the jar to us. "You want to release her?"

I glanced up in surprise when I saw the tiny piece of tape on the wing. "It's fixed?"

He nodded. "It's a delicate process, but with the adhesive and a little back-up tape, she can fly just fine and live out her life. Butterflies are pretty remarkable. There is a lot of symbolism about them; rebirth and transformation among other things."

Jake leaned against the counter. "There's also a Native American legend that if you catch a butterfly and whisper a secret to it, and then you let it go to balance nature, it'll fly to the Great Spirit who will grant your wish. My mom read that to me when I was a kid."

I stared at the butterfly gently flapping its wings and felt an odd kinship to it.

The man smiled at me, sensing something, but apparently deciding to be polite about it. "Butterflies are thankful when you help them, you know. And they encourage faith to get through a transitional period of your life. They're closely connected to souls."

I swallowed hard, thanked him for helping when he refused any money, and Jake drove back to the park. We were both quiet on the way there. I opened the jar and carefully dipped the butterfly onto my hand. It perched there, slowly flapping its repaired wing, almost as if it didn't want to leave. When it took off, I saw a little flash of brown and it was gone. Feeling content Jake and I headed for home.

Deciding on a little power nap before getting some cleaning done, I headed for the stairs, feeling a bit lighter. Jake caught my hand before I went upstairs.

"Their wings can be repaired and they can adapt; it just takes a helping hand," Jake said, his eyes on mine.

I nodded, thinking of that butterfly soaring through the air once again, and I felt a small spark of hope.

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**AN: Just a few facts… the Grays Harbor Bluegrass Festival **_**is**_** a real festival held in mid-August in Hoquiam. And another fact is that you actually **_**can**_** mend a butterfly's wing. I didn't go into detail, but there was a very detailed description online on how to do it. I would be scared to try, though! And there is a lot of symbolism out there about butterflies, and in a lot of ways relates to Bella's situation, hence the title. **

**I've heard of people seeing butterflies after the death of a loved one; almost a connection to them in a way. And my mom told me once that she accidentally sprayed a butterfly when spraying for aphids in the garden; she felt bad and wiped its wings with water which helped. She said it stayed on her hand, almost like it was thanking her before flying off and others have said the same as well.**

**Lastly, this fic has been nominated for the Pearl Round of the Gem Awards and voting is going on now through Sunday the 5****th**** if you would like to vote! I would appreciate it. Link is: ****http:/gemawards[dot]blogspot[dot]com****. **


	9. A Nighttime Adventure

"Whispering world,  
A sigh of sighs,  
The ebb and the flow  
of the ocean tides,  
One breath, one word  
may end or may start  
a hope in a place of the lover's heart,  
Hope has a place in a lover's heart."

-Enya "**Hope Has A Place"**

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**JPOV**

I was hot, tired, and probably not that clean either as I left work. I also didn't feel like sitting around the apartment tonight. As I hurried home, my stomach growling ferociously, I had a brilliant idea. Thrilled with the idea, I opened the door to the apartment to be assaulted by the scent of beef which just made my stomach growl even louder. God, I loved when Bella cooked. I mean, I wasn't the type of guy to expect her to make dinner for me all the time, but I certainly loved when she did.

I smiled as I watched her move around the kitchen, checking on the meatloaf, mixing the mashed potatoes, and getting the plates. I slid up behind her, scooping the plates out of her hand when she turned and gave a little scream of surprise.

"Hey Bells," I said trying to keep a straight face.

"You jerk!" she exclaimed. "You scared me."

"I'll make up for it by setting the table." I gave her my most winning smile.

She rolled her eyes and got the food out of the oven. As we ate together like the pseudo-couple we seemed to be, I couldn't help remembering our argument. What she had said really hurt because we both knew my main reason for coming here. The secondary reason, after I was with her and made sure she was going to be okay, was harder to swallow and it was increasingly difficult to balance.

I loved her _so much_ it was nearly an ache.

Her big, brown eyes that expressed so much, her soft dark hair and the way it laid across my chest when she slept, and her soft and delicate body that always tempted; it was never far from my mind. And I loved her stubbornness, her absolute loyalty and it was heartbreaking to see her so weak when she was hurting over him. It just wasn't right.

I glanced up at her, watching her chew her last mouthful. Even the way she chewed was adorable. And I was turning into an utter sap.

After we cleaned up dinner dishes, I started to get excited again. I paced around, waiting for the sun to begin to fade away. Bella glanced up from the book she was reading on the sofa.

"What is wrong with you?" she asked. "You're acting like a caged animal."

I grinned as the last rays of sun began to fade. "Come on, Bells," I said eagerly. "We're going out and doing something fun."

As I expected she balked a little, but in the end she finally let me drag her out the door. "Where are we going?" she protested. "And why are you bringing towels?"

I just laughed as I led her along. It wasn't far so we walked. It was a nice, warm evening with no rain at the moment and I just enjoyed walking down our street with Bella's tiny hand in mine. We reached a gated community and glancing up and down the sidewalk, checking the windows of the building – damn, my sight was still fantastic even without phasing – before quickly disengaging the cord to the security system. I carefully picked the lock with my pocket knife.

I turned and Bella stood, horrified, not knowing what to say. Finally she managed to spew it out. "_What_ are you _doing_?" she quietly screeched. "Jake, I'm not into breaking the law; I have a police chief for a father! I can't believe you just… oh my God, we're going to get in trouble… wind up in jail…"

I tried not to laugh as she wound down into little sputters.

"Honey, I know it's not the greatest way, but come on. It's not like we're stealing anything, damaging property, doing something really wrong… we're just going to have fun."

She didn't know what to say, so I took advantage and carefully tugged her inside, leading her back behind the building, where a kidney-shaped pool lay glittering under the moon. It was hidden well enough from view by a row of bushes. I turned, gauging her reaction, and her eyes widened.

"Swimming? This is your brilliant idea? I don't have a bathing suit with me anyway." But I could see the interest in her eyes.

"Who needs a bathing suit?" I said with a smirk. I whipped my shirt off, tightened the drawstring on my cut-off sweats and dove into the pool.

"Jake!" she whisper-squealed.

I laughed, floating along happily. "Come on, honey, just throw caution to the wind. Strip to your underwear; I won't look, I promise."

She rolled her eyes. "Sure sure," she muttered, avoiding looking directly at me. "It's nice out, but it's not _that_ warm," she added.

"Bells, the pool is heated. It feels great!"

I could see her biting her lip, looking indecisive. I sent a little splash toward her earning myself a glare. But then she glanced up and met my eyes. I could see resolve flash in the brown depths. "Turn around," she commanded.

I turned immediately, feeling like crowing in triumph. She was going to do it! And then I heard a little splash and Bella was swimming toward me. I tried my hardest not to look, but I couldn't help a little peek. I could see she was wearing white cotton – so simple and so Bella. We swam in the warm water, playing and splashing each other. It was nice seeing Bella smiling more and having a little fun.

I would swim up to her, grab her ankle and laugh when she gave a sputtering laugh-gurgle as she went under. She would proceed to swim after me and try to catch me; surprisingly she nearly did, but then I remembered she used to live in a hot area and was probably used to swimming. I'd let her catch me, but of course we would just end up laughing because she couldn't do anything about it anyway.

Done playing we just floated around in the pool for awhile, relishing the view of the night sky dotted with stars when I heard a low murmur of voices getting closer. I grabbed Bella's hand, putting my other hand over her mouth.

"Shhh," I whispered. "Someone's coming."

Her eyes widened in fear and we quickly hurried out of the pool. The towels weren't close by unfortunately, but were at least hidden from view. I eased her behind the little changing room, and we waited.

Faintly I heard, "Yeah, I heard splashing and someone talking."

I peeked around the corner and saw a security guard standing there with a man in boxers and a t-shirt. "Are you sure it isn't someone from one of the apartments? I mean they aren't supposed to use it after hours, but…"

"No," the nosy snitch said. "None of them have ever done it before and anyway the lock was picked on the gate."

"I'll take care of it."

I was listening to the guard's movements and where he was heading, but I realized Bella was shivering uncontrollably. The air had cooled, and I could see storm clouds moving in. I held my arms out to her. She hesitated, and I could see the indecision in her eyes, but the need for warmth won out and I felt her burrow into me.

I wrapped my arms around her and was struck with the realization that I was holding all of her against all of me and she was wearing panties and a bra. Her nipples hardened against my stomach, and I tried to swallow a groan. I could feel everything and it was wonderful torture.

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**BPOV**

The shivers were wracking my body, and the urge to have Jake's arms around me was needed. Even if I was wearing my underwear that was soaked through and every bit of me was pressed against him. I heard the security guard shuffling around, but I was mostly distracted by the feel of Jake's body pressed against mine. He was so hard and his skin was soft against my cheek.

The guard was closer and my heart began pounding in worry. Jake shifted me quickly and quietly around the corner of the changing room, moving as the guard shone his flashlight around the area.

I tried to hold my breath, to stay as still and silent as possible. Jake's sensitive hearing had us just out of the way of the guard's beam, but we stayed there as he moved to a different area. Suddenly I became aware of a part of Jake's anatomy I had only encountered once and accidentally at that. I bit my lip, trying to shift as I felt part of him growing hard.

We were both frozen, aware of it, but I could barely move. The air was cold, the rain had just started as a drizzle, and Jake had his arms wound fully around my waist that his hand was basically resting on my behind. My body was reacting to the cold and I knew my breasts being crushed against him was an indication of that.

I don't know how long we stood there, me shivering slightly and Jake's body tensed. The guard had moved around the other side of the apartment building, so Jake swooped in for the towels and I immediately wrapped it around myself when he handed it to me though I couldn't help but notice Jake's eyes dart down and widen.

"Let's go," he whispered and his voice was curiously thicker than it normally was.

He took my hand and we slid quickly through the shadows around the building until we reached the gate. Thankfully it was still open and we hurried out. I slid my feet into my sandals and pulled my shirt and shorts on quickly and we hurried down the road to our apartment building.

"I can't believe we almost got caught," he said as we hurried inside, his voice mostly back to normal.

"That's what happens when you do something you shouldn't." I couldn't help but smile, though. It had been fun.

He grinned at me. "Sure sure."

I shook my head and hurried upstairs to take a shower. As I pulled my clothes off, I couldn't help but realize my body was still a bit damp and heated from being wrapped in Jake's arms and I felt my cheeks warm at the thought. I showered quickly and stretched out in bed to read until Jake came in.

As we fell asleep, curled against each other, I drifted to sleep where I dreamed about a curious tingle that started in my stomach and arrowed to the most peculiar places.

The following morning I had went in to work and tried to remain calm. Dana had been out for a couple days on vacation, but now that she was back I knew she would be grilling me about Jacob. I hurried behind the counter and tied my apron on. I was due to work out in the shop for a little while, so I knew I'd get a reprieve there while the morning crowd rushed in.

I was busy selling cookies, muffins, cupcakes, and tarts all morning so things stayed pretty quiet. Once the rush died down, Jamie came out to take my spot. She gave me a small smile which was a step. She hadn't been nasty, but she hadn't exactly been as friendly as everyone else. I couldn't fault her that because I hadn't been very easy either.

Once in the back, I was given a take-home order that I had to make for the weekend; a lemon-filled cake topped with vanilla icing and fresh fruit.

Dana gave me the recipe, and I made a list for the grocery store. As I was filling it out, I could feel her eyeing me speculatively. "So… Bella," she said casually. "Who exactly was the guy who came in the other day?" she asked with a little gleam of interest in her eyes.

I smiled slightly. "He's my best friend from home. He came… came here with me," I said stumbling a little.

"So he wasn't who you were… engaged to?" she asked carefully. I reflexively curled my hand the ring had been on.

I swallowed hard, that feeling bubbling up under the surface. If I let it, I would be hurting for days. I shook my head. "No," I said softly and turned my face away to quickly to get my purse. I was done a little before lunch time, and I knew Jake had forgotten his lunch so I decided to surprise him with a quickie meal I had made early this morning before leaving for work.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she said with a sigh. "I'm being too nosy. I don't mean to be, but sometimes I am."

I smiled a little at her. I knew Dana was genuine and just cared about who she worked with which was nice. "It's okay. I'm… it's just too raw," I mumbled.

"As long as you have Jacob, I guess it's good, right? I could see you light up when you saw him," she said effectively making the conversation less serious.

I laughed ruefully. "Yeah, he's my bit of sunshine. He's helped me through a… separation of sorts and he's helping me now. I owe him so much."

"Well, I'm glad you have him then. And he's certainly easy on the eyes," she said giving me a teasing grin.

I laughed. "He is that. Anyway, I'm going to go pick up what I need, take Jake his lunch and get started. I'll see you tomorrow."

I made a quick stop at the store before heading home. I decided to take in the whole casserole I had made so Jake could share with the guys he worked with. I packed it up, threw some napkins in the bag, and drove to the garage.

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The garage brought back memories of a small, tin garage in Jake's backyard where he and I sat drinking warm soda and I watched him work on the bikes. It was noisy inside with guys clanking away on cars as I glanced around for Jake. A man caught sight of me and came over.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"Hi," I said nervously. "I'm looking for Jacob Blackwater?"

"A few guys just broke for lunch, so he's probably back in the office," he replied, pointing to a door off to the side and down a little hall.

I thanked him and walked toward the door. I reached for the doorknob when a man's voice stopped me in my tracks. "Yeah, Jake lives with a girl he's good friends with… or so he says."

I heard laughter from a couple men. "I met her briefly one day she stopped in. Cute girl, but she had this air of sadness about her."

"Maybe if she let Jake bang her she would cheer up a little. All I can say is being such good friends with each other, and living in close quarters I'd think she would put out for him." The laughter echoed and I stood frozen.

I wanted to bolt so badly, feeling the hurt and embarrassment wash over me.

Instead of doing what I normally would do, I took a deep breath, and shakily pushed the door open just as I saw Jake barge into the open lounge area from another door. His face was livid, but then he saw me.

"J-Jake," I managed to say faintly. "I… um… I brought you some lunch since you forgot to take something with you this morning."

I set the dish on the table, the silence in the room overwhelming. "Bells," he said softly.

"I thought your co-workers might want some, too. There's plenty to go around. I'll talk to you later," I tacked on quickly, anxious to get out of the oppressive silence in the room.

My body was flashing between hot and cold in mortification and I shoved the door open, hurrying out into the open garage, my breath coming faster as the tears began to build up. Faintly, I heard Jake yelling behind me, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

I saw the man that had pointed the office out to me looking up at me with concern. "Hey, are you okay, hon?" he asked kindly.

"I will be," I murmured as my voice shook. "Thanks." And I hurried out the door to my car before the tears fell.

It was enough that I knew I was hopeless, a ruined wreck who was slow to heal, that I put Jake through too much, but to hear someone else know and voice it hurt like hell. And I was mortified at what he had said about me and Jake. I was sure Jake hadn't said anything personal about me; they were just assuming, but it made me sad. Was I hurting him too much?

Around the corner I had almost reached my car when I felt a hand reach out and catch hold of my arm. Knowing it was Jake, I tried to pull my arm away and leave, but it was useless.

He held me tightly, his lips against my hair.

The tears fell and I cried against him, angry at myself, as I dampened his shirt. His hand stroked my hair until my tears abated. "I'm sorry you had to hear those ignorant asses," he murmured. "They were just assuming… they really don't know what's between us…" he said a bit unsure of what to say.

"Jake, it's okay," I sighed. "I'm angry at myself mostly, but I just don't know what to do…"

He kissed my hair, my forehead, and I felt his lips touch my cheek. I turned a little into his warmth and felt my face heat as his lips brushed against the corner of my mouth. "Sorry," he murmured. I just snuggled into him, hiding my blush.

"Bella, don't let those assholes influence you. When you're ready to move on, you're ready. And you're making progress, honey," he said after a moment of silence.

I nodded against his chest. He eased me back and with a small smile said, "Go on, I'll share my lunch with those assholes and make them feel bad."

I gave a small laugh. "Thanks Jake."

"Sure sure. I'll see you later tonight."

I got in the car, glancing after my best friend as he went back into the garage. I knew how incredibly lucky I was to have him. Pushing down the riot of feelings in my body I started the car and headed home.

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**AN: Just to let you know, I think I'll be doing a section of a chapter in Charlie's POV and one in Alice's. Not sure exactly when, though Charlie's I believe will be soon. **


	10. The Birthday Surprise

"underneath the stars

there are a million ways

to be the way you are

all of them dying  
underneath the rays

there'll be a million ways

to live the days ahead . .

why are we crying?"

**Railroad Earth "'Neath the Stars"**

***Just wanted to say thank you to keke wonder and Megan39 and anyone who I can't PM when they review!**

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I knew Jake felt horrible after what happened even if it wasn't his fault. He told me they were sorry for what they had said, but he had laid into them. I didn't ask what he told them, but he said he shared his lunch with them and they felt even worse.

We were relaxing in the living room, Jake looking at papers about taking his GED, when he looked up at me sprawled on the couch. "Bells, it's almost your birthday," he said.

I looked down at him. "I don't really need anything," I said. He knew I wasn't much into my birthday, but he got that stubborn look I was too used to seeing.

"Well too bad," he said idly. "I'm getting you something whether you want me to or not. But I was going to ask you if you would actually want to go out to eat at a restaurant. I thought maybe if you're up for it we could invite our dad's?"

I pondered that for a moment and actually liked the idea. I missed Charlie, and I cared a great deal about Billy, too. It would be nice to see them and I supposed it was probably time for that anyway.

"That's a pretty good idea," I said. "Yeah, maybe I'll call Charlie now and see if he can get off work for the day and bring Billy for a visit."

Excited now, I picked up my phone and called Charlie.

When he answered, I dove right in. "Hey Dad, are you busy on the Saturday after my birthday?" It was a Saturday Jake and I both had off, although my birthday fell on Wednesday.

"I work a shift in the morning," he said.

"Could you get someone to work for you?" I asked hopefully. "I wanted to know if you would come to visit and bring Billy with."

"I can check into it," he said, his voice gradually growing more animated at the idea. "I would love to see you, Bells. And I know Billy would love to see Jake, too."

I gave Jake a thumbs-up. "Jake thought maybe we could all go out to eat. You know I don't need gifts, Dad, but I think I'm ready," I said. I knew how much I wanted to see my Dad, and I knew I was nowhere near being healed, but I didn't want to hold out any longer. I missed him too much.

"That's a good idea," he said warming even more to the idea. "I'll call you back when I know for sure, okay?"

After I hung up, I gave Jake a little smile. "Thanks Jake. That was a good idea."

He just smiled smugly and turned back to the papers he was flipping through.

The next few days went by as they normally did except Jake and I were a little more careful around each other. After our nighttime swim, feeling each other's bodies even more intimately than before – even if by accident – I had become a little too aware of him and it scared me. The guilt would come in waves as I felt like a traitor to Edward and that in turn would hurt so much when I thought of him.

The morning of my birthday, I went in to work and was caught off guard. Dana and the rest of my co-workers had decorated the kitchen with streamers and had made a beautiful chocolate raspberry cake decorated with fresh raspberries and my name printed on it. My cheeks heated at all the attention; I still felt weird about celebrating my birthday, but appreciated their gesture.

They chipped in and got me a gift card to a local bookstore and I thanked them profusely while blushing and stammering it wasn't necessary.

"Oh, psh," Dana said with a laugh. "We were happy to do it!"

Everyone wished me a happy birthday and we each had a piece of cake before starting work. It was delicious, of course, and Dana wrapped up another piece for me and one for Jake and handed them to me with a wink.

When I got home later that afternoon, I got some salmon out to thaw for dinner. Jake would be home in about an hour or so; he said he had an errand to run after work. So I took advantage of the quiet, content to just stretch out in bed. I called Renee because it had been awhile and I knew she would worry. She was thrilled to hear from me and after endless questions asking if I was doing okay and some tears, I managed to distract her and she chattered in her usual excited way about what was new.

I heard the door slam downstairs. Jake was home, so I promised my mom I would call her after I received her birthday gift. I heard him coming up the stairs and he poked his head into our room. He had a look of excitement with a little dash of worry.

"Jake?" I questioned. "What's going on? What did you do?"

He bit his lip. "Close your eyes, Bells. I have your birthday present."

I gave him a look, but he shushed me when I started to speak. He gave me his best pleading look and with a roll of my eyes I obediently closed them. I heard him shuffling around and putting something down on the floor. My curiosity was piqued now, and I wanted to see what he was up to.

"Okay, you can open them," he said excitedly.

I opened my eyes and they continued to open wider as I saw what looked suspiciously like a cat carrier. "Um, Jake?" I said faintly. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Yeah," he said a little more nervousness creeping into his tone. He opened the door and out poked a small black and white face. It didn't come out right away, but my eyes locked with the cat inside.

Despite my shock at what he got, I felt my heart melt for the scared cat. "Oh Jake…" I said. "She's beautiful, but are we even allowed to have pets?"

"I checked, Bells," he said shaking his head. "We are. And I spent the past few days going to the shelter to sit by her to see if she could get used to me and she did really well. She's about seven years old and they were afraid they would have to put her down because she's an older cat and they've had her for awhile."

He paused to take a breath and then continued before I could say anything. "She's also scared a lot, though she wants attention as well, because she was found to be neglected and abused. I know you're more of a dog person, hell I'm more of a dog person, but I liked her immediately and the person there said it was unusual for her to approach someone as quickly as she did with me. They said she's a good cat and she just needs love and some time. I thought because you both needed that you would be good for each other."

He stopped his verbal spewing and just stared at me.

My heart melted even more at the sweet gesture he had made. I never thought much about cats; he was right, I had always preferred dogs, but I had nothing against cats. And knowing what had happened to her…

I felt tears burn behind my eyelids as she slowly crept out of the carrier. He was right, she was definitely scared and I could relate. She hesitantly rubbed against Jake's legs and then darted under the chair in the corner of the room. She was on the smaller side and was a swirly mix of black and white. Her face was pure white, though, with a black patch around her right eye.

"Her name is Tinker, too, which I thought was suitable."

I gave a watery giggle at the thought. "She's so pretty," I said quietly.

I asked him about what had happened to her and he told me she was abandoned and was found on the side of the road with patches of hair missing and she was a little bloody in spots and was very thin. They determined she had been abused because of her fear of keys. I made a vow to be very careful to never jingle them. It made my heart break to think of what this cat went through.

Jake leaned against the bed and I kissed the top of his head. "Thank you," I said quietly.

He smiled and leaned his head back. I absent-mindedly combed my fingers through his hair which was getting longer again. We watched Tinker and stayed pretty still as she crept out from under the chair. Jake put a little dry food in a dish and pushed it away from him. She slunk over and began eating. When she was done she sniffed Jake's foot which made us both snicker.

She sat close to us, just out of reach but seemingly relaxing a little. It might take a day or a few days, but she obviously wanted and needed loving attention, and I was more than willing to offer what I could.

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CPOV

I had lived in Forks a long time, but it was the first time in awhile I felt restless. It had been so difficult after divorcing Renee and losing my baby girl. When Bella came to live with me it was an adjustment, but I was thrilled to have her back. Now with her gone again the house felt so empty and I missed my daughter. I was also terrified to find out how she was doing, how she looked because I had lived through that hell with her when Edward Cullen left her the first time.

I rubbed a hand over my jaw, absently noting I needed to shave. Exhaustion was creeping up on me as I continued sending out feelers to police departments in other states and if possible even in other countries to try and locate the Cullen's and Edward in particular. I could still scarcely believe he was taken; it seemed so strange and random.

I couldn't even begin to imagine how Carlisle and Esme must be feeling. If it was Bella that had been taken I would be moving mountains to find her. It was a horrifying thought and I felt sympathy for them. Even if I had never felt Bella and Edward's relationship was normal and healthy it didn't mean I would have wanted this.

I flipped through the faxes that were sent in regards to finding the Cullen's. "Hey Charlie," Mark, one of my deputies, said with a clap to my shoulder. "Any luck?"

"Not yet," I said stifling a yawn. "There have been notices put out, but no real sightings of anyone in the family much less Edward."

He shook his head. "I still can't believe it," he said with a sigh. "We go from practically no crime to this?"

"I know, it's scary," I replied. I put the papers back in their file and leaned back in a stretch.

"How's Bella doing?" he asked with concern.

"As well as can be expected," I said. The familiar twinge of worry hit me as I thought about my little girl suffering from this loss. "She called me not too long ago to ask me if I would visit this weekend."

"Yeah? That's great! You work a shift, though, so do you want me to cover for you?"

He was one of my best deputies and a truly nice guy. "I'd really appreciate that, Mark, as long as it isn't a problem."

He said it was fine and I thanked him profusely. I gave Billy a call and asked him if he wanted to ride up with me on Saturday and he agreed readily. As I drove home, I thought about how hard it was on Billy, too. Jake had stopped home a few times to visit with Billy and help out where he could, but I knew Billy missed him even if he didn't say so.

I was grateful to Jacob for helping Bella when it was obvious she so desperately needed it. The last time was horrible and I had been so worried about her. Jacob had pulled her out of that zombie depression that scared the shit out of me and I was grateful. It was hard to imagine how she was coping with this. Was it harder? Or was it easier to cope with since Jake was there with her? I had no idea, but I would find out this weekend.

I stopped at the diner in town and got a burger and fries. I was capable of cooking some things for myself, but it was nothing like having Bella at home. I felt guilty she had taken over that job, but she seemed to enjoy it well enough and she said not to worry about it, so I had gotten used to it. Sue sometimes brought stuff by for me, which was generous of her, but I had also started eating more at the diner again. Before I left I gave Bella a call to let her know we would be there on Saturday.

Once home I grabbed a beer and parked myself on the couch, the silence in the house not so welcome anymore. It wasn't like Bella was noisy, but I had gotten used to hearing my daughter move around the house and I missed it. With a sigh, I cracked open my beer and watched the game.

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Saturday came and I picked Billy up in the car Sue had loaned us so I didn't have to take my cruiser. Rachel gave me a wave, her dad a kiss, and promised to be back when he got home. Billy was used to doing certain things himself, so I just helped when he needed it as he got himself situated in the car.

Once on the road I glanced over at him. "Did you talk to Jake today?" I asked casually.

"Yes," he said calmly. "He said Bella is trying, but it's still a tough process."

He knew what I wanted to know. I was too afraid to ask Bella the personal questions; the questions that would just hurt her so I went to Billy after he talked to Jake. Neither one of us was much for talking, especially about our feelings, so the ride was a pretty quiet one. The closer we got to Hoquiam the more nervous I became.

"It's the last turn on this road," Billy said. "Make a left and it's the tall stone building."

I turned and parked in front of the apartment complex that my daughter now lived in with Billy's son. My stomach clenched as I heard Billy say my name. "Charlie, it will be fine," he said quietly. "She wants you here. That's a good thing."

I nodded, swallowing hard, and I helped Billy out of the car and into his wheelchair. I rolled him up to the doors and thankfully there was an elevator that would take us up to the second level. Once we reached that floor the first apartment was theirs and I knocked. I heard talking and rustling and when the door opened and I saw my little girl's face all I could do was reach out and pull her into a tight hug.

"Dad," she whispered against my chest.

I struggled to retain my composure. I felt her shift against me, but my arms refused to let go just yet. I didn't want to embarrass myself or her, but I needed to hold her longer. Jake was beside me then and wheeled Billy inside and I barely heard them greeting each other.

Finally I managed to pull back and look at her face. What I saw hurt me; her face was pale and drawn, even more so than usual. She looked thinner and her eyes were still too clouded with sadness for my liking. Thank God there was no zombie look, though. I brushed her hair out of her eyes and cleared my throat awkwardly.

"I'm so glad to see you," I said gruffly.

She smiled. "I'm glad to see you, too."

When I finally let her go, she went over to greet Billy and gave him a hug. She looked a little nervous and I realized she was worried about what Billy thought of her since Jake had followed her. Jake clapped me on the shoulder and I gave him a slight smile.

"You're still taking care of her, right?" I asked quietly.

"As best as I can," he said.

I nodded. "I'm grateful."

We moved into the apartment and the two of them showed us around. Bella made me put my keys away and explained about Jake's birthday present to her which was currently hiding behind the chair. I took a quick peek upstairs with Bella as Jake stayed in the living room with Billy. It was a nice place. We sat in the living room with a glass of soda provided by Bella as they told us about their jobs. Seeing them together threw things into a very clear perspective. I had always suspected strong feelings between, but it was clear Jacob was in love with my daughter. I had suspected it, but it was very obvious.

I recalled what Renee had told me when Bella and Edward visited her; that they gravitated towards each other, how one would turn and the other would move in sync. It had freaked her out and I found it strange as well. Yet I noticed in some ways it was like that with Jake and Bella. They were aware of each other without having to look. He would reach for her from behind and she would turn automatically and vice versa. It was like a root system. They were twined together mentally and emotionally and there was just a deep awareness of it. I wasn't sure how Bella felt, she was still too messed up, but I knew Jake's feelings because that was how I used to look at Renee.

We spent our morning and afternoon getting caught up, though I told Bella nothing of my searching for the Cullen's and Edward. I gave her a card that she opened along with Renee's – we had both given her money toward going to school when she was ready. She balked and said it was too much, but in the end she looked grateful and thanked which made me happy. We walked down to the pier and they showed us where they worked and then we went out to eat at a nice steakhouse.

As the four of us ate dinner together I was thrilled to be with my daughter and seeing her smile a little more, but I couldn't help worrying about how this would all turn out.

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**AN: I seem to have a thing for Jake giving Bella a pet as a present. Haha **

**Anyway, I somehow managed to get this out before Christmas! Guess that early shopping paid off. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa… whatever you may celebrate! =)**


	11. Our First Christmas

"Set down your chains  
'til only faith remains  
set down your chains  
and lend your voices  
only to sounds of freedom

oh, no longer lend your strength to that  
which you wish to be free from  
fill your lives with love and brav'ry  
and we shall lead a life uncommon"

**-Jewel "Joy: A Holiday Collection"**

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**BPOV**

It seemed hard to believe how much time had passed since we began living in the apartment as I gazed at the twinkling Christmas lights in the store while waiting to pick up Jake's gift.

Everything seemed to be moving so quickly. October had come so fast and Jake had embraced Halloween whole-heartedly and decorated the apartment with the decorative spider webs he had found. I was constantly running into them because they kept drooping to hang in the doorways. He rented scary movies, trying to freak me out. He was successful at times and I would feel his arm slip over my shoulders pulling me closer to him.

It was around Halloween that I had mentioned to Jake if he wanted to invite Quil and Embry he could. I felt bad that he really hadn't seen his friends; I knew he talked to them, but it wasn't the same.

He had been excited about that and called them. Before I knew it they had arranged for Quil and Embry to come visit over the weekend. When Saturday arrived I woke up and worked myself out from underneath Jake's arm. He mumbled and rolled over, giving me a view of his smooth back, muscles shifting under the russet skin as he moved around trying to get comfortable. I reached out without thinking about it and lightly trailed a finger down the ridges of his spine feeling my cheeks warm as I reached his lower back right above his shorts.

He gave a small sigh, starting to waken, and I hurriedly slipped out of bed. After a quick shower, I went downstairs to make breakfast for all three of them. They planned to be here in a half hour or so. I mixed a couple batches of waffles and went through two packs of bacon. I made a quick fruit salad from jars of fruit I bought and got the table set just as Jake came downstairs freshly showered and dressed.

"Bells, you didn't have to do this," he said in surprise. He looked at the food hungrily.

"I know, but I was kind of in the mood for waffles myself, so I decided I would just make more for all of you. They should be here any minute…" I trailed off as the buzzer sounded.

Jake unlocked the door and I heard a commotion in the hall right outside the door as they happily greeted each other. There was a lot of shoulder-smacking, hair-ruffling, and headlocks going on. I shook my head at their antics. It was moments like these that reminded me Jake was still a teenager. They came into the apartment, still swatting at each other, and they both greeted me amiably. It seemed a little off, though, and I bit my lip as indecision churned in my stomach.

Jake gave them a quick tour and then we sat down to eat breakfast.

They had given us the gossip from the reservation and Forks and chatting about Paul imprinting on Jake's sister Rachel. Jake's face blanched having heard that particular bit of news recently and not happy about it; he hurriedly changed the subject. They told us that Emily and Sam decided to get married in April of next year, only just learning of it the day before, so I knew Jake just hadn't gotten the call yet.

They were both polite to me, but I still felt unsure of what they were thinking. They brought their dishes over to the sink, though, thanking me for breakfast and Embry's hand rested briefly on my back.

Jake had gone upstairs for a few minutes and I had found myself face-to-face with the both of them. Both of their expressions were a bit guarded.

"So you and Jake are sharing a room?" Quil asked with no real question in his voice. His tone was calm and I wasn't sure if that was good.

"Um, yes, we are," I said quietly. "But it's not like that…"

I had trailed off as he looked up at me.

"It's not?" he inquired, keeping voice low. "It's none of my business, but Jake's our best friend. We don't want him hurt. He followed you because he's a good friend, but he loves you, too."

My voice shook as they both watched me silently. "I know Jake's feelings, and I'm trying my best not to hurt him. That's the last thing I want."

Embry couldn't quite meet my eyes. "That's fine, Bella, but just think long and hard about what you want. It's not like we expect you to be perfect or all fine and happy right away, but he left the reservation and us for you."

I held the tears back knowing they were right. I couldn't make promises, considering I knew on some level a few of the feelings I had for Jake, but also how messed up I was. It hurt a little to see them looking at me like this, judging the crazy girl who ran away from home because the pain was too much to bear.

I swallowed hard and just nodded my acknowledgement of what they said.

Embry's eyes softened and held out his arms to me with a little smile. I moved forward and felt his arms encircle me in a hug. "We _are_ glad to see you, Bella, but it was something we felt had to be said. But we made our point, and I hope you're feeling better. We were sorry to hear about what happened and that you got hurt."

"Thanks Embry," I mumbled into his chest, the strength of his hug squashing me a bit.

Quil ruffled my hair as Jake came downstairs, eyeing us suspiciously. "What's going on?"

"Just some Bella-time," Quil said wrapping his arms around me from the other side so I was sandwiched between them. Even though I knew they had been very serious I realized they were trying to lighten the mood and I couldn't help but giggle at their antics.

Jake rolled his eyes. "Sure sure, let her breathe. Bells, you coming?" he asked.

"No, you go ahead," I said taking in a big breath as they released me.

"You sure?" he asked, biting his lip.

I knew they would have been fine with that, but this was their day to spend together. So I waved them on, promising Jake I would be okay, and I spent the day getting caught up on stuff around the apartment and playing with Tinker who had adjusted to us rather nicely. It only took her a couple days to start coming up to us. She was still a little leery of other people, but she soon became the happy and loved cat she deserved to be.

I was shaken out of my reverie as the woman behind the counter handed me the framed photograph. It had turned out extremely well and I thanked her profusely and paid for Jake's gift. Once I got back to the apartment, I hid the gift.

Jake got home shortly after. "Bells, we should decorate," he said as he looked around the apartment.

I laughed. "Um, really? I didn't think either of us was that into Christmas."

He shrugged. "It's our first Christmas together in the apartment we might as well make the most of it."

I shrugged, too, though I was touched that he wanted to do this. "We don't have anything, though," I said suddenly.

He smiled. "There are a couple boxes stashed in the closet of the other bedroom; seems the Christmas fairy struck."

I rolled my eyes and he laughed. Upstairs we found a wreath, some mistletoe, ornaments and strings of lights. Jake had picked out a small tree at a nearby lot and brought it in. We got it set up and laughed as we tried to wrap the lights around the tree but ended up getting tangled in it. We managed to finish the tree and we hung the rest kind of haphazardly around.

"This was a good idea," I said as we lounged on the sofa admiring our handiwork. "Since Charlie, Renee, Phil, and Billy are coming it'll look nice for them."

I hadn't seen Charlie at Thanksgiving – it was just me and Jake – so I was glad he was coming for Christmas. It would be my mom's first visit, though she and Phil couldn't fly in until Christmas morning. Charlie and Billy were coming Christmas Eve and were going to stay over. We had decided for New Year's we would see if Jake's friends and their girlfriends wanted to come.

The next couple of weeks flew by as we kept busy with work and holiday stuff. We all exchanged little gifts at work our last work day; I came home with gift cards, condoms (which had made me blush profusely), a necklace, and a couple silly gifts. I had found earrings for the girls with little bakery items on them and for the guys I got them little to-go packets of coffee.

The next day was Christmas Eve day and we both had off work so I put Jake in charge of filling my pie shells and laying the dough on top. He also helped me make the filling so all we had to do the next day was make the vegetables and ham. Renee and Phil had an early flight so she would be able to help me.

When we finished with the food preparation, I dug out the dishes we rarely used – we were more into paper plates – and prepared to wipe them down. The time went fast and Billy and Charlie would be here soon with a few boxes of pizzas. I made some pigs-in-a-blanket and got out some veggies and dip to go with it.

Jake came bounding down the stairs with a big smile on his face.

"What's with you?" I asked with a chuckle.

"I'm in a good mood. We're going to eat soon, I'm really celebrating Christmas instead of the usual grunt and do our own thing with my dad, and I'm with my best friend," he said grabbing my hand and twirling me around in a circle.

We both laughed as I tripped over his big feet.

We heard the buzz and let Charlie and Billy in. They piled up the pizza boxes and I set the rest of the food out. Jake had lit a fire in the fireplace and we ate in the living room. Jake cleaned up for me and we all sprawled in the living room to watch some television.

"Jake," I protested as he tickled me. I knew he was trying to get me to laugh because I had been trying to keep the sad thoughts away today. The gift the Cullen's had sent me brought the painful memories to the forefront.

His fingers dug into my ribs again, and I gave a half-snort, half-giggle. I tickled him back and he sniggered. Soon we were both laughing and trying to tickle the other into submission.

"Does this bring back memories?" Billy asked dryly.

"Oh yeah, when they used to pick on each other," Charlie said with a snicker. "It seems much hasn't changed."

I rolled my eyes at Charlie and giggled as Jake gave me one last tickle. Tinker pounced onto Jake's back making us laugh more.

Tired from the burst of energy we realized it was getting pretty late, so we got Billy set up on the couch. Jake helped him get settled as Charlie followed me upstairs. I wasn't really thinking about it when I led him into the spare bedroom, the bed already made up. "You can sleep in here," I said with a yawn.

"Um, where's Jake sleeping?" Charlie asked looking confused.

I froze for a second, realizing I led myself into that one, but then shrugged. I wasn't willing to let Jake sleep elsewhere and Charlie would probably find out so I just opted for the truth.

My cheeks flushed as I mumbled, "Jake and I share a room."

Charlie's eyebrows nearly flew off his forehead. "Say what? You share a _room_? Does that mean you…" but he trailed off in embarrassment.

"Yes, we share a room, and no it isn't like that," I said quietly. "His being there keeps my nightmares away."

Charlie frowned, eyeing me closely. "Ooookay," he said drawing it out. He didn't seem fond of the idea, but he thankfully refrained from saying anything and embarrassing us further.

I let him get settled as I hurried into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

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**JPOV**

Billy was settled comfortably on the couch, looking as if he were about to pass out any minute, so I went upstairs. Bella was in the bathroom and I nearly bumped into Charlie on my way into my bedroom.

"You're sharing a bedroom with my daughter," he said his gaze hard. "I don't like it."

Surprised I glanced at the bathroom door and lowered my voice. "Charlie, it isn't like that."

"Mmhmm," he muttered. "It's not my place, but she's my little girl. I can still see how much she hurts, even if she looks better than she did. I also know how you feel about her; it's written all over your face."

I felt vaguely uncomfortable. I sighed, "I have feelings for Bella, but I'm also aware of how messed up she still is. I'm in there because she needed me and I would never…"

We were both uncomfortable now and Charlie wouldn't quite look at me.

"Fine, but know this, Jake. If you _do_ try anything and you upset her, I will come after you and make it look like an accident."

I nodded in understanding at the look of paternal anger and the need to protect his only daughter. "I get it, Charlie. We may be young, but I respect Bella."

He nodded and smiled reluctantly. "Merry Christmas, Jake."

I couldn't help but snigger at that and was rewarded with Charlie's smirk.

I got ready for bed and then slid under the covers, feeling Bella's soft, warm weight press against me. My arms wrapped around her and she slipped one silky knee over my leg and wedged her foot between mine. It was still hard – figuratively _and _literally – but I was getting better at dealing with it. I felt another little weight settle by my feet and knew the cat was settling in.

Morning came quickly and I woke with an armful of Bella. I breathed in the scent of vanilla and strawberries and gave her a little tickle which made her squirm against me. Maybe that wasn't such a hot idea.

Angling myself away from her a bit, I smoothed the tangle of her hair back. "Bells, time to get up," I said with a massive yawn. "Merry Christmas."

"Muwwy Cwifmas," she mumbled into my arm and I snickered.

She groaned and rolled over and then sat upright. "Oh crap, I need to get moving," she said. "Renee and Phil will be here soon, and I wanted to have some breakfast ready for all of us…"

"Slow down, honey," I said as she zipped around the room grabbing her clothes. "I'll help you with breakfast, okay?"

She called out thanks and disappeared into the bathroom. I got up and changed and went downstairs. My eyes widened a little when she came down. She was wearing a new skirt that fell to her knees and it was a light tan color. The top looked new, too, but I could only focus on the slight cleavage under the soft, deep blue top. My gaze shot up to her face before I could embarrass both of us.

Her cheeks were a bit flushed. "It was from the Cullen's," she said quietly. "With everything going on, I was surprised they sent anything. I talked to Alice, though, and I promised her I would wear it."

I could see talking about them hurt, and it was a nice gesture on their part while they were still searching, so I just kissed the top of her head. "You look beautiful, Bella," I said.

That was an understatement.

She smiled and thanked me. Billy was awake so I helped him up first. I was grateful we had a half-bath downstairs; it made it easier for him to do things on his own. Charlie came down and set the table while Bella and I started chopping potatoes and scrambling eggs.

Thankfully Renee and Phil showed up moments later. There were a lot of hugs and tears, mostly from Renee and directed toward Bella, but she finally calmed down enough to give me a hug. "Thank you," she whispered fervently. "I'm so glad Bella has a friend like you, Jake."

We sat down to eat breakfast while the ham cooked in the oven. Bella showed her mom and Phil around the apartment and then we all went outside so Bella could show them around the area. After our impromptu walk, our dad's and Phil settled in front of the television with football on. Renee was in the kitchen helping Bella with what would be our dinner.

Unneeded I went upstairs to wrap my gift for Bella. I decided to wait until it was just us to give it to her. As soon as dinner was prepared enough we all sat in the living room to exchange gifts. Bella and I chipped in on the gifts for our parents; Charlie got a new tackle box since his was falling apart and Billy needed a new fishing rod and they both got some lures as well and were happy as could be with that. I debated buying them some beer, but Bella nixed that idea knowing her dad wasn't aware I was in possession of fake identification.

We got Renee and Phil a nice set of binoculars and a book on birds since that was Renee's new fad – bird-watching. Phil enjoyed it, too, so they were both appropriately happy. Bella and I received some clothing and gift cards from Renee and Phil while Billy and Charlie got us a decent computer to replace Bella's dinosaur-aged one so we would have better access to the internet and getting in touch with them quicker. Tinker dive-bombed all the ribbon and wrapping paper and we all had a good laugh at her antics.

Everyone enjoyed themselves, sitting by the fire, as a few flakes began drifting down outside. Before we knew it, it was time for dinner. After we ate our fill, I nearly moaned with pleasure when Bella brought out some of the cupcakes she had made at work. Her cupcakes had quickly become my favorite dessert and she seemed to enjoy creating different kinds for me to try. These were chocolate with a dollop of cream in the middle and on the top, but she tinted it green and sprinkled crushed peppermints on top.

Charlie and Billy had to head out not long after that. Charlie had an early shift the next day and they wanted to stop by and see Sue and her kids yet before going home. They left after a round of hugs and we chatted with Renee and Phil until they decided to head up to bed. They were going to stay part of the next day with us as well.

After we went through the sleeping arrangements for a second time, I heard the spare room door close and came back downstairs to find Bella sitting by the tree, her back propped against the sofa.

"I saved my gift for you until it was just us," she said stretching her legs out in front of her.

I sat across from her, pulling her feet onto my lap, looking over as Tinker rolled around with her new catnip toy. "I did the same thing," I said. I handed her the gift I had stuck under our slightly sloppy tree.

Her little fingers deftly untied my poorly tied bow and opened it up. She smiled when she opened the box. "Oh Jake, it's so pretty," she said as she pulled out the dream catcher.

It was one of the bigger ones she could hang right by the bed. I had added my own touches to it, though. "I bought it, but added colored ribbons that are supposed to be calming in color and would remind you of the ocean and the beach and the forest. A little bit of Forks and La Push to have in our new home."

She sniffled a little and I laughed softly.

Her other gift was another wooden charm I managed to carve for her bracelet. I made a female figure to represent Bella. She held out her wrist for me and I fastened it on right next to the wolf.

"Thank you, Jake," she said reaching over and wrapping her arms around me.

She handed me my gift and I pulled the wrapping paper off. It was a framed picture and when I flipped it over I was surprised. My vision blurred as I felt little pinpricks of tears. Swallowing hard I stared down at an old photograph of me as a five-year old sitting on my mom's lap. We were in the living room on the old rocking chair, her hands holding up a picture book. Her mouth was turned up in a half-smile, her long dark hair twisted into a braid over her shoulder. I was staring up at her as she was reading, her dark eyes on mine and I could see the love in them. It pulled on every heart string as I gazed at it.

"Bells, where did you find this?" I asked clearing my throat. "We never had a camera back then. I've never had photos of my mom except the one Billy has."

"I asked Charlie," she said reaching out for my hand. "He told me to check with Renee; that she had photos of me in La Push as a child. It was a long-shot, but she searched her photos and found this one. She said she was reading to me at the same time while your mom read to you and she couldn't resist taking this picture."

I squeezed her hand, still feeling choked up. "I thought we could hang it over the fireplace," she said softly.

"Thank you, Bells. This… this really means a lot to me."

I touched my fingers to her chin, lightly tilting it up. Her milk-chocolate eyes met mine and I could see she was unsure and nervous. I knew she wasn't ready for anything, and I wasn't expecting anything from it, but I went with it anyway. I leaned over and lightly pressed my lips to hers.

She was still, but I moved my lips against hers. Her mouth moved slightly and I kissed her a little deeper. Her lips were so soft, and she tasted amazing. I cupped her face, tangling the tips of my fingers in her hair as our mouths moved. I brushed my tongue over her lower lip with a sigh and pulled away.

It wasn't a long kiss, but it was perfect. "Jake…" she said.

I smiled. "Its fine, Bella."

I leaned against the sofa next to her and she leaned into me. "Merry Christmas, Bells," I said gazing out at the snow.

"Merry Christmas, Jake."

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**AN: Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year!**


	12. A New Year's Eve Party

"Piano from a window played  
Gone tomorrow, gone yesterday  
I found it in the street  
At first I did not see  
Lying at my feet  
a trampled rose"

**-Tom Waits "Trampled Rose"**

***Quick note to say thank you to those who review, but I can't respond personally to!**

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I mixed a batch of sugar cookies, absentmindedly stirring the batter as I pondered what to do on New Year's Eve. We had decided to invite the pack up to visit, but I wasn't sure what to do or where to put them overnight. Dana solved my problem when she came bounding into the kitchen from her office.

"I can have the house!" she proclaimed and everyone in the kitchen cheered.

Confusion must have been evident on my face as Dana turned to me excitedly. "My sister owns a place at the beach in Ocean Shores. She said I can use it for New Year's Eve! We're all going. Do you, Jake, and your friends want to come, too? It's a big place."

"I don't know…" I hedged. "We're having quite a few friends coming. Plus they're all huge with appetites to match."

Dana laughed. "Well, we're all chipping in on food and an overnight stay there. As long as they can handle that it's not an issue."

I bit my lip. It sounded like a good idea, but I wanted to run it by Jake first. Dana told me to let her know as soon as I could, so as soon as I got home that afternoon I asked Jake. He gave me a resounding yes and was excited about going.

"Don't you want to ask everyone first?" I asked him.

He called everyone and it was unanimous. We were going to Ocean Shores for New Year's Eve.

New Year's Eve day Jake and I went grocery shopping to get what we needed for our overnight stay. I pushed the cart and pointed to stuff on the high shelves for him to grab. We were in charge of the snacks, so we bought some big bags of chips, boxes of crackers and cheez-whiz, pretzels, and cheese curls. Everyone was bringing drinks so we grabbed a few bottles of soda. As Jake was reaching up to grab the bottles, I couldn't help but notice how his shirt rode up to reveal a strip of the russet skin of his back.

His skin was so smooth and I had the urge to place my fingers there. After the kiss at Christmas he hadn't said anything about it and neither did I. I felt a bunch of conflicting emotions when he did it. Guilt was one of them because I had enjoyed the kiss. Fear and grief were some of the other emotions. He hadn't meant it to be serious, but I kept thinking about it and it freaked me out.

I knew I loved Jacob, but I was afraid of hurting him. How could I move on when things were still so uncertain? These thoughts had plagued me after the kiss and I was so unsure of what to do.

"Bells? You okay?"

I focused and realized Jake had turned around and was watching me watch him. Except I was no longer looking at his back…

I jerked my head up to see him raise his eyebrows, trying not to laugh. I sighed and said, "Sorry, I was thinking about what else we would need," I muttered.

"Well, I think we got everything we're supposed to bring. We should probably go so we can pack up the rest of our stuff and head out in time."

I agreed and we hurried to pay for our purchases and head home to pack. It didn't take long to get everything together. I got Tinker's food out to put extra in her dish to hold her over until the following day. I hated to leave her, but she did fine alone most of the day, so I figured it wouldn't be an issue. She did fine in the car, but in a strange house with a lot of other people… I just wasn't willing to chance it. I paid extra attention to her until it was time to leave.

Jake had given the guys' directions and we planned to meet them there. It didn't take long to get there – straight out on 109 – and we were driving through the town of Ocean City. We passed bowling alleys, a bunch of shops, and some beautiful homes until we reached the beach house that had spectacular views of the water and cliffs.

"Wow, its three stories," I said with surprise. The two upper levels had wide, wrap-around decks and it faced the Pacific Ocean.

We hauled our stuff out of the car and met up with Dana, Clarissa, Jaime, Samantha, Elijah, and Brian who had carpooled and followed each other.

We dragged our stuff up and gaped at the view from the decks. Jake whistled softly. "Damn," he said. "This is a nice place and really nice of your sister to let us stay here."

"Yeah, I love coming here," Dana said. "We've always had little vacations here for as long as I can remember. I was so glad when my sister bought a place."

We hurriedly unpacked the food and when we finished the pack had arrived with their girlfriends. Emily gave me a long hug. "I'm really glad to see you," she said. I realized she had been worried about me, and I felt bad that I hadn't tried harder to stay in touch with her.

After everyone was introduced and the food was put away, Dana divided the rooms up. She gave the couples' a room first, and then split up the solos to bunk with a friend or two. We were a little over-capacity, but everyone had brought sleeping bags and would sleep where they could. I felt strange being given a room for me and Jake because we weren't a couple, but Dana found out not long ago that we shared a room. It was a beautiful, light-colored room and had a nice-sized bed.

Everyone wanted to head outside since it was a dry day so we went out to the beach. I sat in the sand, watching the guys racing around in the sand, playing some version of tag that involved tackling.

I just shook my head and laughed as Jared tackled Paul into the sand. Chuckling, Dana and Samantha sat next to me. "Damn, all of Jake's friends are huge. And beautiful," Samantha said with a grin.

I laughed. "They're all good guys, too. They're close, like brothers."

"It's kind of painful seeing so many good-looking guys' all in one place," Dana said. "Too bad they're all a little young for me. Early twenties just don't mesh with the barely legal," she said with a giggle.

"Oh, but they'd be energetic enough to keep a girl satisfied," Samantha said leaning back on her elbows a wicked grin on her face.

"They are," I heard a voice that sounded like Emily say behind me.

They were all laughing as my cheeks warmed. My gaze strayed to Jake taking Sam down. I was becoming more aware of him, my thoughts straying into dangerous territory, and it scared the hell out of me. A part of me wanted to try, but that other part kept nagging at me that I could hurt him worse than I already had.

"I bet Jake would be a firecracker," Clarissa said as she sat with us.

I laughed, too, as if this didn't make me even more aware. I had considered sex with Edward and while I had wanted it I had never thought much about inexperience. I realized I was surrounded by women more experienced than myself, though, and I didn't want to be called out on it. Thankfully, Jake took that moment to bound over, give everyone a charming smile, and haul me up.

"Jake… what…" I started to say.

"We're done playing. Now you're going for a walk with me," he said as if I had no choice in the matter. His fingers curled around mine and we walked down the beach in silence. It was a quiet beach; wide enough to lay out in the summer and swim, but it was still a bit on the wilder side. The waves were tumultuous, the dunes high, and a breeze whipped a little salty spray toward us as my hair waved in a banner behind me.

"It's so quiet here," I said idly.

He smiled. "It reminds me of First Beach."

I swallowed hard. "Jake? Do you miss being in La Push?"

He pondered that for a bit, coming to a stop and picking up a rock and skipping it out over the choppy water. "I do, in a way. I miss the guys' and my dad, but I also go back now and again to see them. I like being in Hoquiam, too, with you. As long as I can see them sometimes its fine," he said giving my hand a squeeze.

"I do, too," I admitted. "I… it's still too hard to think about going back yet, though."

He nodded. We were both quiet as he slipped an arm around my waist and we watched the gulls swoop low over the water searching for fish. Finally he turned to me with a sly smile.

He swooped me up and darted toward the water, making me squeal in surprise and throw my arms around his neck. "Jake, don't you dare," I warned.

He chuckled and lowered me right near the water's edge. He offered me a piggy-back ride and I couldn't help laughing as he darted all over the beach as we headed back. A little dizzy, I slipped down to find everyone anxious to eat. There was a grill on the deck of the house so the guys' started grilling burgers and hot dogs while the rest of us dumped the snacks into bowls and got out the salads and side dishes.

I noticed a few of the people I worked with drinking beer or wine. Dana leaned over to me at one point, looking a little worried. "Bella? Do your friends drink?"

"I don't think any of them are big into drinking," I said truthfully.

"Okay. I mean, we bought some champagne to toast, and obviously some other drinks but we didn't go too crazy because I knew there would be underage here as well. I mean, I'm okay with a beer or two or a glass of wine if they want something, but I don't want to get in trouble…"

I agreed with her. "I'll mention it to Jake," I said. "I doubt it will be an issue."

The night wore on, music playing in the background, as everyone laughed and chatted. A couple of the guys' had a beer or two, but everyone seemed fine with soda so there weren't any problems. Everyone moved out onto the cold beach again to play charades; I couldn't remember laughing this much as I watched Quil mime mooing like a cow.

I went back into the house for a little quiet, and I gave a squeak of surprise as I nearly bumped into the sofa and saw Jamie and Brian making out on it. "I… I'm sorry," I muttered. "I was just… leaving…"

"Its okay, Bella," Brian said with a soft chuckle. I smiled a little spastically.

"It's almost midnight, isn't it? We should probably get back out there," Jamie said. Brian stood and taking Jamie's hand pulled her up into his arms. Feeling out of place I watched them exchange a quick kiss and head back out to the beach.

Feeling a little pang of loneliness, I decided to try a little champagne. I remembered my wine drinking all too clearly, so I poured less than half a glass. I took an experimental sip; it tasted good, but I refrained from drinking too fast. The only sound in the house was the soft hum of the heat and the ticking of the clock.

As I stood in the kitchen – which was pitch dark and quiet – I couldn't hear him, but I felt Jake's heat at my back. I swallowed hard, unsure of what I wanted.

"Champagne Bells?" he said quietly. "Just don't over-do it; I don't want to be cleaning up after you," he teased me.

I turned around and he was right there. We both glanced over at the clock and it was three minutes until midnight. The minutes ticked by and when it struck twelve we heard a loud cheer rise outside and we both laughed. He tapped his one and only beer against my glass and we both took a sip.

"Happy New Year," he said. He set my glass down and pulled me up into his arms in a big hug.

"Happy New Year," I said wrapping my arms around his neck.

I felt his lips press against my cheek and somehow when I pulled back his lips had slid from my cheek to my mouth. We both paused, our breath whispering softly against each other's lips. He kissed my lower lip lightly, and I felt a tickle along my spine.

I cleared my throat and he lowered me back to the floor. Everyone came barreling inside and I was swept away from Jake into numerous hugs that ranged from the standard to the bone-crushing hugs. My champagne flute was pushed back into my hands and was refilled. I now had a little over a half glass, but I knew I was done when I felt the slight hint of spinning in my head.

Everyone seemed to be winding down anyway, so I took the opportunity to slip into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I crawled into bed, drained and a tad fuzzy. I was almost asleep when I felt Jake slide into bed with me.

"Please tell me you aren't going to barf in the morning."

That set off a wave of giggles.

"No, I don't think it's quite that bad," I said. I rolled over and draped my upper half over his.

Comfortable and content I soon drifted off to sleep.

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APOV:

_The lights twinkled on the Christmas tree, bright and perfectly color-coordinated with the shiny silver and gold ornaments. Presents were wrapped and piled up underneath. The garland lined the steps leading upstairs, twisted gracefully around. We didn't eat like humans did, but Esme and I certainly enjoyed setting a nice table full of the best china we had._

_ My dress criss-crossed over my chest, emphasizing the cleavage I had, only to fall gracefully down my body and hug it in all the right places. I loved the feel of silk and satin from high-end boutiques. It wasn't to show how rich we were; it was just to enjoy the beauty of perfect fabric against my skin, the perfect look of gleaming china against a backdrop of a beautiful home. I barely remembered living in an asylum, being turned into a vampire, but I felt the urge to surround myself and my family in beauty to make up for all the ugliness from before. _

_ Emmett and Rose were upstairs keeping each other occupied with hands and mouths, while Carlisle and Esme smiled affectionately at my need to beautify and helped me. Jasper, my true love, was nearby ready to help me if I needed it. Edward, my closest brother, was teasing and annoying me about my obsession of making things just so._

_ Edward sat down to play the piano, the swell of the music soft and lilting. Jasper took my hand, kissing the back of it._

_ "It looks lovely, darling," he said wrapping an arm around me._

_ The perfect New Year's Eve party faded into black nothingness._

I blinked, trying hard to focus in the dark Huarango forest of Peru, as I perched on the stump of a long-dead tree. The forest had gone through centuries of deforestation and was now near extinction as a natural ecosystem.

My mind was invaded with thoughts of New Year's Eve's past; they kept creeping in, haunting me with how my whole family was together. This New Year's Eve found me and my family - minus my beloved brother - crouching in the forests hunting for food. We tried to stay inconspicuous only staying in actual homes or hotels occasionally.

I closed my eyes, trying to stretch my mind, to will a vision of Edward to come. I missed him beyond words, as did everyone, and the lack of easy-to-track visions as of late were frustrating. I felt useless for the first time in a long time.

I felt Jasper's presence behind me, and I turned into his embrace needing the feel of him against me. He wound his arms around me. "Alice, are you okay?" he asked.

"It's nothing different than what we've all been feeling," I said resting my head on his chest.

I heard Rose and Emmett's footfalls as they ran back from their hunt. It was still a shock to see Emmett's normally laughing expression gone - in place of it a hard mask. "Anything?" he asked me. They had been asking me relentlessly as if I wouldn't tell them immediately.

I shook my head, feeling that urge to cry, but never having the satisfaction of actually doing so. It was an agony all in itself.

"Dammit! Why the hell not?"

Jasper snarled in warning, his eyes fixed on Emmett.

"Sorry," he said to me with a sigh. "I just..."

"Miss him," I supplied quietly. "I know. We all do. I don't understand, but I keep trying."

Jasper kissed my forehead and we just stood there, arms around each other for support, the weight of how long we had been searching pulling all of us down.

We heard Carlisle and Esme returning and turned expectantly to hear what they found out.

"Chief Swan is much more determined than I gave him credit for," Carlisle admitted. "His searching has extended to different countries. There was talk of a family searching for their son with some description. I don't think it's anything that can really pin us down, but we need to be even more careful."

I knew Charlie loved Bella, but I had no idea the lengths he would go to find the family that ultimately destroyed her yet again - unintentionally or not. I pursed my lips, feeling the sadness of losing Edward and having to leave Bella. She was a sister to me, and I loved her.

"How _is_ Bella?" Esme asked softly reading me clearly.

I swallowed hard, remembering the visions of too frequent crying jags she would have, only for her to disappear from my sight when Jacob went to comfort her. The few I had of her more recently were better; she'd occasionally have a smile on her face or would laugh, and she apparently enjoyed baking a lot since she always looked content at work. She was also making some new friends. The sadness never quite left, though, and I could see it too clearly sometimes.

"She's...improving. She gets set back sometimes. She often seems sad and quiet, but I've seen her laugh and smile as well."

Esme sighed. "I'm glad. I've been worried about her."

Everyone agreed unanimously on that. We all knew that there would be a difficult conversation coming up, something we had agreed on in another conversation, but I was taken from that worry right into a vision. I stared off into space as the images came.

_Edward's back was bare, his head stooped as he moved along in an almost shuffling motion. There was no coiled tension, just a simple acquiescence in the lines of his body. _

_The sun was bright overhead, but he moved in the shadows. His purpose was unclear. Sounds of nearby laughter and merriment wended its way through the area and a very brief glimpse of his face showed no emotion. Then the faces of Caius and Marcus appeared, cold smiles stretching their mouths grotesquely. _

"Alice?" Jasper's hands were cradling my face as he crouched in front of me.

My eyes slowly focused on him and I rested my forehead against his.

"A cobble stone pavement," I mumbled. "Bright sun, a lack of emotion, and the sound of laughter."

They all looked at each other, confused by my ramblings. It was something I was used to. Frowning, I tried to recall more details, but it was hard to move past the expressionless look on Edward's face.

I explained what I saw, and we all stared at each other in confusion, but elated that he hadn't been destroyed. "They've gone to great lengths to keep us confused," Carlisle murmured. "They couldn't have taken him back to Volterra, could they?"

"The cobble stone streets did remind me of that," I said.

"And there is a festival going on now, isn't there?" Rose asked.

We all pondered that. "We should get in touch with the rest of the covens willing to help," Esme said.

Carlisle nodded. "The Denali's are helping and the Irish coven as well, but we need more. We'll have to travel. We'll ask them to pass the word that we need them so we're not taking too much time out of where we need to go."

A breeze blew the scent of humans nearby, so we had to relocate. As we ran, the trees barely rustling as we flew past, I couldn't help but fear for Edward. He was still unharmed physically, but I had no idea of what was happening, why he looked so blank. It scared me more than anything.

The soft sounds of the Pacific Ocean and the chattering of animals were left behind as we left the dark Huarango forest. I knew Edward wouldn't have deserted us, but we had to figure out what happened to him and why he didn't come home. My worry for Bella was strong, too. I was glad Jacob was with her, to help her through the past months and to be what she needed him to be. I wasn't looking forward to the call I would soon have to make, but deep down I knew it was for the best even if it hurt.

This was going to be a damn long search, but come hell or high water, I would find Edward and we would destroy whoever took him.

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**AN: First time doing a Cullen POV… so hopefully that turned out well. **

**There IS a Huarango forest in Peru by the way… and deforestation has been going on a long time there in case you're curious. **

**House I found for NYE in Ocean Shores: ****http:/www[dot]oceanbeachfronthomes[dot]com/champagne[dot]html**** (actual rental property). And the headquarters for the Quinault Nation (a federation of seven tribes including Quileute) is in Taholah, which isn't far from Ocean Shores. Random fact.**


	13. Too Much to Bear

All I have, all I need

He's the air I would kill to breathe

Holds my love, in his hands

Still I'm searching for something

Out of breath,

I am left hoping someday

I'll breathe again,

I'll breathe again

**Sara Bareilles - "Breathe Again"**

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**BPOV**

"Bella, he's here again," Samantha said coming up behind me.

"I _told_ her he's interested. Why else would he come in every day she's here and stare at her?"

"At least it isn't a creepy stare."

"He just likes to peek into the kitchen to see how she stirs things, how she kneads the pie dough…"

I rolled my eyes as everyone laughed and continued discussing what had piqued his interest. I knew his first name was Brandon and that he came in on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday – days I was pretty much guaranteed to work. He always asked for a cinnamon roll and the breakfast blend coffee when he came in the morning before work… or maybe school. I wasn't sure, though he did seem as if he were older than me. I could see the shy glances out of the corner of my eye, but I always shied away from really talking to him.

They practically shoved me out of the kitchen to wait on him. With an inward sigh, I went over to take his order even if I knew already what it was going to be. While he ordered and I got it together, I really looked at him. He was a nice-looking guy. He had short light brown hair that curled a little at his neck. He had blue eyes, freckles, and a nice smile.

I handed him his coffee and the bagged cinnamon roll. "Thanks Isabella," he said with a slight smile.

Surprised, I stared at him. "How did you know my name?" I asked before I could stop myself.

His smile widened a little as he pointed to my chest. Confused, I glanced down and then felt the usual heat in my cheeks as I realized he read my name tag. After he left, I went back into the kitchen where they were all sniggering at me.

"Shut up," I muttered even as I felt a giggle coming on myself.

The morning and afternoon passed quickly and when I got home I took the casserole out of the fridge that I had prepared before work. Once in the oven, I started making Jake's birthday cake. It was a layered chocolate cake with butter cream frosting. I decorated it with the new baking tools I had bought recently. I smiled at the finished product – a slightly raised image of a wolf's head and a moon. I wrote _Happy Birthday, Jake_ on it and stored it in the back of the refrigerator in a box so Jake wouldn't see it.

The evening passed uneventfully even though I had been feeling a prickle of unease the past few days. I curled into Jake that night trying to shake the feeling; the heat of his body against mine lulled me to sleep before I could ponder why I was feeling like this.

The next day was my shorter day at work so when I got home that afternoon I wrapped Jake's present. I had bought him a kit with a few different wood-carving tools in it. He was home earlier, too, and spent most of the time hanging over my shoulder as I made a couple pans of lasagna. It was one of the first things I had cooked back in Forks that he had eaten – and it had quickly become his favorite.

"Careful Jake or you're going to start drooling on my shoulder," I said dryly.

He sniggered. "I can't help it. It smells so damn good."

I put him charge of ripping lettuce for a salad so he was out of my way. Jake ate with gusto when it was done, and I smirked at his enthusiasm. I poked him in the calf with my toe. "The food isn't suddenly going to run off," I told him as he paused mid-inhale.

He smiled. "It's hard to slow down; it's that good."

I smiled as well pleased he enjoyed it so much. If I thought he enjoyed dinner, his eyes nearly bugged out when he saw his birthday cake. He bounced like a little kid and I started laughing at him. He cut into it and took a huge chunk. I took a more modest-size and we sprawled on the couch. He opened his gift and gave me a bone-crushing hug in thanks. I could tell he was excited to begin wood-working again. We put the movie in that I let him pick out from the video rental nearby. The last thing I remembered was the feeling of being carried up the stairs as my eyes fluttered open and shut again.

"Is the movie over?" I mumbled.

He chuckled. "Yeah, you almost made it. It's been a long day, so it's off to bed we go."

"Night Jake," I murmured as he lowered me onto the bed and pulled the covers up.

The next few days I had the strange impending sense of unease again. I realized why when my cell phone rang in the middle of my day off. It was Alice. My hand shook as I lifted the phone to my ear. Staring out the window at the mildly bright day, I whispered, "Alice?"

"Bella," she said in her clear voice. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, her tone was too calm.

We were both quiet, and I closed my eyes. I didn't know what to say.

"W-where are you?" I managed to utter.

She sighed quietly. "We're on a plane to Italy."

"Do you have a lead?" I asked.

"Not necessarily a lead…" she said trailing off. "My last vision was of him lying down. It was hard to tell..." she paused again and my heart banged against my chest.

"Is… is he…"

The grief in her voice had me closing my eyes. "I don't think so, Bella. We would know. The vision I had before this one showed him walking in the shadows. It was reminiscent of Volterra, so we're heading back there to see if we can find anything out."

I leaned against the wall for support. "That's only part of what you want to tell me, isn't it?" I asked. I stared sightlessly out the window.

It was quiet again for a couple minutes. I wanted her to just say it and get it over with, like ripping a band-aid off instead of peeling it slowly. She finally sighed softly and began to speak.

"Bella, we talked about it, and we decided we can't keep calling you…"

Immediately I panicked. "What? You have to call me and let me know what happens," I gasped.

"Bella, just hear me out. I – we – can't keep doing this to you. I've seen you after one of my phone calls; I can see how much it hurts you to keep being reminded of what happened."

A tear trickled down my cheek. "But Alice… you can't just…" my voice broke.

"Bella, we love you," she said her voice shaking. "But I'm being selfish by hurting you continuously with no real news and it isn't fair. I'm not saying we'll never talk again, but you need to live your life and move on."

"Move on?" I asked shakily. I paced the living room, my hand aching as I gripped the phone. "I was engaged to him, how is it fair to give up on him?"

"It's not giving up on him," she replied. "We will tell you the outcome, but I don't know how long this will last, Bella. I truly believe Edward wouldn't want this kind of a life for you. I know you're doing better and maybe I'm making it worse right now, but I need you to know this. We want you to do what you want and if it that includes dating that's okay."

A few more tears spilled over and down my cheeks. I had been doing better; I was stronger than I had been, but to hear her say this hurt.

We both ignored the elephant in the room until she finally said it. "I know Jacob loves you and you him, Bella…"

The guilt gnawed away at me, and I felt almost physically sick. I thought of Jacob often in a lot of ways, I knew I loved him, but could I do this and possibly hurt him again if it didn't work? He deserved so much, but how could I offer myself when nothing was certain. I was scared of so many things and I felt myself floundering.

"Alice…"

"Bella, we just want you to be happy," she said thickly. I closed my eyes, my mind flashing images of Alice's spiky hair and laughter, of Edward's bronze hair and half-smile, and of Jacob's healing touch and warm eyes.

"Bella, you are my sister no matter what," she said. "But I need you to live for us, okay? I promise this won't be the last time you hear from me, it just won't be for awhile so you can truly begin to heal. You know I'll get a hold of you when the time is right."

I cried openly then, gasping, but I knew she was right. She had to be. I loved Edward, but I had to release the past and live my life. _When_ he came back we would deal with it then. Alice was crying in her own way, I could hear her gasping, even if there would be no tears.

"I love you, Bella," she said. "The whole family does. They give their love to you."

"I love you, too. I love all of you," I murmured. After she hung up, I continued holding the phone to my ear as another fissure was formed on my heart. It could heal, but right now I just sank to the floor, bent over my knees, and cried.

########################################################################

**JPOV**

I ran through a few more checks on the car we had just put back together to make sure everything was done and in proper order.

"Nice work, Jake!" Todd said giving me a slap on the back. I smiled down at the top of his head and saw slightly thinning hair before he looked up at me.

"You're really got a knack for this, and you're a good worker. Keep it up," he said cheerfully.

"Thanks Todd," I replied.

I went back into the locker room - of sorts - to change. As I did so, I heard the guys chatting about the woman Todd had just hired pretty recently to do the office work. I had met her briefly, saw her a few times, but otherwise didn't really know much about her. Apparently she was popular with the guys' – she could hold her own in a conversation and was very pretty.

With a casual wave to them, I headed into the office to pick up my paycheck. Lindsay was there at her desk, tapping at the computer. She glanced up and gave me a big smile. "Hi Jake," she said reaching into the drawer and extracting an envelope.

"So I haven't really had a chance to talk to you yet," she said with friendly ease.

Surprised at her forward approach, but pleased, I gave her a grin. "I'm not much for office gossip," I teased her.

She chuckled. "Neither am I, but I do like to get to know who I work with. And I get the impression I'm closer in age to you than the other guys which is nice."

As she talked I really took her in for the first time. She had shoulder-length light brown hair with blonde streaks in it. Her eyes were a bright blue and she had a big smile that lit up her face. When she stood I could see she was the willow-y type, but it was obvious she was athletic in the way she moved as she came around the desk.

I realized she had asked me a question and it took me a minute to process. "Oh, I'm, um, twenty-two," I said stumbling a little. I had to be careful about slipping up.

"Oh good, we are pretty close. I'm nineteen."

She mentioned she heard that I lived with someone and casually asked me if I was dating her. The relationship between me and Bella was confusing at best. I could never begin to explain my feelings for her, so I kept it simple.

"Yes, I live with a friend from home - Bella. She's my best friend," I said.

She cocked her head to the side, her blond ponytail falling over her shoulder. "Best friend, huh?" I could tell she was fishing for some more information, but I wasn't inclined to give anymore.

I just nodded and we chatted for a few more minutes as I tried not to slip-up again before heading for home. "See you tomorrow, Jake," she said with a grin. "I'll try to have some gossip for you."

I snickered and shook my head.

When I got home, I opened the door. No food smells wafted from the kitchen as I peeked into the living room. She wasn't downstairs, so I went up the steps. Bella was standing in our room, at the window, just gazing out. Just seeing her made me forget Lindsay.

"Bells?" I said a bit worried.

She gave a small sigh and turned. My heart sank as I saw the tear tracks on her cheeks. She wasn't crying, but she had been. Her soft brown eyes were still kind of red and her skin looked a little blotchy. Her face just looked… bleak.

"What happened?" I murmured going over to her. "Did you get another call from Alice?" Her call usually made Bella weepy, but she seemed different this time and that worried me. Was there more to the call this time? She let me wrap my arms around her and she rested her head briefly on my chest.

"Yes. She isn't going to call me anymore. She told me they loved me, but I need to move on because they aren't sure…" Her voice cracked and she stopped.

I took a deep breath. It was about time Alice released her from her hold – and even though it had taken awhile I was glad she had the foresight to see this was hurting Bella by keeping in contact. It was probably for the best that she did this, but I could tell Bella wasn't feeling quite the same.

She walked out of the room and went back downstairs. I followed her to see her methodically pulling a pizza out of the freezer and turning the oven on. I took her hand and led her into the living room. She perched on the sofa, not meeting my eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"What are you sorry for?" I asked confused.

She shrugged a little. "I'm sorry for pretty much everything; for hurting you before, continuing to hurt you, for making you deal with this, for making you leave home and your dad, your friends…"

I put my finger against her lips. "Bella, you aren't the only one making these choices. I chose to come here, to help you, so don't give me that."

She laid her head back on the sofa and haltingly told me what happened. She explained how they hated to do this, but they didn't want to hurt her anymore. They weren't sure if – no _when_ – they would find Edward. Alice had said that Edward wouldn't want her to hold back on a life she could have when things were so uncertain.

Apparently the Cullen's had gone back to Volterra – something that brought hard memories for me – on a vision of Alice's that made her decide they should go there and start fresh.

When she finished, I gazed at her. She looked so beaten and unsure of everything I wasn't even sure what to say. I found her hand and wound my fingers with hers. She had come such a long way and to see this again worried me. We just stayed on the sofa, silent, until the timer on the oven dinged letting us know the pizza was done. After we ate, she went upstairs.

I left her alone for awhile, but when I went up to bed I found her laying on her back just staring up at the ceiling. When I lay down next to her, I turned on my side facing her.

"Bells?"

"Hmm?" she murmured. She glanced over at me, eyes still a little red and swollen.

My mind circled back to the part where she said Alice told her she should move on. I couldn't help wondering at that, but I knew she wasn't ready for anything serious even if we had sort of been nudging in that direction.

I didn't say anything, I just took her cold hand in mine and we lay there in silence until sleep overtook us.

########################################################################

The next week passed slowly with Bella being rather quiet. I wasn't sure what was going on until that Friday she came in looking uncomfortable. She was twitchy and wouldn't meet my eyes. I started to feel kind of nervous just watching her.

"Bella, what's going on?" I finally asked.

She froze, her cheeks turning pink. "Um…"

I waited until she finally glanced down at the table. "I… um, I have a…date," she mumbled.

What I had been expecting her to say I had no idea, but it wasn't that. I felt a flash of hot and cold, feeling sadness and anger creeping up on me. Taking deep breaths, I tried to calm down.

"What?" I asked wondering if I misheard her.

"It kind of just… happened," she whispered. "This guy that comes into the bakery every couple days he just asked me and I didn't know what to do and I said yes."

I turned away from her, closing my eyes. I loved her and she knew that. She also loved me, so I was confused. No words came to mind, though; I wasn't sure how to react.

"Jake, I…" she faltered. "I think I have to try this with someone else. I know that sounds stupid and horrible. I didn't plan this, but you mean too much to me and I'm so broken I'm scared I'll end up hurting you more, and I just can't do that. I want you to be with someone who isn't a mess, someone great because that's what you deserve. Maybe if this goes okay, though, and when I get better we can try. I just want to make sure…"

I turned around to face her and she winced. I wasn't sure what the expression on my face was, but apparently it wasn't great. "Bella, do you know how much I love you?" It was all I could think to say.

Tears trickled down her cheeks. "I do, Jake."

"Then why? I mean, we've been getting closer. I didn't intend to try anything because of what happened, but you know how easy it is between us. Why on earth would you think this is the right choice? I know you love me," I said my voice gradually getting louder and coming out in an angry growl.

She sniffled, her lips twisting. "I do love you. I just can't in good conscience try this with you first. If something goes wrong, it could ruin what we have. I'm not saying we can't try, but I want to make sure I can do this…"

I just shook my head at the idea.

I moved toward her, intent on showing her. Her eyes widened and once I had twisted my fingers in her hair, I glanced down into the brown eyes I loved so much and everything deflated. I was a little too rough and her eyes showed confusion, attraction, grief, and love. It was too much.

I backed away from her.

"Jake, please understand," she whispered. "I'm tired of hurting everyone I love, and I know I'm doing it now, but like I said this is just casual. I don't know if I have it in me right now to be in a serious… relationship…" she faltered again and I could see her hands shaking.

"With you it has to be serious," she concluded. "So I need to wait and see how this goes…"

It was some form of messed-up logic. In some ways I understood where she was coming from, but I also knew that love was worth the risk. Hurt and anger warred with pity and understanding. Anger won out a little bit as I realized I could try dating, too. It might help her come to understand just how it felt and realize what she truly wanted.

"Fine Bella," I said my voice sounding cool to my own ears. "If that's what you want."

"Jake…" she pleaded reaching out for me.

I flinched when she touched my arm and more tears dripped down her cheeks. "Did I ruin everything?" she mumbled. Her mouth was shaking and fear was in her eyes and yet I still wanted to comfort her.

"Not everything," I sighed. I was angry, but I wasn't going to say something hurtful. It had been too easy to do that before, but things were different; _I _was different. I just couldn't do that anymore. "Just… I don't want to talk about it. I'm not interested in hashing this out right now."

She nodded and I went upstairs. I needed to go outside for a little bit or talk to somebody else or something. I yanked my shoes on and went back down.

"Where are you going?" Her voice rose in worry and panic.

"I'm just clearing my head," I said. I needed to relax. "I'll be back," I said quietly. I had to reassure her because I loved her too damn much.

She sat on the sofa, her face in her hands. I heard her soft crying as I walked outside into the fresh air.

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**AN: Before you possibly yell at me, bear with me okay? I'm doing my best in sticking with canon, so I don't think Bella would run into Jake's arms upon receiving this news. She's definitely aware – to some point – of her love for Jake. As she says, she was hit pretty hard by the cutting off (temporarily) of the Cullens' so she's not making the smartest choices (so like Bella). She's scared of her feelings for Jake, she IS pretty messed up, and she doesn't know what the future holds and thinks this is better for him in the long run until she comes to terms.**

**Don't worry too much… I'm definitely J/B and this might be just what Bella needs. Dating others will cause, uh, emotions to run high and thus get more satisfying results. Haha. I promise not to torture you for too long! It's pretty typical, I think, to take a couple steps forward yet take a step back in love… we aren't always too smart when it comes to that. =)**


	14. The First Date Jitters

You don't want to hurt me,  
But see how deep the bullet lies.  
Unaware,

I'm tearing you asunder.  
Ooh,

there is thunder in our hearts.

**Placebo – "Running Up That Hill"**

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**BPOV**

It was the night of my date, and I was a complete mess. I had just gotten out of the shower and was looking in the mirror and it wasn't a good sight. My eyes were still blood-shot, I had dark circles under them, and my mouth couldn't seem to stop trembling. Swallowing hard, I began the arduous task of drying my long, brown hair. My eyes watered yet again as I recalled what had happened the day before.

Had I done the right thing?

I had hurt Jake which was the last thing I ever wanted to do, even if it was inevitable. I loved him, but if we weren't good for the one we loved, wasn't it right to release them to find someone who wasn't so damaged?

I thought of the kiss at Christmas and the tears slipped down my cheeks. I had tried, and I wanted it, and one day…

But for now I had to see if I could even do this without destroying myself or someone else in the process. It wasn't fair to Brandon, but when he had asked me out, I had seen the nice guy inside and agreed before I could really process it. If this went okay tonight, if he wanted to go out with the girl who had trouble smiling properly, I would have to tell him this could be casual only.

I finished drying my hair and went into the bedroom. The bedroom I shared with Jake. I swallowed hard, managing to succeed in not crying this time even though that's all I wanted to do, and got dressed in a pair of jeans and a blue blouse. I secured my hair back with a clip and put some lip gloss on. It was all I had in me to do as I sat on the bed, my face in my hands, continuing to recall last night. When Jake had come back inside, I felt sick to my stomach with what happened.

He didn't speak, and I didn't fault him that. I sat on the sofa, staring sightlessly at the television as he turned it on and seemed to act like it was any other night. His face had been tight, though, his dark eyes blank. It broke my heart and I almost caved, wanting to beg him to smile and tell him that I would be with him, even if in the long run I could easily break _his_ heart so much worse than I already had. I was a destructive bomb in his life and I hated myself for that.

I had fallen asleep on the sofa out of exhaustion and when I woke up it was the middle of the night and I was still on the sofa. The loss of lying next to Jake in bed hit me kind of hard, but I realized I had a blanket covering me, and I bit my lip trying not to cry yet again. He was fast asleep in the armchair, and I felt guilt and a tinge of hope that he didn't now hate me.

Jake was working late tonight, for which I was grateful, when I heard the buzzer. There was no way I could hurt him even worse by having Brandon show up here while Jake was here. Downstairs, I opened the door and gave a small smile as Brandon stood there, dressed in khakis and a button-down shirt. He was very neatly pressed.

"Hi Isabella," he said with a smile.

"Hi Brandon," I replied. "You can call me Bella, by the way."

"Okay… Bella. You ready?" he asked.

We headed down the steps and outside to his car. He told me about going to school at Gray's Harbor College and that he worked in the bookstore there. I told him where I worked and that I chose to work full-time for awhile before going to college, but thankfully he didn't ask too many questions and I could just sit and listen.

We arrived at the theater just in time for the movie to start. The movie was the standard romance/comedy which made me feel awkward – if it was Jake we would have been making fun of it – and I didn't want to reveal my weird penchant for now going to horror movies. When the movie was over, he was perfectly polite in holding the door for me, helping me with my coat, and asking me if I would like to stop at a small café nearby.

I agreed and found myself sitting across from him at a really cute café that had green and blue-striped awnings over the windows and local artists' paintings framed on the wall.

He ordered a coffee and I got a cup of tea. He told me their individual red velvet cakes were really good, so I told him I would try it if he wanted to order it. After the waitress plunked down my cup of hot water and his coffee, the awkward silence fell over us, and I didn't know what to do other than rip open the top of my green tea and dunk it in the water. I squirted a little honey in it and bit my lip, finally looking up at him.

He had a peculiar expression on his face. "Bella, are you okay?" he asked.

I stared at him in confusion.

He looked a little embarrassed as he said, "I don't mean to pry, but I noticed you seemed a bit… well… sad when I would come in the bakery. You seem like that now."

I felt my cheeks redden; I was officially mortified now. I was used to Jake seeing my blush all the time, but in front of someone else it wasn't as funny.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to embarrass you…"

Now that everything was out in the air, I tried to shrug it off and gave him a little smile. "I can't stand that I blush so easily," I said. He chuckled and I felt a little better. "And I didn't mean to make you think I wasn't having a nice time. It's just… a few things happened the past seven months or so and it hasn't been… easy…" I trailed off not really wanting to discuss this.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a downer," I said hastily trying to cover the depressing turn. Not the best thing for a first date. "I'm doing fine."

His brow wrinkled. "Okay. If you want to talk about it some time you can." He smiled at me.

I thanked him and quickly changed the subject. I tried the dessert which was very good, but he proclaimed the bakery I worked at to have even better desserts which was nice of him. The conversation went a little better after that and we finished our drinks and he drove me home.

My heart gave a thump as I saw the Rabbit parked in its usual spot. Once he parked, he turned to me. "Want me to walk you up?"

"Oh, um… no, that's okay…" I said quickly.

He gave me a curious look. "Do you live with someone?" he asked randomly.

Caught off guard, I stared up at our window, wondering what Jake was doing. "Yes," I said quietly. "My best friend from home; he moved in with me to help me out."

He looked a little surprised. "Oh. Well that's good you aren't alone."

Just when I was beginning to feel awkward again, he smiled. "I had a nice time tonight, Bella."

I looked over at him. "Thanks for tonight, Brandon. I had a nice time, too." Then I was caught off guard when he leaned over and brushed his lips against my cheek. I was really glad he kept it safe and simple and afterward I slid out of the car with a wave, anxious to be inside.

Jake was sprawled on the sofa watching television, looking worn and I felt a small squeeze in my chest. His eyes met mine and we watched each other silently for a moment. "Hi Jake," I said my voice barely a whisper.

"Hey Bells," he murmured.

I got out the leftover hamburger in the fridge, feeling a little hungry. I automatically made one for Jake and took it to him. He glanced up at me. "Thanks," he said.

After I ate, I went upstairs to get ready for bed. I could hear Jake downstairs raiding the fridge again as I changed into my pajamas and slid under the covers. A little tear slipped loose and all I wanted was to feel him next to me, but I couldn't ask that of him.

Turning on my side, I drifted off, my hand stretched out over his side. My dreams were a confusing mix of seeing Edward disappear and Jake's beautiful face moving away from me. I woke briefly, hours later, crying in my sleep. I hated what I had become. I was by myself, but I saw the door open and Jake came in. He didn't say anything, he didn't hold me, but he lay down next to me and his presence calmed me.

"You don't have to," I whispered. I wanted it; I wanted….but I couldn't ask.

"Go to sleep," he said his voice a mixture of uncertainty and gentleness.

I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

########################################################################

**JPOV**

I tried to burn off my restless energy at work, working hard and doing as much as I could. After awhile I realized I was going to have to be a little more careful. Some of the guys' were eyeing me strangely and I realized I was lifting machinery that typically needed more than one guy to do so.

My mind remained a blank as long as I was busy, but once work was over, I didn't know what to do. Bella was… out, and I didn't want to go home yet. Thankfully, my co-workers saved me and asked if I wanted to play some basketball with them at a nearby court they used. I agreed eagerly, ready to burn off some more energy. I changed into a t-shirt and shorts, and we walked over to the gym next door.

We played a warm-up game, and I had to laugh as they clamored over who got me on their team. As the tallest one there, I was apparently a hot commodity. I wasn't really into basketball, but I knew the rules, and I didn't seem to have too much of a problem snapping the ball into the net. My feet pounded the court as I spun away from, dribbled, and launched the ball. It was a good mindless game and I scored a lot. My last shot smashed the backboard and rattled it so hard I was worried I'd broken it.

"Holy shit, Jake," Matt gasped leaning over with his hands on his knees. "You're like fucking Superman or something."

"Or like a 6'5" giant with gorilla arms," Justin said shaking his head.

I couldn't help laughing until I heard a cough behind me. We all turned and my eyes widened with surprise. Lindsay stood there clad in a plain green t-shirt and black sweatpants, her hair back in a ponytail sort of knot… thing. "So, you can't invite the new girl to play?" She had a little smile on her lips.

The guys' seemed surprised, but I smiled. "You want to play?"

"Duh," she teased.

I tossed her the ball and she caught it smoothly, moving into a dribble. "All right, new girl, show us what you got," Justin said with a smirk.

"It's Lindsay," she said and spun by him in a fast maneuver that left him lurching at mid-air as she sailed the ball into the net.

I started laughing. "Nice moves, Justin," I said. "She schooled _you._" Giving Lindsay a high-five, we began another game.

She played on Matt and Leon's team, while Justin and I paired up. It was a good game, and I was caught off-guard at how fast she actually was. I had tempered my speed and strength a bit, but I couldn't help showing off. It wasn't bragging if I truly was faster, stronger, and taller than her and the guys' right? She surprised me a couple times by darting under and around, but I pulled us ahead. We played until twenty-one, and the final scored was 21-18.

"Damn, you're really good," Matt said slinging an arm over her shoulders. "But apparently no matter how good we are we can't beat Superman here."

Justin reached up to clap me on the shoulder. "Dude, you're lethal. And you aren't even sweating. What the hell do you do that makes you immune to the side effects of exercise?"

I smirked. "It's because I'm younger than you."

We all went to change and once we came back out, Lindsay sidled over to me. "Hey, that was a really good game. You have a lot of skill on the court."

She smiled. "I grew up with two brothers', and I played basketball in high school."

We walked outside where it had begun drizzling again, mist creeping along the sidewalk. Everyone took off, though Lindsay lingered. "So, Jake… would you be interested in going out one night this week?"

The question was casual, so I didn't know just how interested she was. Did she want to go out on a _date_ or was this more of a friend thing? My initial thought after that night – it wasn't even something I wanted to refer to by name – was that I could date, too, and maybe make Bella jealous. I was upset by it, and while I had no trouble expressing my anger with her before, it had just faded at seeing how broken she really was. I had been trying so hard to refrain from lashing out at her; we had been through too much together to let that be something I would consider doing. It couldn't hurt to just hang out with someone, though, right?

Making up my mind, I said, "Yeah, we could do that; maybe Tuesday?"

"Great, sounds good," she said with a grin. "I'll check in with you on Monday and we'll figure something out."

With a wave, she was off, and I headed home. It was quiet, and I tried not to think about why Bella wasn't home, as I went upstairs to shower and change. I turned the television on to keep my mind occupied, and I idly flipped through the channels. After awhile, I heard the door open and Bella coming in. My mind raced with what happened, but I just gave her a quiet hi. I heard her bustling around in the kitchen making something and she brought in a burger for me.

It felt like a peace offering, but I just wasn't in the mood for talking, much less asking her how her night went. She went upstairs, and I heard her getting ready for bed. I managed to swallow my burger and I dug through the fridge some more still feeling hungry. After eating a ham and cheese sandwich, I watched a little more television and avoided going upstairs because I wasn't sure where I should be sleeping.

Finally I went upstairs and got ready for bed. I went into the other bedroom, staring at the empty bed. Feeling a twinge in my stomach I couldn't quite identify, I pulled the covers back. Glancing over my shoulder, I went back into the hall to the other bedroom. Gently pushing the door open I saw Bella on her side of the bed, her arm stretched out where I would be laying, and I felt a twist of sadness at the gesture. Even without me there, she was still looking for me.

I turned back to the other room after a lot of hesitation and slid between the sheets. It didn't feel quite right, but I turned on my side and dozed fitfully. I was between sleeping and waking when I heard Bella's gasp from the other room. I sat up in bed and then I heard her crying. No matter what had happened, it still hurt to hear her cry.

I got up and walked into our room without a second thought. She was crying quietly, and I just slid into bed, facing away from her. It would hurt too much to face her, to hold her, after everything.

"You don't have to," she whispered.

I closed my eyes, knowing that I actually did. I couldn't stay away. "Go to sleep," I told her, my uncertainty coming through loud and clear. She didn't touch me, but I could feel her shift a little closer. It didn't take her long to fall asleep and I could hear her soft breathing even out again as she relaxed into a more peaceful sleep.

I fell asleep to the rhythm of her heart beating.

########################################################################

Tuesday at work I was kind of nervous about that night and going out with Lindsay. I hadn't told Bella anything except that I wouldn't be home for dinner and would be in later. I had brought extra clothes with me and would shower there.

Once I finished, I took my shower, washing off the grime of the garage, and changed into what was hopefully suitable. This was new territory for me. I had jeans and a plain button-down green and brown striped shirt that Rachel had bought me for my past birthday that would work. My hair had gotten longer again, and I was able to pull it back into a little ponytail.

Lindsay was waiting for me in the office; she had changed from her work outfit to tight jeans which rode low enough on her hips for me to catch a glimpse of tan skin. She had a white, long-sleeved top that dipped down in the front and lay in a gathered bunch over her chest. She pushed back her loose hair and gave me a smile. "Ready?"

I nodded. "So where are we going?"

She grinned. "A place I always hung out with my brothers' once I was of legal age."

I raised my eyebrows, curious, and I drove us to where she directed. It ended up being a sports bar/entertainment type of place. I shook my head with a chuckle and we went inside. "It's an 18 and over bar," she explained. "And as you can see, there's plenty to do," she said with a grin.

There were pool tables lining the one wall, there was an air hockey table, and the room connecting to it had a bunch of televisions broadcasting last weekend's football game and there were tables and chairs, plus a few sofas, scattered around.

"Are you hungry? They have the standard stuff; pizza, burgers, fries, wings..." she asked me and I turned around.

I was starving, so we went up and ordered a number of burgers, a couple orders of fries, and wings. I passed on a beer when she asked. I knew I could get away with it, not only because I looked older, but because of my fake ID. I felt weird about it, though, and I wasn't much of a drinker anyway, so we ordered sodas.

"I don't mind paying or helping to pay, Jake," she said, but I waved her away.

"I eat enough for three people; that's hardly fair," I said with a laugh. "It's my treat, so don't worry about it."

We sat in a booth, watching the game, eating, and making conversation in between. She asked me about living on a reservation and I told her how it was very close-knit, that we all knew each other and it had its good and bad points. We discussed interests and I found out she wasn't a complete tomboy as she put it. She loved theater and concerts, she said shopping occasionally was fun, but she had spent a lot of time helping her dad in the garage and playing sports with her brothers' when she was younger.

Inevitably she asked me about my family. I was used to the sympathy, but I kept it brief. "I lost my mom when I was ten, my sisters' are in college and/or married, and I lived with my dad up until I came here."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said a little furrow appearing between her brows. "I can't even imagine," she said shaking her head. "But you had to get some of your skills from your dad, right?"

"Well, my dad was athletic enough, but he was in the car accident with my mom. He's in a wheelchair," I said calmly taking a bite of my burger.

"Oh Jake, I'm so sorry," she said looking upset.

"Its okay, Lindsay," I said quietly. "It's something we have adjusted to. I took care of my dad afterward, but he's relatively self-sufficient. He taught me how to work on cars and how to carve wood which is something he still enjoys doing; he's also on the Tribal Council as one of the elders so it keeps him busy."

She asked a few more questions and I tried to downplay the part where I took care of the house and contributed money where I could because it was necessary. After we finished eating, I beat her at air hockey a number of times, and she beat me at pool a few times. It wasn't something I played, but I enjoyed it, though I had to be careful again of my strength. I cracked the ball too hard and nearly clobbered someone else playing on another table.

Lindsay was laughing at me, and I played a lot more carefully after that. The time went quickly and before I knew it, it was time to head home. The rain had stopped when we stepped outside, but I could see the low-hanging clouds promising more soon.

"I had fun," she said simply giving me a bright smile.

I smiled back and hugged her in surprise as she wrapped her arms around me. "So did I. Thanks for the invite," I replied.

She gave me a very fast peck on the lips and hopped into her car. Confused I stared after her. Was that just a friendly peck? It seemed like it. Tired of analyzing, I headed for home and Bella. She was still awake, reading in bed, when I got there. I could see the question in her eyes, but I didn't feel comfortable saying anything more than that I was hanging out with a friend.

I slid into bed and she set her book down. We both lay there in the dark, the moon casting a soft glow over the bedspread. Not knowing what to say, I closed my eyes and began to drift off.

"I miss you, Jake," I heard her say faintly through the haze of sleep.

"Miss you, too," I mouthed before sleep took over.

########################################################################

**AN: I know there wasn't a whole lot of J/B interaction going on here – I wanted to get the "first date" part of things out of the way first – so after that there will be some more contact between them. Thanks for bearing with me and thank you to those I can't respond to personally to say thanks or answer questions! **


	15. Hold Me Close

And there will come a time,

you'll see, with no more tears.  
And love will not break your heart,

but dismiss your fears  
Get over your hill and see what you find there,  
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

**Mumford & Sons – "After the Storm"**

########################################################################

**BPOV**

It didn't seem Dana and the rest of my friends' was too excited about my dating Brandon. They liked him well enough, thought he was a nice guy, but there was something unspoken there; I knew what it was, but I also didn't have the courage to say what had happened with me and Jake. I also couldn't quite admit – especially to myself – that Jake had told me he was sort of seeing someone. I didn't realize how much of a kick to the stomach that would be until he told me. I hadn't met her, but I was worried about doing so. There was a burning flame of jealousy in the pit of my stomach that I had no right to feel.

But I did.

Brandon had wanted to see me again, much to my surprise, and I had agreed. I told him I was only up for casual dating. I couldn't admit some other things, but I had to let him know so there were no possible misinterpretations. He seemed okay with that, too. He told me that he liked hanging out with me. Our other dates in the past few weeks or so had gone a lot smoother.

When he kissed me for the first time, I had a tough time dealing with it after he left. It was a nice kiss as far as kisses go, and it was warm.

But it wasn't hot.

My mind kept flashing back to another kiss and I squeezed my eyes shut against the onslaught of emotions. Jake and I had started talking a little more, but we both skirted around the things we should probably talk about but were too painful.

Dana had asked me the other day if I would go in for a few hours today to help Jamie and Clarissa finish a couple cake orders we got last minute for the Super Bowl. We managed to finish on time, the cakes were picked up, and I was heading home ready for a hot shower, a cup of tea, and something good to read.

What I completely forgot about was that Jake had mentioned – while not quite looking at me as I recalled – that he invited Lindsay over to watch the game. My stomach lurched and I felt faintly sick as I encountered them sitting in the living room, television on, ready for the game to start. It burned in my stomach seeing him sitting with someone else and when he saw me, he looked a little uncomfortable, too.

"Hey Bells," he said quietly. "Lindsay, this is Bella, my best friend from home." He looked vaguely uncomfortable.

She gave me a bright smile and I forced a normal smile to my face as we greeted each other pleasantly enough. I escaped into the kitchen, my heart thumping faster than normal. I wasn't hungry, but I knew I should eat, so I dug around and found some leftover pasta and veggies to heat up.

From where I sat at the table, I could see them. My stomach twisted a little as I watched her lean against him. Quickly casting my eyes down, I realized I was inhaling my pasta and not even tasting it. Suddenly Lindsay was in the room and I glanced up in surprise.

"Just getting another soda," she said with a smile.

Standing up I could get a better look at her and she had everything going for her in the looks department. Her hair was smooth as opposed to my wild waves, she had a light tan, a quick and brilliant smile, and she was tall with a lean build. She obviously shared an interest in sports and mechanics with Jake which bothered me more than I wanted to examine.

"Sure, help yourself," I murmured.

"How long have you and Jake known each other?" she asked conversationally as she popped the tab on her soda.

This was the last thing I wanted right now, but I wasn't going to be rude. She didn't deserve that even if a part of me was feeling mutinous because of the situation.

"I've known him since we were kids. We lost touch for awhile, but we got back in touch when I moved back to Forks. He's been a… incredible friend," I added softly.

She eyed me curiously for a moment, and I kept my gaze on my food as I ate the last bite.

"He's a really good guy," she said smoothly. "I can imagine he would be an amazing friend."

I nodded and swallowed hard, not trusting myself to speak. After she went back into the living room, I looked in one last time, feeling off-kilter at the sight of them watching and commenting on the game. I went upstairs, took a long shower, and read with Tinker curled up against my legs until it was late enough to warrant me going to sleep. The game must have been winding down because I heard them talking and then the door opened.

I was nearly asleep when I felt the bed dip down. I listened to Jake's soft breathing and sighing and felt comforted.

########################################################################

It was Friday at work which usually meant a busy day, but I was distracted and clumsy. I managed to finish the muffins I was mixing before I burnt the side of my finger.

"Ow, dammit!" I cried.

Clarissa shook her head, red ponytail bouncing, as she grabbed some of the cream we kept handy for cases like this and squirted a dab on my finger.

"Thanks," I sighed as I rubbed it in.

Dana finished unloading a batch of cookies and came over. "You've been distracted all day, Bella. Hey, the fraternity at my school is throwing a party tonight and my sorority sisters are going. Why don't you come with?" she suggested.

"I don't know…" I said. "I mean, I don't go to school there or anything…"

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I'm inviting you as a guest. Come on, Bella," she cajoled.

Jake was supposed to go out tonight, and I wasn't looking forward to being there to see him leave, so I agreed. Excited she told me to dress up a little which didn't excite me the way it did her, but I promised.

Brandon called while I was getting ready. I finished buttoning my red blouse and straightening the knee-length black skirt; it wasn't the fanciest thing, but I didn't have much in the way of dress clothes. I talked to him a little bit before he planned to leave and hang out with some of his friends.

Jake was home when I went downstairs. He turned and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm going to a party with Dana," I told him. "The fraternity there is throwing it and she invited me to go with."

"Okay Bells, have fun," he said. "Call me if you need a ride." I gave him the information just in case.

The party was in full swing when Dana and I got there, and I felt rather out of place. The music was loud and thumping, everyone was decked out in short skirts and dresses, and of course alcohol was being served. I avoided that like the plague and kind of stuck close to Dana, managing to chat a little with people she knew.

It wasn't really me, but I did my best to talk to people and drank soda that was being used to make mixed drinks. Dana dragged me out onto the dance floor despite my protests and I half-heartedly obliged her, though I was grateful to escape when I could.

As I stood by the refreshment table, I couldn't help wishing Jake was with me. He always relaxed me and it made things easier, but I knew I had to function socially on my own sometimes. I did fine with Dana, Clarissa, Jamie, and Samantha. I even was good with the guys', but being in a party situation just wasn't easy for me.

I managed to chat a little more, but was more than ready to leave when Dana asked if I wanted to head home. We were outside the fraternity – a beautiful gray stone home – when Dana came to a stop.

"Crap, I forgot something. Can you wait a few minutes, Bella?"

I walked across the lawn, just admiring the place, when I heard a shuffling sound. My head jerked up, and I saw two guys' leaning against the side of the house next to the fraternity. They were mostly hidden in shadow. "Hey there," the one said, and I saw the tip of a cigarette glowing.

My heart stuttered, remembering an all too frightening experience in Port Angeles, as I stared at the men.

"You go to school here?" the other one drawled casually.

"N-no," I managed to utter faintly. I tried to glance casually around, but no one was outside.

"Hmmm, cute, and she isn't dressed quite as… revealing as some," the one who spoke first said dropping his cigarette and grinding it with his heel.

"Why don't you come over here and join us?" he said with a chuckle. "We don't bite; unless you want us to."

"I… have to get home," I murmured and my voice was faint with fear. There was still no one around and I was beginning to panic quietly. I was too close to really make a run for it, but I began inching backwards instinctively.

"Oh come on," the other said moving towards me. "It'll be fun, I promise." Before I could turn and bolt, he reached out and snagged my arm.

I tried to scream, but it was cut off before it could get started. My eyes widened in terror, and the only thing I could think of seeing them move closer, was Jacob. _I need you, Jake_, I thought wildly.

The grip on my wrist tightened and my arm throbbed from the pressure. Since my mouth was covered, I drew my right arm back and threw a punch like Charlie told me. What I didn't realize was, even without breaking a knuckle this time, it still hurt like hell.

I bit down on the hand covering my mouth and managed a pathetic scream before I felt a few of the buttons on my blouse tear. "Dammit, she bit me," he growled and I felt the press of their bodies and my fear skyrocketed even higher as I realized what was intended.

I began struggling as hard as I could, and I felt something sharp scrape my face. Suddenly, I heard a sound rapidly getting louder and I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I wished for Jake… and he was here?

My knees collapsed and I was huddled on the ground as Jake grabbed hold of them, spinning them around, and throwing them against the wall of the house forcefully. All I could hear was a thud and a snarl, and I saw Jake's body vibrating.

I stood, my fear for Jake's identity taking hold. "Jake, don't…" I whispered.

He was fighting the wolf, but I could see his teeth lengthening, his eyes burning in the dark, and his arms thickening. It was a vision from a horror movie and he was about to explode, the sounds coming from his throat more animal-like than human. I could see the men's faces frozen in horrified shock much like an animal in the sights of a much larger predator.

"Jake, you can't," I said fervently. I reached out and laid my hand over his arm which was burning hotter than I ever felt it, the muscles rolling under my hand. My touch soothed him and his breathing evened out a little bit.

I heard Dana yelling my name and Jake reverted back to normal before anyone else could see. "You _ever_ come near her again I will kill you," Jake said his voice hoarse and the fury laced in his words.

They took off without a word just as Dana reached me. "Oh my God, Bella," she whispered. I had sank back to my knees, my whole body shaking with residual fear, as she threw her arms around me.

"I'm so sorry," she said, repeating it over and over.

I heard movement and then Jake's arms slid under me and lifted me. I laid my head on his chest. "Dana, you drive," Jake ordered as he slid into the backseat of the car with me. "Take us back to the apartment." I didn't want to talk, so I just lay my head on Jake's shoulder and closed my eyes trying to forget what had just happened.

########################################################################

**JPOV**

I had dropped Lindsay off at home and I was actually on my way home already when suddenly I felt a pinprick of worry. I had no idea why, it was just a niggling feeling that didn't feel right, so I was about to turn and head to the party. Almost immediately after I got a text from Alice confirming my instinctual worry.

_Bella. GO._

I raced to the place where the party was at that Bella and Dana had gone to. I pulled onto the street the house was on, and I could hear her already, after all this time without phasing. My eyes zeroed in on the two men putting their filthy hands on my Bella, and the rage descended over me.

My hands snagged both of them, sending them crashing into the side of the house. I was about to throw the first punch, but the wolf was rearing up inside, and I barely had a grasp on my self-control. The sounds coming from inside were animalistic, my vision was sharpening, my mouth opened to make room for my teeth and I felt the strongest pull ever to phase. Bella's touch gave me the strength to push it down a bit, fear of hurting her overtaking me.

The fear in the men's faces was overpowering, and I heard Dana come running over as they took off. I turned and my heart sank as I saw Bella. She was hunched over, so I gently pried Dana off her, picked Bella up and told Dana to drive. I would worry about my car later. She just curled against me not talking, and I was desperate to be home so I could see her and assess the damage.

For now, I just stroked her hair, trying to stay calm.

Dana came in with us, and she hovered as I set Bella on the couch. Gently, I tilted her chin up and saw she had a scratch on her face. It had bled, but it looked pretty minor. She realized suddenly her blouse was hanging open and tried to close it, but winced as she moved her right hand.

"Ow," she gasped when I took hold of it.

I carefully examined it, saw she had some bruising around her wrist, and her knuckles were red and raw. I turned to tell Dana to get some ice, band-aids, and cream when I realized she was crying quietly.

"Dana, she'll be fine," I told her. "Let's just get her fixed up, okay?"

She nodded and hurried out of the room. When she came back, she held the ice on Bella's wrist while I put some cream and band-aids on her hand. I put a little on her cheek but left it uncovered.

"Bella, I'm sorry," Dana said hugging Bella. She was still sniffling. "I should have made you go in with me."

Bella made an effort and put an arm awkwardly around Dana. "Please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault."

Dana ordered her not to come into work the next day while Bella tried to tell her it would be a good distraction. Dana finally convinced her to take a day to let her hand rest and promised to call tomorrow. "Take care of her," Dana said as I followed her to the door. "She doesn't seem to be reacting much which worries me."

"She doesn't want to upset you," I said quietly. "She always worries too much about others and not enough about herself."

Dana shook her head. "I would call Brandon," she said not meeting my eyes, "but I think she would rather be with just you. You're her closest friend and you seem to know her better than anyone."

I nodded. "I'll take care of her," I assured Dana. "But Bella's right that you shouldn't blame yourself. You had no idea."

After she left, I went back in the living room and sat on the sofa with Bella. She looked at me, worn and scared, and I eased her onto my lap and just held her tightly. It didn't matter that things had been a bit stilted; what mattered was she was okay, and if this made us both feel better, fuck the awkward way we tried not to touch each other too much when sleeping.

"Bells, should I call your dad?" I asked.

"What? No!" she said panicking.

"He's the Chief of Police, honey. Maybe he could…"

"No," she said firmly. "It's out of his jurisdiction anyway; he wouldn't be able to do anything and it will just worry him."

"Okay," I said rubbing her back. "I know he has friends here on the force, so I thought that might be a good idea, but I won't call if you don't want me to."

She nodded with a quiet thank you and her head rested on my shoulder as she curled into me. We didn't say much, just sat there as I stroked her hair. It was getting late, so we went upstairs to get some sleep. When I came out of the bathroom, she seemed lost in thought, so I touched her shoulder to get her attention. She cringed, a little cry escaping.

"Oh Bells," I said feeling useless.

Her chin was shaking as she turned to me. "Jake," she mumbled.

We got into bed, and I slid my arms around her, as we tangled together like we used to. "Never again," I whispered as I kissed her forehead.

She snuggled into me. "Will you help me to get stronger physically, maybe show me what to do if…" her voice trailed off.

Surprised I leaned back. "Really?"

She nodded, her hair tickling my face. "Of course," I said pleased with her attitude.

This was a good sign; she was scared and she was hurting, but she wanted to try to be strong. What happened tonight was beyond horrible. If I hadn't gotten there… but I shook off that thought.

At least I could help her as the awkwardness eased between us, and I was extremely grateful for that and glad to be able to hold her again.

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**AN: A step in the right direction? You think? Tell me what you think. **


	16. Expect the Unexpected

It's my big secret

Keeping you coming

Slow like honey,

Heavy with mood

Though dreams can be deceiving

Like faces are to hearts

They serve for sweet relieving

When fantasy and reality lie too far apart

**Fiona Apple – "Slow Like Honey"**

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**BPOV**

I stood facing Jake in the backyard of the apartment building. It was cold, but I was bundled up well enough. The past week we had been working on strengthening my muscles and better balance. It wasn't easy, and he set a tough pace for me, but every time I thought back to that last weekend I would push myself a little harder.

I was using his hand to throw punches at though they had to be light taps for now until my hand was fully healed.

"Good Bells," he said encouragingly. "I think you got it down pat."

I smiled a little in response, though truth be told my hand was starting to ache a little. I got down on my hands and knees, though, and I did as many push-ups as I could. It wasn't many, but it was a start.

Breathing a little harder than normal, my hand hurting a bit, I stood up shakily to go inside and rest. Jake knew me better than anyone and he took my hand in his. "Your hand hurts, doesn't it? Don't push it, Bells. If it hurts just tell me and you can rest it."

I nodded. "Okay, I will." The warmth of his hand on mine felt good and soothed the ache. Once inside he helped me wrap my hand with the ace bandage. It was almost fully healed.

The next couple days were a blur of work. Dana asked me every day how my hand was, and I was happy to give her the report that my hand was doing just fine. I knew she still felt guilty and that bothered me. Everyone at work had been so good to me after what happened; Brian and Elijah said they would get in line behind everyone else to beat the living daylights out of anyone who tried to hurt me. It was a sweet thing to say, and I was grateful for everyone I worked with.

Jake had gone to work the next day after everything happened, so I called Brandon to let him know vaguely what happened. He asked me why I didn't call sooner, but I explained to him I was with Jake, but that if he wasn't busy I could see him that day. So he came over and spent a good portion of the day with me. I was glad for the company, and I thanked him before he left. He had been concerned, but I promised him I would be okay.

Friday came pretty quickly, and I got a call from Brandon when I got home. "Hey Bella, are you up for going out to eat for Valentine's Day?"

I would have completely forgotten about it if I hadn't been making Valentine's cupcakes and red velvet cakes all week. It was never of interest to me, but it was sweet he had thought of it, so I agreed. Jake was going out, too, and I swallowed hard when we met up in the kitchen. He looked beautiful.

He was wearing dark jeans, which hugged him in all the right places. A light, cream buttoned shirt showed off his perfect skin and his hair was pulled back into a little ponytail. My heart tugged at the sight of him, and I bit my lip. His smile was slight, and I responded in kind. He turned away to pick up something on the floor and my heart banged against my chest as I locked onto the way they clung to his…

My eyes jerked away as he turned and the buzzer sounded. Wait, Brandon was here already? It had been a few weeks or so and Jake hadn't met him yet, and I wasn't sure I wanted this to happen. I thought Jake would have left before he got here. I bit my lip, but I buzzed him and told him to come up.

When I opened the door, he smiled at me, and before I could say anything his eyes widened. I felt Jake's heat near my back. "Um… Brandon, this is my friend and roommate Jake," I said quietly.

"Nice to meet you," he said gathering himself and sticking his hand out to Jake.

Jake's eyes were intent, his mouth not quite curved into his standard smile, but he reached his hand out and shook Brandon's. I furrowed my brows as Brandon winced, and I glanced up at Jake who looked calm if not a bit cool. "Nice to meet you, too, Brandon," he said calmly. "Have fun tonight. See you later, Bells," he added and slipped out the door.

"He's, uh, a bit… immense," he said turning back to me after Jake left.

I smiled weakly. "All the guys' are in La Push; must be something in the water."

He asked me how long we had been friends, how we knew each other, and I did my best to answer his questions though at the end he gave me a look that I couldn't quite read. He took me to a dinner at a nice Thai restaurant where I tried to ban all thoughts that didn't relate to us. Our conversations had grown a lot easier so we chatted throughout dinner.

He gave me a wax-dipped rose from a sidewalk vendor.

Once we got back home, I noticed that Jake wasn't back yet. Yet again I tried to focus my thoughts better and Brandon looked at me expectantly. "Do… do you want to come up?" I asked biting my lip. I wasn't sure this was a good idea, but I did enjoy Brandon's company and I had come to care about him.

He smiled and we went upstairs. I got us each a soda – he also wasn't much of a drinker – and we sat on the couch talking until unexpectedly he leaned over and kissed me. I gave him a small smile and he kissed me again. He shifted closer, his hand brushing over my shoulder, and I felt his mouth probe deeper against mine.

My heart was banging away in my chest as the thoughts I was trying to hold back pushed their way forward. I wasn't comparing, but it was making me remember, and it hurt and my already shaky resolve about what I had to do was wavering even more. Also, the fear tried to claw at me after what had happened last weekend, but Brandon knew about it, and he wasn't pushing me. So I tried to relax and we continued kissing.

After he left, I went upstairs and lay in bed, every part of me ready for sleep. I just dozed off when I heard Jake come home, but I was fast asleep before he ever came to bed.

In the morning, I rolled over and he was gone already, but lying on the bed next to me was a little box of conversation hearts. I sat up, picking them up, and I leaned my head into my hands. Last night, in the bag Jake used for his lunch for work, I had put the exact same thing.

####################################################

**JPOV**

My feelings for Lindsay had gotten deeper, but there was always the ever-present realization that I was still in love with Bella and hoped she would come to her senses. That thought made me feel guilty, because I truly loved hanging out with Lindsay. She was fun, she was sweet, and I also found out she was a good kisser. We had progressed from kissing to some light touching which I was enjoying.

I had found out that Lindsay had been hurting over a break-up; that she was having a lot of trouble moving on, though she put on a good face, and she seemed to sense there was something going on with me so we both agreed to keep this dating thing on the lighter side. It still made me feel a little guilty, but we both knew – to an extent – of each other's situation. She never said anything about Bella, but I sometimes wondered if she knew.

Valentine's Day had gone well, and I had spent some time with her after dinner at her apartment near her school. I had felt strange coming from there to get into bed with Bella, but I couldn't begin to explain the situation to her. It just wasn't necessary to explain right now. I woke the morning after to find Bella curled up in a ball on her side, snuggled up against my arm. I put the little box of candy hearts on the bed and left for work.

It had made me smile to see she had the same thought when I opened my lunch bag at work to find a box of the candy hearts.

The next couple of days kept us busy with work and continuing to help Bella strengthen. She came home from work on Friday, a small smile on her face. "Guess what?" she asked me.

I glanced up from shoving food into my mouth. "What?" I mumbled around the huge mouthful of baked potato.

"I joined a yoga class with Dana, Samantha, Clarissa, and Jaime," she said looking nervous but proud.

"That's great, Bells!" I said after swallowing the painfully large mouthful. "That sounds like something that could be really beneficial for you."

I was really glad she was trying; I always wondered why Edward never encouraged her to become stronger instead of – literally – stumbling through life. This would give her better balance, maybe a measure of peace, and a better sense of herself. With that thought in mind, I decided we should work on her balance tonight. We ordered in Chinese food and ate first.

I had her practice balancing on one foot; it was kind of cute the way she wobbled all over the place. We practiced that for awhile, a few different stretches, and since her hand was healed we worked more on punching to add a little extra muscle to her arms.

One punch had her losing her balance and she stumbled into me. I chuckled and set her upright.

Everything happened so fast, I wasn't sure how it happened.

One minute I was holding her up, the next I was literally holding her, her mouth fused to mine. I wasn't sure who initiated what, but we stumbled toward the kitchen for who knows what reason, still kissing. Bella's lips parted against mine, and my tongue was delving deep into her mouth as she did the same.

I gave a small groan and her fingers pulled my hair out of its ponytail and burrowed into it, holding me tighter, as she pushed as close as possible. Never taking my lips from hers, I lowered her to the kitchen table so she was sitting on it. Our mouths opened again feverishly.

Her fingers moved over the bared skin of my back.

My hands tightened on her waist, slowly pushing her back towards the table, until she was propped up on her elbows. The slide of her tongue was intoxicating, muddling my senses along with her particular smell of strawberries.

She always smelled like summer.

I nipped at her lip, tugging it into my mouth, hearing her gasp and feeling her body arch up. Suddenly I came to my senses the same time she did, and I jerked away. My eyes met hers, her brown eyes wide in shock, and her lips fuller than normal from the heavy kissing. The sight of her half-sprawled on the table was more than I could quite bear. It made me want to climb right on top of her, so I backed away. I may have been in love with her, but this was so not fair to the other people now involved.

"Jake," she said her voice faint. "I… I'm sorry…" A blush stained her cheeks and she cast her eyes down. A painful flash of jealousy ripped through me as the thought of Brandon getting to see her like this was almost too much to handle.

I wanted to blame her. I wanted to yell at her for causing this separation between us in the first place. I also wanted to kiss her senseless and hold her in my arms. But… _Lindsay_. The girl I had trusted recently with my secret; she had been more than shocked to say the least, but oddly enough she didn't yell at me for lying to her. There was something between us. It was different from Bella, not as strong, but it was real and I just knew I could trust her. She had appreciated my honesty and while it took her a little while to adjust to this new fact she had let it go. We may have went into this together with the reality of knowing it was just casual, but it would be stupid to not realize it had grown into a little more.

I couldn't blame Bella, though, my thoughts re-focusing. Now that I was away from her scent, her deep chocolate eyes, I realized it had been a mutual thing. We both had gone in for the kiss without a thought and got carried away.

"It's my fault, too," I murmured. "I just… just need to step away for a minute."

I went in the living room and sat on the window seat that Bella loved to perch on and stared out into the dark night. I heard Bella go upstairs. It wasn't real often, but tonight was one of those nights where I wished I could just go outside and phase and run from all of these confusing feelings.

####################################################

**BPOV**

The next couple days Jake and I avoided each other, but it ended up being pointless because we shared a bed. We kept our backs to each other at first since everything was a little weird. My mind kept going back to the kiss and how heated it was, and I would feel guilty since we were dating other people.

Things eased after a few days, and we mostly went back to normal. The one night, after a date with Brandon, we were back at the apartment since Jake wasn't home. Our relationship had progressed further than the kissing stage recently now that we had almost hit the two month mark, but that night Brandon seemed a little distracted. We were in the living room and we had been kissing, but he pulled back.

"Is something wrong?" I asked him.

"Bella…" he started to say and then he would pause.

I waited nervously. Finally he sighed. "Bella, I really like you, but I'm not sure this is actually going anywhere."

My heart stuttered a little bit. "W-what?" I asked.

He smiled a little sadly. "I know you like me, but I think you're holding back for whatever reason."

I opened my mouth to deny it, but paused before I said anything. It wasn't fair to him if I denied it because I knew I was holding back. I had messed things up so much; I didn't want to hurt him by continuing this and possibly making it worse later on. He was right. I did like him, but I was dealing with too much right now.

I swallowed hard and looked down at my lap. "I'm sorry, Brandon. I'll get better…" I heard myself saying anyway.

He held his arms out, and I scooted close and laid my head on his shoulder. He pulled back and kissed me.

"You're a really good person. I hope you know that I care about you," I said softly feeling a little burn in my eyes.

"I know. You need to find something or someone who can make you really happy," he said and I felt the guilt stab at me. I deserved to feel guilty, but he didn't deserve to be upset by my kissing Jake. I certainly hadn't planned it, but that didn't matter; it would just hurt him and apparently he had been feeling this wasn't going anywhere beforehand so I didn't want to hurt him needlessly.

I hoped I could still talk to him at some point and find out how he was doing, if he was okay with that. He gave me another hug and said he wouldn't mind hearing from me sometime, but we both knew we should give it a little time. I watched him out the window as he left and felt a few tears trickle down my cheeks. I had messed things up so much, and I wasn't sure how to rectify my mistakes.

A number of days slipped by and Jake never said a word about the absence of Brandon, though I was pretty sure he knew. I did miss spending time with Brandon and thought to call him a couple times, but it would just confuse things. I hoped he would find someone who would love him. I was sent home from work one Saturday to fill an order for cookies for a wedding. Supplied with little baggies and green ribbon to tie them, I got home early and got to work.

I was alternating making an early dinner so it would be ready later when we wanted to eat and using cookie cutters on the dough to make the shapes of wedding bells, doves, and hearts. Suddenly Jake came home and he had Lindsay with him.

"Bella! What are you doing home?" he asked with surprise.

"I was asked to fill an order," I replied my gaze flicking down to where Lindsay had her arm looped through Jake's.

He looked uncomfortable which wasn't an expression I was used to seeing on Jake, but I knew he was here with her because he wasn't expecting me to be home. The thought sliced through me and my grip tightened around the cookie cutter. Lindsay's eyes met mine and we stared at each other for a moment which was unnerving because I couldn't read her expression.

I had no idea what to say, so I half-turned back to what I was doing and that was that. They disappeared upstairs, and I closed my eyes as my heart pounded, and I tried to breathe the way I was being taught in yoga to calm myself down. The door closing upstairs had my lips tightening, but I knew it wasn't _our_ bedroom. That didn't really help, but I managed to finish off the cookies and get them in the oven.

My mind was distracted now, and fifteen minutes later after I pulled the cookies out of the oven, I managed to slice the skin below my thumb with the knife I was using to cut vegetables.

"Shit!" I swore grabbing at my hand.

Fear of the smell of blood and the sight made it difficult to look at, and my stomach rolled as I saw the slightly jagged flesh. I wasn't an expert, but I might need stitches. I hurried toward the steps to go to the bathroom and get something to wrap my hand, but my protesting stomach had me slamming my left ankle against the bottom of the rail in my distraction of not vomiting.

The pain had me giving a little cry, and I stumbled and sat down hard on the bottom step. Tears from the pain were threatening when I heard a door open; my back was against the wall so I unfortunately saw Jake as he came out of the bedroom with Lindsay behind him.

He was buckling his belt.

My stomach nearly revolted again, and I only managed to curb it by inhaling sharply and holding my breath.

"Bells, what the hell?" he exclaimed as he hurried down the steps.

My hand was still bleeding and now it was all over my other hand, my ankle was throbbing, and I just wanted to cry, but it wasn't just me and Jake. He helped me up, supporting me as I gave a small whimper at the pain shooting through my ankle, and he rinsed my hands off.

"I think you're going to need stitches," he said examining it.

Lindsay was just hovering near the stairs. I propped myself up on the counter, the water running, as I held my hand under it. I didn't want to hear what would be said as he walked over to her. The soft murmur of voices, and then she slipped out the door.

"Come on," he said quietly as he lifted me.

"I can walk," I snapped as all the emotions rushed to the forefront; anger, pain, grief, and irritation at myself.

He gave me a look. "This will be faster."

Neither of us said a word in the car, and I let a few tears fall as I stared out the passenger-side window. We reached the emergency room and thankfully it was a slow day so we didn't have to wait too long. The silence was excruciating.

Jake stayed and held my good hand as my other hand was stitched up. It took three stitches. My ankle was wrapped and I was told to give it a few days, so I was glad it wasn't any more than a sprain.

Once we were back home, Jake helped me upstairs and I curled up in bed, facing away from him. "Bella…" he started to say.

My tears started again and I squeezed my eyes shut. "Jake… don't…" I mumbled as my voice shook. I had the suspicion he knew the tears were more than the pain and I couldn't bear to think about that right now. Things I tried to bury were making themselves known more frequently.

He woke me up once during the night because of my thrashing in bed. "It hurts," I murmured when I came to. He took the bandage off my hand and applied the ointment I had received from the doctor. Once he re-wrapped it, I fell asleep again.

The next day I didn't have to go in to work, but I had to finish the order. Jake didn't have to work either which made it a little harder, but I managed to ice the cookies with frosting and the decorations and get them wrapped up.

Jake came downstairs, and I decided to go rest my ankle when Jake's cell phone trilled. He was quiet immediately, and I turned to glance back at him. "What?" he asked his voice breaking.

"No," he whispered. His voice was wrong, and I grew scared. "Don't worry, I'm coming now."

He stood there for a minute and all the weirdness, the fear and grief melted away that I had been feeling. Something had him really upset. "Jake?" I questioned urgently. "What happened?"

He turned around and my heart sank. He was fighting tears, and he looked shell-shocked.

"Bells… my dad had a stroke."

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**AN: I know, this is a horrible place to end, but I definitely wouldn't be able to fit it all without taking forever. **

**And I feel the urge to say that I know I keep making Bella look horrible, but the kiss was definitely started by both, not one. As for Brandon, I figured it really is for the best not to say anything because all it would do is hurt him needlessly. She truly does care about him, but she's realizing how badly she has messed up, so I'm cutting her a little slack (I do tend to sympathize more with Jake in fics as do others) here because she's starting to understand and wants to try and fix things if she can.**

**And Jake and Lindsay…their relationship has definitely progressed as did Bella and Brandon's, but I didn't want to drive anyone crazy with details of those forays. But again… it doesn't mean it has progressed all the way. More to come on that!**


	17. A Few Realizations

When you cried I'd wipe away

All of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away

All of your fears

And I held your hand through

All of these years

But you still have

All of me

**Evanescence – "My Immortal"**

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**JPOV**

The trees whipped by as Bella pushed the Rabbit faster. It went faster than her truck anyway. The wind-swept patches of forest and glimpses of the ocean passed by in a blur; my mind tried to process what happened.

My dad had a stroke.

Rachel was a mess when she called. I vaguely remember Bella telling me to shut up about something and that she would drive. Phone calls had been made to my boss and to Dana so we would have off the next few days at least. I had told Bella that she didn't have to come with me if she didn't want to go back to Forks, but her look told me I needed to be quiet.

"Jake, it hardly matters," she said. "You, Charlie, and Billy do. I want to be there."

She was gripping the steering wheel tightly, the knuckles of her right-hand white. Thankfully her cut hand and sprained ankle was all on the left side so she was able to drive. I wasn't sure I would be able to, though I offered because of her being hurt. I had managed to throw a few things together and she did the same and now we were heading to the hospital on the edge of Forks.

Neither of us felt like talking, so I flicked the radio on to listen to something. The drive was only two hours, but it felt like it was taking forever. Finally I began seeing familiar things as we came closer to Forks. We reached the hospital and hurried inside. "William Black?" I asked urgently at the desk.

She checked her chart and said, "They're getting a room prepped for him. The doctor should be out shortly."

I turned around and Rachel was at the end of the hall. She saw me and flew into my arms. As I held my sister, I felt her tears soak my shirt. "H-he seemed f-fine this morning," she stuttered through her tears. "Oh God, Jake… when I got home from work, he couldn't seem to understand what I was saying, he couldn't lift his arm and the one side of his mouth wouldn't lift."

Her tears started again in earnest, and I felt my own sliding down into her hair as I held her tightly. "Rach, I'm so sorry I wasn't here to help," I whispered as my throat ached.

"It's not your fault. Dad is happy that you're happy and that you're making your way. When it happened, after I called 911, I called Bella's dad and he's been with me since."

I glanced up and caught sight of Charlie holding on to Bella as he struggled to contain his emotions. I led Rachel over to the chairs and she slumped down; I couldn't sit still, though, and I just paced and paced until I felt Bella catch hold of my wrist. I sat down next to her, watching as her fingers twined with mine. I swallowed hard as she leaned her head on my shoulder.

I thought about earlier, about coming home with Lindsay and felt like shit about it again. I didn't expect her to be there, but it just looked stupid and obvious to leave again so we had went upstairs anyway. We had chatted for a few minutes as I tried to dispel the weird feeling of the girl I was so in love with downstairs while being upstairs with a girl I had started falling for.

Bella hadn't been seeing Brandon lately, and I wondered if that was because he was busy or if there was something else going on. I wondered if it might have ended, but I wasn't positive. Lindsay had initiated the kissing so I had tried to let go of my thoughts and enjoy it. Innocent kissing wasn't a big deal, right?

Her lips were soft, her skin smooth, but my mind flashed to Bella's lips and satin-y skin. Everything was becoming too much; wanting to give Lindsay what she wanted, wanting to yell at Bella to break it off with Brandon if she hadn't already so we could try. I also wanted to give myself what I wanted, but that was confusing because my feelings were so fucking tangled.

I kissed Lindsay with all the pent-up frustration I was feeling, needing an outlet to get these feelings the hell out of me. She had responded in kind, tugging my shirt over my head, her lips against my neck. When her hands unbuckled my belt, I almost didn't realize it because I was trying so hard to stop my thoughts, but once her hands moved over the bared skin right above _that area_, I jerked upright.

_No. What am I letting her do? Bella's downstairs and I just don't want this._

I wrapped my fingers around Lindsay's wrist pulling it away. "I'm sorry, Linds, I can't…" I had started to say when I heard Bella's cry of pain.

I reacted and raced out of the room, my hands fixing my belt, and I realized my complete idiocy. Bella was sitting at the bottom of the steps, her hands bloody, looking right at me. The flash of pain on her features made everything hurt and I felt despicable. She didn't deserve that, I should have just turned around and left; I didn't mean to hurt her, but I did in my ever-growing confusion of what she and I were to each other.

I had told Lindsay I would call her later. When I got into bed with Bella that night I debated if I should. I worried about her, not wanting her to suffer from bad dreams or pain from her cut, but I could hear it in her voice that she didn't want to talk yet. And now certainly wasn't the time, I thought, as I came out of my stupor at the hospital when the doctor came out.

We all stood with and Rachel and I moved forward. Bella still had my hand for which I was grateful. The doctor explained to us that Billy had been pretty lucky; it wasn't a massive stroke, so he could get better. Because of the paralysis he would have to have some physical therapy to keep his upper body strong, and his diet had to change to help prevent any other possible strokes or heart attacks. He would also benefit from practicing some regular tasks that we took for granted.

As the doctor led us to his room, and I had to reluctantly let go of Bella's hand, I figured I'd have to call Lindsay later to let her know where I was at least. It wouldn't be fair not to. I turned to Rachel and asked, "Did you call Becca?"

"I did, and she's trying to get a flight to stay here for a little bit so she can visit Dad."

In the hospital room I was taken aback and tried to rein in my emotions. I pressed my lips together to stop them from quivering at the sight. Billy's mouth sagged a little on one side and he just looked frail and confused. "Dad," I said my voice shaking a bit.

I sat by his side, taking his hand in mine, and Rachel sat on the other side. He struggled saying my name and his voice slurred as he did so. I hushed him, told him we could talk later, and he nodded slightly. His grip on my hand never loosened.

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**BPOV**

After Jake and Rachel went into Billy's room I was left alone with my dad. My mind hadn't stopped racing since everything happened, my hands were shaking, I was worried about Jake, and I was grateful that Billy was alive and that he had a chance to get better.

"Bells?" I heard Charlie's voice from a distance.

I turned toward him and could see the worry lines on his face. "Honey, you look terrible. What's been happening?" he asked as he took my bandaged hand in his.

I wasn't even sure where it all came from, but I tried to rein it back. A few tears had let loose, though, and Charlie saw them and looked a little alarmed.

Suddenly I was just talking and talking, spilling a lot of what happened, but editing a couple things out that he didn't need to know or I didn't want him to know. We were both surprised by the deluge spilling from my mouth because I wasn't one to confide in my father especially when it came to messy feelings that neither of us was ever good at dealing with.

Finally the words slowed and I just stared down at my hands in embarrassment.

"Do you really love him?" Charlie asked me. I was surprised at the outright question especially one of this nature.

Mortified beyond belief, but needing the guidance, I answered him. "Yes. I really do."

Charlie was quiet. "Bells, this isn't something I considered talking to you about because it's _really_ not easy," he started and I glanced up at him through the curtain of my hair.

"I've started… well, dating Sue," he said and his cheeks turned rosy in color as he wouldn't quite meet my eyes. I was shocked and stared at him.

"We're going really slowly," he said quietly staring down at his folded hands. "I've made mistakes with your mom, honey. I was never good at talking about any of my feelings, and I'm still not, but I've learned through marriage to your mom and now the start of things with Sue that the best thing you can do is just talk."

He pondered for a moment and I waited. "I was scared of finding someone," he finally admitted. "I loved Renee so much, but going so long without ever really trying after we divorced, I was worried about meeting someone else. I never would have anticipated it would be Sue, but she's worth the risk."

"If you really love him, Bells, it sounds like it's worth it. Loving someone is risky, but sometimes that love is really just worth putting all your feelings out there and telling them how you feel. You'll feel better if you do even if it isn't easy."

I nodded, swallowing hard at the thought.

He gave my uninjured hand a squeeze. "And just remember; I'll always come after him if he hurts you," he said with a little smile.

I laughed through my embarrassment and the tears occasionally dripping down my cheeks. I was grateful that he was willing to tell me all this.

"And you remember that if Sue hurts you, she'll have me to deal with," I added which made him chuckle.

He kissed the top of my head. The doctor came out again telling us we could go in and see Billy. I let Charlie go in first, getting some sodas out of the machine for me, Jake, and Rachel. When I went in, I saw Charlie leaning over Jake, his hand on his shoulder; my heart broke a little more at his head hanging low as Charlie seemed to be reassuring him.

Charlie saw me, and I hobbled my way to Jake and handed him a soda. He wrapped an arm around my waist, and I leaned against him, taking the weight off my sore ankle. Seeing Billy like this struck me hard, catching me off guard. He looked so weak.

Jake insisted on staying there that night, and I refused to leave Jake, so Charlie promised to be back in the morning with breakfast and left the three of us to take turns on the other bed in the room. It had taken some convincing of the nurse, but she finally gave in. I never meandered far from the room; other areas of the hospital were still too painful to be in. The memories of my being there with Edward, with Carlisle, and even with Jake seemed like a lifetime ago, but they were still painful.

It was a long night of beeping machines, the movement of nurses coming into the room, and worry over everything that happened. In the morning we were all bleary-eyed and barely talking. Charlie came in with a couple bags tucked under his arm and a cardboard holder with four cups of what smelled like coffee.

I wasn't much of a coffee drinker, but I felt the need for it now, so I gratefully accepted it and swallowed a mouthful of the drink in the hopes of it waking me up; it scalded my mouth instead, but after a few more careful sips of the bitter liquid it began doing its job.

Surprised at what Charlie pulled out of the bag – bagels, low-fat cream cheese, fruit cups – I glanced up at him. His eyes met mine and I realized he was doing this because of Billy. His diet was going to have to change big-time. We sat in the room eating, Billy being helped by a nurse.

The next couple nights were spent in those cramped quarters, because Jake wouldn't leave. I could see he was struggling and I felt so useless. After a few days, though, Billy was allowed to go home. I avoided looking up as we passed through Forks; the past felt like it was haunting me until we reached La Push where I could breathe easier. Billy's speech was still a little garbled and he needed to work on that, and he had to do the physical therapy. He insisted on going to someone saying he wouldn't burden his children any more than was absolutely necessary.

Jake had argued with him, but Billy was adamant. He managed to tell Jake that he was happy that he had found a job and a life not constantly on the reservation. I was with Jake, feeling uncomfortable about this, but he wanted me there. We hadn't really talked much about anything yet, but my presence seemed to soothe him. Jake had argued with him, saying he wanted to help Billy, so they compromised on Jake visiting a couple times a week unless work didn't permit it. Rebecca had also arrived to stay for a week and would help Rachel out.

Rachel and Rebecca would be there, Charlie promised he would be checking in with Billy often, and Billy promised to take the yoga therapy seriously and eat healthier. Me, Emily, Sue, and Kim volunteered to cook meals within his diet and Jake would deliver them unless I was able to come with to visit. Once all the details were hammered out Jake and I drove back to Hoquiam in silence. Their goodbye had been difficult to see and had left me numb especially since I had my own emotional goodbye with Charlie.

I cried on his shoulder and begged him to eat healthier as well and wouldn't leave until he promised. I could still feel where his hand had rested on the back of my head. Emotionally exhausted, I dragged myself up the steps to our apartment, shoulders sagging. Once we were inside, we both went upstairs without a word.

In the bathroom I could hear Jake on the phone promising Lindsay he would see her soon, but that he needed to stay home tonight. He had told her prior to coming home that he didn't want her to come to Forks because of the situation. What wasn't said, but that I knew without a doubt, was that we needed each other in this situation. When I went into the bedroom, Jake turned to me.

The situation had caught up with him now that we were away from everything, and he was crying silently. Those strong shoulders of his, shoulders that held not all his baggage but mine as well, slumped. It was my turn to be supportive; nothing mattered but him as I hurried over. He lifted me easily, burying his face in my neck, as I cupped the back of his head. I could feel his tears on my skin.

"Oh Bells," was all he managed to choke out.

We ended up on the bed, my back propped up on the pillows, as Jake sprawled out lower on the bed with his head on my stomach. My fingers stroked through the length of his hair, combing it out, as I told him random little stories from when I lived in Phoenix to distract him. He had gone quiet, listening to me, and I finally wound down and we both fell asleep without ever changing position.

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I woke to a crick in my neck from sleeping propped up on the pillows. Jake's arms were draped over and around my legs, his cheek still pressed to my stomach although he was facing me now. There was a small wrinkle between his brows and I could see the worry even in his sleep. His lips were parted slightly and his snores were on the quieter side this morning. I felt a pinch of sadness for him as I could see the slight tracks from his tears last night on his cheeks.

Without thought, I brushed the hair off his forehead, rubbing my finger over the wrinkle until it smoothed out a little. The sensation of my touch had him stirring, though, and I felt bad. It was close to the time we had to get up, though. His eyes were fatigued and confused when he opened them and stared at me. He swallowed thickly and slowly unfurled his body.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he stretched and then just stayed there. I rubbed my hand along his broad, muscled back and I felt him relax slightly. I stood and moved in front of him and he pulled me onto his lap. His forehead rested against my neck and I shivered at the touch.

After a few moments it was time to get ready for work. He lifted me off him and stood. "Bells… thank you," he said quietly. "Thank you for being there."

"Of course," I murmured.

Feeling emotionally raw and a bit fatigued myself, I left for work an hour later. I greeted everyone, but throughout the day, my emotions kept building. I had just served a customer and got my muffins in the oven when Dana came over.

"Bella, you don't look so good. I'm sure the past few days took a toll on you…"

It was like popping a cork.

Suddenly I was just standing there, the next I was bracing myself on the counter as the tears raced each other down my cheeks. Mortified, gasping, I couldn't stop myself. Everyone reacted with shocked concern, but Dana led me quickly into her office.

"Bella…" she whispered. I barely heard her through the pounding in my head.

All I could do was sink into her when she put her arms around me and sob everything out. It took a little while, but soon the words started flowing. Even amidst my emotional wreckage, I managed to keep the big secrets. She already knew about Billy, but I told Dana that I was engaged to a boy who was taken and that I had fled; that Jacob followed me and that I had screwed things up so much with my dating life, and I had no idea what to do anymore.

My words were halting, and I couldn't look at her, but she stayed absolutely silent as I continued. "He's gone, but I was i-in love with Jacob at the same time," I stuttered. "I don't know if Edward will ever be found, but his family wants me to try and move on. And I love Jake, and I know I want to try again and with him…"

I explained what happened with Lindsay and by then my tears had stopped. I had run dry and felt even more exhausted. I glanced up at Dana and could see the shock on her face. Her mouth opened, but no words came out.

"I… had no idea," she said faintly and with surprise like she should have known. "Oh Bella, I can't even imagine…"

I just stared down at my still bandaged hand and said nothing.

"I don't even know what to say about Edward and his family," she said. "It's unfathomable. I'm so sorry this happened." She paused. "I think Alice is probably right, though. I mean not that you should ever give up hope he'll be found, but moving on is probably the best thing for _you_."

"I know," I mumbled.

"You need to make yourself happy, Bella. This situation is beyond anything I've dealt with, but you're the only one that can do it. It's what Edward's family wants and what you want – to live."

She took my hands. "You made some stupid mistakes, hurt Jake, so be prepared to wait and deal with what he needs to say. Just tell him. I've never seen anyone look at someone like he does you."

I glanced up in surprise at her words. I _had_ made stupid mistakes, but she was the first one other than Jake to say it. I was glad she did.

"You have to take everything one step at a time. You started with Brandon and you ended it before you really hurt him which is good. Jake is still with Lindsay which makes it harder, but sometimes you just have to get everything out in the open. You'll just have to deal with his choice."

I was quiet, absorbing her words. I nodded slowly and gave her a shaky smile. "Thanks Dana." I stood and reached out for the doorknob. Pausing, I turned back. "I spent too much time cutting off my friends for Edward; I won't make that mistake again. You've been an amazing friend," I said looking down. "With a friend like you, I could be a better person."

Her eyes looked a little teary and she lifted her glasses to rub them. "You're not a bad person at all. It's a crazy situation. You would've figured things out eventually, but you just needed a kick in the ass." She gave me a small smile which made me laugh.

Everyone expressed concern, but I would let Dana tell them what she felt necessary. I didn't care if they knew, but I couldn't talk about it. Dana told me to go home, rest, and talk to Jake. So that was what I did. I got home and showered, changed into my thin pajama pants and t-shirt. Sliding into bed for a much-needed nap, I woke shortly before Jake was due home.

I knew it wasn't the easiest time for him right now, but after last night's purge, this morning he seemed to shoulder things again and was eager to get back to work and to talk to Billy and help him through this. So I knew he could handle what I had to say; whether or not he would be on the same page was another story. No matter what Dana had said I had hurt him a lot.

Dinner was in the oven, and I was flipping through a magazine nervously, when he got home. He gave me a small smile, went up and showered, and we ate dinner. The whole time my stomach was in knots and he seemed to notice.

"What's up, Bella?" he asked after he made the phone call to his dad. "You seem really on edge."

_Here goes nothing._

"Jake, I… I made so many mistakes," I said plunging right in. "I know I've hurt you, I know you're still dating Lindsay, but I need to tell you this."

He looked at me, his face flickering with different emotions.

"I know you already know this, but I'm saying it out loud. I messed up, but you're my best friend. You've been beyond good to me, and I want to try and really move on the right way. I want to try and make you happy if you're willing to give me another chance."

"I'm in love with you, Jacob Black."

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**AN: I know, but I forced myself to finish this one even though I don't feel good. As you can see, Jake started to make a mistake, but he's still too much in love with Bella to really do anything as you can see. And as far as Billy… I looked up stuff on strokes and found yoga therapy to be an option. I take yoga and it's been beneficial to me both physically and mentally.**

**I feel like I had more to say, but it went right out of my head. Haha Oh the joys of not feeling well… so now I think I will go pass out! Enjoy. =)**


	18. Making a Decision

I want you to want me

I need you to need me

I'd love you to love me

I'm begging you to beg me

**Cheap Trick – "I Want You to Want Me"**

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**JPOV**

My hands drifted restlessly over the leafy ferns, my body feeling the call yet again to turn into the wolf. The forest felt so familiar, so easy, that I nearly slipped more than once into phasing just to run. It would be so good to feel my paws pound the earth, my speed increase, and to hear all the sounds that reminded me of home. It would also remind me of that time of being afraid of feeling so out of control, of being something so unnatural. It was a conflicting thing. I didn't miss the patrolling; I didn't miss the sleepless nights and the fear of being a monster.

I missed my brothers' at times, but we still talked often enough. I didn't miss the constant emotional struggle with Bella and Edward.

I exchanged that with a constant emotional struggle between me and Bella instead. She threw me for a loop by admitting her feelings to me and saying outright that she was in love with me. It was something I knew, but to hear her say it… it had been a dream comes true for me.

I was elated. My first initial impulse had been to haul her into me, to kiss her senseless, but I had ended up shocking myself with my reaction. I had backed away instead. I had felt guilty seeing her face fall, but she had examined me for a moment, and she seemed to understand I needed to process this.

There was never a doubt just how much in love I was with her, but suddenly that hit me when she said it. My feelings for her had increased – if that was even possible – when we began living together and she began healing. It was seeing the little things; her routine of making sure the covers were perfect before getting into bed, brushing her teeth longer than anyone I had ever seen brush their teeth, and how she tucked her feet under her and stuck her tongue out a little while reading.

I had been patient, and I had helped her, and even though it came close to breaking me when she dated Brandon, I realized just how much more this could hurt when she admitted she was in love with me.

What if they _did_ find Edward? Would I be broken beyond repair if she went back to him?

So even as much as I wanted to hold her and to kiss away every ounce of pain she suffered, I had to protect myself as well. I just needed time to think, and I wouldn't do that to Lindsay again. I was tired of inadvertently hurting someone I cared about, so I told Bella I needed to think.

I just didn't know what to do.

After awhile, I finally emerged from the forest, and I called Embry. I figured Quil would be with him, and I was right. "Hey man," Embry said. "Hold on, let me put you on speaker phone."

"Dude, we miss your hairy ass," Quil said making me smile slightly.

"I'm sure you do, since that was the only thing you ever saw when trying to beat me in a race," I replied causing Embry to howl with laughter and Quil to sputter indignantly.

"How's it going, man?" Embry said after they calmed down. He was always the one who could sense something was up.

I paused, not sure what to say. We weren't really the type to go to each other for advice, but they had shared my innermost thoughts and desires when we were phased together and were my closest friends, so that cemented our bond even more.

"Well…" I hedged at first. "Bella just admitted she was in love with me."

There was silence and then Quil cleared his throat. "Isn't that a good thing?"

"It is," I said simply.

I heard the crack of a can opening. "We know how much you love her; having seen your thoughts so often it was pretty damn obvious," Embry said. "But Bella has a lot of baggage and you could get hurt again."

For a guy he was perceptive.

"I'm also dating Lindsay," I said leaning back against a tree in the park. The sky had already begun darkening.

"There is that, too," Quil agreed. "I'm going to sound like a girl saying this, but it could be worth the risk to have that kind of happiness. Being with Claire is different, but I'm incredibly happy when I'm spending time with her."

We were all quiet for a minute. "That really _is_ kind of girly, Quil," Embry said and that broke the tension and we all laughed. "I agree, though, Jake. Bella's hurt you before, but it was pretty obvious to us how she feels about you when you were here."

We let it go at that and I asked them what was new. I had been more than absorbed by my father, of course, so I had only seen the guys when they stopped by to visit us.

"Well, Sam is planning on calling you, though he knows we would tell you first. He just told us that Emily is pregnant. She's due in early August, I think, and they plan on getting married in late April this year. Short notice, but they're tired of waiting," Quil said with a chuckle.

Shocked, I tried to absorb the news. "What?" I finally managed. "They're having a baby?"

Embry laughed. "That was our reaction, too. We haven't seen much of Emily lately, but apparently none of us was smart enough to realize Emily was pregnant. They were keeping it quiet to make sure everything was going to work out okay. Something about the first few months," he said. I could practically hear him shrug.

"Wow," I said not knowing what else to say. "That's great for them."

We chatted a bit more, but I knew I was going to have to go back home. It was getting late, I was tired, and I couldn't avoid stuff forever. Once I got back to the apartment, Bella was fast asleep on the armchair, curled up on her side. I draped a blanket over her and crashed on the couch, sleep overtaking me quickly in the wake of all the emotional shit that had just crashed down on me.

When I woke the following morning, Bella was already heading out for work, and I didn't get a chance to talk to her. Maybe that was best for right now. I showered, debating what I had to do.

Work felt long and tedious, made more nerve-wracking by the fact that I worked with Lindsay and didn't know what to say to her. At the end of the day, though, she cornered me in the break room and slipped her arms around my waist.

"Hey stranger," she said lightly, pulling me down for a kiss. "How's your dad?"

"He has a lot of work ahead of him," I said quietly. "But he's doing what he has to do a day at a time. I'll probably visit him in again in a few days."

She brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. "That's good. If you need anything, you know you can ask," she said. I nodded, smiling at her thoughtfulness. "Anyway, I'm busy tonight, but I'd like to see you soon outside of work," she added.

My stomach clenched at the thought of what I had to do.

I nodded again weakly. "Yeah, that would be good."

With one more kiss she was out the door.

The guilt and worry was beginning to drive me nuts, so I went for a run after work. It wasn't any easier at home since I was faced with Bella who was quieter than normal. Every time I met her eyes I could see the indecision in them; afraid to talk to me about anything other than the basics. We were in a state of limbo. I had talked to Sam, so I told Bella the news and there was a genuine smile on her face for them.

The next couple days weren't easy at work or with Bella, so I was almost glad when Lindsay had time to get together. We were at her place, and I was trying to decide what I should say, when she leaned over. I felt the press of her lips against mine, the touch of her tongue. It always felt good with her, but I just couldn't keep doing this; to her or to me.

Her hands were on my shoulders, and I felt her pull back to look at me. Her face fell a little bit and she sighed. "Linds…" I started to say, but she interrupted.

"You've been a little distant lately," she said, her hand sliding down to entwine with mine. I started to answer her, but she laid a finger on my lips. "I guess I've started to realize why. You're in love with Bella, aren't you?"

I guess I wasn't surprised she had picked up on it.

My mouth opened, but nothing came out. She looked away. "I'm sorry," I finally managed to say. "Things have been so off between us the past few months and I really began to care about you…"

She glanced up at me briefly, eyes damp with unshed tears. "You know, we both agreed this was casual."

"I didn't expect to fall for you as much as I did," I murmured honestly.

"And I didn't expect to fall for you, but I did."

She stood up, wrapping her arms around herself. I stood as well, feeling a little numb. "So she finally admitted she was in love with you," she said looking out the window.

I looked at her surprised. "What do you mean finally?"

She shrugged. "I could tell she was in love with you, but I guess I was trying to fool myself in thinking that you weren't in love with her."

"Lindsay," I said helplessly. "I don't think any of us were ready to admit certain things or to truly move on right away. There's a lot of stuff between me and Bella. I never knew what to expect from it and if I would ever truly have a chance with her when she began dating."

I took her hand again. "I also never expected to meet someone as amazing as you, and I truly mean that. We were both in a weird position, but we somehow managed to fall for each other. It's just… I've been in love with her so long…"

She glared at me fiercely. "She better fucking treat you right."

A little shocked at the anger, I squeezed her hand. Her face crumpled a little, and I wrapped my arms around her tightly. She laid her head against my chest and sighed. "You should go. When you're ready to try again with her, tell her you deserve the world."

I smiled a little shakily. "And don't smile at me," she mumbled. "It makes it harder."

"It's hard for me, too." I felt a little choked up. "Do you think eventually…?"

"I don't know… maybe. After a little while. It's too hard to stay mad at you," she said.

I tilted her chin up and planted a quick kiss on her lips and slipped out of the room before I could do anymore damage. When I got home, I was wiped out emotionally, so I ate dinner and went straight to bed. I needed a few days to sort this out in my mind before I said anything to Bella and I wanted to respect what I had with Lindsay.

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**BPOV**

The days after I confessed to Jacob that I was in love with him were torture. I was trying to give him space and time, but it was difficult. What was taking him so long? I tried to backpedal, knowing how much I put him through and that he was still dating Lindsay, but the waiting was driving me crazy. I also felt guilty for disrupting his life yet again after what just happened with Billy.

Everyone said to tell him my feelings, but I wished I hadn't put so much on him after everything that had occurred recently. So I would give him all the time he needed to think things through, and I would have to deal with it when he told me.

The days at work were a little difficult; everyone was treating me with kid gloves, afraid I would go off on a crying bender again. It was sweet that they cared, but I was tired of saying I was okay and dealing with the side-eyed looks. Dana had pulled me into her office when I came back to work to find out what happened.

"I told him," I said quietly. "He didn't seem to know how to react. He needed some time to think and disappeared for awhile. He's been pretty quiet since."

I picked at a hangnail nervously.

"Well you're just going to have to wait it out," Dana said squeezing my hand. "You two have been through a lot recently, and he was hurt, so it's not unusual."

"I know. I hate that I hurt him so much that he's now unsure. Not for my sake, but his. He's always been an incredible friend."

I went to my yoga class the usual night with Dana and tried to focus my mind on bending and stretching. It helped clear my mind. When class was over, I picked up Chinese food and ate another quiet dinner with Jake. This was going to drive me nuts, so I readily agreed a few nights later to go out with all the girls' from work just so I had something to do.

I left Jake a note and changed into a blue and green swirled skirt that Dana had loaned me - and insisted I wear - along with a simple scoop-necked, white blouse. My hair was loose and I added a touch of lip gloss. They picked me up and we ate dinner at a small Italian restaurant; laughter and happy chatter surrounded me and in some ways I felt at peace for the first time in a long time. I had spent some time with Angela and Jessica, but I had never let myself truly get to know them or to be a real friend to them.

I regretted that. I could have benefited from having true friendships, but at least I was beginning to have that now. After dinner we went to a nearby club – which really wasn't my thing but I knew they wanted to dance – so I agreed. I ordered a coke and perched on a stool, watching my friends dance for a little while. I allowed myself to be dragged out there with them.

I was attempting to loosen up and mimic some of their moves so I didn't look too horrifyingly stupid when I felt a hand touch my back. The familiar warmth took me by surprise and I turned, looking up to meet Jake's eyes.

"Jake!" I exclaimed. I knew I didn't have to scream over the music for him. "What are you doing here?"

He smiled slightly and bent down towards me. I tried not to shiver as his lips brushed against the shell of my ear. "It was a last-minute decision of the guys," he said nodding in his co-workers direction. "They thought we could all use a night out, so I grabbed something to eat with them and we ended up here. I just decided to tag along for a bit."

He seemed a little more talkative, though still a bit more serious than usual, but I was still glad. I loved him, and I had to tell him that, but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. It was too important to me.

He held his hand out to me, and feeling a bit shy for some reason, I took it and he spun me in a circle. A smile crept out and we danced together; probably the lamest dancers on the dance floor which made me giggle. The song changed to something slower and I couldn't read the expression in his eyes as he slipped his arms around my waist.

Hesitantly I laid my head on his chest and we moved slowly to the music. I could see the girls looking at us out of the corner of my eye and Dana gave me the thumbs up. We danced a little more, but it wasn't long before he was ready to go. We had been dancing pressed together and I was feeling twitchy and warm at his touch, and I could see he was feeling the same.

"Let's go," he said quietly. A thrill shot through me and I slid my hand into his as he led me out the door. I gave Dana a fast wave as we hurried by, but he never slowed down.

Outside we got into the Rabbit and headed home. Jake's fingers were still wound with mine as he drove with his left hand. The car would have been utterly silent except for the rock song playing softly in the background. He parked the car in the lot and we got out.

Jake came around to my side, though he wasn't making a move toward the apartment building. "I broke up with Lindsay a few days ago," he said. He didn't look thrilled about that, and I felt the guilt begin to eat away at me.

I couldn't even say I was sorry because I was the one who started all this and it seemed so pointless; I was sorry, though, for disrupting his life so much, but I stayed quiet.

"I needed time to process that; I cared about her," he said and he sounded frustrated.

My lip quivered a little, but I refused to react in a way that would upset him more. "I understand," I said quietly.

"It's been hard, Bella," he added. "I know you've been through a lot, but it hurt." He wasn't looking at me, and I swallowed with difficulty. "It wasn't fair of me to bring her home to flaunt in your face, though that never was my intention. I'm sorry."

The memory of that hurt, but I just glanced at him. "I'm really sorry, too, Jake."

"I know we should talk more…" he started to say, but he turned to face me instead. His fingers tipped my chin up and his mouth crashed down onto mine.

I breathed in his heat, his intoxicating scent, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. We weren't far to the entrance of the apartments, but the little alley nearby was closer, and he hoisted me up. Before I even realized it, I was backed into the chain-link fence. I would've bounced off from the impact, but Jake's body pinned me there.

My eyes drifted closed as our mouths opened in unison. The silky warmth of his tongue invaded my mouth, and I whimpered eagerly. This kiss was rougher than any others even the first kiss we had ever shared back in the woods in Forks.

His hands were gripping the fence by my head as my legs locked around his waist. He bucked his hips into mine, and I nearly saw stars just feeling him press against me right _there_. My hands fisted his hair as I bit his lip, sucking it into my mouth. Something was overtaking me, and I wanted it. I wanted him.

I needed to feel him surrounding me and apparently he felt the same.

His lips caught hold of my tongue, tugging and suckling on it, and I moaned into his mouth.

Suddenly his one hand was moving under my shirt, grazing along my bare skin, until it came into contact with my left breast. The squeeze left me gasping and arching my own hips, anxious to feel more.

"Jake…" I gasped as his lips left mine to press open-mouthed kisses along my neck.

His hand was still exploring my breast, squeezing and massaging, when his other hand began moving up my outer thigh and sliding right up under my skirt. There was no complaint from either of us when his fingers grazed the damp heat between my thighs, and we both moaned anxiously.

"I… I need…" I managed to pant as his tongue and teeth traced my collarbone. "You," I managed to say before another moan overtook me as his fingers slid up the length of my slit through my underwear.

He moved his hands out from under my clothing, cupping my backside, and he carried me out and into the apartment building. I could scarcely believe this was happening, but I had no intention of waiting any longer for him.

I wanted this, and I realized I had wanted this for awhile now. The way his muscles flexed would transfix me, his hands that were so big would mesmerize me, and the way his backside looked in jeans had been making me warm. The most important thing was that he had always been there for me, always loved me, and he had continued to be the best friend I could always count on.

I had denied us so long, and I didn't want to anymore.

I needed this. I needed him. Now.

The elevator ride was a blur of hands on bare skin, more deep and intense kissing, and soft hair tickling my face. He was still holding me and jammed his key into the lock and we nearly tumbled into the kitchen. He kicked the door shut, dropping his keys on the table as he sped through the kitchen and up the stairs to the bedroom.

He deposited me on the bed. We were both panting excitedly, both ready to rocket our relationship to the next – and very new – level. He stood over me, his buttoned shirt hanging half open, and he looked a bit wild.

I would have been scared if it was anyone but Jake.

His dark hair was loose, his huge and muscled frame shaking, as his eyes met mine in the near darkness. "Are you sure about this, Bells?" Even his voice, hoarse and hungry, was wild and it excited me in all these new ways.

"Yes," I murmured instantly.

We were seconds away from plunging into a frenzy that would alter our relationship, and I wanted it so damn much.

My arms opened to him and we both took the plunge together.

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**AN: I really know how to end it, don't I? ha. At least you mostly know what's coming next! So hopefully that makes up for it a little. **

**Also, I'm kind of late in mentioning this (voting is through the 15****th**** which is Tuesday this week), but just wanted to say this fic has been nominated for Highest Hanky Count on the JBnP Awards. There are some awesome stories that have been nominated in all categories if you want to check them out and vote. You have to be an 18+ member to do so. Link is: ****http:/jacobblack-n-pack[dot]ning[dot]com**** and there's a link there to go to the awards site which is ****http:/jacobblack-n-pack[dot]blogspot[dot]com****. **


	19. A Fresh New Start

Something in the way she moves,  
Attracts me like no other lover.  
Something in the way she woos me.  
I don't want to leave her now,  
You know I believe and how.  
Somewhere in her smile she knows,  
That I don't need no other lover.

**-The Beatles "Something"**

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**JPOV**

My body was always heated thanks to my genetic ability to turn into a wolf, but touching Bella how I've always dreamed of touching her was enough to make me actually _feel_ the heat burning through my body. Going to that club tonight and seeing Bella was pure coincidence, but seeing her attempting to dance with her friends had really hammered the decision home. Her dancing was lame to be sure, but the fact that she was trying and was making friends had shown me how much she was willing to try again with everything else.

I had made the decision even if I was still feeling a little gun-shy. The feel of her in my arms on the dance floor had been enough to tell me that I really wanted her, too, and having her feel the same about me had been exhilarating. I was still hurt, still a little bothered over the situation, but I knew things were improving so I let go of my inhibitions.

Just seeing Bella stretched out on our bed, rumpled and reaching for me, had done me in. She wanted to do this and all thought and reason flew right out of my head. I was stretched out on top of her, our bodies melding together, as I braced most of my weight on my arms. Her breath was coming in pants as my hands impatiently pushed her shirt up.

I had to feel every inch of her, kiss every spot I could.

We managed to wrestle the shirt over her head where I flung it across the room. My lips settled fleetingly under her ear, her jaw, alighting on the pulse point in her throat before reaching the slight swell of her breasts. Her hands were restlessly moving over my body as I pulled back to yank my own shirt off.

Little sparks of heat zapped along my nerve endings as I felt her hands slide down to grip my backside.

My hips bucked into hers again, and I reached between us to tug at her skirt. I could feel her impatience warring with mine as the wolf strained inside of me; I could barely control it.

Her hair was tangled in my hands and her lips were swollen and red from our heated kisses. I paused long enough to rip her panties off, my fingers moving quickly to that slick spot between her legs.

She cried out, "Oh God, Jake… please…" and her voice faded to a pleasure-filled moan, filling my mind and making my dick grow even harder. My finger moved, sliding around the soft folds, familiarizing myself with her. Her scent reached me and I inhaled deeply, feeling my body strain even harder.

I made quick work of my pants and they went flying over my shoulder. The need to have her was pounding through me in waves as I continued to work my fingers between her thighs, eliciting sounds from her that just fed my need even more.

I was barely clinging to my sanity already and I wasn't even inside her yet. Her bra was still on; I just shoved it up and out of my way so her perfect rosebud-tipped breasts were bare before me. Her fingers twisted in my hair when my mouth closed over one sweet nipple.

"So good…" I murmured huskily.

Her back arched as I continued to lavish licks and nips over the soft mounds. I managed to slap my hand against the nightstand, condoms buried in the corner of the drawer; my hopes from long ago now a certainty. I backed off slightly to rip open the package and slid the condom on my painfully sensitive dick.

Bella's eyes watched my every move, her little pink tongue darting out to wet her lips.

My eyes met hers, and I could see the desire in her eyes, hear her deepened breathing.

Her hands reached for me just as I pushed her thighs further apart. My hips pushed forward, feeling where her soft skin parted for me. I knew instinctively what to do.

My breathing was heavy as my lips captured hers yet again.

"Just do it," she gasped. Her legs tightened around me and I did it. I didn't pause; I just pushed myself deep into her tight, wet warmth. I felt her stiffen, whimper with pain, and I hesitated while my body begged to move.

"Bella…?"

She breathed deeply for a couple minutes and then nodded.

My hips took over as I thrust into her, the pace and the feel making me more frantic. Her tongue slid over mine and we thrust our tongues, mimicking the thrust of our hips.

I barely recognized the grunts and throaty growls coming from deep inside; and her noises spurred me on as I pinned her arms over her head. Her pale, soft skin practically glowed in the moonlight and I traced my tongue over every inch of her I could reach as our hips found the same rhythm.

My body was vibrating from her touch, her scent, her taste as I began to feel the pressure increase while Bella clenched around me. I nipped at her jaw, her lower lip, and she moaned and rocked harder.

Encouraged I began pounding my hips against hers faster and harder. "Bella…" I gasped. "Oh shit, you feel so good…"

Her head tilted back, lips parted, and I felt her convulse around me when I reached down to press against the little bundle of flesh between us. My body followed hers as she tightened even more around me; my vision hazed as sweat dripped down my temple and I felt the pressure come to a boiling point as I watched her cry out and thrash under me.

I couldn't hold back any longer and I came with a heavy force inside of her, teeth biting down between her shoulder and neck, grasping her hips and holding her against me as I thrust until I was empty.

She shook again, her body spasming.

My breath came deep and slow then as a relaxation took over my body. I gently pulled out of her, afraid I had hurt her, but she just curled into me. Her naked body pressed full-length against mine, her head on my chest, I managed to lift an arm and brush back the hair from her face.

"Bells, are you…"

She interrupted me. "I'm okay, Jake. In fact I'm much better than okay," she murmured. Mollified I wrapped my arms tightly around her and passed out.

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**BPOV**

I woke to the weak light of sunshine trying to peek through the heavy clouds. A strip of it lay across the bed and so did Tinker; she was fast asleep with one paw over her nose. My leg was draped over Jake, nestled between his legs, and my head was resting on his shoulder. His other arm was draped over his stomach and his hand rested on my hip.

Memories of last night began to flash through my mind, and I became fully aware of what had occurred.

We had made love. And it had been wild and amazing.

My cheeks began to warm as I thought of more details. Jake's hands gripping my hips tightly as he came, his eyes wild with lust; his dark hair tickling my skin as he tasted me and his teeth biting down on my skin – not too hard, but not really gently either – and I felt the heat again.

Jake had to go to work in a couple hours, though, and I wanted him to rest. So even as much as I wanted him, I knew I would let him sleep. Carefully I slid out of bed, leaving Jake and our cat fast asleep. Jake flexed his arm slightly as my weight disappeared – as if searching for me – but he just gave a soft sigh and began to snore again.

I smiled and slipped into the bathroom. The area between my legs ached and I winced slightly. My eyes widened when I looked into the mirror and saw little bruises from where he had gripped my hips and there were light red marks along my jaw and a slightly bigger one on my neck.

I didn't particularly mind; I just took a careful shower and let the heat ease the aches. I towel-dried afterward, pulling my hair up into a ponytail. The closest thing to slip into was one of Jake's t-shirts, so I pulled it over my head and let it drop to my knees.

The tea kettle was set on the stove and I began to heat the water for some tea while toasting some bread. While I waited, I perched on the window seat, pulling my knees up under the shirt and against my chest as I gazed out at the little yard. It had small patches of garden for anyone who wanted to make use of it. Since it was close to spring, I decided maybe I would try planting a few things and see how it went.

I got up and ate my toast, taking my tea back to the seat with me. I began to feel drowsy again as the sun warmed my bare arm when I heard Jake behind me. "There you are," he said quietly.

I turned, a shy smile curling my lips upward. He set my tea on the little table nearby and sat across from me on the window seat. A little tug of my hand and I was on his lap, his knees bent to fit on the seat and to hold me in place. Tucked securely against him, I laid my head on his chest.

"How do you feel?" he asked as he twisted my ponytail around his fingers.

"A little sore, but happy," I said.

His lips brushed against my temple. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

I shook my head, but he caught sight of marks on my jaw and neck and his brow furrowed. "Bells…" he said as his fingers stroked lightly over the marks.

"Jake, it's fine," I said. "There was no complaining; I wanted it. I'll just put a little make-up on to cover it."

We were both quiet then and I listened to the soft, steady thumping of his heart. "We need to talk," he finally said. "Maybe after work since I really should be getting ready," he added.

I nodded, knowing it was inevitable, as he got up. He tilted my chin up and kissed me gently. "We'll go out for dinner… a real date since we did everything a little backwards."

He went upstairs to get ready and left for work. I went out and did some grocery shopping and after putting the food away I began cleaning until I had to go in to work. I was just picking up what I needed for an order that I had to fill at home, so it was a quick trip.

I tried to slink by Dana at the bakery to get what I needed, but her voice brought me up short. "Bella Swan, don't think you can fool me. You can't hide the sex walk!"

My face heated, but I turned to face her. She was grinning, her eyes lit with happiness. "Typically the girl friend code is to _never_ leave them for a guy, but we made an exception since this was Jacob," she said grabbing my arm excitedly. "All of us were thrilled at the idea."

When I didn't say anything, she hauled me into a quiet corner. "And you had sex with him, didn't you?"

My cheeks were going to be stained permanently red if this kept up. "Yes," I mumbled. "I did."

After her cheer of happiness, she asked, "So… how was it? You don't have to give me _too_ many details."

I knew my ears were beginning to turn red now, too. "It… it was… amazing," I whispered trying to appease her enough to stop.

Her eyes widened. "It was your first time, wasn't it?"

It took a few attempts, but my blush finally began to fade after I admitted it was and told her it had been a little wild and a little tender all at the same time. I also told her we planned on talking tonight. She finally let me go after making me promise to wear the new outfit she had made me purchase along with the undergarments, and I walked toward the door with the supplies feeling dizzy.

"Yes," I managed to say when I reached the door and turned to face all of them. "I'm sure Dana will tell you anyway, but yes, I had sex with Jacob. It was amazing," I finished and walked out the door amidst their cheers and catcalls. I couldn't help the snort of laughter as I hurried to my car.

Once I got home, I had a spur-of-the-moment idea and made peanut butter and jelly cupcakes. After I frosted the cupcakes, I inserted the jelly and then printed a letter on each of the dozen. Set up on the counter - _I Love You Jake -_ I smiled and continued with my work order. Before long it was close to the time when Jake was due home, so I hurried upstairs to take a quick shower and change into the new outfit Dana had strong-armed me into buying.

The underwear and bra were simple, but sexy. They were a deep blue, skimpy, and had an edge of lace. The skirt was black denim with a simple trim at the bottom in deep blue and the top was a long-sleeved shirt that matched the blue and was low enough to showcase just a little bit of cleavage.

I heard Jake come in as I proceeded to brush my hair and put on some lip gloss. My heart began pounding as I heard him come up the steps. He came into the room, sliding his arms around me from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder. He smelled like pine trees and soap, so I knew he had showered at work.

"Thank you," he said kissing my ear. "I'm going to wait until after dinner so we can try them together." I smiled and turned to face him. His lips met mine and the kiss was soft and gentle.

He changed and we drove to the restaurant. Once we were seated, I ordered the grilled chicken and he ordered a steak. Once we were sipping our drinks, he smiled at me. I was still feeling inexplicably shy after what had happened last night and knew my cheeks would warm soon enough.

"You look really pretty tonight, Bells," he said reaching across the table and taking my hand.

I smiled and curled my fingers around his. "Thanks."

"So… what changed your mind?" he asked hesitantly.

I wanted to tell him everything, so I took a deep breath. I tried to explain my confusion, the pain I felt over everything that had transpired over the course of the months we had been living in Hoquiam. I told him that in some ways I was aware that I loved him, but my feelings got so confused and tangled.

"I'm sorry for what I put you through," I said glancing down at my half-eaten chicken breast. "I can't apologize enough, but I truly thought I made the right choice. You mean too much to me and I had myself convinced I couldn't put you through more if I couldn't handle this."

"You should have let me decide that. We should have talked about it before you decided to date someone else." His voice wasn't soft, but it wasn't angry either.

"I know. And all I did was mess things up with Brandon anyway, and he's a good person. And Lindsay…" I couldn't help adding and felt that flash of jealousy. "I know with everything going on it wasn't the best thing for me to do. I know you care about her…"

He was quiet as he ate. "I really do," he said. "It wasn't easy, Bella, but overall I'm glad you said something. I'm still unsure of how things are going to be, but…" he trailed off and his vulnerability hurt.

"I love you," I whispered. "It took too much for me to say this and have it really mean something and to be willing to try. I talked to Dana… and even Charlie a little bit. What happened with your dad really hit home; life's just too short. I don't want you to worry; I'll just have to show you how much you mean to me." I traced little circles on his wrist, staring down at his smooth russet skin.

"We can try," he agreed. "Last night was amazing," he said lifting my chin and making me look at him. "It's one step, but there are a few more to go. I know I didn't say anything right away – for mine and Lindsay's sake – and I needed time to think. I love you, Bella, but you know that. I have for awhile now."

We lightened the discussion then and ate dinner together on our first official date.

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**JPOV**

I couldn't help staring at Bella across the table as the sky darkened outside and the candle on the table was lit. She looked beautiful in firelight; even paler than normal, her dark hair shiny, and her eyes sparkled. The outfit she wore suited her, too. It suited me as well and I couldn't help imaging taking it off of her.

It wasn't an easy conversation. There had been hurt on both sides, confusion, and unfortunately other people's feelings got caught up in it, but I was glad we had it. And even if I still had some uncertainty, I was thrilled she was owning up to her feelings and wanted to try again.

We were just talking idly about how I planned to go home and help Billy and my sisters. She wasn't able to come due to a big order she was helping with, but she promised to make a chicken and vegetable casserole within Billy's new diet for me to take home. I appreciated her thoughtfulness about my dad. It had been difficult and I was grateful to have her helping.

She had just finished telling me a story about work when I blurted out, "So last night really was fine with you? Things happened so fast…"

I could see her cheeks color a little and she looked shy again. It struck me as sweet and I sort of knew how she felt. God knows I had fantasized about her often enough, but with the changes in our relationship it still seemed almost unreal. It was like looking at her in a new light, but everything else was still the same.

"Yes, I really am. Better than fine," she said with a smile.

Images of her naked flashed through my mind, and I couldn't help adding I was better than fine, too. It was a dream come true. "Does that mean we're officially…?" She added but looked a little awkward trying to say it.

"Dating?" It felt unreal saying that, but I loved it. "Hell yes."

She laughed and we ordered a dessert to share, and I couldn't help holding the spoon of chocolate pudding with cookie crumbs to her mouth. She met my eyes and took the spoon between her lips. It was enough to have me shifting slightly on the seat. We took turns and I couldn't help laughing.

"I'm enjoying this, but I feel like everyone's looking at us," she said understanding what I was thinking. "Are we going to turn into the couple that can't stop looking at each other or feeding each other in public?"

"Quite possibly," I said calmly. We both smirked.

When dinner was over, I saw a couple walk by us, both around our age laughing and looking like they didn't have a care in the world. Bella and I had changed over the course of the months in some ways; we had to grow up too fast, to deal with things most people didn't have to worry about and some things they'd _never_ have to worry about.

I wrapped my fingers around hers, swung our hands lightly between us, and was rewarded with her smile. We talked about what we should do when I came back from visiting Billy as we walked in the twilight. For once I felt light and free and Bella looked like she was feeling the same. It was a liberating feeling.

Once we got home, I sat on the sofa with Bella on my lap, and we ate one of the cupcakes. It had been a surprise that caused an ear-to-ear grin when I had come home and seen them. When it was time for bed, we were both a little quiet. I wanted her – I hadn't stopped – but once we were in the bedroom we both just stretched out on the bed still dressed.

Kissing her was something I could very easily become addicted to and that was all we did. It was what we both seemed to need. Her hands stroked my back, sliding down my arm, and then back up and into my hair.

Her soft breath feathered over my lips and I kissed the top one first, then the lower one. She sighed and I stroked my fingers over her collarbone, her cheekbone, and then slid them along her temple. I kissed her eyelids, feeling the brush of her eyelashes - soft as butterfly wings - against my lips. Her lips moved to my jaw, pressing a little kiss there.

We continued this way for awhile, content just to touch each other and kiss previously un-kissed areas. When I began to drift off, my hand was resting against her stomach under her shirt, and her hands were tucked between us and resting against my chest. Her head tucked perfectly under my chin and I slept soundly.

The early dawn of the next morning, the day I was going to head home, I felt a strong need echoing in my body. Bella's body was loose and supple in her sleep, her pink lips parted slightly. The urge got stronger, and I eased onto my side, sliding my hand along her hip and dipping under her skirt.

She sighed and I lifted slightly to move her shirt up a bit to kiss her bared stomach. When she murmured my name in her sleep, I smiled against her skin and slid her shirt up higher. Her bra and the way her breasts looked in them nearly made me drool. Slipping her skirt off, she began to wake slowly. The sight of her bra and panties was like a kick to my stomach.

"Damn Bells," I sighed.

"What?" she asked sleepily.

"You're determined to destroy me with your lingerie, aren't you?"

She giggled and wound her arms around my neck. It was all the encouragement I needed.

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**AN: After everything, I hope this little bit of fluff appeased you. ;-) And on a random note, just thought I'd let you know I came in first place in the Highest Hanky Count for the JBnP Winter Awards. A very nice surprise! Pic of banner linked on my profile. Now the recipe (I made these cupcakes & they turned out SO good):**

**PB & J Cupcakes:**

**1 ½ C. flour 2 lg eggs**

**1 tsp baking powder ¾ C. milk**

**½ tsp salt 2 tsp vanilla**

**1 stick unsalted butter, softened 1 C. grape jelly**

**1 C. sugar**

**Preheat oven to 350. Sift the flour, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl. Cream butter and sugar on medium speed until fluffy (2-3 min). Add eggs one at a time, beating until incorporated. Add dry ingredients in 2 parts, alternating with milk. Add vanilla. Spoon batter until 2/3 full. Bake 20-22 minutes or until they spring back. Cool completely on wire rack. Squeeze a tablespoon of jelly into center of cupcake. Frost w/ chunky peanut butter & peanuts (optional).**

**½ stick unsalted butter, softened**

**¾ C. chunky PB**

**4 oz. cream cheese, softened**

**2 C. confectioners sugar**

**½ Tbsp milk (few drops more if needed)**

**In large bowl beat butter, PB, & cream cheese on medium speed until light & fluffy. On low speed add 1 C. sugar, then few drops of milk. Increase speed & mix thoroughly. Add remaining sugar and few more drops of milk if necessary. Speed to high & mix until fluffy & good spreading consistency. Use immediately.**


	20. A Weekend Getaway

You're my satellite  
you're riding with me tonight  
Passenger side,

Lighting the sky  
Always the first star that I find  
You're my satellite

**-Guster "Satellite"**

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**BPOV**

I found myself humming often; humming and smiling while I cooked, while I was at work, while I did grocery shopping. It was nice to finally feel a little lighter. I couldn't pretend that everything was perfect. The circumstances weren't easy to deal with because I would wonder and worry about Edward and his family. I missed them.

But I remembered what Alice had told me. I was trying to move along with my life and being with Jake was remarkably easy.

It was also remarkably wonderful.

Jake had left for home with one of my casseroles and some whole-grain rolls I had picked up at the store along with a bunch of fresh fruit I found at a local farmer's market. He had been so appreciative and had kissed me for quite awhile before I finally managed to shoo him out the door.

It still wasn't easy for me to be alone at night, so I called Dana and asked if she would stay overnight with me. She wasn't busy and to my relief agreed. I really enjoyed her company as we simmered beef tips in a wine and gravy sauce and cooked pasta. Once we got the salad together and sat down to eat she looked at me teasingly.

"So….how are things with Jacob?" she asked innocently.

I rolled my eyes at her innocent act and laughed. "Things are going well," I answered just as innocently as I nibbled on a beef tip.

She smirked. "I know how it goes. It's always wonderful especially in the beginning. Amazing sex, cuddling, the works," she said with a wink.

My cheeks warmed, but there was no way I could deny it. We had only had sex twice now, but I could already feel myself anxiously waiting for when we could be together again. I was glad he was going home, though. I knew he was still worried about his dad and Rachel; he missed them and his brothers. It would give him a chance to help out and spend some time with them.

"I'm really happy for you. You're a lot happier than before," Dana said with a genuine smile.

"Thanks Dana. I still worry, I still have some problems dealing with things, but Jake somehow makes me calm and really happy at the same time."

"Being in love with your best friend – and vice versa – is always the best kind of relationship."

After dinner we watched movies and made some popcorn. When it was time for bed, I felt unsure of what to do. I think Dana sensed my unease because she suggested sleeping in the living room.

"No, no, that's okay," I said. "There's a spare room upstairs. You'll be more comfortable there instead of on the couch."

"I slept on a couch in my apartment for awhile before I ever got a bed," she said with a chuckle. "Honestly Bella, I don't mind. And isn't that the point of a sleepover?"

I relented and made up the sofa for her and piled blankets and a sleeping bag and pillows to make a puffy nest for myself on the floor. We talked for awhile; Dana told me she met someone recently and they were going out for the first time the following night. She seemed pretty hopeful and I was excited for her. She asked me questions about Jake and we finally settled down to sleep.

I was having trouble drifting off; I wished Jake was here to hold me. It was nice to have company, but it wasn't the same. My cell phone buzzed quietly right by my head and I checked the little screen. It was Jake. I opened the text and saw - _everyone is doing fine but I miss you and love you – _which made me smile. It was as if he knew. I texted him back and told him the same and fell asleep with a little smile on my face.

The following day I was waiting eagerly for Jake's return. As soon as I heard the key in the door, I hurried over and nearly tackled him as he came in. He laughed and caught me. His lips met mine in a frenzied kiss that he slowed considerably after a moment. His tongue tasted mine, gently exploring as his hands roamed over my back.

"Mmm, now _that_ was a welcome home."

I smiled against his lips.

We spent the remainder of the day entwined around each other on the couch. His hands explored at will, his mouth tasting previously un-tasted areas; my biceps, my bellybutton, my big toes, and the backs of my knees. He managed to tell me at one point that Sam and Emily wanted us to be in their wedding at the end of April. Surprised, but pleased, I knew I would go back to La Push for that. He told me she would call within the next few days. Later that evening after we managed to get ourselves off the couch to make dinner, I got a phone call from Dana.

"Bella!" she exclaimed. "Since you and Jake are just starting out and things have been so difficult, I decided to talk to my sister and she said you and Jake could stay at the house in Ocean Shores for a couple days to have some fun together!"

Surprised I glanced at Jake as he raised his eyebrows. He had heard everything of course.

"Wow… Dana, that's really sweet of her… but I don't know that we can afford…"

"Oh Bella, she said as long as you take care of cleaning up after yourselves, maybe adding a few non-perishable groceries, she's not worried about money."

Jake began to look excited and I was starting to feel that way, too. "Really? I mean that's incredibly generous of her. I don't want to take advantage of that."

"Yes, really! She's a sucker for romance."

I laughed and thanked her profusely over and over for even thinking of something like this for the both of us. We both had two days off near the end of the week, so we planned for that. The week dragged by as we both got even more excited. We decided to take Tinker with to see if traveling would work with her. I hated to leave her behind when we went to La Push and to Ocean Shores before that, so it was decided. She was a relatively calm cat so I hoped it wouldn't be an issue.

When the day came, we were both bouncing like little kids. Our bags were packed so we threw our stuff in the car and got Tinker into her travel carrier. It felt like even more of a burden had lifted from me as we made our way to Dana's sister's place. Once there we carried everything up and I felt a rush of contentment. Since it was later in the day we decided to stay in and enjoy the sunset with a pizza we ordered in. I also wanted to make sure Tinker was okay with the new surroundings.

She zipped around the living room while we got our pizza and drinks together, darting in and out of the other rooms, making us laugh as she dive-bombed every little thing that caught her eye on the floor. She settled down as soon as I put some food out for her and got her litter pan set up. Jake pulled me onto his lap in the big armchair by the sliding doors; it was harder to eat but I really didn't want to move.

The sunset faded and purple began intermingling with the red and gold colors as the sky got darker. We had finished our pizza and I was curled into Jake, his fingers combing through my hair lazily.

"Let's watch a movie," he decided.

He pointed out the DVD's that were stacked by the television. So I let him go through the titles while I took a quick shower. He was grinning triumphantly as he held up _Kick-Ass. _I just shook my head, but he was so pleased to have found a movie that was more his speed. Then he held up _Jane Eyre_ and I grinned happily.

"This one seems to be the least dippy of the three," he said flipping it over. "Plus you've made me watch _Wuthering Heights _and _Romeo and Juliet_ already anyway and they're the only classics you own." He smirked and I laughed.

We settled in after Jake made himself a bag of popcorn and unearthed some candy bars. We watched his choice which I admittedly enjoyed, but feigned boredom when he asked which set off a tickling war until I _did _admit it. After _Jane Eyre_ I teased him about getting watery eyes at the end which led to him throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me to the bedroom.

If this was my punishment, I was ready to accept.

We still hadn't explored each other fully, both of us still getting used to the idea of making love to each other, but when Jake tugged off my pants and bikini underwear I bought specially with him in mind, I was ready. His large, overly warm hands slid up the outside of my thighs.

He slipped his hands behind my knees, lifting my legs and spreading them. I swallowed hard and squirmed at the embarrassment of him gazing down at me. Then I wasn't thinking about it anymore because he brushed his lips against me. I gasped, my hips bucking of their own accord. He caught hold of my backside, lifting me, as he then touched the sensitized area with the tip of his tongue.

"Oh… Jake…" I managed to gasp faintly.

He gave me an experimental lick from bottom to top, and I cried out. "Is this okay?" he asked looking concerned and a little flushed.

"Yes… yes please…" I barely recognized my own voice.

Then I felt his teeth nip gently at just the right spot, and I continued trying to push myself closer as his tongue tasted me all over, pressing against me and then inside me. Bright spots flashed behind my eyelids and I moaned and whimpered as he continued.

Soon the pressure began building and I gave a small cry as I felt one of his fingers slip deep inside of me. My eyes blinked open slowly and the sight of him kneeling between my legs, head bent down tasting me, and the feel of his finger had me spinning out of control.

"Uhhhhhh…" I gave a small cry and then felt the rush between my thighs.

Weak and shaking I reached out for Jake and he slid on top of me, his lips against mine and I could taste myself mingled with his taste. His tongue was gentle, tangling with mine, as he undid my shirt. I struggled to pull his shorts off and ended up hooking my toes into them to pull them off.

"I always want you," he whispered into my ear, his hair tickling my face and neck. "I can't stop."

Desire rushed through me as I turned and we ended up face-to-face. "Good," I whispered back. "Because I want you, too."

I reached down and cautiously took hold of the solid length of him. It was so soft, and I stroked my fingers up and down as his body stiffened against mine. He hardened even more in my grasp. "Bells…" he groaned. "That feels so good…."

It was rather sudden; one minute I was stroking him, the next he was unrolling a condom and pulling my leg up over his hip. He pushed himself into me, and I gasped. He leaned down and took one of my nipples into his mouth as he thrust himself into me.

"Mmmmmmm…Jake…"

He was eager and he was thrusting into me faster. I tilted my head back, angling my neck toward him. "What do you want, honey?" he whispered thickly as we gripped each other tightly and rocked harder.

The blush crept up. "Bite me again," I murmured.

I felt his soft laugh more than heard it and was momentarily mortified, but then he nipped a little roughly at the same spot just as he grabbed my backside and pulled me forward and gave one more heavy thrust. Another quake ripped through me at the feel of his teeth; another stroke of his length and then he was growling as he came.

We came down slowly still entwined.

"God, you're beautiful when you come, Bella," he murmured sleepily. "I love you."

I smiled and said, "I love you, too."

########################################################################

I woke up with the sun streaming into the room. It was going to be a nice day, I was lying naked with Jake on our mini-vacation, and I felt comfortably achy. I kissed the tip of his nose, then his eyelids, and his chin as he began to stir. "Morning," I whispered against his lips.

He smiled and kissed me back. "Morning."

"I'm going to go to that bakery we passed on the way here for breakfast. You can still sleep if you want," I told him as I brushed a lock of hair off his forehead.

He yawned. "That's okay, I'll go with you. We can always nap later."

We got up, and I found myself staring at the length of his naked body as he headed for the shower. He turned and smirked at me while my eyes were firmly fixed on his lean backside. "Enjoying the view?" he teased.

"Mmmm… a bit," I answered. "Maybe you should do a little spin for me before you go in," I added brazenly and laughed at his surprise.

He did, and I swallowed thickly as he disappeared into the bathroom. Shaking my head, I dressed and fed Tinker, and then we were walking down the road hand-in-hand. The bakery was just opening and smelled of doughnuts, cinnamon, and coffee. We both ordered a hot chocolate to chase the morning chill away and a dozen doughnuts, a few different flavors of bagels and cream cheese, and some fresh fruit.

Back at the house we ate breakfast discussing what we wanted to do for the day. We ended up on the beach since the weather was comfortable. Giggling like little kids, we got bucketfuls of sand to build a sand castle, topping the turrets with seashells. We snuggled and watched the birds going about their business for awhile and even saw a whale in the distance.

There was the Razor Clam Festival going on that day, too, so we stopped and checked out the vendors and sampled different kinds of clam chowders. Jake bought me a really pretty hand-blown glass bead with swirls of green, blue, and orange and promised to put it on some thread he was weaving for a necklace.

"Come on, I hear there's a bookstore," he said after awhile and I readily followed along.

I bought a couple books and then we went to a nearby restaurant for dinner. Jake asked me after we paid the check, "How about we follow it up with some bowling?"

I had never gone bowling before, and I kept snickering as Jake tried to temper his strength so as not to break anything. Neither of us did very well, but we had fun doing it. After a few games, I was beginning to wear down, and he was ready to head back to the house, too. We played with Tinker since she had been alone all day.

I left Jake rummaging for snacks while I took a shower and crawled into bed. He came in and with a sigh of relief I rested my head in the crook of his neck and shoulder. He had popped a DVD in and we watched in silence as I traced my fingers over the muscles in his chest and stomach. My thoughts wandered to our times together, and I bit my lip as a thought occurred to me.

I wasn't sure I wanted to ask this when everything was still so new, but I felt I had to know.

"Jake?" I asked quietly.

"Hmmm?" he muttered absently.

"I feel like I have to ask… I mean have you… um… done anything, you know, before?" I couldn't get the words out and I felt silly as my cheeks colored.

He turned his head to look at me, his brow furrowed. "What? You mean…"

I nodded and he realized what I was asking. "Bells… I don't know if…"

We were both stumbling around and I felt bad bringing it up. "Don't worry about it," I murmured.

"We should be able to be honest with each other," he mused quietly. "I haven't, um, had sex before Bella. Linds…" he started to say, but hesitated. "I mean, we fooled around a little, but it wasn't _anything_ like what I've done with you. What about you?" he asked and his cheeks looked a little red, too.

"It was the same for me. You were buckling your belt, though," I said and looked away.

He swallowed and turned to me, brushing the hair off my face. "I'm still so sorry about that, honey. It was a stupid thing for me to do, to invite her in and go upstairs. Not much happened; I was just about to tell her no when I heard you. I reacted and didn't think. I'm really sorry."

I didn't like hearing about him and Lindsay like this, but I was glad we were getting it out in the open. It was what happened and it was in the past, but I was relieved neither of us had gone very far. I let it go and reached up to kiss him.

"It's over and done with," I said. "Let's just concentrate on us and take things a day at a time."

He smiled and kissed me back. As I curled into him, a wave of happiness washed over me. It had been so long that even a moment of happiness was thrilling.

########################################################################

We got home Sunday late afternoon after a day of sight-seeing and driving up to the bluffs. Jake got a call from Rachel and he disappeared into the living room to talk to her. I called Dana and thanked her over and over for getting approval for us to stay at her sister's place. We had supplied some grocery items for her sister and I went into a little flurry of cleaning before we left. I asked Dana about her date and got an earful of how well it had gone.

There was some leftover casserole in the fridge that we could have for dinner, so I got that out for us to share.

I was heating the food in the microwave as Jake came into the kitchen. "Hey Bella? Would you mind if Rachel and Billy came up for an overnight? I thought you could ask your dad, too. I think Rachel could stand to get away and I'd like to see my dad again."

"Of course," I agreed. "I'll give Charlie a call and see when he can get a day off."

After we ate dinner, I called Charlie and asked if he wanted to come to visit and bring Billy and Rachel along. He had a day off in the next couple of days, and he seemed excited to come visit me. It had been a little while and I realized I was anxious to see him, too.

The next couple of days went pretty quickly and I got the apartment ready for them. Charlie insisted he would sleep on the couch so Billy could sleep in the bed. It would be no problem for Jake to carry him upstairs. There was a cot stored in the closet, so we got that out and set it up for Rachel so she could keep an eye on Billy.

I was busy at work with Easter orders starting to come in, but I managed to find a dessert recipe for cupcakes that would be allowed on Billy's diet; I just had to make a couple changes. When they arrived, I practically threw myself at Charlie. His arms circled around me and I breathed in his familiar scent.

"How are you, kiddo?" he asked.

"I'm really good," I said with a smile and I saw his eyes scrutinize me.

"You look a lot happier," he noted with a satisfied look. "I'm really glad to see that."

He didn't know the source of my happiness yet, but I wasn't sure how to say anything. It wasn't an easy thing to discuss and we were never very good at handling that. I was just glad we'd already had the sex talk.

Rachel smirked a little at Charlie's comment, but didn't say anything. I bit my lip as I realized she seemed to know what was going on. Once Charlie and Billy were sitting down eating breakfast, and we were in the living room, she turned to Jake.

I could see the little tell-tale signs of stress in her eyes and she looked a little tired. "How are you doing, Rach?" Jake asked noticing it as well.

"I'm okay, but there are moments when it's not easy," she admitted. "I don't know how you did it for that long, little brother."

"It was just day-by-day," he said. "And it was dad, so I wanted to help. You know you can call me anytime…"

"I know. I mean it's not like I don't have help. Everyone's been really helpful, but it's just hard seeing him struggle. He's doing well enough, but the therapy is tough sometimes."

She leaned her forehead on his chest and he gave her a hug. "Jake, you know you can…" I started to say.

"I know, Bells, but it's important to him that I have this life. I'm not saying I won't ever go back, though."

"You should live your life how you want right now, Jake," Rachel said. "I know you'll be home to help as much as you can, but dad's right. Sue and Charlie have really been a great help so I'm okay."

We were all silent and Rachel added slyly, "Plus I can see you two are enjoying your time together…" She gave us both a teasing smirk.

Jake got her in a headlock and gave her a noogie.

I laughed, but then realized Charlie had just walked into the room. His expression was a little shell-shocked and I realized he understood. Rachel look horrified, and after Charlie muttered they were ready to go and left the room, she squeezed my hand.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered to both of us and groaned.

Jake rolled his eyes, but couldn't help snickering. I sighed, resigned to talking to Charlie later.

We headed out to walk around town. We went into the bakery and I introduced them to everyone I worked with. Dana was thrilled to meet everyone and she and Rachel hit it off pretty well. Billy and Charlie wanted to do a little fishing so we got their gear and they set up to fish for trout. Rachel wanted to check out some of the shops, so we walked around with her, watching as she poked through a few shops.

We went back to the docks where Billy and Charlie had caught some trout. Rachel had struck up a conversation with someone, so Jake and I walked hand in hand by the water. It was nice to feel so normal; just a normal couple walking together by the water and enjoying the day.

"I can't believe Charlie overheard," I groaned.

Jake chuckled. "I know it sucks, but I doubt he was that clueless, honey."

We went back to clean up and go out for dinner at an Italian restaurant. I could see Rachel had relaxed over the course of the day and knew this had been a good idea. Billy seemed to be in a pretty good mood. Back at the apartment that evening, Rachel was showering while Jake helped Billy with some of his physical therapy in the living room. He had squeezed my hand when I said goodnight to him and told me he was really happy that Jake and I were happy. It was nice to hear.

Charlie was leaning against the counter. "So, you and Jake are together," he said quietly. His face looked a bit red and I knew it wouldn't take long for me.

"Yes. I said something and we worked things out," I murmured.

"I won't lecture, Bella. It's your life and the less I know the better. Just be safe, okay?"

I groaned quietly. "Dad, please," I muttered. "We already had this talk. Don't worry."

"Works for me," he muttered back.

We both laughed through our embarrassment at our lack of wanting to deal with this and it was thankfully dropped. But after Jake got Billy settled upstairs and came back down to grab his stuff, Charlie glared at him and said, "Remember what I said? You do anything to upset her and I'll make it look like an accident."

Jake nodded, I groaned, and Charlie disappeared into the living room muttering about teenagers.

On the way upstairs Jake and I both broke into quiet laughter.

########################################################################

**AN: Razor Clam Festival does happen mid-March in Ocean Shores. I try to keep what they do there and/or in Hoquiam true to the area in case you're curious. Anyway, a little more fluff, so hope you enjoyed! **


	21. Cupcakes Mean I Love You

If I was a flower growing wild and free  
all I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.  
And if I was a tree growing tall and green  
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves  
All I want is you, will you be my bride  
Take me by the hand and stand by my side

**-Barry Louis Polisar "All I Want is You"**

########################################################################

**BPOV**

My relationship with Jake had truly become as easy as breathing. It felt so good to be able to have a normal relationship. We stayed in and snuggled up together to watch a movie after work, he would come and visit me at the bakery, we would occasionally go out to eat when it was affordable, we took walks by the water hand-in-hand, he would attempt to cook for me, we made love often and I discovered we were both pretty insatiable. I often made him all different kinds of cupcakes with messages now as well.

One night he got me to go out to a baseball game. Hoquiam boasted the Olympic Stadium which was quite unusual; it was a wooden stadium and the outside of it resembled a warehouse. They hosted a number of events and football games there as well. It was small so we carried in our snacks to watch the game. I was caught off-guard by the stab of grief as I remembered the last baseball game I watched.

"Are you okay, Bells?" Jake had asked worriedly.

He didn't need to know about this. It would only upset him that he inadvertently reminded me of them. I could enjoy the game with him and just let myself remember the Cullen's on my own. I squeezed his hand and murmured, "I'm fine, Jake."

I had relaxed and ended up having a good time watching the game while eating my hot dog.

I had also convinced Jake to help me with our little patch of garden space and we had prepped and got it ready for planting. I was sitting on the window seat, watching him as he watered the few things we were able to plant; the rest would have to wait for warmer weather. He had unwound the hose and was sprinkling what we had planted. He glanced up toward our window and saw me. He was half-turned away from me, and he held the hose at the front of his crotch and innocently sprayed it around.

I snorted with laughter at the immature display, secretly loving that he still had a playful attitude after everything. The phone rang at six 'o clock on the dot, and I picked it up knowing it was Emily.

"Hey Bella!" she said cheerfully.

"Hi Emily," I said with a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling really good actually. The baby has started kicking more and Sam just got to feel him or her last night."

"That's great! I'm sure it must be really exciting for you," I said and mouthed her name at Jake as he came in.

"Definitely. Anyway, I know I told you that I didn't want to make anyone buy a traditional bridesmaid dress. It's too hard economically for most us, but I did search a few shops in Port Angeles and Hoquiam for anyone who needs to buy one and found some good prices."

She rattled off the information. It didn't matter what style dress as long as it was some form of green. We talked more about the food, and she seemed pretty decided on salmon. Price wasn't an issue because I knew most of the salmon would be caught fishing by my dad, Billy, and a few other guys.

Dana, Jamie, and Brian would be bringing the wedding cake and a couple other desserts and were of course invited to have fun at the reception. Emily had really wanted to invite everyone I worked with, but they needed at least three people to stay at the bakery, so Samantha, Clarissa, and Elijah said it was fine and they would man the bakery. It was getting too close to the busy time to close down for the day and orders were already in.

Once the details were given I hung up and Jake pulled me onto his lap on the couch. "So is Emily freaked out over everything yet?" he murmured as he nuzzled his face under the curtain of my hair to get at my neck.

I giggled as he blew a raspberry. "Not too much. She's getting a little anxious, but she wants to stay as relaxed as possible because of the baby."

"Mmmm," he mumbled as he nipped at my earlobe.

"It'll be nice for you to see the guys' again," I commented and felt a shiver dart up my spine as his mouth opened and I felt the moist heat against my skin.

"Mmmhmm," he mumbled again.

"Where are we going to stay, though? Billy will be happy to see you, but I don't know if he'd want us both there," I mused and squirmed as his fingertips dipped below the waistband of my jeans.

"Bells?" Jake said as his other hand cupped my jaw, tilting it to get better access to my throat. "You're kind of killing my hard-on talking about the guys and my dad," he said and we both began laughing.

I wound my arms around his neck, allowing him to scoop me up and carry me upstairs to have his way with me.

########################################################################

The day of the wedding was now just a mere few days away and I had taken Emily up on her suggestion of this particular store near the apartment. They had a pretty light green dress that was strapless, though it came with a little top to cover up. It fell to about my knees and was cinched in at the waist showing off my curves. Since I had gained some of the weight back that I had lost they were starting to show again. Jake had made a point of tracing them and I bit my lip at the memory.

When I got home the day before we were supposed to leave I heard Jake talking on the phone. He was being pretty quiet, but I didn't pay too much attention until I heard him say, "You know I still care about you, so only when you're ready."

A frown curved my mouth a little and a moment later he came into the kitchen. "Who were you talking to?" I asked making sure to keep my voice level.

He looked a little worried, but admitted it was Lindsay. My heart stuttered a little at the admission. "Um… oh… well, okay," I said hesitantly. I wasn't sure how to react, though it upset me a little.

Jake reached out and lightly stroked my hair. "Honey, I wasn't planning on hiding it from you. I care about her, but I'm in love with you. What you think matters most to me, so if you're really bothered by my possibly seeing her…"

I relaxed a little. I knew Jake wouldn't do anything to hurt me; it was just the thought that she really _had_ meant something to him that kind of bothered me, though it shouldn't. He was allowed to care about other people.

"No, its okay," I said looping my arms around his waist. "Just let me know when you do and where?" I asked looking up at him.

He leaned down and kissed me. "I promise. She's not ready yet, though, so it's a moot point. I love you, Bells."

I smiled at the devotion in his eyes, feeling so grateful yet again for this opportunity we were given. "I love you, too."

The next day I was up early to make breakfast, pack my dress and an extra set of clothes and toiletries. I also got Tinker's carrier and food ready. Jake was in the shower as I buzzed around downstairs and then he came down to help me finish up and we ate a breakfast of green pepper and tomato omelets, toast, and fruit. I also packed up some lean beef that I had shaped into patties for Billy that could just be thrown into a pan and cooked up easily.

I called Dana to finalize the time frame they would arrive and set-up, and we were on our way. Jake drove right through Forks to La Push and parked at his dad's. Charlie and Billy had been up really early and were just arriving back at the house with a couple other guys' with coolers of fresh caught salmon.

"Bells," he said giving me a hug.

"Hey dad," I said with a smile. "You caught a lot it seems."

He smiled proudly and so did Billy as they showed us. Billy looked a little tired, but it looked like he had enjoyed himself.

"You should probably rest for a little while," Jake told him with his usual concern at Billy overdoing something.

Billy sighed indulgently. "When did my son become the parent?" His speech was improving slowly and surely.

We laughed, Charlie promising he made sure Billy wasn't overdoing it and wearing himself out too much, but Billy acquiesced easily to Jake's suggestion; he must have been tired. Jake helped him inside and got him into bed so he'd be rested for the wedding. Jake planned to take Tinker to Sue's – where we were told we would be staying since she was staying with Charlie for the night – so we parted ways and I headed over to Emily and Sam's house to help set up and get ready.

Sue was pulling a monstrous dish out of Emily's oven with some difficulty. It was potatoes with onions and peppers and it smelled delicious. "Hi Sue," I said giving her a shy smile. "It smells great in here."

She gave me a sunny grin. "Hi honey," she said easily. "This is my second one, but thankfully someone else is doing more. It wouldn't be so difficult if our resident wolves didn't have such voracious appetites!"

I laughed. "Yeah, Jake has had to buy something extra for himself or make do with what we have for awhile now."

I chatted with her for a minute, thanked her for letting us use her spare room, and then she told me to head into the living room where everyone had gathered. My eyes widened as I took in the scene; make-up scattered over the coffee table, the sofa, and the floor, decorations scattered in between, and the rest of the space was taken up by Emily, Kim, Leah, Rachel, Emily's little cousin Claire, and now myself.

Claire was coloring on the floor, but the rest of them were digging through the make-up matching colors to Emily's face. Well, Leah wasn't, she was sprawled on the sofa looking a bit sour.

"Bella!" Emily exclaimed. She jumped up to give me a hug which I returned.

"Wow… it's kind of like…" I trailed off.

"A bomb exploded in here?" she said with a giggle. It was nice to see her look so happy. She also was sporting a belly bump and it was making her glow with radiance.

Everyone greeted me warmly – Leah gave me a grunt and half nod – and soon I was immersed in everything. Overwhelmed, I didn't say anything when the focus shifted to matching color to _my_ face, but I suggested we get the decorations set up at the tribal center and then worry about everything else.

There were already a bunch of people at the center and it didn't take long to set up the little lantern candles and various sizes of vases with daffodils on the tables. We got the tables up for the food and once finished everything looked bright and pretty. It was getting close to the time so everyone took fast showers and got dressed.

"Ooh, I like that dress, Bella. It's really pretty," Kim said.

"Thanks. It was from the shop that Emily had recommended."

"I bet Jake will like it, too," Emily said slyly.

My face heated as usual and they all laughed. Rachel recounted Charlie overhearing her comment at our apartment and imitated his expression making everyone laugh some more.

"I'm really glad for the both of you," Emily said sincerely. "He really loves you."

"Yeah, glad you came to your senses," Leah mumbled. "Hopefully you don't lose them somewhere along the way." I took offense to that, but I was never great at confrontation.

"Leah," Rachel scolded lightly.

"What? You can't say you aren't thinking the same thing. You're his _sister_."

"I love Jake," I said just managing to meet Leah's eyes. "I don't know what the future holds, but things have changed."

She raised her eyebrows at me, sliding her foot into a high-heeled shoe, and said, "Jake gave up a hell of a lot for you, moved away from his family and his pack, so I really hope things have changed. Though you know, he hasn't imprinted." Her tone wasn't cruel, but it wasn't friendly either.

That brought back the niggling fear that was always in the back of my mind and the idea that had come to me one night over the past month that I hadn't had the nerve to think about or mention to Jake. It would have to be talked about eventually, but I didn't want to worry over it. It wasn't fair to Emily and Sam, and I just wanted to enjoy the day.

"Leah, that's enough," Rachel said quietly. "We don't know the whole story and it isn't the time or place to be discussing this."

That seemed to snap Leah back. She looked genuinely contrite as she laid a hand on Emily's shoulder and said, "I'm sorry Emily."

A little surprised at the gesture, I realized they must have hashed things out over the months that Jake and I had been in Hoquiam.

"Its okay, but I do think you owe Bella an apology. I know you care about Jacob, but they're happy," she said gently and with a small smile to smooth over what she had to say.

Leah nodded, but her face was still a little tight as she apologized to me and I nodded my acceptance of it. The girls' smoothed over it, helping each other with hair and make-up. Emily squeezed my hand as we headed over to the tribal center and I let go of the upsetting feelings, determined to be with Jake and have a good time.

When we got there, we got in position, and I saw Jake and felt my nervousness ease. God, he looked beautiful dressed up and I felt a little flutter at the sight of his hair pulled back in a ponytail with a strip of leather. He smiled at me and I slid my arm into his, waiting for our turn to walk down the aisle. "Don't let me trip," I whispered.

He laughed softly. "Never," he promised.

We watched Leah and Embry walk down the aisle, Kim and Jared, Quil holding Claire's hand as she sprinkled her flowers proudly amidst the coos of the crowd, Rachel and Paul, and then it was me and Jake. I saw Dana, Jamie, and Brian sitting together and all three of them gave me a little wave. The wreaths of daffodils at the front where the tribal council was perched were beautiful. The Elders wore the traditional outfits and looked very regal.

Once we reached the front and took position everything went quickly. I watched as Sam and Emily couldn't take their eyes off of each other. It went by so quickly and then he was leaning down to kiss her scarred face gently before kissing her on the lips. His hand rested on her stomach the whole time and I felt a pang of something I wasn't able to identify. It was a beautiful moment.

Once they were husband and wife, they were showered with birdseed and pictures were taken of the wedding party. Jake dipped me down while kissing me deeply, and I heard a whirring of a camera. Laughing I smacked his arm and he grinned happily.

When the pictures were taken we filed into the area set up for food and dancing. The salmon was fresh and delicious with asparagus shoots and Sue's little potatoes to go with it. It was simple fare, but it was perfect. I don't think I've ever seen Sam smile so much.

Dana, Jamie, Brian, and I got the cupcakes out to set-up. My writing on the one's I made for Jake had become popular with my co-workers and our clients so they spelled out _Congratulations Sam and Emily! _And they were surrounded by the rest with little hearts and doves on them. We also came out with a simple vanilla cake with vanilla frosting that was decorated with fresh fruit. After the cake and cupcakes were consumed, the standard wedding music was played first. I knew the drumming would come later around the bonfire and the more traditional dance so everyone took to the dance floor.

########################################################################

**JPOV**

I pulled Bella out for the wedding party dance, and she rested her cheek on my chest, watching everyone dancing and looking happy. "Did I tell you that you look beautiful?" I murmured tightening my arms around her.

I had only told her every five minutes, so she giggled. "Um… I'm not sure…" she teased.

I grinned. "Well, you do."

"So do you," she added. "You know you're sort of beautiful." I chuckled at the memory that evoked.

When the song was over, I watched as she danced with her friends from work. I led her over to a chair afterward to watch everyone else, but mainly so I could have Bella on my lap. She perched there, her head tucked under my chin. She smelled so damn good; like some kind of flower with her usual hint of strawberries.

Charlie came over and sat with us. He looked a bit uncomfortable with slacks and a tie and he kept tugging at it until Sue would give him a look of amusement and exasperation.

"I can't stand these clothes," he said with a sigh as Bella reached behind me to hand him a cupcake.

"I can't wait to change back into jeans and a t-shirt," Bella told him with a little grin. He laughed and I smirked at how alike they were.

"You kids having a good time?" he asked. "It's nice to see you smiling," he added to Bella.

She gave his hand a squeeze. "I am, Dad." And then she caught sight of Sue and stifled a giggle. "Uh-oh, Dad, looks like you're being summoned to the dance floor."

I started laughing at Charlie's pained expression and gave him a slap on the shoulder. "Have fun, Chief," I said and was rewarded with a half-hearted glare as he reluctantly got up.

Bella snuggled back into my lap and I began stroking her knee, casually brushing my hand a little higher each time. I had just reached her inner thigh when she smacked my hand.

"Jake, we're in public," she said trying to look annoyed, but barely succeeding.

I grinned. "Yes, but no one can see what's going on below the waist since we're behind this table."

She rolled her eyes as I continued. Just as she was beginning to squirm, Embry came out of nowhere and plopped down across from us. Bella grabbed for my hand, but I had already retreated.

"You two are nauseating," Embry said cheerfully. "But it's preferable to hanging out with Quil and Claire. Toddler-speak is nauseating," he added rolling his eyes.

I sniggered at him. "Oooo, how sweet. I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to hang out with him."

We watched Quil spin Claire around again, unleashing a few more little-girl squeals. "You know, he says he wants the imprint to remain as friends. He wants to try and lessen it with pushing that angle when she gets older so he can date. I think you inspired him."

I raised my eyebrows in shock and Bella stared at him. "W-what do you mean?" she asked. "Can he really do that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, but he's going to try. He definitely wants to be in Claire's life, but he decided he wants to choose how it should be. He wants to be like Jake; to be able to do what he wants with his life and choose who he falls in love with."

I was surprised, but I didn't understand imprinting fully. I hoped it worked for him because it would certainly help me. Quil had imprinted before we had all stopped phasing, as was the case for some of the others, but that didn't mean the imprint stopped. It wasn't a subject Bella and I had discussed, but the more time went on, I knew it would have to come up eventually. It was not likely to happen solely because I wasn't phasing, but I knew it was possible I would have to again. With the situation with the Cullen's being what it was, I knew the danger wasn't over.

We all watched Quil in silence. "I hope he does it," I said.

I tightened my arms around Bella again and she turned to face me. The mood needed to be lightened, and since it wasn't an immediate concern for us, I stood and smiled down at her. "Let's dance," I said.

Embry came out with us and danced with one of Emily's friends from the Makah reservation while I danced with Bella. When Embry smoothly slipped her away from me, leaving me with the Emily's friend, I couldn't help laughing as Embry spun and dipped Bella in an exaggerated fashion until she was hanging on to him for dear life. Seeing her smile and laugh like this was something that never failed to make me happy, and I was grateful to Embry for helping to smooth over some of the uncertainties.

When the festivities began to wind down in the hall, the drizzling outside had let up enough for the bonfire to be lit. Dana, Jamie, and Brian had to head home so we chatted with them for a bit before they left. Charlie had checked in with Billy and pushed him to the beach, though Quil and Embry came over to help me carry his chair to where the bonfire was lit. I could have easily done it, but we were all in tune enough to know that would be a bit suspicious. It was one thing to carry just Billy, but another to lift him _and_ his chair by myself.

Once Billy was settled, the Elders began drumming, and I let the rhythmic sound reverberate through me. The sound was so familiar to my childhood. My brothers' were up and shedding their shirts, so I followed suit, and laughed as Bella's eyes widened.

"For special occasions such as a birth, death, marriage, etc, we always do this," I told her and with a quick kiss I was joining them in a dance as old as our tribe.

Hair loose, shirt off and barefoot, we spun in a wild, but coordinated dance for Sam and Emily to the beat of the drums. After it was over, Emily had a huge grin on her face and we all gave her a kiss. I turned to walk back to Bella and her eyes were wide with surprise… and something else.

"You looked beautiful out there," she whispered, curling into me. I laughed and kissed her and realized along with the surprise was lust. It thrilled me to no end that I could do this to her.

There were stories and songs, and then laughter and camaraderie with various friends and family. I had missed this and in some ways I had missed La Push, too. I had always wanted to get away and explore, and I still wanted that, but somehow I knew I would end up back here one day. And I hoped Bella would come with me.

Everyone was dancing with their girlfriend's now, and I realized that was what Paul and Rachel were becoming. It didn't thrill me, knowing Paul, but she did have a way about her that seemed to settle him. I would maim him if he hurt her, so I decided to keep tabs on that as much as I could. Bella didn't want to dance at first and told me she felt strange being the only white person – besides her father – there.

"Bella, you know you're welcome here," I said dryly. "We have welcomed the twenty-first century and it's not a big deal because everyone knows and trusts you."

So she allowed me to lead her closer to the bonfire where I wrapped my arms around her. I led her through some of the shuffle dancing everyone was doing and then we settled into just being wrapped around each other. Humming quietly, I tilted her backwards, leaning over to kiss her and making her smile.

As I pulled her back up, we both saw Charlie shaking his head and rolling his eyes. He looked faintly amused, though, and I snickered as Bella blushed beet-red. We sat with Billy and Charlie for awhile, and then as things wound down, I was ready to head back to Sue's.

"Bella, thank you _so much_," Emily exclaimed giving her a tight hug.

Bella laughed and lightly rubbed her hand over Emily's belly. "You're welcome. I had a great time, and I'm really happy for you and Sam."

We managed to escape and headed back to Sue's house. Tinker was fast asleep on her bed and we got ready for bed quietly. "It feels weird to be sleeping here knowing she's staying at Charlie's," she said as we climbed into bed. I laughed as she wrinkled her nose a little.

"I kind of like it," I confessed tugging her into me. "It just means I can ravish you in peace."

She gave a little screech as I hauled her on top of me. It shifted easily to soft moans as I did just that.

########################################################################

**AN: Just to let you know, I am ignoring the Rachel/Paul imprint (unlike Quil/Claire because it was mentioned prior to where this story started unlike R/P) in favor of them having a normal relationship progression. There will also be a little more on imprinting later.**

**Also, since this chapter is centered in La Push, I thought I would share this with you... ****http:/www[dot]youtube[dot]com/watch?v=nYksWOoP9pU**** It's an informational video on how they need tsunami and flood protection… it's just shocking. There's a vote on this bill in the House of Representatives for the Quileute Tribe Tsunami and Flood Protection to go along with this if you're interested in signing: ****https:/www[dot]popvox[dot]com/bills/us/112/hr1162****. Don't mean to preach...it's all up to you… but wanted to make everyone aware. **


	22. The Shadows that Linger

The light of heaven's eye  
in there you will cry  
My heart's been a lonely warrior  
Who's been to war  
So you can be sure  
Your love's in a sacred place  
The safest hiding place

**-Sade "The Safest Place"**

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**JPOV**

I got home from work one day near the beginning of summer to find Bella, Dana, Samantha, Jamie, and Brian taking over the kitchen. My eyes widened when I saw the state of it. There were bags of flour and sugar, cartons of eggs, all kinds of baking paraphernalia scattered all over the table and counters… and various streaks of this or that on surfaces and on everyone in the kitchen.

"Hey, Jacob!" Dana said catching sight of me first.

"Um… hi," I replied still amazed at the disaster in the kitchen.

"Jake," Bella said sliding over to me to slip her arms around my waist. Her face had softened into that smile she always got around me. God, I loved it.

I slid a hand up and under her hair, to cup the back of her head, before planting a wet one on her. As everyone gave a little hoot, Bella smiled, looking embarrassed.

"What's going on in here?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"We have a really big catering order for another upcoming wedding and we thought it'd be fun to turn it into a little party at someone's house and Bella offered," Dana said.

"We're almost done actually," Brian added putting the lid on a huge layered cake on a platter.

"Oh, no problem," I said. "You know, if you need someone to taste-test…"

Snickering, Bella patted my cheek. "We had a couple extra cookies left over from an order. They're set aside especially for you."

I put my hand over my heart. "You all know me too well."

Their teasing echoed behind me as I headed upstairs to shower. Once I was finished, I wrapped a towel around my waist and stood at the top of the steps. "Hey Bells?" I called out. "Could you hand me my bag in the kitchen? I forgot to grab it."

Four pairs of eyes widened as they caught sight of me briefly before Bella blocked their view to hand me the bag. I could hear them whispering as clear as day as I changed in the bedroom.

"Holy shit," Samantha gasped. "Damn, you're lucky, Bella! That body…"

"Seriously… I nearly swooned," Dana added.

"I almost did, too," Brian tacked on and I heard peals of laughter as his girlfriend pretended to smack him.

I just shook my head, laughing to myself, as I finished changing. I was given samples and leftovers after I inhaled the Chinese food that had been ordered earlier. As I sat in the living room, I observed Bella with her friends. She had come such a long way and it was really good to see her smiling and laughing so much more. We had fallen into this relationship as easily as possible and it had been pretty damn near perfect.

She opened up to me, I opened up to her, and the sex was fantastic. I thought I had daydreamed a lot about it before I ever had it, but I found I was still obsessed with it even while getting it. I knew it was because it was Bella, though. It was all about her; her touch, her taste, the feel of her, all of it just stirred me and I couldn't get enough of her. Just having the opportunity to share a bed every night was something I could never get tired of; I even found myself thinking about marrying her, seeing her carrying our child for nine months – though a number of years down the road.

I knew I was getting ahead of myself and there was always that lingering worry and concern over what allowed us the chance to come together. I never knew what to expect from that. There were many times where I worried – and still worried – about hearing from the Cullen's and having my perfect world ruined. I didn't know if it truly would be ruined because of how close Bella and I had become and her admittance that she was in love with me. I knew it was strong, it was real, but I could never shake that niggling doubt.

It was a discussion that we might have to have, but it felt unnecessary and possibly painful right now. Plus, I admit I was scared of having that conversation.

They had finished up in the kitchen while I was musing, and I thanked them for keeping me in chocolate and sweets and said goodbye. "You look exhausted," I told Bella as she dropped next to me on the sofa.

"I am," she replied with a hearty yawn. "We came right from work to do this huge order so it would be ready for tomorrow. I mean, it was fun, but my feet hurt."

I pulled her legs up onto my lap, pulled her shoes off, and proceeded to massage her feet. She sank down into the sofa as if she were boneless and groaned. "Oh Jake," she sighed. "That feels incredible."

As I continued rubbing her feet, I could see she was fading fast. Once she did, I picked her up and carried her upstairs. She didn't even stir as I got her undressed and into bed. She curled into a fetal position, and I slid into bed behind her, spooning my body around hers. I leaned up on my elbow gazing down at her face; her lashes lay thick against her cheeks, her dark hair was tangled and in her face, and her lips were parted as she breathed deeply. I brushed her hair back, stroked a hand down her arm, and slid down into bed and slept deeply.

When I woke, the sound of the rain was finally slowing down, and the sun was trying to peek out if the flashes of light that came and went on the bed were any indication. Tinker was sleeping on my foot, so I carefully extricated it, earning a sleepy, annoyed look.

Bella sighed and rolled over to face me, curling her body into mine. A ray of sunlight flittered over her face, highlighting her soft, pale skin. I stroked a finger along her full upper lip, mesmerized at the feel. Her lips parted and she nipped my finger.

I laughed as her eyes cracked open, and she grinned at me. "Morning," she murmured as she reached up to kiss me. Her lips were pliant under mine and I languidly tangled my tongue with hers. The kissing continued, getting me stirred up, when she pulled away saying she had to shower.

She gave me a teasing smirk over her shoulder and disappeared into the bathroom. After about five minutes into her shower, I opened the bathroom door stealthily. She was humming quietly as I slipped the shower curtain to the side. I caught hold of her waist when she saw me, and she gave an impressive shriek.

I chuckled as she gasped. "Dammit, Jake, you scared me!" she accused holding onto my arms so she didn't slip.

She didn't look particularly upset, though, so I swooped down for another kiss. "You left me hanging, Bells. And hey," I added, "we haven't had sex in the shower before."

She smirked as I lifted her, pressing her back to the wall of the shower, and linked her arms around my neck. "Well, we can't have that, can we?"

The water sluiced between her breasts, little droplets clinging to her rosy nipples, which invited me to hoist her higher so I could fasten my mouth to one. Her whimpered moan spurred me on.

My teeth nipped, my lips pursed, and my tongue laved her breasts as I felt the heat get stronger between her milky-white thighs. Her hands fisted my hair, and she pulled and arched her back.

"Mmmm," I hummed against them. "So pretty and tasty."

When I finally released them, she pushed herself against my hard-on, and I felt that soft wetness. A groan slid from my throat as her lips worked their way to my neck, sucking and biting the soft skin there.

We grappled against the wall, each of us trying to drive the other crazy. Her fingers dug into my backside for leverage, and I delved between her thighs to slide two fingers deep inside of her. She cried out, her head back, and I nipped at her jaw as I pushed and retreated. Her hips rocked, and her moans were turning me on even more.

"Ja-a-a-a-ake," she pleaded. "Please… I can't take it…"

Her pleas shot straight to my soft spot for wanting to make her happy, but I slid my fingers out. Her beautiful brown eyes met mine as I licked my fingers clean. Her cheeks warmed, but she was mesmerized at what I was doing. She reached down between us, her little fingers wrapping around the length of me.

She urged me on and I felt her lips nibbling my earlobe, but her words were what did me in.

"I love you," she whispered, her nose nuzzling my cheek. "I want you. Please."

I laced my fingers with hers, pinning both of her hands above her head with one of mine. My body was pressed against hers, and I slid my hand down the sides of her breasts, the curve of her hip, until I reached between us and guided myself to her.

With a gentle thrust, I buried myself in her, lost in the pleasure and the feel of the heated water on my back and the softness of Bella. The water dripped down my face as I kissed her again, gently tugging on her lower lip.

"Mmmmm," she sighed in pleasure. I would never tire of hearing that, knowing that I did that to her.

We met thrust for thrust, our bodies gaining in speed, and taking what we needed and wanted. I bit down on her shoulder causing her body to buck harder as I sank into her over and over. The heat was building faster, so I slid my hand down through the soft curls until I reached right where I knew she needed me.

"Oh yes, oh Jake, right there…" she began immediately.

"Damn Bells… how does that feel, honey?" I groaned.

"So good," she whimpered. "Faster, Jake!"

Her cries were getting louder as my thumb stroked the soft nub, my body pounding against hers. The shaking began, and I knew she was close, and I was about to come with force if these feelings building up got any stronger.

I pulled back, hesitating, just the tip of my dick still inside. "Shit… now Jake, now!" she cried.

My hips pumped forward again one more time, and I caught her lips with mine as she came apart. She gripped my hair when I released her hands, her legs tight around my waist, as her body continued to shake with orgasm. My own release took me by surprise, ripping through me with pleasurable jolt after pleasurable jolt.

"Uhhhh," I grunted my hips still pumping against hers as my body began to slow.

As we clung to each other, I kissed her soft lips over and over, whispering, "It doesn't happen often, but fuck if I don't love when you swear," I panted.

She laughed a little breathlessly. "It just sort of slipped out. I kind of like it when you do, too," she murmured. She _had_ come a long way; from holy crow to holy shit and I laughed at the thought.

She was lying boneless against me. After a few minutes of catching our breath, I took her loofah and gently scrubbed every inch of her and allowed her to do the same for me. Out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around her. She sighed against my chest, snuggling into me.

"I'm tired again," she mumbled and I grinned.

"Me too. It's our day off; lets go back to sleep for a little while."

Dried off and back in bed, Bella lay mostly on top of me, and we passed out for another hour. When we woke later, it was still morning, so Bella ordered me downstairs to help her make breakfast. She soaked bread in an egg, cinnamon, and milk mixture to make French toast while I cooked some bacon.

After we ate, Bella stretched. "So what should we do today?"

"Oh, I thought it was shower sex, breakfast, round two of sex, lunch, round three and maybe four of sex, dinner, and then round five of sex…" I trailed off as she giggled.

"Pervert," she teased. "We can have sex again, but it looks like it's going to clear up outside and actually be a nice summer day, so I thought maybe we could go out for awhile first."

"Why don't we go to the marina and check things out there, or we can walk on the beach and maybe go to the lighthouse," I suggested and she agreed readily. We hadn't actually been down to the marina except for that one time with Charlie, Billy, and Rachel.

The air was warm enough to wear short-sleeves, so we headed out, arms bare to the sun; a bit weak, but bright enough. We walked around the marina, watching the boats come and go, until I decided it would be fun to take a canoe out onto the nearby lake. Bella wasn't too sure at first, but I talked her into it and we found ourselves in life jackets and paddling out onto the water.

Bella tilted her face to the hazy sun. "This is perfect," she sighed. "It's so quiet out here."

I smiled and we stopped our paddling. I noticed her arms had gained a little definition as she helped paddle due to our on-and-off training. She had gotten a little stronger and was less clumsy than she had been. I knew all it took was a little work and a little confidence in herself.

As she was looking to the side, I deftly scooped up a little water and splashed her. "Hey!" she cried in protest. She tried to splash me back, but her aim wasn't very good.

Laughter rang out as we continued splashing each other. Once we were both sufficiently wet we headed back to shore. We continued to walk along the marina, the soft clunking sounds of the boats, chattering of people, and the splash of the water comforting. I loved being able to just hold her hand and walk along without a care in the world.

########################################################################

**BPOV**

We decided to go to the Grays Harbor Lighthouse. It was a hundred and seven feet tall and the tallest lighthouse in Washington. We were allowed to go up it, so we did just that and admired the view. I clung hesitantly to the guard rail, gazing down at the water.

"We should do this stuff more often," Jake commented. "Find things to do and explore the area."

I started to nod, but then he smacked himself in the forehead. "Wait, what am I saying? We should really just stay in the apartment and have sex all the time."

I laughed and gave him a playful punch.

We ended up back near the marina and stopped in at the farmer's market. We got a cup of soup and sandwich to go and sat in the grass to watch the boats and eat, soaking in what sun we could.

"Do you want to go for a walk on the beach?" he asked when we finished off our lunch.

As we walked along, the waves lapping at our ankles and the birds swooping over the waves, I slipped my hand into his. "Emily called me last night," I said. "She's in full-on wedded bliss and getting the nursery ready for the baby."

"Yeah, Sam's the same way. It's kind of nauseating," he said with a smirk.

I snickered. "It's all about the bliss, I guess."

"Yeah," he murmured. I glanced up at his thoughtful expression as we headed back; we were both in agreement that we were ready to head back to the apartment.

"Jake?" I questioned. He seemed to be deep in thought. "You okay?"

"Hmmm? Oh… yeah. I guess I was just thinking of how happy Sam and Emily are; married and with a baby on the way. I couldn't help thinking… about you, about us being married." He sounded shy.

My eyes widened. "W-what?" I stammered.

He chuckled. "I don't mean now, or even anytime real soon, but it can't come as a surprise to you, Bells. I'm in love with you, and I can definitely imagine growing old with you and having a life together. Marriage, children, grandchildren, you know."

I guess it wasn't a huge surprise. I had even thought about it once or twice myself, but I always felt guilty, too. Everything led back to what had happened with the Cullen's and how I had promised myself to Edward. Things had changed so much, though, and I was in love with Jake. I could very easily see myself blending my life with his, marrying him, and having his children now. This thought led into what I needed to talk to him about, though, I pondered as we arrived back at our apartment.

Once we were inside, we sat on the couch to watch the sun begin to set outside. "You've been quiet since I told you I can envision us getting married and having kids," he said quietly.

"I've been thinking about it," I said, shaking myself from my thoughts. "I love you, too, and I admit I've thought about it especially after Sam and Emily's wedding."

"You feel guilty, though, don't you?" he asked not quite meeting my eyes.

I slid onto his lap so we were face-to-face. "It's a weird situation, but Jake, I'm doing what Alice suggested, what I believe Edward and the rest of the family would want. I'm with you, and while I think you've always known I could never forget Edward and how much of a part of my life he was, I've realized how much in love with you I really am. It afforded me the opportunity of a different life, one I love, where I stay alive and friends and family are in it."

He pondered that. He laid his hand over my heart. "I never get tired of hearing the sound of your heart," he murmured. "You have so much to live for, Bella. I accept that the situation is weird and that you still love Edward in some way, though. Even if it was a horrible way, is it wrong for me to be glad you realized how important being alive for you, me, Charlie, and everyone who cares about you is?"

"No," I said, kissing him.

He kissed me back for a moment until I pulled away. Threading my fingers through his hair, meeting his gaze, I said, "But Jake this situation isn't resolved and it could very easily mean danger could be coming back to Forks. The Volturi know I'm aware of the existence of vampires and the ultimatum was that I needed to be turned or they would take matters into their own hands."

He opened his mouth, but I held up a hand. "I'm not saying I want it to – in fact it scares the hell out of me – but Jake with what happened to Edward and what they decided needed to happen to me means more phasing."

His jaw clenched. "Then we'll phase. They'll turn you over my dead body; that goes for my brothers, too."

I felt tears burn behind my eyelids as I closed my eyes, afraid that was what he would say. "I don't want to be responsible for more children phasing, Jake. I don't want the Cullen's in danger if they're around, and I especially can't lose you."

He sighed. "Bells, honey, this might not even happen. Anyway, you aren't going to lose me."

"I can't lose you in either way," I pointed out. When he looked confused, I pressed my point. "Jake, if you start phasing again, it could mean you might imprint and I would lose you to someone else."

"No," he said quickly. "Bella, there will be no goddamn imprinting. I'll fight it tooth and nail."

I bit my lip. "Jake, do you ever wonder if Lindsay would have been your imprint if you were still a wolf?"

He frowned, fretfully smoothing my hair down over and over.

"You still care about her," I pointed out gently. "There's nothing wrong with that, but you had a good connection with her…"

"Even if I did, I was still in love with you. It's always been you, Bells. I don't need to imprint on you to know that."

"I know," I replied quietly. "But Jake, she could have been right for you. You had so much in common, she was strong, and she was good to you. You think it was fate's way of showing you what you could have if you were a wolf? You still care." It hurt to think about, but it had to be said.

"Bella, I don't believe in fate. You know Quil is fighting the imprint, right? He's having success with it. He loves Claire, but he's happy being able to date girls his own age now. It lessened the strength because he's guiding Claire into making her own choices and will continue to do so as she gets older. Imprinting may show you someone who could complement you, but in the end, we have our own damn free will."

"I do care about Lindsay," he continued. "Maybe she could have been a candidate, but my choice is _you_."

I hadn't realized Quil was dating, that he was happy. It gave me a small bit of hope, but there were so many shadows and grey areas, that I was still scared of losing Jake literally _or_ figuratively.

He brushed my hair back, resting his forehead against mine. "I really hope I didn't upset you with contacting Lindsay. She left the garage shortly after everything happened. I know she was upset, but I also know that she got a really good opportunity so it was what she would've done anyway. I just want her to be happy. She's doing well, and I had considered trying again later to see her as a friend, but only if you're okay with it. You're more important to me, so if you're uncomfortable with it, I won't do it."

I smiled as I rested my head on his shoulder. "I trust you, Jake. Completely. I even mostly trust her because you have remarkable taste in women."

He laughed. "Cute, Bells. You have the last word, sweetheart, just so you know that."

I nodded. "I know. Thanks."

With our talk tabled for the moment, we decided to eat dinner. I had bought some trout at the farmer's market the other day that Jake grilled, and I mixed a parmesan sauce to put on it. It was already relatively late and all the fresh air of the day caught up with me, so we called it an early night. In bed, I snuggled up against his warmth, and he held me as he pressed light kisses to my forehead, cheeks, and lips.

We had aired a lot of our issues tonight, which was good, but I knew things still remained murky, but until they came to light, I was going to enjoy being with Jake and daydream about a future and not worry about what _could_ happen.

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**AN: To let you all know, the next chapter will include a POV by Alice again. And have a Happy Easter for all who celebrate. **


	23. A Life Interrupted

I used to think that the

day would never come  
I'd see the light in the

shade of the morning sun  
My morning sun is the drug

that brings me near  
To the childhood I lost

replaced by fear

**Flunk "True Faith"**

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Jake and I had a weekly day that we took to explore a little more around the town of Hoquiam and surrounding towns over the summer. We saw movies, checked out restaurants we hadn't previously, went to festivals, went for hikes, to the beach, but our favorite place to spend time was the marina. We had fun renting a canoe and paddling out into the middle of the lake to eat lunch and just enjoy the quiet and each other. We also liked to go swimming together. A couple trips to Ocean Shores happened with our friends' to swim at the beach when the weather cooperated, though I preferred swimming in a pool.

It was around August when I got the jolt of seeing Jake with a child. It hadn't happened since he mentioned he could envision marrying me and having babies together, but actually seeing him interact with a child was different.

We were walking hand-in-hand past some of the shops in Hoquiam with ice cream cones that we were trying to lick really fast so they wouldn't drip all over us.

"Watching you lick an ice-cream cone is really hot," Jake said with grin, his eyes fastened on my mouth.

My cheeks reddened, but I snickered. With an exaggerated lick for his benefit, he narrowed his eyes at me. "Tease," he muttered. "Just wait till we get back home."

Smiling, I glanced over and saw a little girl standing by a picnic table in the small park, and she was crying.

"Oh no," I replied.

Jake glanced over and saw her. He pulled me along beside him, polishing off his ice cream cone. Before I could say anything, he was crouching in front of her. She was twisting one brown pigtail with her fingers, her blue eyes wet with tears, and she had a band-aid on her knee. She looked to be about six years old.

"Hey, honey, are you lost?" Jake asked in a calm voice.

Her lip trembled as she glanced from Jake to me. "I can't find my mommy," she whispered. That set off another round of tears.

I didn't know what to do, but Jake asked, "I bet your mommy is somewhere nearby looking for you. Have you been here long?"

She paused, hiccupping, and thought about that. "Not too long."

Jake nodded and gave her a smile. "How about we wait here until your mom finds you?"

She bit her lip, tugging at the hem of her shirt. "But… but you're a stranger," she said.

I knelt down next to Jake, feeling way out of my element. "Well, we can stay right here in plain sight. We can just keep you company."

"It's smart to be careful, so we'll just stay right here," Jake added. "My name is Jake and this is Bella," he said as he sat on the bench. I perched next to him, and she hesitantly eased her hip onto the edge of the bench.

"I'm Holly," she said. "You're really tall," she added shyly to Jake. Her lips still shook, but her tears were drying a bit.

He chuckled. "I'm part giant," he teased her.

She giggled a little. She ended up sitting between us on the bench, smiling a little as Jake performed a rather impressive magic trick with a coin, which he then gave to her. I felt her lean against my arm, and I smoothed a hand over her back.

"You're really pretty," she told me as she tucked the coin in her pocket.

I smiled at the direct and sweet words of this child. "I agree," Jake said with a wink.

I laughed and said, "Jake's sort of pretty, too, isn't he?"

She giggled. "Boys can't be pretty."

Jake pretended to look offended which made her giggle again. She was gazing up at him shyly, and I could very easily see he had charmed her into having a little crush on him. The way he was with her was sweet, and I felt that slight melting sensation and couldn't help thinking how he would be with his own little girl or boy.

"Holly!" We heard a faint voice cry out.

I glanced up and we saw a young mother, light brown hair flying as she turned every which way frantically. Then she spotted us and bolted over.

"Mommy!" Holly cried and barreled straight for the woman who caught her as she leaped. Jake and I stood and moved a little closer to them.

"Oh thank God," the woman said holding her tightly. "I'm never letting go of your hand again!"

After a moment she noticed us standing there and looked puzzled. Holly turned and wiggled to get down. "We sat with Holly until you found her; we figured it was best to stay in the same area and that you probably weren't far…" Jake started to explain as Holly threw her arms around his leg.

He smiled and patted her on the back. She hugged me then, and I felt a rush of warmth toward the little girl we had just met. "Mommy, this is Jake and Bella. They sat with me until you found me," she said.

The woman smiled, her eyes lightening a little. "Thank you both. It's not always easy to trust people anymore, but it's nice to know there are people out there who are truly helpful. Thank you for staying with Holly," she said with a smile.

Holly waved to us as they walked away, and I slipped my hand into Jake's. She glanced back once, her hand on her pocket, and I giggled. "I don't think she'll ever forget you," I teased.

He smirked. "What can I say? I'm irresistible." I just rolled my eyes and he gave me an innocent smile.

It wasn't long before I got my second jolt; it was a couple weeks later when Jake got the phone call from Sam. We were sprawled out on the floor of the living room in a nest of blankets and pillows with the A/C on; the humidity had been high and had finally gotten to me. We had an old classic movie playing on television – _Casablanca _– and were digging in to a bowl of popcorn.

I was only half-listening to Jake until I heard him say, "Oh yeah? Sam, that's fantastic. Congrats, man!" I glanced over at him and he held up a finger, listening.

He recited what Sam said so I knew what was going on. "They have a daughter, 7 lbs and 9 ounces, and her name is Samantha. She was born yesterday at 7:04 p.m. and both mom and baby are doing great."

I gave a little clap of happiness and called out my congrats to Sam. I knew even without phasing he'd hear me. After Jake hung up, we decided we would visit them in a couple days when we both could swing it with our work schedules. So that Saturday we drove into La Push to visit Sam and Emily and baby Samantha.

When we arrived, Charlie was just getting there, too, and he had Billy with him. "Hey honey," he said giving me a big hug. "You two here to visit with the newest Quileute?"

I nodded, chatting with him, and helped set Billy's chair up as Jake lifted him out. Once settled we walked to the front door. I couldn't help admiring the tiny little house and how well taken care of it was. It was very homey, and I noticed there were more pots of colorful flowers than there had been before; welcome home flowers, I was sure.

Sam opened the door, a tired and happy smile on his face, but something in his eyes seemed worried. I gave Jake a look; he had noticed it, too. We greeted Sam and saw Quil, Embry, and Jared were here as well.

"Hey Jake, Bella!" We were greeted with bone-crushing hugs.

They were about to leave so Jake promised to get in touch with them later. Emily was in the living room, perched on the sofa with a small bundle in her arms. "Bella!" she said with a wide smile. "Oh, I'm so glad you and Jake could come."

"We just had to meet the newest member of the family," I said peering at her newborn daughter.

"She's beautiful, Em," Jake said. "She must take after you."

We all laughed, and Sam rolled his eyes good-naturedly. Billy and Charlie sat outside with a soda, promising to hold her before they left. I just shook my head and laughed. I examined Samantha's soft dark hair and russet skin, her tiny little features as her dark eyes opened to gaze up at us. She really _was_ beautiful. Jake brushed a finger against her cheek and her eyes tried to focus on him.

"Do you want to hold her?" Emily asked. "I have to get her bottle ready anyway."

"Sure," Jake said agreeably.

My heart nearly melted at the sight of him settling Samantha against his chest, his hand covering the expanse of her back and gently rubbing it. He looked so beautiful, so at ease holding her, though it also made me smile because I could see a hint of fear in his eyes as well. She was nestled in his arms, mouth moving in preparation of eating, and her little fist opened and closed.

I just watched, amazed at how tiny she was, especially while Jake was holding her. Emily came back and gave Jake the bottled with a smile. Surprised, he took it, and managed to get the nipple into her mouth. Emily promised to be back soon; she wanted to get something into the oven for dinner. After her first round of feeding, Jake glanced up at me.

"You want to hold her, Bells? I want to talk to Sam while he's alone." He barely gave me a chance to reply before he was gently easing Samantha into my arms along with the bottle.

"Jake, I don't…" I started to say.

"You're fine, honey," he said kissing my forehead. "She's fine, too. Just feed her the next half. I'll be right back."

A little uncertain, I mimicked the move of getting the nipple into her mouth as she gave a whimper, and then she was content. I moved slowly around the room, my eyes locked on her as her eyes started sliding shut. She finished the bottle, and I thought she needed to be burped, so I peeked into the kitchen.

"Em?" I asked. "She needs to be burped, right?"

She nodded. "I'm almost done here," she promised.

"That's okay. I can do it." I carefully lifted her to my shoulder, biting my lip in concentration, and gently began rubbing her back. I breathed in the scent of baby powder and soft baby skin.

Once that was done, I shifted her back down, and stood gazing out the window. I felt Jake's arms slide around me from behind, his hand cupping Samantha's head, as he kissed my neck. I smiled and leaned back against him, closing my eyes, my mind drifting on the scent of a sleeping newborn and the warmth of Jake's body against me.

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**APOV**

We had finally gotten our first real clue. I wasn't even sure I trusted my power anymore, though. It had been a wild goose chase for so long, traveling all over the world and my family were frustrated beyond belief. The Denali's had helped us, a few of the various clans we came across helped us, but something was blocking me from seeing. We checked into the Chiosco Delle Monache on the outskirts of Volterra to stay out of the reach of the Volturi. It was a pretty, fifteenth century Franciscan monastery and it suited our needs just fine.

I was sitting by the window around three in the morning, idly flipping through a fashion magazine and thinking about Bella. I missed her, but I knew she was happy again. I did my best not to think about her too often; it brought on visions of her life, and I didn't want to feel like I was spying on her. She was with Jake, and he made her happy.

I didn't begrudge her that. In fact, I had told her it would be best to move on, but it hurt because I missed her. Edward wouldn't have wanted her wasting away like she could have either; I had no doubt about that. The random glimpses I got of her at work or doing other normal things were rare, but it was nice to see her smiling and looking stronger and more confident than she ever had. I also felt guilty in some ways because I know how much Edward loved her and her him.

I was pondering this when it hit me. Jasper was perched by a small side table with Emmett, a chessboard set up between them. Rose was in her and Emmett's room, and I knew Carlisle and Esme were in theirs.

I was flipping, and then suddenly I was transported into a vision. The hilly countryside came into view, the narrow walkways between the buildings visible, as I saw the Cathedral of Santa Maria Assunta. My mind focused sharply as a flash of Aro came to my mind. He looked at me, eyes haunted, his skin looking even more delicate than it ever had before. _Hurry_, he mouthed before vanishing.

The edges of the vision began blurring, but I saw Edward sitting on the floor, shirtless, his back to me. I knew without a doubt it was him in that cathedral. I came back and felt Jasper's hands on my face. The whole family was there, watching me, their golden eyes filled with a mixture of shock, hope, and pleas to stop this endless grieving.

"I saw him," I breathed as Jasper's face swam more into focus. "He's in the Cathedral of Santa Maria Assunta; we have to go now. I saw Aro and he said to hurry."

The puzzlement flashed briefly through the shock and sheer relief. There was no plan and no time; we had to trust what I saw, and we all knew it.

"We're breaking up into two's, but we need to keep track of each other," Jasper ordered as we slid out the windows into the darkness.

The flashes of crumbling ruins and ancient structures flew by as we ascended the rocky hillside of Volterra to the cathedral. Jasper shifted in front of me as we broke off into two's. We slid along noiselessly through the dead silence, shifting behind the pillars, the art within the walls of the cathedral glowing slightly in the dark. I saw the flash of Carlisle's hand as he waved to let us know the coast was clear where he and Esme were.

There was a whisper of a footfall and suddenly the members of the Volturi's guard came rushing in, but it was obvious the fact that I got the vision was a shock to everyone. They didn't know we would be here, and we all pounced, taking them down as best as we could.

"Alice!" Jasper yelled as a burly vampire I didn't recognize barreled straight at me.

I leaped, my body twisting gracefully, as I glided over his charging form. Twisting and dipping with ease, I smashed my hands on either side of his head causing it to shatter at my feet. Carlisle and Esme had hold of one and pulled in opposite directions, severing his body. We fought tooth and nail, the crashing of bodies as they broke apart echoing throughout the dome of the church.

"It's weird that all of them aren't any of the vampires we know," I said quickly to Jasper. "I don't see Demetri or Felix; they're usually the ones to handle the dirty work." It was still hard to fathom the Volturi – the ones who claim to keep the peace in the vampire world - had turned so evil.

The blood lust slowly began to ebb, the attacking slowed, and I saw someone appear near the front of the church. Even with his back to us, I knew who it was. It was Edward. Suddenly we were bombarded by some kind of mist. "No!" Emmett snarled.

He dove toward the front of the church where we had seen Edward in a desperate attempt to save him. Edward was quickly surrounded by more of the guard, while we were being pushed back and away from him in a strategic move, as we gaped in shock at finally seeing him face-to-face for the first time in so long.

Esme's whimper ripped through all of us.

"Edward," I whispered.

My heart had been dead for a long time, but it still broke at what I saw.

########################################################################

**BPOV**

Ever since we had met Samantha, I couldn't shake the image of Jake holding me from behind as I held her. It had settled in my mind, and I kept seeing a family of me, Jake, and our children in the future. It scared me a little, but mostly enticed me. It wasn't something I wanted now, but I couldn't deny the slight tug of wanting that type of life; a simple one filled with love, affection, and passion. One where there were little dark-haired babies.

Sam and Emily came to visit close to my birthday with baby Samantha while Charlie took Billy to a ball game. Emily and I took Samantha for a walk down near the marina, giving Sam and Jake the chance to catch up. I had asked Jake after our first visit about the worry that seemed to surround Sam.

He told me that while Sam was happy about starting a family, he was also worried about what his child's life might entail. He was afraid for his daughter's safety with the threat of the Volturi still out there, with the Cullen's working to get Edward back from them. He was afraid of the backlash. Sam had also worried about himself around a child; he still struggled a little with what happened to Emily.

Jake hadn't known what to say at first, but he was sure that Sam had control of himself, that he shouldn't worry about that. And he promised to back Sam, as all of them would, if any danger came and threatened any of their people. It wasn't an easy situation to bring a child into, but while it hadn't been planned, I could see how much they loved and doted on their child. It would be dealt with when the time came; it was the only thing they could do.

Emily was telling me about Samantha's baby noises which made me smile. "It's so precious," she said quietly.

"I think most of what she does is probably precious," I couldn't resist teasing her a little.

Emily laughed. "Except for when it's in the middle of the night and I'm exhausted."

"Hey, why don't we take her to the bakery today?" I said on the spur-of-the-moment. "I bet everyone would like to see her."

We did just that and everyone cooed all over her, passing her from one set of arms to the other. "God, she's beautiful," Dana said smoothing a hand over her soft fuzzy hair.

We chatted easily, Emily telling them all the little things she told me. We left with a few goodies, too.

Later that afternoon, I got a taste of what it would really be like to have a baby as Samantha woke from her nap, screeching and crying. I hurried over to the crib as Emily was washing off spit-up in the bathroom.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," I soothed as her little face grew red with her wails.

"Maybe try picking her up," Jake suggested coming into the living room and peering at her.

I carefully picked up the squirming bundle, supporting her head, and nestled her against me. Her wailing slowed, but didn't stop. "Maybe her diaper needs to be changed?" I asked worriedly.

Jake rubbed her back while I checked, and she was wet. Emily came hurrying into the room. "I think she needs to be changed. That's her _I'm wet_ cry."

She handed me a diaper with a little grin. "Go to town, you two."

Biting my lip, I set her down and let Jake get the diaper open while I unbuttoned her onesie and got the soiled diaper off. "Um…." I paused staring down at the wailing, naked baby.

Jake chuckled. "Here are the wet wipes," he said, and I carefully cleaned her up feeling very uncertain.

He held her squirming legs while I powdered her, and he slid the diaper under her and fastened it.

"It's backwards," Emily said giggling.

Sam came into the room and laughed. "Hey, Jake did the same thing I did the first time I changed her."

He fixed the diaper and then scooped her up. Her cries quieted right away.

By the time Charlie and Billy got back, we were both exhausted and even though it was nice having Emily, Sam, and Samantha here, we were both ready for some quiet.

We ate a quick dinner, and after a quick shower, I crawled on top of Jake when he got into bed to get warm. He laughed and stroked my back.

"She's adorable, but I'm tired after just one day," he said, and I giggled.

"Yeah, me too." I yawned deeply.

We relaxed and fell immediately asleep, and I dreamed of a future life with Jake.

_Our little cottage was nestled by the trees in La Push. I stood at the stove, chopping vegetables for dinner, gazing past the sheer green curtains to watch the two children playing in the yard. The boy had Jake's dark hair wile the girl had my long, wavy brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. _

_ They had a baseball and a bat and the boy was showing the girl how to swing it to hit the ball. The sight made me smile, and I saw Jake turn into the driveway._

_ "Daddy! Daddy!" Our children's voices rose in excitement as they ran to him. He scooped them both up and swung them around, eliciting squeals and giggles of happiness._

_ I could see him lean down and speak to them and then I heard him coming into the house. I smiled again as I continued to chop, feeling his presence while never hearing a sound. His arms slipped around me from behind._

_ "Smells good," he said kissing my cheek. "Do you want some help?"_

_ I nodded, turning to kiss him properly. "I love you," I murmured against his lips._

_ The wild giggles of our children floating in the window, he kissed me back._

When I woke it was only five a.m. I was about to snuggle back into Jake when my cell phone buzzed on the nightstand. Quickly, I scooped it up and stepped blearily into the hallway. Who could be calling this early? Worried, I opened the phone, but didn't recognize the number.

"Hello?" I whispered.

And that one single phone call flipped my life around once again.

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**AN: So… did I leave you more confused? Haha. The hotel and Cathedral are both real places in Volterra, so you can look them up if you so desire to check them out. **

**Oh, and just wanted to give a quick thanks to the anonymous reviews. I feel bad not being able to respond, but I appreciate them. So thanks!**


	24. The Return

I'm scared today

More than I told you

I was yesterday

Give me a moment

to catch my breath

And hold me every second left

**Cristina Perri – "Miles"**

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The couple days after the phone call slid by in a daze, the strands of a life I used to have drifting into my waking and non-waking thoughts. I dreamt of going over college applications at Charlie's kitchen table with Edward shaking his head at my insistence that he not pay for anything. I dreamt of cool, marble arms, of a white, immaculate home, and of baseball in an empty field. Heat and warm, husky laughter was interwoven throughout them.

Jake woke up after my phone call, and I could feel him watching me. I had no words, but he knew me so well that I didn't have to say anything at all. He just knew. He had quietly asked me what happened after I had time to absorb what Alice had told me. I could see him carefully hiding his emotions, and I felt the twist of guilt and sadness over how much my life with Edward and my resulting breakdown from his being taken away, had hurt and scared him. I never wanted to hurt Jake, and I especially didn't want him hurt now. He was so good for me, and I was for him, and I was completely in love with him.

I explained to Jake what I knew. "The Cullen's found Edward," I told him quietly, revealing the elephant in the room that had been there in some form the whole time.

He didn't say anything, but I could see the flash of emotion crossing his face. Fear, surprise, and it hurt to see the resigned wariness in his eyes. "Really? That's… wow." He swallowed, propped up against the headboard of the bed. "Is… he okay?"

I examined my fingernails, my heart still beating faster than normal after hanging up with Alice and receiving the news.

"He's alive. They're bringing him home."

His eyes wouldn't meet mine, and I could nearly feel the anxiety coming off him in waves. I was feeling it myself, and I didn't know where to channel it.

"That's good," Jake said breaking the silence. "Did she say what happened?"

"No," I murmured. "Something isn't right, though. I knew it right away." No tears had made an appearance yet; the shock was rooted too deep for that.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his eyes finally meeting mine.

"I don't know. Her tone was just… off. She did tell me that something had happened and asked me if I wanted to see him. She said it might help. She doesn't want to disrupt my life; I know she feels guilty, but she's just fulfilling the promise to call me."

The expression on his face broke my heart. I crawled over the bed and pressed against his side, my lips brushing his shoulder. Hesitantly, he turned slightly and smoothed my hair in a nervous gesture.

"Do you want to see him? Them? I think you might need to, but if this is going to hurt you more..."

I bit my lip nervously, knowing it could. "I do, but only… only if you're okay with that…"

I wanted to see Edward; I owed it to him. I knew there was still love inside me _for_ him. It wasn't fair to not see him. We had been engaged, and he had been taken from me by force. The grief had been horrible, and it still hurt badly to know he could have suffered at the hands of the Volturi. None of it made sense to me, but how could I not go? Yet how could I go if it hurt Jake? We had been through a lot together as well, and I knew I had hurt him countless times, but things were so good between us.

I could still envision that future with him. I could see us together, with children, but the shadow of Edward hung over us now and it was even stronger with the knowledge that he was alive and returning. I also felt guilty because I was thrilled he was okay, but how could I even begin to explain this? My life felt like it was unraveling strand by strand, and I couldn't do a thing about it.

"I think you have to," he said finally. His eyes were gentle, but worried. "How soon?"

"She said a few days. They're staying in the area, but moving to a secure location to assess the damage. They'll bring him home after that which will take a couple days."

He nodded. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"Will you? I really want you to, if you can. I love you," I whispered fervently and shivered against him.

We remained in bed for a couple more hours, but I don't think either of us slept a wink. My arms wrapped around him, my cheek pressed to the soft skin over his heart. Jake's arms were bound so tightly around me, I wasn't sure he would ever let me go.

########################################################################

I tried to use work as a distraction that day, but I barely registered anything. My mind raced from one scenario to the next; was he like the Volturi now? Sweet, loving Edward with red eyes and feeding on humans was too difficult to fathom, and I just refused to believe it. What else could it be? Vampires were indestructible – other than being ripped apart and burned – and I knew that wasn't the case.

I nearly burned a batch of cookies and thankfully Jamie was paying attention. My cheeks flushed, and I glanced at her. "I'm sorry," I said. "I should have been paying better attention."

"Are you okay?" she asked, pushing a lock of blonde hair back under her headband. "You look kind of pale… and sick."

Her expression of concern was almost too much for me. How could I have ever thought she was cold? I squeezed her hand, successfully fighting back the tears, but closing my eyes to steady myself.

"Hey," she said gently patting my hand. "Bella, what's wrong? Is everything okay with Jake?"

"Jake's okay," I managed to say past the lump in my throat. "I found out…" I hesitated. "They found Edward."

Everyone knew what had happened by now, and I could see her eyes widen. "Oh shit. Is he okay? What are you going to do? Wait, you should talk to Dana…"

She darted off before I could say anything, and before I could get my bearings back, I had sets of arms wrapping around me. I felt like I should be crying, but I had made a promise to myself. There wouldn't be any more tears especially in front of Jake; he'd been through too much with my messed up feelings and had been hurt. It was amazing he was willing to give me the chance he did, and I didn't want to fall back to the weak girl who couldn't handle anything.

I was stronger now, wasn't I?

I refrained from crying, but took comfort in my co-workers who had become such good friends. It made things more difficult because I _did_ create a life here. I had a job, friends, a routine, and Jake. I even had my friends back in La Push and my dad, although I missed seeing him more often. I figured I would always end up back in Forks, but I was finding it difficult to talk to Dana about leaving – although right now it was temporary.

I explained haltingly that Edward was found, he was alive, but something was wrong. I didn't know what, but I had to go back home.

"Well, shit. We'll just open a branch of the bakery in Forks," Dana insisted. "That way we'll be traveling back and forth, and we can still work together, just a little less frequently."

I laughed wearily. "That would certainly be ideal."

Fire lit in her eyes as she gripped me to her tightly. "I swear I'll make this happen, if you decide to stay in Forks. I don't want you to feel guilty, Bella, for leaving. I knew this was a possibility. And you know we're always here, you always have a job here, and we will most certainly stay in touch. You're one of us."

That nearly did me in.

They kept promising that an expansion could happen and that even if it wasn't in Forks, it would be do-able for Port Angeles which wasn't as far a drive. I promised them I would be in the next day for my last shift and left feeling wrung-out and exhausted. When I got back to the apartment, Jake was standing by the window.

"There are still tomatoes in the garden," he told me idly. I glanced down and indeed saw some tomatoes hiding amongst the leaves.

Without a word, we went down and picked all the tomatoes that were left. I peeled and cooked, losing myself in making one last batch of tomato soup. It would be enough for us for dinner with some leftover to take to Billy and Charlie. I had called Charlie before work this morning; he had been pleased to hear I was coming home, but shocked, to say the least, that Edward had been found after all this time.

He also sounded worried, and he asked me if I was okay. I wasn't sure how I was anymore, so I told him I was dealing with it. The concern was still in his voice, though, when we hung up.

"Is everything okay at the garage?" I asked Jake as we ate our tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches later on.

He nodded, swallowing a mouthful of soup. "I explained – sort of – the situation to my boss. He knows it's important. He promised to give me all kinds of recommendations if I need them."

"I'm sorry, Jake," I sighed.

He looked up at me. "Don't be, honey. I knew this was a possibility. I liked the guys I worked with well enough, but its okay if things take a different course. I know it's going to be harder for you to leave."

I nodded, afraid I would cry if I opened my mouth.

We cleaned up and he turned to me. "Why don't we go outside and walk around the town?"

I agreed, and we found ourselves strolling through a part of town that was relatively new to us. The homes were bigger, professionally tended to, and absolutely beautiful. I passed by a drive that led back to a home that I could see slightly in the distance.

I frowned, feeling a tug of something that I wasn't sure of. What was it? I paused at the end of the gated driveway and stared at the home again, a feeling coursing through me that made me think this place was familiar to me.

"What is it?" Jake asked, pausing beside me.

"I don't know…" I hesitated, frowning. "Something about this place just sort of… strikes a chord, I guess?"

He glanced down the driveway, neither of us talking as we stared, when suddenly his eyebrows winged up. "This was the Cullen's house, back in '36," he said in surprise.

It was my turn to be surprised. "What? No it isn't. Is it? I mean, they live in Forks…" I was confused as I waited for his answer.

"It must be. I mean, I can't be one hundred percent positive, but the Cullen's made that treaty with my grandfather, Ephraim, at that time and we were told that they lived in Hoquiam when it happened. I completely forgot about that."

"I never knew that," I said. "I always thought they were just in Forks."

"They left Hoquiam for awhile after the treaty had been made, but when they came back, they ended up in Forks."

The house was for sale, so I moved partway up the drive. The house was beautiful and the white stone columns and their preference for large – and many – windows were the prominent feature. I felt a wave of emotion go through me; they had loved it here, but never came back. It was so still and quiet it gave me an eerie feeling, almost as if something was staring out the windows at me.

Jake's hand squeezed mine. He could read my emotions like a book. "There's no sign of movement here, Bells. You're safe."

I allowed him to lead me away, and I did my best to shake the feeling away and concentrate on enjoying the rest of the walk.

########################################################################

**JPOV**

I was wide-awake, holding Bella against me, afraid to let go of her. I knew she was in love with me, I didn't doubt that. I never did. Seeing her face after that phone call was terrifying, though. I was so afraid she would slip away from me; go back into the breakdown she had. She looked like she wanted to cry, scream, be happy, and fall apart all at once.

She didn't fall apart, but I could see the cracks in the seam.

I didn't fault her that in the slightest. It had been an insane situation and knowing that Edward was still "alive" was almost more than even I could bear. I shifted, pulling Bella against me more securely, as she slept fitfully. She had started having dreams again immediately, and I was helpless to stop them. Her lips and eyelids twitched, so I kissed her lightly, trying to soothe her in her sleep. The muscles in her body relaxed slightly.

Half of me was furious that Alice had called her and disrupted her life again, but I knew Bella needed to know what was going on. I was scared, though, of her seeing Edward again. I couldn't voice my fears; I wanted to be supportive of her, but it was hard when the girl I was so in love with had been engaged to someone else and he was back. I had no idea in what condition, but from what Bella told me, there was something wrong.

I couldn't even begin to fathom what that could be.

I finally managed to doze off when exhaustion claimed me and woke up groggy and disoriented. It was the day we would be heading back to Forks to confront whatever had happened. The guys' at work came up to me and wished me well in case we didn't come back. I had told Bella I planned to call Lindsay, too, and she was okay with that.

Lindsay had begun dating someone and it was easier for her to chat a little more. I told her what I could of the situation when I called on my break and said I was heading home and didn't know what would happen.

"I hope everything works out okay," she said sounding surprised. "That sounds like a hell of a lot to deal with."

"It is," I said. "We have our families there with us, though, so that helps."

We talked a little bit more, and after we hung up, I felt better. When I got back to the apartment, Bella had just gotten home and started packing a bag. She looked exhausted, dark circles under her eyes, and I knew last night's sleep wasn't enough. Once we got Tinker in the carrier, we got our stuff into the car and began the drive to Forks.

Bella didn't seem to want to talk; she mostly just looked terrified and ill. Fear was churning in my gut for what could happen soon enough when I felt her reach for my hand. It wasn't much, but it was a start. We needed each other right now, and we both knew it. I clasped her hand with my right, driving with only my left hand. Our hands stayed locked together the whole trip.

When we crossed over the border into Forks, I could feel Bella's palm going clammy. Her heartbeat had picked up as well, and I tried to reassure her with a gentle squeeze. She hadn't technically been in Forks since she had left... we had passed through to get to La Push, but we were seeing the familiar places as we made our way to Charlie's house. She wanted to go right to the Cullen's, but we were going to drop Tinker off at the house. She and Charlie had formed a funny bond; he wasn't a big cat person, but she was always all over him when they came in contact. He had resigned himself to it and he now enjoyed playing with her.

We hadn't quite figured out where to stay, but I had a feeling we would end up in La Push. Sue had mostly moved in with Charlie, Leah had started dating someone so she wasn't living at home anymore, and Seth had started sleeping in the living room of Charlie's house because Sue felt he was too young to live by himself at home. That freed up Sue's house in La Push for us, so I figured that's where we would be.

Charlie was waiting for us as I pulled up. I glanced over at Bella and could see her taking in the sight of her dad's house. "I'm right here with you," I said sensing her nervous energy. She took a deep breath and got out of the car.

Charlie had a hold of her within seconds. "Are you okay, Bells?" he asked, worried, pushing her back slightly so he could see her face. I knew he was thinking of the breakdown as well and wasn't sure if he needed to be scared or not.

"I don't know," she murmured. "I just have to go over there and see..." she trailed off glancing down at her shoes.

I took Tinker inside and let her out. She immediately bounded over to Charlie as Sue appeared at the top of the steps. She gave me and Bella a hug, but didn't ask any questions. She knew what the Cullen's return could entail, and I knew she was worried about Leah and Seth. I was worried about the whole pack as well and the effect this would have on their lives if more danger came to Forks, not to mention the nagging fear and anxiety I was feeling about Bella seeing Edward again. Would she go back to him? Would she still want to be changed into a vampire? I wasn't sure what to think; she had said she thought about a family with me, and I saw her reaction to Samantha, but what I didn't know was how strong Edward's pull would be on her.

Bella interrupted my thoughts and said, "I think we should go."

I nodded in agreement and glanced at Charlie. His brow was still furrowed in worry. "I'll have to talk to Carlisle later, honey. He was taken while in Forks, and I need to find out what's going on."

Bella glanced at me, and I could see the fear in her eyes. She didn't want Charlie involved in this. Neither did I, but I wasn't sure we could hold off the Chief of Police, especially when he had been searching for Edward himself in his own way. "We'll fill you in later," I told him. "And we'll be sure to talk to Carlisle and let him know."

As I drove to the Cullen's home, Bella became increasingly fidgety. "Charlie can't be involved in this," she blurted. "It's not safe."

I tended to agree. "Don't worry, Bells, we'll figure something out. I'll talk to Sam."

We reached the long, winding driveway, and I began to feel nervous myself. I wasn't thrilled about being here; I may have come to terms - with Alice anyway - but they were still my enemies. I could feel the little pull of the wolf inside, though there hadn't been much stirring as of late. Alice was out of the house and next to Bella before I could blink.

They embraced and held on to each other as the other Cullen's appeared. My body was so tense, I was afraid I would explode, but I willed it down. They all looked... shell-shocked and pained. Bella was the one who was supporting Alice this time, though she looked ready to crack under the pressure herself. "I missed you, Bella," Alice said simply.

She went through greetings with all of them and got mildly surprised looks at the slight differences in her. She was stronger physically, had more confidence in herself, and it showed. Alice turned to me, her expression inscrutable, as Bella ended up right next to me again. I knew Alice was aware of the relationship change, but whatever had happened, she seemed rather blank about it.

"Thank you for taking care of her, although I know you would have done so on your own anyway," she said. "You've been good for her; its obvious how well she's been doing."

I inclined my head slightly, fighting the urge to say it was no thanks to them. It wouldn't do any good, plus I knew the reasons why they had to. "She's responsible for some of it, too. I helped her, but she took the steps to make herself stronger."

There was a pause and then Bella asked the question she wanted to ask, but was afraid to hear the answer.

"Is he… okay? What happened?"

Esme looked away, her face agonized all over again. Carlisle cleared his throat and said, "We don't know exactly. We haven't been able to get much in the way of information from him."

I frowned as they led us into the house. I really didn't want to go in there, but I really didn't think I had a choice. I took a deep breath, keeping a hold on Bella, and entered their home for the second time in my life.

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**BPOV**

Jake was shaking, so I kept myself close to him to help ease the tension he was obviously feeling about being here. I couldn't stop looking at all of them, though; Rosalie actually didn't look perfect, Emmett was a lot more subdued, and Jasper looked even harder than he had before. Esme and Alice looked as if they could very easily cry if it were possible.

"You haven't got any information about what happened?" I asked, my stomach churning. I kept glancing around as if I expected Edward to pop out of nowhere. I wanted to see him.

"No," Alice sighed. "He's kind of… lost, I guess. His mind isn't there. He doesn't remember us." A harsh sob slid from her throat and the rest of them looked so heartbroken.

Shocked, I could only stare. "How… how is that possible?" Jake asked for me.

"No idea," Carlisle said twisting his shirttail between his fingers. I had never seen him so restless and worried. "We're indestructible for the most part. Someone did something to him, someone we apparently have no inkling of, and Edward doesn't know. He just doesn't… know."

Esme was breathing quickly, even though she didn't have to. They all looked so defeated, and I felt my heart ache piercingly for Edward, for all of them. Carlisle wrapped his arms around Esme as she struggled to get under control.

"But he let you bring him here? Has he been feeding?" Jake kept asking the questions I wanted to know, but couldn't gather my thoughts enough to ask myself.

"I think he must have been given human blood at some point. When we saw him, his eyes were just tinged red, but he didn't seem aggressive. He just looked at us so blankly, so confused." Jasper's voice was hard, and I could barely see the chinks in his façade, he held himself so rigidly. His hand absently rubbed Alice's back over and over.

"He wasn't fighting with them against us in the church," Emmett muttered. "He didn't fight _with_ us either. We figure they must have still been working on him, on turning him to their side, but he didn't seem to be on any one side. He just watched. We thought maybe you could trigger a memory…"

The sun shone outside the windows. It was such a pretty day, the type of day where we should be outside enjoying life and not grieving over Edward and what he lost. It was so unfair that he lost himself while I managed to move on. I wanted to sob, to let out the grief and unfairness over what happened to him, but I was frozen.

"He hasn't reacted much to us. He's almost child-like again in his actions," Carlisle said. "I hoped you could…"

I opened my mouth, but Jake jumped in. "Are you fucking kidding? She is not going up there if he's mentally unstable and you suspect he's had human blood." He looked shell-shocked, too. "I'm sorry for what happened, I really am… but you can't put Bella at risk like that."

"We would be in there with her," Rose finally piped up, her voice cold.

She and Jake glared at each other.

"There is no way in hell she's going in there without me. He's always been attracted to her blood; what makes you think he could stop himself if he's so confused?"

"Jacob, we would never let Bella be harmed. You may go with her if you wish, and of course she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. I just wanted Edward to see her, to see if it triggers something in his memory. I have no idea what else to do." Carlisle, the man who had fixed me countless times, who always had the answers, sounded so confused.

I gave Jake's hand a squeeze. "I need to see him," I said shakily. "If I can do _anything_…"

Our eyes met and held. He nodded and said, "Okay. I'm still coming up with you, though." I nodded, knowing he needed to do this.

We went upstairs, Alice reaching out for my other hand. "It's a bit of a shock, Bella. And remember, we're all going to be right here."

Swallowing hard, I gently pushed the door open, and my eyes met Edward's after so long. "Oh, Edward," I whispered, past the painful lump in my throat, as his sweet yet blank eyes took me in. The love for him was still there, and I knew this was going to be difficult.

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**AN: Just wanted to thank one of my readers – JJ Twi1ight – for that tip awhile back about the Cullen's staying in Hoquiam. That's something I would have never known if not informed of it!**

**Also, this fic was nominated for ****the Best Bella category in the Sunflower Awards. Voting is open if you'd like to do so! Link is: http:/thesunflowerawards[dot]blogspot[dot]com/**


	25. Turn to Me

Nothing is like it was

Turn my grief to grace

Nothing comes easily

Where do I begin?

Nothing can bring me peace

I've lost everything

I just want to feel your embrace

**-Kate Havnevik "Grace"**

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Edward's eyes peered at me, muddled and slightly confused, tinged red around the usual butterscotch color he had when we were together. My heart was banging in my chest, and I was unsure of what to say, but wanted to say so much.

I could feel the crowding of everyone behind me, and it made me nervous. It was too hard to fathom that Edward – always so careful with me – could not be trusted to stay sane. He was perched by the window as if he were unsure about staying there. Jake's hand was still wound with mine, though he was behind me, and I knew the Cullen's were right outside the door.

"I need to get closer," I said. I didn't really want to let go of Jake, and I could tell he didn't want to let go of me, but if I was to maybe have any sort of effect on him I couldn't have everyone surrounding me.

Jake stayed by the door by sheer force of will, allowing me to venture a little further into the room. Alice was in one corner, Jasper in the other, and Emmett hovered nearby as well. I could feel the worry, the hope; all the unspoken feelings and the pressure to try and help him remember what happened. It was overwhelming to think so many powerful, supernatural beings were relying on me.

His eyes were still fixed on mine, his eyebrows drawing together. "Why… why are you all in here?" he asked quietly. His tone was very uncertain.

Alice's voice was gentle. "Edward, someone you knew very well from before has come to visit you, someone you were in love with and who loved you."

"I was in love with her?" he asked.

I heard a soft sound from Jake, and I was already reaching back for his hand. My fingers found his and gave a soft squeeze. I needed him to understand, and I felt some reassurance when he squeezed back.

"Yes," Alice was continuing. "She wants to try and help you; to see if she can help you remember."

Edward tilted his head, absorbing this information. Suddenly, he was in front of me, but so were Alice, Emmett, and Jasper. Jake was already by my side. Edward shrank back, his features twisted a little in fear.

"Remember what we told you, Edward?" Jasper asked calmly, but with an authoritative tone.

"I'm a vampire. I already knew that," he said staring at his family.

"Yes, but you must have been fed human blood – or fed off them yourself – so you have to be extra careful to move slowly around humans and not get too close," Jasper added.

Jake's arm was shaking against mine, and I leaned against him, weariness threatening to take over. The fear and grief was a constant pressure, and I battled with it to remain calm.

Edward cocked his head to the side, listening to Jasper's words, seemingly absorbing them. "She's human," he stated. "I can hear her heartbeat; it's fast and I can hear the blood pumping." I would have been thoroughly freaked out if I wasn't seeing his expression. His eyes weren't changing with thirst, just curiosity.

"Don't you remember me, Edward?" I whispered plaintively.

He frowned, looking child-like in his struggle to remember. "No," he mumbled. "You seem familiar in some way, but ultimately… no."

The collective breath everyone had been holding escaped. They all looked so defeated, but I sucked in a deep breath. "If I seem familiar in some way, that's good, right? I mean there's a possibility of regaining some memory, I would think."

"I suppose that's possible," Carlisle said rubbing a hand over his face. "I guess time will tell. Maybe certain places or things will help; we haven't really tried much else."

"Can… can I have a minute alone with him?" I asked hesitantly.

They all protested, but my main concern was Jacob. Our eyes met while the Cullen's debated the wisdom of that. I begged him to understand - to realize this wasn't a traitorous move - and that I just wanted to get a feel of how Edward felt without so many feelings and voices in the room.

"I love you," I mouthed at him.

He smiled a little, though he looked pretty weary, too. "I love you, too," he mouthed back.

It took some convincing, but Edward was calm, so when they finally agreed to go in the hall, to wait nearby, I took a deep breath. Suddenly, I was alone with Edward. He was standing by the window, looking out at the forest.

"You used to run through the forest with me on your back because I was just too slow. I was clumsy, even more than a regular human normally is."

He gazed out the window, then back at me. "I wish I could remember. I'm trying, but all I can see is papery-white skin and blood; lots of blood."

I swallowed hard as he gazed at me. He moved a little closer. "They told me to be careful, so I will be," he promised as he moved deliberately slow. He lifted a lock of my hair, breathing deep, as I tried to relax.

"You smell good," he told me. I heard movement outside the door and knew everyone was paying attention and ready to come in if need be.

I rested my hand on Edward's and met his eyes. We just stared at each other, until he finally broke the silence.

"Will you help me?" he asked his voice again almost child-like. I swallowed hard and nodded my assent.

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**JPOV**

Standing outside Edward's bedroom door, surrounded by the rest of the Cullen's, while Bella was inside with him, had me struggling not to flip out. I didn't want to be near them anymore; I needed to breathe, and I needed Bella away from them. I gave a small sigh when I heard Edward ask for her help. I knew she wouldn't be able to resist that, and I even felt a small stab of sympathy myself.

It was miniscule, though.

Bella finally came out of the bedroom and it was all I could do not to grab her and pull her far away. As it was, Carlisle looked like he had more to say. In the living room, I perched on the sofa furthest away from the Cullen's, anchoring Bella against me. Alice looked like she wanted to hang on to Bella again for dear life, but I refused to give her up.

"He doesn't remember me," Bella stated the obvious, staring down at her folded hands.

Everyone was quiet. "I know you and Edward had the meadow, and I suppose even your old bedroom at your father's house, could help trigger something," Carlisle finally said.

I felt my body begin vibrating again. It seemed to escape everyone's notice that Bella and I were more than friends and the references to her past relationship were pushing my pissed-off meter even higher. It was probably due to my damn insecurities, but it would be nice if they could recognize that, but I suppose it didn't really surprise me. They _were_ damn leeches after all.

"Would you be okay with that, Jake, if Bella chose to do this?" Alice asked.

I knew she wasn't a mind-reader like Edward, and her visions didn't include me or my pack brothers', so I was surprised she picked up on just what was bothering me. Her pixie face was turned toward me, but her face was a blank. She was the one who relayed to Bella that it was okay to move on – with me if she chose – but this was her "brother" after all.

"If it's what Bella truly wants," I said my voice cool. "I don't want her pressured into this by your desperation to make him better; she's affected by this as well and I don't want to see her hurt again by this."

Bella nodded, leaning against my arm. "I do want to help." The pain on her face had eased after she left Edward's room, but I could still see it in her eyes.

"We haven't discussed the Volturi yet," the blonde male said changing the subject.

"We have no idea why they went after Edward like this. There are a lot of unanswered questions," Esme put in still looking as if she could cry.

"Are you going after them?" I asked. Goddamn vampire world with their freakish governing body.

"No. I think they're going to come after us," Alice murmured.

I froze for a second, and then I was up off the couch, furious but nsure of what I planned to do. The big one – Emmett I thought - jumped up as well and we nearly collided. There was quite a bit of chaos as he flexed and his eyes sparked, and I could feel the uncontrollable snarling in my chest as I prepared to phase and lunge at him.

Bella's pale hand on my chest stopped me and the blonde pulled Emmett back, though her teeth were bared at me.

"How dare you come back here?" I yelled. "You're bringing these stinking leeches you call royalty to Forks! Not only does that put Bella in danger, but it threatens my home and the people I'm sworn to protect."

"I don't know what else to do," Carlisle said in a pained voice. "We don't have an advantage in Volterra, and we put people in danger regardless if we lead them somewhere else. We would have more of a chance at home – with a place we were familiar with - and I plan on asking the Denali coven to help us and whoever else we can find willing."

"I'm not asking you to do this, but it would be an advantage to have the pack working with us." He didn't look comfortable saying this, but it was what everyone was thinking.

I felt a well of emotions bubble up. How could I take Bella and flee the area leaving my father, Charlie, my brothers' and my people in danger? If they came here, we would fight and lives might be lost. I knew deep down this wasn't easy for the Cullen's, but my fury with them was just too strong.

"I'll talk to Sam," I said as calmly as I could. My throat felt rubbed raw, and I wanted to be alone with Bella so badly.

Alice said as gently as she could, "I'm sorry, Jacob. We all truly are sorry. We aren't perfect, but we honestly are trying to get through this with the least amount of lives lost on both sides. If it helps, my vision of rescuing Edward came from one of the leaders of the Volturi. Aro. I don't know yet, but it's possible he might be trying to help us. That's a very good thing."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak anymore. I knew she was trying to help, and she was the only one I felt I could say something to and have her understand somewhat. It was really the weirdest thing and just added to the crappiness of this day.

"If I get a vision, I'll be in touch," she added.

"We'll be staying in La Push," Bella replied quietly.

To their credit, they didn't react too much to that. Alice flung her arms around Bella, holding on to her tightly. I shifted feet, uncomfortable and ready to go, as Bella held her back just as tightly. After she hugged each in turn – even that bitch Rosalie – she slid into the car and I was pulling out of the long driveway.

My breathing eased as I began to drive away, though the smell of them was wafting off of Bella. I tried not to wrinkle my nose, but she smelled awful. We were both quiet, but then she murmured, "Are we going to your dad's or to Sue's? I'm not sure where we're staying."

"I would like to see my dad," I said. "We'll ask your dad and Sue once we get there to pick up Tinker. She's there with him anyway, and we can find out if that's okay."

We got back to Charlie's house where I listened to her responding quietly to what were Charlie's thousand questions about what had happened. She couldn't give much away, so she just told him she was tired and would talk to him tomorrow.

"Bells, I'm serious. I need to know what's going on, if we have to worry," he told her.

"Edward needs time to recuperate," she said lamely. "He's the one who knows what happened, and he doesn't remember."

Charlie brushed her hair back, worry lining his face. "Are you sure you're okay?"

She just hugged him, and I felt conflicting emotions. I was afraid to ask her that question because I didn't know how she was feeling about Edward. She was obviously afraid, upset by what happened to him, but to dig down into the nitty-gritty was not something I was looking forward to.

Sue hugged us both again and said, "I meant to tell you earlier, but I expected you both would stay at my place again. Is that okay?"

"Perfect," I assured her. "We wanted to make sure that was okay with you."

After we said our goodbyes, we picked up Tinker and headed back to La Push. "Do you want to come in and see Billy or just go to Sue's?"

"I'd like to see him," she said. "I probably won't stay long, but you should spend some time alone with him."

I didn't want to leave her alone, but I had a feeling she needed a little alone time first. She confirmed that.

"I just need a little bit of time alone, and then I just want to spend some time with you."

So, we went in to see Billy. The little red-brick house was exactly the same as it always was, but it still felt different. The cracked and dilapidated steps were still the same – though I vowed to fix that tomorrow for him. He used that ramp we had installed, but I had neglected too much.

He reached his arms out to me, and I leaned down to give him a hug. He turned to Bella, and with a small smile, she did the same.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, his dark eyes intent on her face.

"I don't know," she answered. "I'm not sure how to feel. It was really difficult."

She cast her eyes downward, but Billy reached out and tilted her chin up, giving her a small smile that was still slightly lopsided. "You know we're all here for you, Bella."

It was such a simple statement, the kind of thing my dad would normally say to someone he loves, and it brought tears to her eyes. "Thank you," she said squeezing his hand.

We talked about his therapy and how his speech had really improved with our working together on it, his diet and how he sometimes missed having something fried and greasy, and he had a good time watching Tinker bounce around the house. I knew Bella was ready to leave, so I told her to take the car and go right to Sue's. I wanted to follow her to make sure she was okay, but I also knew I had to let her take care of herself. I did tell her to text me when she was there, even if it was a whole five-minute drive to Sue's house.

Once she left, Billy turned to me. "How is she really?"

Tinker jumped into my lap and curled into a little ball. Absently, I stroked her fur as I said, "Not that great. She's being as strong as she can, but I can see how much it's hurting her to see the result of what's happened. Edward seems so lost; it rattled me as well to see him like that."

Billy eyed me shrewdly. "So what don't you want to tell me?"

I frowned at him, annoyed that he could be so perceptive when it came to his kids. "Look, there isn't a lot of information about it yet…"

"Jacob, I know you. Something is bothering you, and it's apparently serious."

It bubbled out before I could stop it. "The leech royalty might come to Forks because the Cullen's took Edward back. They came back here, to Forks, where they're putting the lives of the pack, my family, and our people at serious risk. I can't lose Bella, I can't lose my brothers' and my sisters', and I can not lose you." My voice had risen in anger.

"Jake," he sighed, looking shocked and then weary. "Don't worry about me. You need to talk to Sam and do what you can to protect the reservation and the people of Forks."

"How can I _not_ worry about you?" I snapped. "I left here, leaving you behind where you had a stroke, and I wasn't here to stop it! I didn't protect you." Freaked out at the emotion slamming into me, I realized I had bottled up too much after my dad's stroke.

Tears were actually threatening, and I swallowed them back. "I will do whatever it takes to protect everyone I can, but I won't lose you. You will do what I say to stay safe." It was more an order than a question.

He stared at me. "Jacob Black, I am your father, not the other way around. I'm also chief of this tribe. I know what I have to do to protect myself. And I won't allow you to blame yourself for my stroke." His voice softened. "I'm an adult, and I made the choice to eat whatever I wanted, and not take care of myself. Yes, the wheelchair hinders me in that respect, but there are things I can do and didn't. It is not up to you, son."

That was the most I had heard him speak since the stroke.

"I have always been proud of you, and I didn't like having to lean on you so much and turn you into an adult before you were ready, but I know you did it without thinking twice or regretting it."

I was overwhelmed at his declarations and at the idea of what could happen and reined it in. Fear would just cripple me, and I wouldn't back down from this fight if it came. I would protect everyone I loved.

"You need some rest," he said. I glanced up at him, steeled myself, and nodded. "I'm here to help you just as your brothers' are, and apparently the Cullen's, as well. We need each other to lean on; it's what will give us the edge if it comes to this. Let's not jump the gun just yet, though, okay? Go to Bella."

I hugged him a little harder and longer than I had before. Closing my eyes, I felt like a kid again briefly, as he patted me on the back. I picked up Tinker and hurried back to Bella.

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**BPOV**

I sat at the little table in Sue's kitchen in the dark. I could hear the ticking of the clock, and the hum of the refrigerator. Edward's red-rimmed, butterscotch eyes kept swimming in my mind. How could he be so lost to his family and to me? I couldn't begin to imagine what happened to make him like this.

My thoughts were a jumbled mess as I thought of the possibility of the Volturi coming here. It was a terrifying thought; one I knew was possible even before everything happened with Edward. I had been told that I had to become a vampire because I found out about them. At the time it hadn't seemed like a big deal. I had wanted to die and be with Edward in a body frozen in time. Now I wasn't so sure anymore and with the possibility of them coming here, I was afraid that might come to light.

I was scared for Jake and Charlie, Billy, for the pack and their girlfriend's, and for all the innocent people who were friends of ours. I had fear for the Cullen's, too, especially after what happened with Edward. They couldn't take him again, they just couldn't. I closed my eyes, leaning my forehead on the cool wood of the table.

The only thing that kept me partially sane was Jake. He had always been solid; a rock to cling to in the most tenuous circumstances. I knew he needed me, too. He was angry, and he would never back away from a fight if it meant keeping me and others he loved safe, but I couldn't lose him.

I dragged myself away from the table, slipped into the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. Exhaustion was setting in, and I was hoping Jake would be here soon. I had just changed into a set of pajama pants and tank top and had pulled down the handmade green, brown, and yellow quilt on the bed when I heard the front door open.

"It's me," Jake announced. I was glad he did because I was feeling extra jumpy tonight.

I appreciated his restraint in following me here to make sure I arrived safely, but I was so glad he was here now. I felt safer. "I'm going to take a quick shower," he said.

I got into bed, curling into a ball on my side, tired but not sure if I would be able to sleep. The glow of the moon slid in through the crack in the curtains, and I shivered, reaching over to twitch them fully closed. Fear was beginning to take over, and I was glad when Jake came into the bedroom. Once he slid into bed, I curled into his familiar warmth.

"You're shaking," he said quietly. His arms tightened around me as I pressed my cheek to his chest.

It was better than sobbing out my grief and fear and upsetting him with it. The Volturi had been terrifying when I went to save Edward, but knowing they were even more evil than anyone had anticipated, was so much worse. There was so much more to lose, and I wasn't sure I could bear that.

Every time I closed my eyes, Edward's eyes haunted me, his pleading voice asking for my help cut me deeply. Interwoven were images of losing Jacob in the fight or Charlie or one of my friends. I clung a little more tightly to him; it was unbearable and Jake was the only one who could calm me down.

"Just hold me," I whispered. "Tell me something, sing, just please distract me."

His arms tightened until I felt as if I could burrow into him. He wasn't much of a singer, but he hummed quietly, a soft deep-throated sound that reminded me of a lullaby. As the soft hum of his voice surrounded me, I took what comfort he could offer me. It was still hard to fall asleep right away, but I did finally manage it as I relaxed to the sound of his voice.

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**AN: Out of curiosity, what do you think of the understanding, and as of right now, the-almost-but-not-quite-possibility of a friendship? **

**I couldn't find anything specifically Quileute for lullabies, so the one I'm thinking of is the Oglala Sioux by Jerry Garrett on the album "Under the Green Corn Moon." It's all lullabies of different Native American tribes. Very beautiful!**


	26. Feel My Love

I could make you happy,

Make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the earth for you

To make you feel my love

**Adele "Make You Feel My Love"**

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When I woke, the weak sunlight and sound of rain seemed to be coming from the wrong spot in the bedroom. Jake was also on the wrong side of the bed, I realized, as he shifted underneath me. My eyes opened slowly, the day before beginning to sink in. It came in increments, because I just wasn't ready to deal with it yet.

Vaguely, I remembered my nightmares from the night before and remembered Jake had woken me more than once to get me out of it. As soon as his warm hands were touching me, I would relax. The full brunt of what had went on yesterday hit me with force, and I tried to breathe slow and deep like I had been taught in yoga.

I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. I gently disengaged myself from Jake's arms, paused when he stirred, and then headed into the kitchen. I peered into Sue's refrigerator, hoping there was something in here I could make for breakfast. I needed something to keep me busy; something to maintain a sense of normalcy.

Sue had eggs and bacon and the ingredients to make waffles, so I went to work. I brewed some coffee as well. We weren't big coffee drinkers, but I had a feeling we were going to need that little extra jolt of caffeine since my nightmares had disrupted both of our sleep. While the waffles cooked, I checked my phone and saw I had a voicemail from Alice. My eyebrows shot up in surprise, and I felt that little slice of pain.

She apologized to both of us, and she said they would all leave here at the end of the week to go somewhere where they wouldn't jeopardize me, the pack, and our friends and family. She also said she still hoped I would come by and try to help Edward while I could and visit with them. The waffles were done just as Jake came out, still looking tired and drawn.

"What's all this?" he asked with some surprise.

"I… just needed something to do," I said as I filled a plate high for him and then a more average-sized one for myself.

"It looks great," he said, and his hand brushed lightly over my back as he accepted the plate and sat down to eat.

Once we had finished and had our cup of coffee in front of us, I watched Jake sip at his coffee, wince a little, but take another sip. I leaned back in my chair and spilled to Jake what Alice had said. His eyebrows shot up in surprise and I could see some of the tension ease. "They are?" He seemed amazed that they had really listened to him.

"Are you okay with that?" he asked not meeting my eyes. "I mean, obviously not about the Volturi, but with them leaving?"

I had barely gotten them back, and I desperately wanted to help Edward, to try and explain and to just _see _him. I didn't want the Volturi here, though, so I wasn't sure what to feel and I told him that. I couldn't help feeling an immense relief that the Volturi would be directed elsewhere, though the guilt still ate away at me because it would still put other random people in danger. I also wasn't sure if I trusted we were safe. He was quiet while I tried to explain, and he nodded in understanding.

"So you're still going to the Cullen's today?" he asked not meeting my eyes.

I bit my lip. "I planned on it. Do you mind?"

He still didn't meet my eyes, but he nodded. "I'm going to see the guys', let them know of the situation, and then I'll meet up with you if that's okay."

Once we had a plan set, I dressed and got myself ready. Once I dropped Jake off at Sam's, I called out to Emily that I would visit with her soon, and I drove to the Cullen's house. I took a deep breath and headed inside, steeling myself for the first day of trying to help Edward regain some sense of himself.

Carlisle and Jasper were talking quietly in the corner, poring over some ancient-looking books. Emmett and Rosalie were out hunting, and Alice greeted me with a hug. "We weren't thinking clearly," she said looking upset. "If we draw them away from here, you can be safe and so can everyone you care about."

"Alice," I sighed. I squeezed her hand. "We both know it can still happen; that they come here regardless. But I know you don't want anyone to get hurt drawing them here because of rescuing Edward, and I appreciate that."

I was getting choked up. "I wish you didn't have to leave, though; it has been so long since I've seen Edward and all of you. Will you come back?"

"I hope so. And I wish we didn't have to either, Bella. If it's what has to happen, though, to keep you and everyone safe then we'll do it."

Trying to reign in my emotions, I let Alice lead me upstairs. "Edward?" she called out. "Bella's here to visit you."

He opened the door within seconds, his face brightening excitedly when he saw me, and I felt such a pang of sadness and regret for what happened. He took my hand, tugging me into the room, and led me over to the corner of his room.

"I realized I was pretty good at painting last night," he told me. "I painted a picture of you."

He spun the easel around and smiled at me expectantly.

My eyes widened in amazement. He had drawn me standing in the middle of his room. He had caught the mix of emotions on my face; the sadness, the worry, and the love. He had blurred everyone else in the room, but I could recognize the figures, most especially Jacob as my hand was reaching out for him even in Edward's picture. He hadn't missed a thing.

"It's… beautiful," I managed to say. It really was.

He handed it to me. "I want you to have it."

"Edward, I…" but he looked so eager I couldn't say no.

"Thank you," I said touching his arm. He smiled at the touch and wound his fingers with mine.

A little uncomfortable, I said, "Why don't we go downstairs? You used to play songs on the piano for me. Maybe that'll help."

He agreed and downstairs, I perched on the piano bench with him, Alice in the corner still keeping an eye on him. He stared at the keys, his fingers hesitantly moving over them. After a little practice, he gained a rhythm, and the sounds were beautiful. We sat there entranced for awhile; suddenly, I realized he was playing the lullaby he had written for me.

I exchanged a look with Alice, even as I felt the grief twist inside me. My eyes welled up at the memory of him humming it.

"Do you remember that?" I asked him quietly.

His brow furrowed, and then I saw the flash of rage on his face. "They did something to me when I hummed it around them. I don't remember what, though…"

He turned to me, his teeth bared in a grimace, and he looked frightening. I backed away carefully as Alice and Jasper stood between us. What the hell did they do to him?

"I wouldn't hurt you, Bella," he promised, and I was unsettled by how fast he went from that to calm. I reached out to him and he curled his fingers around mine.

########################################################################

**JPOV**

Emily placed a tray of warm sticky buns on the table, and then another, and then one more. They smelled fantastic and the white frosting on the top was still sliding down the side of them.

"Dig in," she encouraged us as she poured glasses of milk.

We all dove in like the wolves we were – or had been – and once we had satiated our appetites partially, Sam cleared his throat and glanced questioningly at me.

"So, what's the bad news? Are you and Bella okay?"

"Did you know the Cullen's are back?" I asked first.

They all nodded, looking a bit unsettled. "We knew," Sam said. "Carlisle made it a point to tell us, to let us know that they would still honor the treaty, and that they would never harm anyone. No one has phased so far, so we're hoping that we had reached the full maximum of us phasing and that it will continue to be a non-issue."

I bit into another sticky bun, washing it down with milk. "Apparently, the Cullen's thought that the Volturi might strike back, coming here and causing a fight. That's their vampire royalty; the one's who run the vampire word. They are, according to the Cullen's, ancient and very powerful."

They all stared at me in shock.

"Alice – the little vampire who Bella is close to – told her this morning that they would leave Forks to keep the Volturi away from here, so Bella and the rest of us could be safe."

"Are you sure they will?" Embry asked.

"Even though they're leeches, they do love Bella. So, no, I don't doubt their word. Bella is trying to help Edward regain some of his memories. He went through something at the hands of these bloodsuckers and he doesn't remember."

"Is it still a possibility for this royalty to come here?" Sam asked, reaching out for Emily who hovered by him worriedly. She perched on his lap.

"I don't know. I feel there's something I haven't been told, but I would say most likely not. If I hear otherwise, you'll hear about it right away. I just wanted everyone to know."

The mood had quieted, and I sat there feeling restless, wishing I knew what was going on with Bella helping Edward.

"They don't know anything about what happened to Edward?" Seth asked. He had formed that weird bond with him that had freaked all of us out.

"Not really. He seems almost like a child now and again; confused and excited easily. Alice said they only found him because the one leech leader was in her vision telling her where to go and to hurry and get him. She seems to think it's possible he's trying to help them."

"That makes no sense," Quil added. "I mean, we all know vampires can be destroyed, but other than the typical smashing and burning of their bodies, they're supposed to be indestructible." He thanked Emily as she took empty plates from the table to the sink.

"Nothing about this situation makes sense," I said with a sigh. "I just wish I knew what the hell was going on and what will happen; if they're going to really not show up here."

I stared out the window, brooding, as I thought again of Bella spending all this time with Edward and his family. I couldn't _stop_ thinking about it.

"Are things okay with you and Bella?" I pulled myself out of my thoughts and turned to Embry.

I shrugged a little. "I think so. We haven't talked much about it yet, but she didn't go running to them, so it seems like it." I didn't really want to talk about my fear of losing her to Edward if he began improving mentally.

"You shouldn't assume she's pining away for him without knowing the facts. Don't just tell her you love her; show her," Leah said with a hint of annoyance. "Actions always speak louder than words." She shrugged and stood up, stretching.

"She's probably right," Emily added. "Talking is good, though, too. If you're worried about losing her, though I don't think that's a possibility, you should say something and get some reassurance and see how she feels about it."

"I don't want to push her yet. She's trying too hard to be strong, and it's straining her. She's afraid of breaking down in front of me again; she did it once and is scared of showing how upset she is." I got up and paced, finally walking over to a sleeping Samantha. I looked down at the month-old baby, reaching out to stroke a finger over her cheek. Her little mouth moved in her sleep.

It seemed like so long ago that I had seen that particular light in Bella's eyes, the light that said she was thinking about wanting a baby of her own one day; a baby with me. Just the idea of her carrying our child made me even more positive that was what I wanted for us eventually. Now things felt so uncertain with everything that was happening.

Emily and Sam had appeared beside me. Emily smoothed a hand over Samantha's soft hair and then laid a hand on my arm. "Go on, Jake; go back to the house, pamper her when she gets home, and show her how you feel."

I gave them a wave and hurried back to Sue's – our – home. I dug around in the bathroom cabinets until I found a few fat candles. I lit them and placed them around the living room and bedroom. I did the same in the bathroom, and then headed outside to pick some of the wildflowers that Sue grew in a pot. I left a scattering of flowers across the floor to the bedroom where I set them around sporadically.

I got her text shortly after saying she was on her way back, so I began running a bath in the large, claw-foot tub that Sue had begged Harry to have. It was still hard for me to fit into, but it was possible, so it would do. After sprinkling some kind of soap flakes into the filling tub, I went into the kitchen to check the contents of the fridge. We had some leftover lasagna, and I quickly threw together a small and simple salad to go with it.

I located a bottle of sparkling water and began chilling it. I was right on time since a few moments later Bella was pulling into the driveway.

_Showtime._

########################################################################

**BPOV**

I pulled up to Sue's house, eager to get inside and to just sit down and relax. The time I spent with Edward had worn me down, and I felt the emotions bubbling below the surface as I trudged inside. Mental exhaustion was moving towards physical exhaustion, but when I walked into Sue's kitchen, I stopped in surprise. The table was set and I could see the lasagna waiting to be put in the oven.

Upon closer inspection, I noticed there was wild flower petals scattered on the floor leading from the kitchen into the living room and down the hall towards the bedroom. I noted there were also candles lit on the windowsills, the side tables, and on shelves. When I pushed the door open, curious about what Jake was up to, I found myself pressed against the wall of the bedroom. My cheek rested against the cool wall as Jake's warm body pressed into me from behind.

"What's all this..." I started to say, but I felt his lust and a slight desperation. Worried, I wanted to turn to him, but then his hands glided along my sides down to my hips. His hands worked their way to the front of my jeans where he unbuttoned and unzipped them slowly.

My breath was shaky as I moved from exhaustion to desire. He was inching my pants down my thighs, and I sighed, reaching down to help him.

"No," he murmured, fastening his other hand around both my wrists and pinning them above my head. My jeans had dropped to my ankles, and I felt his hand slide up the front of my shirt, where his fingers began teasing my nipples through the thin cotton bra.

I whimpered as he nuzzled under my hair, his lips grazing the back of my neck. His hips were pressing into me over and over, and I felt my breath turning to pants. He let go of my hands and slid my underwear down.

His mouth moved from neck, to my shoulders, and then my back. His lips tickled as he trailed a line of kisses down each bump in my spine. Every nerve ending was on fire, and my eyes widened as he continued over the swell of my behind. Jake and I had plenty of sex, but it had never deviated far from him on top or me on top; well, except for that time in the shower, but this was a little new.

I felt his breath fan over me as he spread my thighs further apart, and then I felt the touch of his tongue against the slickness of my folds. I cried out – my breasts pressing into the wall now, the coolness a contrast to the heat of Jake's mouth as he explored me from behind. My hands fumbled back to reach him, but he continued his tasting.

"Oh Jake, oh my God," I managed to gasp. My hips moved to accommodate him, but not long after his tongue dipped and swirled along my pulsating clit, he was moving away.

My body was shaking as he deftly pulled my shirt off and threw my bra over his shoulder. His touches were increasing in speed, and my nipples alternated between hard against the cool wall and soft under the ministrations of his warm hands. I heard the swish of his shorts dropping and then he was pressed against me again. He took my chin in his fingers and turned my face to the side, his mouth seeking mine.

His kisses were deep, his teeth nipping at my lower lip, as his tongue dipped inside my mouth over and over again. My body was throbbing now, and he seemed to know that, as he began leading me over to the bed. I sank into the mattress as Jake lowered, hovering over my back.

He was sliding his stiff length along the spot where I wanted him. "Please," I moaned softly. "Jake, I need you inside…"

His hair tickled, and his muscled chest pressed me a little deeper into the mattress. It was such a new position, and it felt so good, and I moaned again at the sensation of him sliding into me from behind. I pushed my hips off the mattress, trying to arch back to feel more of him, but his body held me against the bed.

He slid deep inside, slowly pulling out, and then moving back in. It was driving me crazy.

"More… more, Jake…" I pleaded.

His lips brushed over my ear. "I love the feel of you; every inch of you is so soft and warm for me. It drives me crazy. I love you so much."

"I love you…" and it ended in a gasp as his hips proceeded to slam against my backside as he started thrusting in earnest.

His hand wiggled its way under to stroke my clit, circling and tweaking, until my body quaked and melted into a mind-blowing orgasm. He slowed slightly, gasping, his body resting against mine. I felt surrounded by him and his body heat as my body began to relax.

Then he slid out, turned me around so I was sitting on his lap facing him, and he tilted my face up to kiss me and suckle my lower lip. He hadn't come yet, I realized, as he slid back into me.

"I want to see you," he breathed heavily. "I want to see you when I come, and I want to see your face when I make you come again."

That stirred me up again, and he held me, thrusting up so deeply. He glanced down, his fingers lightly moving over where we were connected, and I held on as he lifted and brought me down onto him over and over, faster and faster. I bit his neck in my excitement, gripped his backside, and he came quickly with a cry. My cry echoed with his as the pressure against all the sensitive spots released another orgasm.

My head tilted back, and I felt his hand come up and fist in my hair. "So beautiful," he whispered.

I smiled a little, resting my head against his chest, completely spent. Our breathing was a little labored, and I snuggled against him. He had made me forget the grief and the fear while we made love for which I was grateful. There was stuff that had to be done, the worry I felt from him addressed, but I just wanted to rejuvenate tonight and try to get through the next day when it came.

"There's stuff we need to talk about," Jake said quietly, seemingly reading my mind as he stroked my hair. "But for tonight, let's just relax."

I agreed, and he got up, pulling me along with him. In the bathroom, the tub was full of warm, fragrant water. I was a little surprised at the lengths he went to tonight to seduce me, but I was pleased. "I'll put the lasagna in the oven quick and then we can just soak until it's done," he said.

I slid into the one luxury Sue allowed herself – the big, claw-foot tub - and sank to my chin. My eyes closed as the exhaustion made itself known again, but the water helped to relax my body. When Jake managed to squeeze in, legs splayed and knees drawn up slightly, I slid into that spot between his legs and lay my head on his chest. His body heated the water even more, and I curled into him as he rubbed my back with the soap, massaging it into the tense muscles.

It felt amazingly good.

We managed to wash off, and relax against each other, feeling the soft, warm September breeze waft in the open window, before the timer on the oven dinged letting us know that our dinner was ready. He handed me a towel and we dried off, slipping into shorts and t-shirts, and sat at the table to eat our lasagna.

"This was a great way to end the day," I said tiredly as Jake collected our empty plates and took them to the sink.

"You look pretty drained," he replied. "Let's go to bed and watch a movie."

I knew he would want to hear soon how it went with Edward. Also, as far as Alice was concerned, the Volturi wouldn't come here, but we knew that there could still be a possibility of it happening. We had to rely on Alice's vision and continue to help Edward to see if we could glean any information on them. I knew Jake was worried, I was trying to hang on in regards to my feelings for Edward, but eventually we would have to work through the tangles to really get through this.

I put aside the worry again, though, because this had been a pretty amazing evening and we both needed every bit of comfort and happiness we could get.

########################################################################

**AN: I let those who questioned it know in my review response, but the understanding friendship was between Alice and Jake. My laptop was being a pain and deleted part of it!**

**And a quick thanks to Jessy for the review since I can't respond personally!**


	27. Release

Dare me to jump and I will  
I'll fall from your grace  
But I'll never let go of your hand  
I'll never let go of your hand

**Tom Waits "Never Let Go"**

########################################################################

I woke up to the sound of my cell buzzing on the nightstand. I reached for it, held it to her ear, and mumbled, "Hello?"

"Bells?"

I opened my eyes further, propping myself up on my elbow. "Dad? Is everything okay?"

"Of course. I just wanted to talk to you, to tell you I want to talk to the Cullen's today. I can't put it off."

I sighed, rubbed a hand over my eyes. "Dad, I'm going over there again today. Can you at least make it later today? I'm trying to help Edward remember… something. Anything. I know _he_ can't talk to you; he's not ready."

I was scared to death how he would react if Charlie questioned him and what he might give away.

"How are they?" he asked after agreeing that he could talk to the Cullen's, but not Edward.

"As well as can be expected," I said tiredly. I glanced out the window at the rain and wind-blown trees. "They're holding up, trying anything they can to jog Edward's memory. They're also hurting, but that's to be expected."

"And how are you feeling?" Charlie asked getting right to the point.

I swallowed with some difficulty. "I don't know. It's really hard, but I'm trying to do what I can."

"It's not up to you alone, honey, to make him better. I know you mean well and that's a good thing, but don't let this rest solely on your shoulders."

"I know," I sighed. "I'm trying. I… I can't really talk about it right now. I'm still just trying to process everything."

"Okay," he said, letting the subject drop. "You're still with Jake, right?" he asked casually.

"Um… yes," I said. "Why?" I knew why, but I didn't really want to discuss this with him right now.

"No reason. Call me later when you're done whatever you're doing there, okay? I'll come over."

I agreed and hung up. I really didn't feel like getting up. The rainy weather made me feel even more tired. I lay back down, rolled over and gazed at Jake. He never even woke up while I was on the phone; he was out completely. I brushed his hair back, my eyes tracing the planes of his face. I stretched out, still watching him, until I dozed off again.

When I woke later, it was still raining, but I felt a little more awake. I yawned and saw Jake beginning to stir as well. "Morning," he murmured sleepily, his eyes still closed.

"Morning," I said, snuggling into the warmth of his arms, tempting me to stay there and not face another day of uncertainty and more grief. He smoothed my hair, playing with the strands.

I had vague impressions of blank eyes and hard vampire skin in my nightmares. The nightmares were upsetting, but I felt bad that Jake was affected as well because he had to wake me up and try to calm me down. I brushed a finger over the skin under his eye; the circles weren't as pronounced so it must have been a better night.

"Did I wake you up last night?" I asked.

"Only once. You went back to sleep pretty quickly."

"Why don't you sleep a little more?" I suggested. "I feel bad disrupting you during the night."

"Don't worry about it, Bella. I'm okay. I got a better night sleep last night anyway, so I feel fine." He stretched and rolled out of bed. "Plus I'm hungry."

I smiled slightly. He was always hungry.

We ate breakfast, and I took my cup of tea out to Sue's little deck. I rather liked the idea of being able to sit outside and see the ocean in the distance to one side and the forest on the other. The rain pinged off the roof as I curled up in the cushioned chair; Jake perched on the other one with a can of soda.

"So… what happened yesterday?" he asked. He was rubbing a finger along the condensation on the can.

I dunked my teabag a few times, feeling the steam on my face. "He painted a picture for me. It was of me standing in the room, and he noticed how I was reaching for you at the time."

"Did that bother him?" Jake asked his brow furrowed.

"Not that I noticed," I replied. "He just seemed matter-of-fact about it. He was happy that I came again, though."

We were both quiet again.

"We didn't do too much, just spent time together. He played the piano for awhile which he had always enjoyed doing. He picked it up again rather easily, and I noticed he started playing my lullaby."

"He was playing _your _lullaby?"

"He wrote it for me back before you and I started spending time together," I said quietly. "He used to hum it for me." Jake was looking away, not quite meeting my eyes, and I realized that bothered him.

I swallowed my tea with some difficulty, not knowing what to say to make the memories of my time with Edward easier for him. "Go on," he finally said.

"Well, I asked him if he remembered, considering he was playing it, and he reacted weird. He said that they did something to him when they heard him hum it, and he got… angry. His teeth were bared; it was kind of frightening…"

"_What?_ Bella, did he hurt you?"

Shocked, I stared at him. "No! No, Jake, it wasn't like that. Alice and Jasper were there, and they stepped between us just to make sure… but he wasn't trying to hurt me. I mean, he seemed a little off, but he swore to me that he would never hurt me."

Jake was angry, pacing up and down the little porch now. "And you trust that?"

"Jake, if he wanted to hurt me he would have tried. I mean, he just turned to me like that because remembering that had upset him, but he didn't try to go after me."

He calmed down a little. "He really didn't try?"

"He really didn't," I assured him. "I wouldn't be going back today if he had."

He sat back down.

"So, Alice hasn't seen anything yet?" he asked more calmly.

"No, she hasn't. I don't know what's going to happen; from what the Cullen's have witnessed, they want Edward back. I think that's their main goal, so they would go where the Cullen's go, not come here for me."

There was a weighty pause.

"For you? What the hell do you mean?" His voice was too calm.

I froze, scrambling to remember. I had thought Jake knew that…

"I… um… I thought I had told you that. When I went to rescue Edward when he was in Italy, they had said I had to be turned because I knew about vampires."

Jake's voice was like a whip crack, and I jumped in shock. "Are you fucking kidding me?" His voice was shaking, and his body began vibrating.

"Jake!" I cried. With no other thought than to calm him down, I jumped up and reached out to touch him.

"Bella…" his voice was choked. "Don't…"

I watched him, my eyes blurry, letting him see me right in front of him in hopes that would help calm him down. The bones in his face seemed to quiver and shift as he struggled not to phase. His eyes met mine and we held each other's gaze until he was breathing regularly again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered miserably.

"How could you _not_ tell me something like that? What, were you waiting until they were about to kill you before saying, 'Oh, by the way, I have to become a leech now?' Bella…"

I forced my lips to stop quivering; he had a right to be upset, and I wasn't going to make it worse by crying.

"Jake, I was an idiot, I know that. You knew around my graduation time that I wanted to become a vampire. I had that threat by the Volturi looming over my head, but it was planned that Edward would be the one to turn me. They didn't seem to think the Volturi were in any hurry to make good on the threat, but I didn't want to be any older than Edward in human years. I guess I rationalized you didn't need to know what happened in Volterra because I wanted to be changed regardless.

I was still torn even after Edward and I had gotten engaged about what to do with my feelings for you. I was always so positive that I wanted and needed Edward, but I still had some uncertainty about telling you this because of how much I loved you. But after Edward was taken, nothing much registered with me for so long, you know that. I broke down and it took so long to even begin to heal. You helped me do that and when you and I started dating, I was so happy, Jake. I didn't think I would ever be happy again knowing Edward could very easily be suffering at the same time.

It's still hard to know that. But regardless, I had buried some things, healed over others and I didn't want the negativity of thinking bad thoughts, I guess. I don't think that was a conscious decision, it was just a defense mechanism. It was a mistake, but I'm still learning and growing, Jake. I never meant to keep something like that from you after all we had been through together. I had just been on overload. I really was planning on telling you after I talked to Alice about it yesterday."

I stopped talking, biting my lip, as I waited for him to say something. He was just staring out toward the ocean, but he looked less angry.

He sounded tired when he answered. "Bella, I get it in a way. This doesn't fix the issue, but I know you have been through a lot. So have I, though."

"I know you have, and you know how much I dislike having made you suffer so much for my problems. And before you say anything, I know it was your choice, but I can still feel sorry for that."

He nodded. "You know I'll fight anything that threatens your life, Bella."

I sighed a little. "I know you would, but I think the Cullen's should handle the Volturi. Alice had said yesterday before I left that they would take care of this, freeing me from this threat, by destroying them somewhere else. I know the pack are built for this, but I would rather avoid further threat to anyone else we care about."

Jake wavered a little; I knew it was hard for him to accept letting the Cullen's handle something, especially in regards to me, but he knew he couldn't put his brothers' lives on the line for no reason.

He nodded reluctantly. "Fine, but if they fuck this up, we'll go in and take care of it." The anger hardened his face, and I nodded despite my hesitation.

We both sat quietly, and then I got up and slid onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. After a slight hesitation, his arms went around my waist. I laid my head on his chest. "I'm sorry," I murmured.

He rubbed a hand down my back. "I know you are. It doesn't solve anything, but we'll figure it out." I could still hear the frustration and fear in his voice, but he held me tighter, kissing my hair.

We stayed there like that for awhile, neither of us quite willing to let go of the other.

########################################################################

When I reached the Cullen's, Edward had finally begun venturing outside of his bedroom. He was playing the piano again, his eyes focused, and a slight frown on his face as he concentrated. His face cleared when he saw me and he smiled.

"Bella," he said reaching a hand out to me.

I couldn't help but smile back at his happiness in seeing me. "I wrote a new song," he said. He began playing and the song seemed to swell and shimmer in the air.

When Edward was done, I grinned. "That was beautiful; simple and elegant."

Alice still looked strained, but I could see she was pleased that Edward was at least enjoying himself. She seemed to be a bit on edge, though, so I asked her what was wrong.

"I keep getting this tickling feeling, like I'm going to have a vision, but I don't. I keep wondering if one is trying to come through." She looked extremely frustrated.

I frowned, turning back to watch Edward still playing. "Hey Alice? What if I took him to the meadow where he showed me what he was? It had special meaning for the both of us; I wonder if that can trigger something."

She glanced at Jasper, and he shrugged. "It couldn't hurt, but we'll be going with you," he said.

I nodded, knowing they felt they had to. "Edward?" I called out when there was a lull in the music. "Do you feel like hiking to a meadow in the forest? We used to spend time there together and thought maybe it could help."

He barely hesitated before agreeing.

Jasper drove us to the path, and the four of us began walking to reach the meadow. I only hoped I could still find it. It was strange to be walking the woods with them considering how fast they could move, but they kept pace until we reached a spot that seemed familiar. It wasn't too much longer and we were in the meadow.

The memories flooded me – of lounging in the meadow with Edward as he showed me what he could do and tried to scare me off, of when I knew he was in love with me, and then trying to convince him we could be together without him hurting me. It seemed like a lifetime ago. The wind whispered through the tall grass, and the scattering of blue and yellow flowers were beginning to fade since summer would soon be over. It was still a pretty sight, though, and I turned to look at Edward.

What I saw shocked me; he was waging an internal battle with himself. It was like a memory was trying to be drawn to the surface, but he couldn't quite get it there. I could hear the low growl in his throat, and his teeth snapped in frustration. I reached out to try and ease him, but Jasper gently pushed me away.

"Bella…" he said warningly. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"But it might help him," I said worriedly.

Jasper allowed me to reach out to Edward, but he stayed between us. Edward clasped my hand as if clinging to a lifeline, and I felt my heart crack a little more. Suddenly, his grip tightened, and he stared at me in surprise.

"I remember… laying here in the field. We were surrounded by flowers, and I couldn't seem to stop staring at you. I kept thinking I was so lucky – a monster, but lucky to love someone so pure and beautiful. You told me you loved me."

Alice, Jasper, and I stared at each other in amazement. "You… really remember that," I whispered.

"I do," he said and his face lightened into happiness again. "That's good, right?"

"That's extremely good," Alice said a smile spreading.

Edward seemed to fumble a little as he wandered around the meadow. "Wait, where are we?" he asked in a small voice.

I could feel hope fade, and I could see it mirrored on Alice and Jasper's face. Then Jasper said, "It's okay, Edward. You're safe."

He turned to us. "I never thought if he was able to get a memory of the past that it would all suddenly come flooding back. He's bound to revert back to confusion, but this has to be a good sign. It's a start, right?"

We thought about that and agreed.

It was a start.

########################################################################

The following few days were fraught with too much emotion as I spent a chunk of those days with Edward, worried about how he would turn out, about how they would be leaving soon with nothing resolved between us, about what the Volturi was doing, and trying to be strong for my dad and Jake. Charlie had come to the Cullen's the evening he had called, and true to his word, he had questioned Carlisle and Esme over and over.

"Chief Swan," Carlisle had said. "I wish I could give you more information. We have traveled pretty much around the world looking for our son, using what resources we had, and we finally just got an anonymous tip about where to find him. When we got to him, he was confused and still is. Bella has been kind enough to help him – and us – and he just recently remembered a time when they were together. If we can get information from him – without further damaging his fragile stability – you will be the first person we inform."

Charlie had reluctantly nodded. "All right, Dr. Cullen. I know you don't have much to work with, but it's police procedure. Please let me know if you find anything out, and I wish Edward well."

Esme smiled at him. "Thank you."

"Bells, I'll see you tonight for dinner, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be over around six."

As Charlie was walking out, I glanced up and saw Edward standing at the top of the stairs, head cocked to the side and staring at Charlie.

Charlie had turned, brows furrowed, and he looked up at Edward. There was a brief silence from everyone as Edward continued to stare at him. "Good bye, Chief Swan," Edward said finally. I wasn't sure what to make of that, but Edward didn't seem upset or threatened, so I wondered if he had a vague memory.

Emmett had glanced up at Edward when Charlie left. "Do you remember something about Chief Swan?" he asked calmly.

Edward frowned. "Sort of. I got the feeling he isn't too fond of me."

I sighed. He was right; Charlie never _had_ been fond of him that much. This was a good thing, though. I mean he was remembering something else, but it wasn't really something I wanted him to remember.

The other days had been unsuccessful, but I had a few other places I had planned to take him soon. Today Edward didn't seem to want to go anywhere and looked ill at ease. I picked up my bag and Emmett glanced up at me.

"Bella, I wonder if seeing and talking to Jacob would trigger something. There was obvious animosity between the two of them. Do you think he would…?"

I fiddled with the wolf on my bracelet. "I'm not so sure Jake would go for that."

"Why not? He might be bothered talking to my brother after he started sleeping with his fiancée?" Rose said coolly.

I flashed a furious look at her, and Alice snapped, "Rose!"

"Rosalie, that's enough," Carlisle said. "Bella had every right to move on, and in fact we told her to."

"Jake's not like that," I said with a touch of acid in my voice. "He's a good person, one of the best people I know, and he helped me more than I could ever say."

"Did you have trouble moving right into a physical relationship with him? Did you give Edward a passing thought?" Her tone was still icy and it was pissing me off further.

"Do you even have to ask me that?" I snapped, cutting Alice's response to Rose off. "I moved on for my own sake, and only because Alice told me to, and I struggled with dating and falling in love with Jacob because of how I feel about Edward. It's always been difficult, but Jake makes me happy, and I'm in love with him regardless."

"We don't blame you, Bella," Emmett said. He laid a hand on Rose's shoulder. "Its been hard for all of us, knowing what Edward has been through, and knowing in the end someone is going to be hurt."

"I know," I said, tears nearly choking me. "I don't want to hurt anyone, but I know that's not possible."

I felt Esme slip an arm around my shoulders, and I turned into her hug and leaned my forehead on her cool, rock-hard shoulder. We were interrupted by a crash; Alice had dropped a vase and her face was pinched and her eyes blank.

We stared at her as Jasper eased her down onto a chair. After what felt like forever, she glanced up at all of us, her eyes haunted.

"What did you see, Alice?" Carlisle asked urgently.

"It… they were discussing something. I couldn't make it out, but I'm pretty sure it was about how to get Edward back. In the midst of the discussion, Aro glanced toward the side, and mouthed "Be aware." I… I also realized…"

She paused, turning to grip Jasper's hand. He brushed her hair back. "What?" he asked gently.

"I realized they meant to take me as well."

########################################################################

When I got back to Sue's house, my whole body ached with tension. The new revelation Alice had made things more worrisome. Edward had said when we were in Italy that Aro, Caius, and Marcus had wanted Edward and Alice to both join the Volturi. We had never considered they were looking for Alice as well when Edward was taken.

I had no idea why Aro kept warning Alice in her visions either; it just made no sense considering he had been the leader of the three. It was so confusing, and Edward's attachment to me was as strong as it had been when we were together, which made things even harder. The trip down memory lane was hurting me a great deal, but I would continue to help him as long as I could. I owed him that much, didn't I? I owed him so much and the guilt didn't make it easy.

I went into the bedroom, opened my underwear drawer, riffled around under the underwear in the corner and extracted Edward's ring. My chin shook, and I swallowed with difficulty, as I stared down at the beautiful diamond ring. I held it, feeling the little weight in the palm of my hand. On a small sigh, I stood and put it back where it belonged.

When Jake got home, he found me sitting in the dark kitchen, with no other company except my thoughts. He took one look at me and extended his hand to me.

"What…" I managed to say, taking his hand, before he hauled me up and led me outside.

"Jake, what are you doing? Where are we going?" I asked as he lifted me bodily into my truck.

"You'll see," he said as he got in the driver's side and drove to the cliffs.

Confused, I turned to him, but he wouldn't answer my questions as he led me down the path to the top of the cliffs. It was a beautiful night which was sort of rare. Did he want to bring me here to stargaze or something? There weren't many; it was still a bit cloudy.

He led me close to the edge, but not too close. He took my arms and turned me to face the ocean. "Let it out," he ordered.

"What?" I asked confused. I turned to face him puzzled at his actions.

"Bella, will you stop trying to be so fucking strong. Crying doesn't mean you're weak. I won't break if you cry. Just because you had a breakdown when all this went down doesn't mean you will again. You're stronger than you were, and you have good friends and family who love you. You have a right to be upset, so just let it out."

I could hear the waves crashing against the rocks below and the night sounds of creatures in the forest.

"Jake, I don't need to…" I protested, stunned at what he was doing.

"We're not leaving until you do. I know you need a release of some sort right now, so just go for it."

"Jake…" I tried one more time.

"Bella!" His voice was sharp as he spun me around one last time to face the open air.

The emotions raced through me as I thought about what he said, about what he wanted me to do. I had bottled up so damn much because I didn't want to hurt him.

I heard a piercing sound break through the night air, and after a moment of shock, I realized the sound was coming from me. The grief, the anger, and the fear poured out of me in a raging and pained scream. My ears were ringing, my eyes were streaming, and I couldn't seem to stop the scream. It was for everything unfair that had happened to all of us especially Edward. When my throat was raw and aching, I stopped. The silence was deafening.

The tears poured down my cheeks in an unending torrent. I sank to my knees on the rocks, no longer able to stand. I wept so hard and long, and I felt Jake move beside me and then I was in his arms. When the tears finally slowed, I just stayed there, wrapped in Jake's arms as the night sounds began again.

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**AN: I know these chapters have been a bit angsty, so I just wanted to hear some feedback. There were/are some issues I want(ed) to cover before things get a little crazy, but it's not going to be too much longer before getting into the nitty-gritty. I just wanted to see how everyone was feeling, if you think things are progressing well enough. Oh, and a banner was made for me for this fic by the ever-so-talented Majesta Moniet. I'll put the link up on my profile, so please check it out! It's awesome.**


	28. Set in Motion

The sky is filled with question marks

Will the chains come apart?

Those few seconds that I've left to go,

Flame and chaos down below

And the earth opens wide

Got to climb a rope on fire

**Morphine "Rope on Fire"**

**########################################################################**

**JPOV**

I carried Bella into our bedroom, laying her on the bed to remove her shoes and jeans, and then I pulled the blanket over her. She didn't stir once; she was completely spent and exhausted. As soon as she stopped crying on the cliffs, her body had sagged, and she was already beginning to crash.

I sat on the edge of the bed, reaching over to turn the fan on. She loved the feel of cool air washing over her while being near me. She said it was a good mix of temperature. The dark circles under her eyes were a little more pronounced than they had been, she looked even paler than usual, and I could see it in every line of her body and in her eyes. Her nightmares didn't help, and I was helpless to stop them.

I felt sorry for the Cullen's, but I was ready for them to leave and take the drama with them. I knew that Bella would still suffer to some degree because Edward wasn't the same, because she didn't resolve things with him, and because I knew she still loved him. It was something I knew when we became involved with each other, but to truly move on, I knew she needed to fix things with him. I brushed her hair back so it lay over the pillow. I sat there for awhile just staring down at her still face.

I finally went out into the kitchen, restless, looking in the fridge for something and settling on a can of soda. As I sipped, arms braced on the counter, I also knew that I was still afraid that if Edward _did_ come back she would end up choosing to resume her relationship with him. She never really talked fully about what she said and did with Edward while helping him; she would tell me what she did to try and jog his memory, but what they talked about I didn't know.

There was a soft yip outside, and I smiled at the sound. It was our call for each other.

I opened the door and found Quil and Embry.

"Hey Jake," Embry said reaching out and giving me a slap on the shoulder. "We haven't seen much of you since you got back here, so we decided to come over on the off-chance that you would be here and free to come down to the beach for a small bonfire with Bella. I thought maybe the two of you could use a break."

I slipped outside instead of letting them in. "She's sleeping right now," I said, dropping down onto the porch steps. "She hasn't been sleeping very well." I explained to them what happened on the cliffs.

"Oh man," Quil said worriedly. "Is she really okay? Poor Bella."

"It helped," I conceded. "She's still going to struggle, but I think both us know now that she needs to release the tension sometimes. She can't hold all of this on her shoulders, and she can't make him miraculously better. It shouldn't be all up to her."

"This really sucks," Embry said quietly. "I mean, I know this was something that was always in the background for her, and for you, but you were both happy in Hoquiam. We missed the hell out of you, but it was nice seeing both of you happy together."

I smiled. "Thanks man. It really hasn't been easy. I actually feel kind of sorry for them, but definitely not to the point that it's turning Bella into a zombie. I hate them for that."

"It's a hell of a lot to deal with," Quil said.

I sighed, as they perched on the steps with me. After a moment, I got up and got them each a can of soda, and we all sipped in silence for a little while.

"How's Claire?" I asked Quil. "Are things still working out for you?"

Quil smiled. "She's fun to play with. And yes, I know that makes me all girly and shit, but I can't help it."

Embry and I both laughed, poking at him. "Yeah yeah, we always knew you were a little girly," I said with a chuckle.

He rolled his eyes.

"As far as the imprinting thing goes, though, I guess only time will tell. My decision to be the best big brother and eventually best friend is working fine now, and I actually went out on a couple dates with Maggie from the Makah rez. We had a good time, and I really like her."

It was nice catching up on some normal stuff, and I was glad to see Quil trying and successfully having a good time with an actual woman, but still seeing and enjoying Claire. I really hoped it worked out okay for him even though we enjoyed teasing him about playing princess games. We talked about everything except the Cullen's and what could happen.

I smelled her before I even heard her. It was amazing how quiet she had become in moving around; the yoga had balanced her and made her more agile. Her hands rested on my shoulders, and I felt her lips brush against the top of my head.

"Hi Quil, hi Embry," she said softly. She still sounded tired, but at least a little less exhausted.

Quil got up and gave her a full-on body hug, lifting her off her feet. Embry was right there to pick her up as soon as Quil put her down. When she was back on her feet, she had a smile on her face.

"I've missed those hugs," she teased lightly.

"Well, we have plenty in stock," Embry said with a grin.

A smile still on her lips, she turned back to me. I pulled her down onto my lap, and she leaned her forehead against mine. I closed my eyes, feeling her hair tickling my shoulders, her soft breath against my lips. Her hands played with my hair, and I sighed, brushing my lips over hers quickly.

Quil and Embry were purposely looking away from us, chatting with each other. Bella pulled back, turning to look at them. "So, what are you two up to tonight?"

"Oh… not much," Embry said quickly.

She looked at him knowingly. "A bonfire tonight, huh? It's okay; I would expect everything to go on normally."

"We just thought maybe you and Jake would want a little break," Quil added since she knew what they were up to.

"We don't have to. I mean, you could probably use a little more sleep…" I started to say, but Bella interrupted me.

"Jake, you could probably use a release yourself. I know I'm not the only one affected by everything, so I think we should go."

I smiled, tracing my fingers up her arm and back to her palm. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Let's go and have a little break."

I went inside to grab a bag of marshmallows we had bought recently along with some chocolate bars to contribute while Bella changed back into her pale green t-shirt and matching hoodie. We drove to the lot and walked down the beach toward the small bonfire. I could see Paul, Jared, Sam, Seth, Leah, and a few of the younger wolves already gathered around it. Kim, Rach, and Emily sat together in the sand chatting.

I even saw my dad and Charlie, pulling Sue along with him, heading toward it. "Hey Bells," Charlie said coming over to us and enfolding her in a hug. "I wasn't sure if you would, but I'm glad you came."

She smiled, linking her arm with his, and he led her toward a waiting log. I watched her as she did well looking content. There were tell-tale signs, though; her eyes were still a little shadowed, there was still tightness to her lips, and I could see she moved a little slower than she normally did as if she were still tired.

She sat with the girls, and I let her have her time with them. I knew she had wanted to see them and catch up, so I stood with Sam and the rest of them. No one was talking about what was going on, and I was grateful for that. Bella looked over at me and smiled. I was glad she had talked me into going, knowing she did it mostly for my sake. My eyes scrutinized her in the firelight; her hair looked like mahogany silk and the occasional sparks from the flames made her porcelain skin shine.

"Jake, you feel up to a quick game of football?" Jared asked with a grin.

"Yeah, sure," I said agreeably. I pulled my shirt off, laughing a little easier, as Paul pounced on Jared and knocked him over.

The game was just what I needed, and I knew the girls' were watching us and cheering us on, so I made a big show of flexing my muscles which made them laugh. When the game was over – me, Seth, Leah, and Paul being the winners – I dropped into the sand with Bella.

"Good game, show-off," she said with a little smirk.

I chuckled and said, "Sure sure. Come on, let's get something to eat. You need to eat more."

We ate some corn on the cob and marinated chicken on a stick and then roasted some marshmallows for s'mores. Bella was laying on her back in the sand, her head resting in my lap, listening to everyone's idle chatter. I could see Bella's eyelids getting heavy after awhile, and I knew it was time to go.

"Hey, let's get home so you can get some sleep." I was satisfied that she had eaten enough tonight, but I knew she needed more sleep.

Bella agreed, and she went over to say her goodbyes. While she was doing that, Charlie came over to me. "I can tell she's wearing herself thin, so I'm glad you got her here to relax a bit. I'm worried about her," he confided.

"I know, Charlie. I am as well. I'm doing what I can to help her, but I know she's worrying about me, too. I got her to vent some stress today, but I'm keeping an eye on her."

"Good, good," Charlie said watching Bella. "Thanks Jake. I know you do it because you love her, but I appreciate how well you take care of her."

He gave me a quick pat on the back and went over to Bella. We drove home in comfortable silence. "I'm glad we went," I said when we got back to the house. "It was good to see everyone. I think they missed us."

She smiled. "Yeah, I think they did. I missed seeing them, too, so I'm glad we went as well."

In the bedroom, she changed and slid into bed. I got in beside her, wrapped my arms around her soft body, and pulled her close before drifting off.

########################################################################

**BPOV**

I was drinking coffee again the next morning, sipping out of my thermos, as Jake drove me to the Cullen's. He was planning on going into Forks and the surrounding areas to see if he could get work in a garage. We still weren't sure what was happening in regards to where we would be living, but he decided to look in the meantime. I missed working as well, and I planned to call Dana when I got home from the Cullen's. It had been nearly a week since we had left, and I felt bad not calling sooner.

When we got there, Alice was suddenly by the car door, startling me. "Alice?" I questioned. "Is everything okay?" I could feel the worry pounding through me immediately.

"It's okay, Bella. I just wanted to talk to Jacob." Carlisle and Jasper appeared behind her.

Jacob looked surprised. "What? Why?"

Carlisle stepped forward. "Jacob, we wanted to ask you if you would be willing to talk to Edward. Given the… intensity of your encounters with him, we thought maybe it would trigger something…"

I bit my lip; I had wanted to avoid this conversation.

Jake's face darkened slightly. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"It's the least you could do," Rosalie chimed in having appeared behind Jasper.

"Excuse me?" His voice was cold.

"I said as much yesterday, but you're sleeping with his fiancée…"

He snarled, and I gazed at Alice in dismay. Rose was still pissed, and I could feel the pangs of guilt again, along with the fury that she was now harassing Jacob.

"I don't know where the hell you think you get off…" Jacob started, his face set in hard lines, as he advanced on her.

"Rose, please," Carlisle said tiredly. "I know this isn't easy for you. It's not easy for any of us, but you need to stop."

She backed off, still looking mutinous, but she stayed quiet. Jacob glared coldly at her, and Alice said quietly, "Jacob, would you please talk to him? I know we don't have any right in asking for your help, but we would greatly appreciate it."

He sighed and met Alice's eyes. "I guess, but only because it was you that asked."

Edward was in his room, sitting in his armchair reading, music playing in the background. His smile widened when he saw me, and he pulled me into a hug. It surprised me, but I felt Jake loose a low growl from behind me.

"It's okay, Jake," I said softly.

Edward looked behind me, his brows drawing together. "Who is this? What's he doing here?"

I felt a slight comfort that Emmett, Jasper, and Alice weren't too far behind in case this didn't go so well.

"Edward, this is Jacob Black," I told him. "Everyone seems to think you talking to him might help. You knew him as my best friend, though you didn't quite… get along," I added reluctantly.

Edward glanced at me. "If we didn't get along, why is he willing to help?"

"It's not so willing," Jake sighed. "We sometimes came to a very slight agreement, but we are born enemies."

I could feel a flash of tension, and I was worried that this wasn't such a good idea.

Edward had stiffened. "Why is that?"

"You are a vampire. I am a shape shifter. My brothers' and I turn into wolves and protect people from vampires. We are destined to destroy them."

Jake didn't seem to be holding back in telling Edward the truth. Edward bared his teeth slightly, but retained his cool. "Oh? Then why aren't we fighting?"

Jake moved closer, his eyes locked on Edward's. "We had a treaty set in place by my grandfather and Carlisle. If you hurt humans, or cross over into our land, then there will be a problem. Carlisle has said you don't feed off humans, so there was a tentative agreement we would leave each other alone."

He paused, and I could feel him and Edward sizing each other up. "We had more contact before everything that happened. You and Bella were dating, and I was her best friend who was in love with her."

Edward snarled low in his throat, and everyone moved a step closer. "Jake…" I warned. I couldn't bear the thought of him getting hurt or Edward getting hurt.

"Jacob, be careful," Alice said her own voice nearly a growl. "Don't provoke him."

Suddenly, Edward wrinkled his nose. "What is that smell?" he said irritably.

Jacob barked out a laugh.

"We don't smell so good to each other. So, Edward, you really don't remember me? You don't remember me kissing Bella, trying to convince her to leave you?" He was goading him, and I felt fear flash through me as Edward flung a hand out grabbing hold of Jacob's shoulder.

I saw the slight wince on Jake's face, and I cried out. "Jake! Edward!" I yelled and everyone rushed forward as Jake's body spasmed. He caught hold of Edward's hand, twisting it, pushing it beyond where a hand should normally go and Edward hissed.

Before anyone could do anything, a flash of remembrance crossed Edward's face. "What? Jacob?" he gasped. He recognized him, let go of him, and Jake released his hand as well.

"What the hell is going on?" he said weakly. "Oh my God. Bella."

He looked so worn and frightened. "Are you okay? What happened to me?"

My hand touched Jake's shoulder to make sure he was okay, and I gaped at Edward. "I'm okay," I whispered faintly. My whole body was shaking as he reached out to me. He took my hand. How could I deny him that? Emotions swamped me as his family converged on him.

"Edward? Can you tell us what happened?" Carlisle asked.

"I…" he paused and held on to Alice, his other free hand still holding on to mine for dear life.

"I came home after seeing Bella before she went to the Blacks' to see Jacob after he was hurt. I heard no thoughts; they just surrounded me. I fought them, but there were too many and their powers were intact. They wanted to wait for Alice; they meant to take her as well, but they had to leave."

He hesitated, thinking, and said, "There was someone there I didn't recognize. I felt as if someone was drilling into my skull and paralyzing me, but all he was doing was staring at me. I still have no idea who he is."

My other hand gripped Jake's, still in shock and trying to absorb what was happening, when Edward sat down. He gripped his head tightly as his family still crowded around him. "What… what's going on?" Edward asked weakly. "Why are you all surrounding me?"

He was gone again.

"Edward, no! Come back!" Esme cried holding on to him. Carlisle had his hand on her back trying to calm her. The bleakness in his eyes echoed my own feelings.

Emmett's eyes closed momentarily. "It's better than before. It's better. He's beginning to come back to us. It's lasting longer."

Jake turned toward the door, his eyes unreadable. "Jacob? You made him come back," Alice said. "Thank you."

Jake just looked uncomfortable. "Stop trying to coddle him, but do not under any circumstances leave Bella alone with him while doing so."

"We wouldn't do that," Jasper said bristling. "We're always close by."

Jake looked at Edward. "Edward, I'm sorry for what happened to you. That surprises me because you're supposed to be my enemy and you were willing to turn Bella, to take away her life, and turn her into one of you. I will never allow that to happen, but I do hope you can find some peace."

Edward met his eyes. "Thank you for being honest with me even if I don't remember what happened before."

"I think this has been enough for one day," Alice said coming over to hug me. "If you feel up to it tomorrow…"

I nodded, knowing I needed to leave now. I had planned to stay a little longer, but this had knocked me for a loop and I needed a little break.

"Thank you, Jacob," she said and we slipped out the door.

"I still have to check with the garages," Jake finally said after the silence stretched too long. "Do you want me to take you home first?"

I nodded, feeling the need for some normalcy. He took me back to the house, held me tightly to him, and kissed me. "We'll talk later?" he said.

I smiled a little at him. "That's fine. I'm going to call Dana and just relax."

After he left, I stretched out on my bed with Tinker on my lap, and called Dana. "Bella!" she practically screeched in my ear. I winced and inched the phone away. "Oh my God, I was just thinking about you and how no one has heard from you yet. I'm so glad you called!"

"I'm sorry it took me a little while. It has been rough so far," I admitted.

"Oh Bella," she sighed. "I'm sorry. How is Edward? How's Jacob handling everything?"

"He's suffering from memory loss. He doesn't remember enough to tell his family what happened, and he's having trouble remembering the past. He's starting to remember in spurts now, though. He had a bit of a breakthrough today, but reverted. It's scary seeing him look so lost," I said closing my eyes and stroking my cat to keep me calm.

"Shit, Bella, I had no idea…" she began and hesitated. "I can't believe what happened. I'm sorry, honey. Is there anything I can do?"

"Not really. Things are so up and down, and we're just trying to deal with everything. I've been going over there to help him. Jake is hanging in there; I worry about him, though."

She sighed. I rolled onto my stomach, nudging Tinker over, so I could look out the window at the green trees.

"They're supposed to be leaving soon," I said quietly. "But nothing has been resolved with Edward like this, and I don't want to leave that hanging."

"I wish I could say something that would help," she said. "That's a hell of a lot to deal with. I guess you just have to take things one day at time. Make sure you let Jake help you, though. You shouldn't face this alone."

"I know," I said. "But tell me, how are things in the bakery? How is everyone?" I desperately wanted to hear about something normal.

She told me how Jamie and Brian were becoming more serious, and I was happy to hear that. Everyone else was doing well, and Dana said she was still dating the same guy. She said they were thinking of moving in together. The bakery was still doing well, pulling in a steady business.

"Oh, I didn't forget what I told you. We're branching out; we put up a website and are planning to advertise for in your area between Forks and Port Angeles, if you're still interested in doing some catering. It would only be a bit here and there until I decide fully how I want to do this."

"Seriously?" I asked surprised. I had really enjoyed my job, and I liked the idea of having that distraction. "I mean, we're still up in the air about living arrangements…"

"It's fine," she replied. "I'm not saddling you in one area, I promise. If you're interested, that's great. If you don't stay there then I'll look for someone in your area who wants to do this. I'll probably look now actually in case we get enough interest there. I'd like to branch out into a couple places actually, if I can."

"That'd be great," I said honestly. "I could use the distraction."

"Perfect! I'll get the word out and let you know what comes in."

"Thanks Dana," I said gratefully. "I miss you all a lot. Will you tell everyone I said hi?"

"Of course," she said. "We miss you, too. Tell Jake and his friends we say hi as well. I'll talk to you soon. I'll be thinking about you and hope everything works out okay."

After we hung up, I stretched out and almost immediately dozed off.

_The fire inched closer to us, encircling me and the people I loved in its heat. I didn't know where to go as the flames began to lick along the edges of the precious forest I had come to love so much. _

_ Marcus, Caius, and Aro glided silently over the grass, nearly shadows in the darkening sky against the brightness of the fire._

_ "You will come with us," Caius said. His voice rippled up my spine, and I felt fear reach new heights as his papery hand reaching out for those he meant to take._

_ Marcus eye's, blank and colorless, said, "And the rest of you die."_

_ Aro's eyes flashed to me. "You can save them." _

I woke with a piercing shriek, trying to get a hold of myself and shake away the vestiges of the nightmare. I had no idea what time of day it was, but Jake was in the room within seconds, perching on our bed, and holding on to me. "Bells? It's okay, it was just a nightmare."

"It seemed like it could be real," I murmured. I still didn't know what exactly happened to Edward when he was gone, but I had started wondering about my nightmares recently. They always seemed to tell me something real.

He pursed his lips, a little furrow forming on his brow as he thought about that. It looked like he suspected that as well. Just then my cell buzzed, and I glanced at the screen. It was Alice. I cast a worried look at Jake as I answered.

"Alice? Is it about the Volturi?" I asked on a whim.

She sounded surprised and upset. "Yes, it is. I just had another vision. Their plans are being set into motion. Aro's message was to be prepared, and he showed me the arrival time."

"When?" I whispered.

"We have one more week before we have to leave." I closed my eyes, feeling sick.

"So far they're coming solely after us, but it's possible they could change their mind. And Bella? They will destroy anyone who gets in the way of their plan."

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	29. Insecurities

I'm awake to the trials of confusion create  
There are times when I feel the way we're about to break  
When there's too much to say  
We are home now  
Out of our heads  
Out of our minds  
Out of this world  
Out of this time

**Bush – "Out of This World"**

**~AN to follow at the end….**

**########################################################################**

**BPOV**

It was a bit weird, but I finally broached the subject of my dream with Alice and Carlisle. We were right inside the woods behind the Cullen's home, waiting for Emmett and Jasper to get back with Edward from hunting. He had to go with supervision now, because everyone was afraid of what would happen if he came across a wayward hiker. He had been fed human blood, and although he hadn't shown any real signs of craving it, they wanted to keep a close eye on him.

"Um... I had a dream last night," I said gazing deep into the forest. I felt them turn and look at me. "My dreams have always had a realistic feel to them, but last night it felt really... well, real. Moreso than usual."

Carlisle looked slightly worried. "What did you dream about?"

"There was a fire and the Volturi came. Caius and Marcus said they were here for whom they came to collect and the rest would die. Aro told me I could help save them, but I don't know what that meant."

Alice stared at me. "It sounds like a premonition of sorts."

"Is that possible? I mean, my dreams and nightmares have always been... odd. Almost clues to something I wanted to figure out. They were a little vague before, but since everything that happened, I had been having more. I don't know what happened with Edward, but it just felt so… real when I dreamed about him. It's hard to explain."

"It doesn't surprise me," Carlisle mused. "We always wondered about Edward not being able to read your mind and Jane not being able to hurt you with her power. I don't think it's too far out of the realm of possibility that you could have precognitive tendencies."

I stared pensively into the forest.

"It could be that your way of blocking certain things happening to you could extend to others?" Carlisle said a few moments later.

"That makes sense. I think it's probably a moot point considering we're going to Alaska to lead them away from here, but I can ask Kate or Tanya, see if they have any idea if that's possible. Any other dreams you have, let us know," Alice said.

I agreed and saw a flash of color, and Edward was standing in front of me. I couldn't help smiling at his exuberance as we headed around to the front of the house. The red that had tinged his eyes was almost gone now, and they were back to their usual butterscotch.

"Why don't we stay outside?" Edward asked when everyone began heading into the house.

"We'll be right over here," Alice said, perching on the porch with Jasper. Edward and I sat in my truck out front. Maybe it could maybe help trigger his memory again.

I had the window open and could hear the pattering of the rain on the roof of my truck. When I glanced over at Edward, he was frowning and shaking his head. "Edward?" I asked quietly.

"Tell me something we did together," he urged, looking as if he were trying to remember something.

"Um… you told me about being a vampire while we were having dinner one night in Port Angeles. You had saved me from being attacked by random street thugs while I was there, too."

His face cleared. "Bella…" he whispered.

Edward was back again. "That was… quicker this time," I said in shocked amazement. He was still coming back to me, to us. I didn't want to interrupt it, so I didn't call Alice and Jasper over.

"I feel like I'm trapped inside, unable to break through the confusion. It's as if there are two sides of me; the one that doesn't remember anything before the kidnapping and the one who remembers being with you and loving you."

I swallowed with difficulty. "Edward…" I reached out and touched his cheek. "We want you back for good." He leaned into my palm.

"What do you remember?" I asked gently. "If there is any information on the Volturi, your family should know."

He frowned. "The person who did this to me is pure evil. He has no scruples whatsoever even compared to the rest of them. His power lies in his mind; he doesn't have to do anything except look at you to exert power over it and wear it down. What's even more disturbing is that he's able to do this to vampires. That makes him even more dangerous."

I couldn't believe Edward was here. He was really here. My delight warred with the trickle of icy fear in my veins at what he was saying.

"Bella, they're creating an army or something… it has something to do with a take-over, I think, and they want the strongest to fall in with them."

My heart beat faster at the idea of a stronger Volturi, one that had no qualms whatsoever, even in regards to the Cullen's. They had always respected Carlisle. My thoughts were interrupted by the desperation in Edward's. His hands found mine.

"Bella, it's slipping away," he whispered, his face close to mine.

I held on to him. "Edward, just focus on a good memory," I said desperately.

Desperation turned quickly to shocked surprise when Edward's lips met mine. I sucked in a gasp as memories flooded my mind, as his scent wrapped around me. I felt so many different emotions as he kissed me, and I barely had time to think. His lips were cold, smooth as glass, and he whispered that he loved me. My heart hurt as I fought to regain control and pulled away. _Jake._

Edward had slipped away again and looked perplexed. I frowned, not knowing if I should say anything about the kiss; about how it was going to just confuse things and how it hurt in ways I wasn't sure I understood.

"Are you okay?" I asked instead.

"I just heard something. I think it was someone running."

Worry speared through me, but Edward didn't seem overly concerned, so I relaxed fractionally.

"Edward, we need to tell your family what you remembered," I finally said. I felt the urge to be inside and away from whatever Edward had heard.

After I told them, Carlisle rubbed a hand over his face. "This just sounds worse every time we get more news. I don't know why they would do this; I know they don't have our… caring for human life, but to screw with the vampire world this way? It's just going to create a disaster."

Emmett growled low in his throat. "I think it's time those assholes got taught a lesson."

Esme looked upset. "I wish it wouldn't come to this. I can't stand what it's doing to us."

As they began to ponder maneuvers, I drove home, antsy and needing a distraction.

########################################################################

**JPOV**

I found part-time work at a garage right outside of Forks. My boss in Hoquiam answered on the first ring when I called, and he gave me a good recommendation. I was hired, set to start work in a couple of weeks when one of the part-time guys' was meant to leave, and talked car parts with the boss for awhile.

It was a strange feeling talking this normal stuff when so much was happening that was _not_ normal. I knew Bella was with the Cullen's today, so I set off for the garage and got really lucky. The owner of the shop was impressed with my knowledge. Once I left there, I headed for Sam and Emily's. Sam decided to have a meeting with the whole pack, just as a precaution. There was still no indication that the Volturi would come here if the Cullen's left the area, but all of us had stopped phasing for at least a year, so he wanted to keep things fresh.

My worry for Bella was more for her emotion well-being and sanity. If there was anything else to worry about, I would deal with it when the time came. When I got to their house, Emily had laid out lunch for all of us; it was still quite a feat. We may not be phasing, but we still had rather large appetites.

The counter was full of roast beef and turkey hoagies, bags of chips, plenty of fruit, and a cooler full of cans of soda.

"Hey Jake," Paul said amiably, slapping me on the shoulder. "It's actually good to see your ugly mug around here again."

I smirked. "Did you miss me, big guy?"

He tried to punch me, but I ducked away and hurried into the house, hearing his mutterings of how he really didn't. I just laughed and gave Embry a high-five. After a few punches and slaps on the back, we all settled down to eat the hoagies.

"Thanks for coming," Sam said. "Jake, I know you said that the vampire that can see the future hasn't made any indication that the Volturi will show up here, but I wanted to get everyone here just in case."

"There really is no word yet on how this is going down? They're going to follow the leech family?" Jared asked.

"As far as I know," I said. "Alice – the one who can see the future – hasn't seen them making any other decision."

"We haven't phased in awhile, so we could live our lives again. I just wanted to make sure everyone is on board if anything happens. A little practice fight training wouldn't hurt…just to be prepared."

"We're doing all this just because of a possibility that there might be danger?" Leah asked skeptically. She paced around the room, lifting Samantha when she woke from her nap and began crying.

Even though Leah was still a pain in the ass, it was nice to see that she had adjusted to Sam and Emily being together. She was also really good with Samantha as I watched her rock the baby slightly.

"It doesn't hurt to keep training," Sam said calmly. "It would help anytime, just in case. And if the Volturi is as bad as the Cullen's say, then I would feel better if we were all a little more prepared."

Paul jumped up, grabbing me in a pseudo-headlock. "I'm all for it! Let's go, punk."

I broke his hold and chased him outside. Everyone was keeping things light, I noted, and I was glad for that. Just as Bella needed some fun and stress-relief, I knew I did as well. Even if this was due to a serious matter, they made the re-training fun.

"Dude, I'm still stronger and faster than you," I teased as I threw and then pinned him to the ground.

He growled, gnashing his teeth at me, and I jumped back as he tried to kick my legs out from under me. I left Paul to stew in his irritation and instead tried to dodge Quil and Embry. We leapt and tackled, throwing fake punches, working on fighting techniques in our human form.

"Shit, that hurt!" Embry complained when Quil kicked him into a tree.

He retaliated with a punch that sent Quil careening by me. "Nice!" I said impressively.

I laughed when they both tackled me to the ground.

There wasn't much of a chance we would ever be in our human forms during a fight, but there was always that possibility. We were fast as humans and we worked on that, making ourselves stronger and better.

Once we were done, I checked the time. It was a little earlier than we planned, but I decided to head over to the Cullen's to get Bella. I waved to everyone and drove back into Forks. I parked and as I was walking toward the house, I heard a sound that I never wanted to hear. My eyes took in Bella from a distance, sitting in the truck with Edward, and they were kissing.

Everything inside me froze for a second. Then as the anger, fear, and pain hit me, I took off. As I flew through the trees, I catapulted into my car and raced away. Every instinct in me had wanted to go and pummel Edward into the ground for daring to kiss her, to kiss _my_ Bella, but the insecurities pounded through me. I wanted to demand an explanation, but I was too scared to hear what she would say.

She had been so in love with him, obsessed with him, and she had to be falling under his spell again. I could barely think as I kicked up the gravel in my driveway as I parked.

I jumped out of the car, my body twitching and wanting to phase, as I paced around restlessly. I couldn't wait here; I just couldn't. I threw a few things into a bag and threw it into my car. I would just drive, give her some space…

I picked up a pad of paper and wrote her a note, and got into my car and just drove. I stopped once to call Embry. "Will you watch out for Bella? Make sure she's safe? And ask Quil to help you."

"What…?" he mumbled confused at my greeting. It sounded like he was eating.

"I need you to watch out for her. I'm serious. Make sure she's safe."

"Jake… what the hell? You know we will, but what's going on?"

"I'm leaving town for a little bit," I said calmly. The image of Bella's lips against Edward's shot through my mind and my stomach ached.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

"I don't want to discuss it. Can you just do this for me? And let me know if anything changes."

"Okay," he said. "I know this is a girly thing to say, but you know you can call me if you need to get something off your chest."

I didn't even have it in me to harass him for that comment.

"Thanks. I'll be in touch."

I hung up and just stared sightlessly at the road ahead, driving until I realized I was back in Hoquiam. I drove to our apartment building, stared at the familiar sight. My stomach churned as I got out of the car and walked around the back of the building. I glanced up and saw Bella's hummingbird and butterfly feeder.

On a small sigh, I turned around and gazed at the bare garden. It used to be so full of life, full of things Bella liked to pick and cook. I wandered to the door, tempted to go inside, but I didn't really want to see the bare rooms. There was still furniture, maybe a few odds and ends, but nothing that showed our time here together.

It wasn't always good times, but the good far outweighed the bad. I loved being home with my brothers', but I truly missed living here with Bella and the time we spent together. It was an empty shell, and the grief battered at us without it. I trudged away from the building, driving by the marina where we rented paddle-boats, past the farmer's market where I would complain she took forever choosing the perfect fruits and vegetables, and past the bakery and garage where we both worked.

I ended up in the parking lot of the one bar I had been to – the sports bar where I had met Lindsay for our date. Inside I sat at the bar, unsure if I should try my luck and order a beer.

"What can I get ya?" the bartender asked as he set out a bowl of nuts.

I decided to go for it. I knew squat about beer, but I knew what Charlie and Billy drank. "Can I have a Rainier?"

He grabbed a can out of the cooler and handed it over. Huh, that was easy. I opened it and took a swallow. I remembered trying it with Embry and Quil a few years back and the taste hadn't really improved much, but I drank it anyway. I wandered back to the pool tables, shot a game with some guy whose name I didn't catch, and when I turned I saw Lindsay.

I blinked, wondering if alcohol could actually affect me. Apparently not, because she was heading toward me, and her slender arms were around my neck.

"Jake!" she exclaimed. "Wow, it's good to see you."

She hadn't changed much. Her hair was still that light brown with blonde highlights, but it now swung around her chin instead of her shoulders. Silver earrings poked through her hair, and she was wearing a pair of black pants and a purple top that draped open to expose her back. Her face was lit up in a bright smile as she pulled back to look at me.

I worked up a smile - it was good to see her after all - but with everything going on I wasn't feeling too sunny. I sat in a booth with her while I finished off my beer.

She scrutinized me with bright blue eyes. "You don't look so good, Jake. Are you okay? What are you doing back in Hoquiam anyway?"

I picked at the wings I had ordered. "Not really. I'm just... visiting for now," I said not really wanting to say anything. At least not here.

She frowned. "Are you staying longer than a day?"

When I nodded, she held out a hand. I furrowed my brow and stared at it. "Come on," she said lightly. "I'll go back to your apartment and hang out with you if you want..."

"I... don't really want to stay there right now," I said, feeling kind of stupid and embarrassed. She seemed so put together and content, and I felt like my world kept rocking on its axis, continuously throwing me off-balance. Why couldn't I have a normal life with Bella? Why did there always have to be drama and vampires involved?

She shrugged lightly, still holding her hand out. "Okay. We can go to my apartment and hang out there. If you want, you're welcome to stay a couple days or so."

I appreciated the gesture, and I wouldn't mind the company, so I followed her outside the bar. The drizzle had started up again, but summer was hanging on even as it got closer to fall, and it sizzled when it hit the sidewalk. I had almost forgotten; Bella's birthday was in a couple days. Her gift was in La Push, buried under a pile of clothes in our closet. The pain settled in my heart, and I swallowed back the lump trying to rise in my throat. I followed Lindsay to her place, anxious to just sit somewhere quiet and relax.

Inside her apartment, I noted all the little personal touches that reminded me of her. She had really had a thing for art, and she had black and white prints of different city streets scattered around, on the tables, on the walls. She had a bunch of plants perched on the windowsill and books, magazines, and quite a few coffee cups on the side tables.

As I wandered around, I noticed some of the beach photos that were framed looked familiar. "Are these yours?" I asked with some surprise.

She smiled, offered me a soda. "Yeah. I got a job at a local photography studio. They're doing a beach segment right now, so I've been traveling around Washington and getting specific shots. A few of them are published in their magazine, and I decided to frame some of them."

I grinned. "That's awesome, Linds. You look happy."

"I am. I've just started seeing someone, work keeps me busy; you know I still tinker with cars a little bit, too, when someone asks for my help." She smirked at me.

I snickered. "Nice. It's good seeing you happy."

She cocked her head at me as she perched on the couch, legs tucked up under her Indian-style. "You don't. Jake, what happened?"

I sighed, trailing a finger over the end table - which came away a little dusty - and sat next to her. "I'm not sure. I saw... something, and I sort of just took off."

"Something involving Bella?" she asked.

I nodded. "There's a lot of shit going on at home - and not much of it is good. Except for being with Bella and seeing my family. But she's been helping out her ex and, well, I saw them kissing."

Her eyes widened. "What? That's hard to believe... every time I've seen Bella, I could see how much she loved you."

"He's having mental flashbacks of sorts after what he went through, and it's a tenuous situation," I said lamely. I couldn't explain; the woman I was in love with was already embroiled in the danger, and I was helpless to stop it, so I would not drag anyone else into it if I could help it.

"That's… scary," she said frowning worriedly. "But Jake, not everything is what it seems. You should talk to her."

"Yeah," I mumbled leaning my head back onto the sofa. "I just… well, I'm afraid of what she'll say. She was in love with him, hell, she was engaged to him." I felt my cheeks heat in embarrassment.

She rubbed a hand over my shoulder. "Don't you dare be embarrassed admitting that. You know I always liked that about you; how open you are and not afraid to say something that most guys don't have the balls to."

I laughed wearily. "You look exhausted," she said. "It's late. I'll get your bed set-up."

I followed her upstairs and went into the bathroom to wash up and brush my teeth with an extra toothbrush she had. When I came out, she was leaning against the doorjamb of the spare room.

She smiled softly. "Goodnight, Jake." She reached around me to give me a hug, and I did the same to her.

When she pulled back, I hesitated for a second, our lips close. I could see the flash of uncertainty in her eyes, and I pulled back. I wouldn't be that guy. Lindsay was attractive, a good friend, but even though we had gotten closer than expected and still obviously felt that slight connection, I was in love with Bella. No matter what happened, I wouldn't retaliate by kissing Lindsay and screwing up my relationship with her or Bella, nor did I want to be responsible for any problems between her and her boyfriend.

"Sorry," I whispered.

She kissed my cheek. "You're hard not to love, Jacob Black." I smiled as she called me by my real name.

I slid into the bed, listening to her in the bathroom, and when I finally drifted off to sleep the only person that drifted through my dreams was Bella.

########################################################################

**BPOV**

I got a call from Quil asking me if I could get a ride home from my dad. I was surprised, especially since Jake was supposed to be picking me up. He seemed a little subdued and in a hurry to get off the phone, though, so I didn't bring it up.

Charlie was heading to our house anyway for dinner. He planned on grilling some steaks, and I was anxious to spend some time with him. With everything going on, I wanted to spend more time with my family and friends.

I called Charlie, and he agreed to come get me. When we pulled up to the house, I frowned when I saw Jake's car wasn't there. Where was he?

Charlie got the steaks out and got them on the grill while I prepared a salad and some baked potatoes. We had dinner together like old times. He questioned me about Edward and how things were going. I omitted the kiss, still kind of thrown off-balance by that.

"This was nice," Charlie said. "Kind of like old times, huh?"

I smiled as he was apparently on the same wave-length. "Yeah, it was. I'll be right back," I added as I hurried into the bedroom.

In the bedroom, I saw the note propped on my pillow. I picked it up and read:

_Bells—_

_ I know you still have some sort of unresolved feelings for Edward. I wasn't spying_

_ but I came to the Cullen's earlier today to pick you up and saw you kissing him._

_I decided to leave for a few days to clear my head and give you a chance to decide if he's what you want. Quil and Embry are keeping an eye on you and the situation, so don't worry. You're protected. I'll be in touch with them about what's going on, too, and I'll be back if anything comes about. Stay safe. I love you. _

_-Jake_

I stared at the note in shock. He was gone? Where did he go? My legs were shaking, and I sat unceremoniously on the floor. My eyes burned with unshed tears. He saw Edward kiss me. I couldn't begin to imagine how that must have felt to him as I leaned my forehead on my knees. I wanted Jake to hold me, but he was gone.

Charlie came into my room after a hesitant knock. "Bells?"

He saw me on the floor and hurried over, checking me over. "Honey, what happened? Are you okay?"

"Jake's gone," I whispered. "He left."

His brow furrowed. "What? Bella, he wouldn't…"

"He saw Edward kiss me."

His eyes widened. "Edward kissed you?"

I just cast my eyes down.

"Honey, are you still in love with him?"

"My feelings are… confused… for him."

"Are you in love with Jacob?" he asked.

I nodded without hesitation. "Yes. Very much so."

"Then you'll go find him. Not tonight, though. Get some sleep and go find him tomorrow. It's not worth it to let the one you love slip away from you."

My eyes welled up again, and I nodded. I would. I would go after Jake. "Will you stay with me for awhile?" I asked quietly.

He nodded, kissing the top of my head. "Of course I will."

We sat on the couch, my head resting on his shoulder like a child. When he left, with a lot of hesitation and making sure I was okay, I peeked out the window. I could see the faint outline of two huge men nearby, watching me. I knew it was Embry and Quil; their eyes met mine and I could see the sadness on their faces. "Tomorrow," I mouthed. They both nodded.

I climbed into my bed, alone, pulling Jake's pillow against me. "Tomorrow," I whispered again. "I'll find you. You won't get away from me that easily. I love you."

########################################################################

**AN: I know, I know! I'll try to make this brief… Jake isn't perfect either. He knows Bella extremely well, and they are much better at working things out, but this is his weak point. He's scared which is why he left. I promise this will be covered and resolved in the next chapter. I won't make you wait any longer than that! I think this needed to happen to get this issue to come to the surface, hence why I did it… and honestly, I would think Edward would try this because of his feelings for Bella. My intention was to put no fault on anyone involved. **

**And I have a O/S up in the "Just a Kiss" contest if you'd like to check it out. I don't think voting started yet, but I thought I'd let you know ahead of time. Link is: ****http:/www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/u/2922402/Just_a_Kiss_Contest****. And I posted a random O/S to my FFn acct – More Than Just Friends – if you'd like to check that out as well. Just something for fun! Thanks for reading my babble, if you did. ;-) **


	30. Airing it Out

Grapefruit moon, one star shining,

shining down on me.  
Heard that tune, and now I'm pining,

honey, can't you see?  
'Cause every time I hear that melody,

well, something breaks inside,  
And the grapefruit moon, one star shining,

can't turn back the tide.

**Tom Waits – Grapefruit Moon**

**########################################################################**

**JPOV**

When I woke the next morning, I felt Bella's absence before I even fully woke up. My arms always naturally reached for her if they weren't already around her. When my eyes opened, I rolled over and stared at the empty space. Did she miss me? I felt bad leaving like I did especially if it made her worry. I didn't know what she would be thinking; I wasn't stupid enough to think she'd run to Edward with no thought for me, but I wasn't sure which one of us would be the first thing on her mind.

The sunlight in this room didn't spill in like it had in mine and Bella's apartment, but it did create a slight pattern on the floor. With a glance out the window, though, I could see it was still drizzling though the sun was making an occasional appearance.

One final yawn and I dragged myself out of bed. On my way to the bathroom, I noticed Lindsay's door was wide open. She was already awake. In the bathroom, I saw she had laid out a fresh towel and wash cloth and had a bottle of generic body wash set out for me. A small smile on my lips, I took a fast shower and followed the scent of coffee to the kitchen.

She gave me a rueful smile. "I was never much of a cook. I managed to make the bacon okay, but I think I burnt the pancakes a bit." I glanced down at the darkened circles and laughed.

"That won't bother me in the slightest," I assured her, accepting a cup of coffee as she put our plates onto the table.

We ate in companionable silence. "So… do you work today?" I asked.

"Nope," she replied. "It's my one day off during the week. I usually just catch up with errands or do something fun."

"Well, I don't want to hold you up…"

"Don't worry about it, Jake. I didn't actually have any plans until close to dinnertime anyway. All I have to do is pick up a couple things at the store, and I was planning on hanging out here."

I finished off another plate of pancakes as she sipped her coffee, watching me. She brushed a lock of brown hair behind her shoulder. "Are you going to call her?"

I hesitated. "I don't know if I'm quite ready yet," I admitted. "I really want to, but I just don't know if I can…"

Her eyes were sympathetic. "Being in love really isn't easy, is it?"

I raised my eyes to meet hers. "No. And you still know how sorry I am about how…"

She raised a hand. "I know, Jake. We were falling for each other, but you never would have fallen all the way because of her. I know that, and I'm okay with it. We both know it wasn't easy, but it's in the past."

"I'm really glad you gave me the chance to be friends with you," I said honestly.

She smiled as we carried the dishes to the sink.

"I am, too. I wasn't at first," she added with a wink. "But overall, I enjoy talking to you."

I leaned against the sink, drying the dishes she washed. I brushed the lock of hair that kept falling into her face behind her ear for her. She turned and our eyes met again. She blinked a few times, remaining quiet, and I felt glad that I knew her.

When the dishes were done, we played poker to pass the time. She was really good at it, and I was glad we weren't playing for money.

"Stop cheating," I accused her. She began laughing, harassing me about my playing skills.

Bella never strayed from my mind the whole time we played, even if it was nice to spend time with Lindsay. I missed Bella so damn much, I worried about her, and I wanted things to just be normal.

_To be normal, you need to talk to her, moron,_ I argued with myself.

But how to get over the crippling fear of what was going on between her and Edward kept holding me back. Lindsay won that hand, and I stretched. "I should probably get to the store. I won't feel like it if I wait too much longer," she said.

"Do you…"

"It's fine, Jake. You can just stay here and relax."

I went back upstairs to her spare bedroom, turning some music on low as I flopped back onto the bed. I faintly heard the doorbell ring as I dozed.

########################################################################

**BPOV**

When I woke, I felt out of sorts, still foggy from the disruptive sleep I had all night. I kept reaching for Jake and finding nothing; nightmares clouded my mind of him being destroyed by the Volturi. Then I would dream of them killing me and the Cullen's which just compounded the fear I felt. Jake's warmth, his steady arms, his whispered voice, were what calmed me after a night of bad dreams.

My hands encountered soft fur, and I realized Tinker had came up to the top of the bed, and had begun head-butting me. She kept meowing and looking over where Jake usually was. Even my cat missed him.

I felt like a zombie as I got out of bed. I tried to focus as I brushed my teeth. Where would Jake go? It didn't take me long to think he most likely went to Hoquiam, intentionally or not. We were both relatively familiar with that area and the apartment was still ours. He also had friends there…

Suddenly, a thought occurred to me and my stomach clenched in panic.

What if he was upset enough to phase yesterday and left for Hoquiam that way? He could see some random woman there and imprint. My toothbrush fell from my mouth as an even worse thought hit me. He could have gone to Lindsay; he had gotten really close to her when they were together. I even talked to him about it and worried that Lindsay could have been his imprint.

My face felt hot and then cold all at once. I couldn't lose him, especially not this way. I called his cell phone and it went directly to voicemail. I yanked on an old t-shirt and jeans and raced out to the kitchen through the living room. I stopped short when I saw Charlie asleep on my couch. He was just beginning to stir.

I realized that sometime during the night that the hand I thought I felt brush my hair back wasn't actually a dream about Jake being there. Charlie must have come back to check on me. My eyes filled at his thoughtfulness.

"Hey honey," he said sitting up and looking a little chagrined.

"I hope you don't mind, but I still had the spare key and decided to come back and make sure you were okay. You were asleep and I didn't want to wake you."

How could I be mad? My dad came back and slept here because he was worried about me. I hugged him and said, "Of course I'm not. Thanks, Dad."

My senses kicked into overdrive, anxious to go to Hoquiam. I was freaking out on the inside, but trying to maintain calm on the outside for the sake of Charlie. I had to make sure Jake hadn't…

The thought was unbearable.

Charlie picked up on my mood, though. He was too good at that. "Bells, are you okay?"

I nodded, tapping my keys against my leg. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just need to go."

"Hold on," he said. He put on a pot of coffee and toasted a bagel he found in the bread drawer. "You should eat something."

I didn't have the patience to sit and eat something, but I waited anxiously the few minutes it took for the coffee to brew. Once it was done, I handed him a travel mug. He shrugged and poured some coffee in and handed me the bagel.

"Be careful," he added. "Now go find him, okay?"

I nodded, thanking him again, and practically ran from the house in my haste to get on the road. I sent a quick text to Alice letting her know where I was going and took off.

I worried the whole time I drove, having to be conscious of my speed. I wanted to race there, to find him, but I didn't want to get pulled over. It felt like the longest drive ever, and I could hardly appreciate driving through the familiar areas of Hoquiam. I stopped at our old apartment, raced inside, but he wasn't there. I wasn't sure he would be, but I had to check.

All the memories of this place hit me at once, and I missed it. I missed being here a lot. I sighed around the lump in my throat and left. I had no idea where Lindsay would be, so I called the garage that Jake had worked at. When someone answered the phone, I recognized the name as someone Jake worked with. I explained who I was, that I was trying to track Jake down, and that I thought he might be with Lindsay who used to work there.

"Oh wow," he said. "Um… last I heard she was working for a photography studio, I think? When we talked to her I think she was living on fifth street. An apartment building in that area, I'm pretty sure."

I thanked him. It was a start. I didn't have far to go from where we lived, and drove up and down fifth street, unsure of where to go first. I decided to stop at one apartment building and checked the names. None of them had the last name of Michaels, so I drove to the next one.

_Bingo._

I felt the icy finger of fear yet again. Jake's car wasn't here. I hurried up to the right door, my heart banging against my chest. I took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself, and rang the bell.

Lindsay opened the door and stared at me in surprise. I immediately felt frumpy; I had left the house in such haste that I knew my hair was probably all over the place and my clothes were wrinkled. She, of course, looked smooth and pretty in black knee-length leggings and a scoop-necked t-shirt.

"Bella," she said.

"I need to see Jacob if he's here," I replied feeling awkward, freaked out, and oddly sort of angry.

She frowned slightly, hand still on the door. "He's here, but I'd like to know why you're here."

My eyebrows raised in surprise. "Excuse me? I'm here for Jacob, my boyfriend." My voice was cool.

I examined her for a moment while she stared back at me, trying to see if there was a tell-tale sign that Jake had imprinted on her. She wasn't letting me in right away which was worrisome. I couldn't tell and I could feel my anxiety worsen.

"Are you here to apologize? To explain?"

My eyebrows shot higher. He _told_ her?

"Look, I need to talk to him," I said snappishly. "I don't think it's any of your business what it's about."

She shrugged slightly. "He's here, in my home, and I care about him."

I bristled, but her tone softened. "I'm sorry, I really don't mean to be rude even though I probably am, but I just don't want to see him hurt any more than he is. That's the only reason I'm asking."

I studied her, seeing that she really did care, and then I saw Jacob come down the stairs behind her. He was shirtless, still looked sleepy, and I felt an ache in my heart. He came to her, he obviously slept here, and I had no idea what happened.

"Bella!" he exclaimed in surprise.

Our eyes met and held, and I could read the hurt and fear in his. We were quite a pair.

"Jake, I need to talk to you," I said quietly.

Lindsay stepped back and allowed me inside. She looked at Jake with concern, but he just nodded at her. I couldn't help it; it irked me that they could communicate the way we did.

"I'm going to the store. If you're not here when I get back, just let me know that you got home okay?" she asked him. He nodded and thanked her as I stood there, feeling uncomfortable and sloppy. He gave her hand a quick squeeze and she was gone.

"Did... did you... " I finally asked after a lengthy pause.

His eyes shot up to meet mine. "What? Did I what?"

I swallowed hard, making a loud gulping sound in the process. I had to ask, I had to know...

My hands were shaking as I finally managed to say, "Did you imprint on her? I didn't see your car, so I figured you phased and came here..."

His eyes widened. "Bella, no. I haven't imprinted on anyone. My car is around back."

The relief nearly crushed me. "I thought..." I murmured faintly.

"Bella, I was upset, but I can control myself in that way," he said. His voice was soft as he glanced briefly over at me. "So, you kissed Edward."

My cheeks heated. "He kissed me, Jake. It caught me off-guard. He was losing what he gained back, and he kissed me to see if that would help."

Jake paced around the room. A little angrily, he retorted, "That's the only reason why he kissed you? Somehow I don't believe that."

I shot him a look. "Jake, he's been through a lot. You can't blame him. He knows he and I were together beforehand, so it makes sense he's confused."

"So he doesn't actually know we're together? Why haven't you told him?" Hurt was close behind the anger, and I felt a pang of guilt.

"Jake, I will tell him. The only reason I hadn't was because of him being so confused. I didn't want to... complicate matters."

"I understand why, but that's not exactly fair to me when he's obviously still in love with you and kisses you."

"How did you feel after he kissed you?" he asked me. He was moving around the kitchen restlessly, picking things up and putting them back down.

I bit my lip, looking down at my hands twisting nervously. "I felt..." I hesitated. "I won't lie to you. I wasn't unaffected by it. We had never actually split up."

The guilt of admitting that hit me, and I couldn't look at Jake's face. I had hurt him already and what I was saying wasn't helping. We had promised to be truthful to each other, though, and I couldn't lie to him about something like this.

When he remained quiet, I said shakily, "That doesn't mean I want to be with him. It's just that I feel sort of responsible for what happened, even though I know that's ridiculous, and I still care about him and want to help him. It's hard seeing him like this. I know it hasn't been easy on you either, Jake, with me being there so often, but you have to know I'm in love with you."

"They're leaving soon," he said. "That's going to be even harder for you. Have you thought about the aftermath, of them fighting the Volturi, how you're going to feel with them gone and in danger? You haven't resolved anything with him. I can't fathom how this is going to be good for our relationship."

"Well, we just have to try!" My voice rose to nearly a yell, surprising me. I wasn't overly angry at Jake, but I was definitely angry at the situation.

"I know it's going to be hard, but do you think it's easy for me knowing you haven't imprinted on me? All that talk of soul mates, yet here we are. I don't even like the idea of imprinting, but to know you might be destined for someone else isn't easy either!" A vein was beginning to pulse in my temple as I got more worked up.

"Who knows, maybe you don't even have to phase again. You still have the gene, maybe you'll imprint anyway! And then to find out you left and went straight to Lindsay didn't exactly help matters either. I know you have something with her. You saw Edward kiss me... did you retaliate by kissing her? She obviously cares about you. You don't even have to talk to understand each other; I thought that was just me and you!"

My tirade ended and even amidst my irritation, I felt embarrassed at my outburst.

"Are you done?" he asked looking thoroughly annoyed.

When I glared and nodded, he yanked me against his chest. His mouth was rough against mine, his teeth sinking down into my lip.

########################################################################

A gasp slipped out when he kissed me. That annoyed me – apparently everything was annoying us – so I yanked at his hair in return.

The kiss went deeper, our tongues pushing deep into each other's mouth, our teeth clicking, as we both struggled for dominance. His hands gripped my hips, lifting me so we were more even and tugged hungrily on my lower lip.

It had been too long between our intimate moments with everything going on, and we were both primed. When his hand tangled in my hair, tilting my head back for an angled kiss, we both groaned.

"We're… not doing this… here," I managed to say.

He didn't say a word; he just lifted me up, locked the door behind us, and nearly threw me into his car. I gave him a look of irritation, but we didn't say a word as he drove the short distance to our old apartment.

Inside we went at each other again. I pulled at his jeans, managing to get them unbuttoned and pulled down enough to expose him in all his rock-hard glory.

It crossed my mind that I had never actually done this before, but I dropped to my knees before him.

"Bells…" he managed to pant. I think he meant to restrain me, in case I really didn't want to do this, but as soon as my lips touched the tip of him, his hands fisted in my hair instead.

I brushed my lips over the tip, and then I explored further down the length of him, exploring the feel of him against my lips. His breath came in rasps and I flicked my tongue out to taste him. He was smooth as I dragged my tongue up the side of his length.

"Bella," he choked out, his fingers reflexively tightening in my hair.

My fingers circled and stroked along with my tongue, feeling his body tighten even further. His hips jerked slightly as I closed my mouth over the tip. A feeling of uncertainty went through me, not sure what I should do exactly. I shifted further down, taking a little more of him inside; when I was rewarded with a groan, I experimented by circling my tongue around him.

"Honey... oh yes... " Jake's shaking voice spurred me on a little more. Apparently I wasn't doing anything he didn't like which gave me more courage.

I went further, but hit a point where I had to stop. My fingers circled what my mouth couldn't cover, and I rolled my tongue around him again, pulling back a little. My lips tugged, tasted, and his gasps and moans continued to spur me on.

He felt silky against my tongue, and I could feel the heat emanating from him. I began to move my mouth up and down him, moving faster at his encouragement. My nails scratched over his hips, trying to pull him closer.

The sounds of my mouth suckling at him, the press of the linoleum into my knees, the feel of his big hands in my hair was getting me even more excited.

I could feel a bolt of heat between my thighs, a rush and need to feel him inside me.

His gasps were coming faster now; he was nearly breathless when he said, "Bella, I can't... hold on... much longer..."

I meant to continue, but he lifted me and practically charged us into the bedroom. We fell onto the bed, Jake's body still quivering with the strain of holding back. His hands were everywhere, but nowhere near fast enough. I wanted to feel every part of him against me as I arched myself against him, bracketing his hips with my knees.

He tugged my pants off, his mouth moving from mine to my throat. My body was thrumming under his touch as he pulled my shirt over my head. His fingers laced with mine, pinning them to the bed, his mouth lowering to my breast. The whole time, his hips continued to rock slightly, pushing his bulge right where I ached.

The urgency in the gentle nips, the hungry suckling, had me begging. "Please… please… Jake…" Our times together were less frequent, and I just had to feel him inside me.

When his mouth coasted down over my stomach, raising the fine hairs there, I threw my head back as he tasted me. His mouth was soft and hot, frenetic but gentle, as he slid his tongue from top to bottom. A drawn out moan escaped my lips. Why hadn't we really focused on this aspect before? I felt as if I'd burst into flames.

He circled his tongue over the sensitive nub, driving me to the brink, and then drew back. My body tensed as I got close, and then relaxed, as he moved back to my mouth.

"Mmmmm…" we both sighed as his tip brushed right where I wanted him.

A quick thrust and he was deep inside, right where he belonged. The rhythm of his thrusts built the sensations inside. He rolled over onto his back, pulling me so I was perched on top of him. My body took over, riding him harder.

My head tilted back as I bounced, my breasts moving with the motion. I knew he liked that, and I could practically see his eyes darken in desire. His hands roamed over my breasts, around my back, to my ass where he held me tightly urging me on. It didn't take long for the orgasm to rock through me and for Jake's body to spasm underneath me.

Our moans quieted, and I lay my head on his chest. His fingers traced circles on my back. I began to doze, the restless sleep from last night catching up to me.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he said. His voice sounded so weary. I lifted my head to meet his eyes, pressed my lips to his in an impossibly gentle kiss. I stayed there, just breathing him in.

"So am I," I said quietly. "I love you, Jake; so much. It's just been so hard…"

"I know," he murmured, his hands still stroking the length of my back. "We'll figure this out. And Bella, I… well, thought about it," he admitted. "You asked me if I kissed Lindsay. I did think about it, very briefly, but I didn't want to do that to you. I love you so damn much, and Lindsay is just a really good friend."

"And I know the kiss wasn't your idea. I don't blame you, honey. And I wish I could reassure you about the imprinting, but Bella, if I have to phase for this or something else, I promise I won't go near any female but you."

I smiled against his chest, and we both fell silent, hands stroking and comforting the hurt we both felt.

We dozed for a little bit, catching up on a little sleep, and then we got my truck and drove to the bakery. I couldn't be here and not see everyone. I got lucky when we walked in; Dana, Jamie, Samantha, and Brian were there. Elijah and Clarissa had the day off.

There was a lot of screeching, crying, and laughing. It made me smile to see how much I was missed.

"Oh my God, I didn't realize just how much I missed you until just now," Dana said laughing.

I laughed, too, hugging her again. "Same here! We didn't really end up in Hoquiam the right way, but in some ways I'm glad we did."

They seemed to understand something had happened, but since Jake wouldn't leave my side, Dana seemed mollified.

"We won't talk about anything except the good stuff," she whispered in my ear.

They knew my birthday was the next day, so they had already baked something for me.

"This works out even better," Samantha said happily as she brought out the bakery box.

Inside was a beautiful lemon cake with a vanilla frosting. There were raspberries, blueberries, and pineapple artfully arranged on top. It looked amazing. They had all chipped in on a gift card for the bookstore as well.

I got a little teary, throwing my arms around them all yet again. "Thank you," I said. "You really didn't have to get me anything, but I really appreciate it."

A few more minutes of them catching me up on their lives, and I had an idea. I whispered it to Jake when I had the chance, and his eyes lit up. "Great idea," he whispered. "I definitely agree!"

"Dana?" I asked. "You're near the end of your lease on your apartment, right?"

She looked at me with surprise. "Yeah, I am. Why?"

"Would you and Matt be interested in moving in there? Jake and I aren't staying there, and our lease is almost up as well."

She grinned excitedly. "Seriously? Oh Bella, that would be awesome! We've been thinking about where we wanted to go. He doesn't mind, and I absolutely love your apartment."

"Oh, that makes me happy. I love that apartment and knowing you want to stay there makes me feel better."

"You know you are always welcome there, too, so you really don't have to give it up completely. The bedroom you both shared will always be yours when you want to come."

I absolutely loved that idea, knowing we could live back in La Push, but be able to come to Hoquiam and never completely give up the apartment that held so many memories.

Jake asked me if I wanted to have an early dinner for my birthday. "We're here, we might as well," he said with a smile.

I agreed and we went to this beautiful old Victorian restaurant that everyone suggested we try. The gardens were beautiful with flowers spilling over in colorful bunches, so we ate on the large deck outside. The drizzle slowed and the sun peeked out as we ordered steak and shrimp for dinner.

There were so many issues to be worked out, but it was nice to put that on a back burner and enjoy ourselves for a little bit. "I have a gift at home for you," Jake said with a smile as we ate our dessert of coconut ice cream.

"Thank you," I said meaningfully and he knew what I meant.

"Happy Birthday, Bells," he said kissing me gently.

As we walked along the sidewalk after dinner, my cell phone chirped. It was Alice, and I felt that sense of unease creep back. I was just thankful we had ended up having a good rest of the day.

"Alice, what is it?" I asked nervously. Jake squeezed my hand in support.

"Bella, we have to leave to lead them away. They'll be here by morning."

I closed my eyes, wishing I could block it all out. "We're on our way," I whispered.

########################################################################

**AN: And now… the action begins! Haha Anyway, Lindsay has nothing against Bella, by the way. She was just worried about Jake.**

**And I wanted to let you all know that my next update falls on my vacation. I'm going to be working on it this week leading up to when I leave, and I will probably have time here and there to write a little bit when I'm there. So, just wanted to let you know why in case it ends up being a little later than usual. I don't know that it really will… but just a heads up!**


	31. I Will Protect You

You would fight for me  
You would starve for me  
You would suffer for me  
You would die for me  
Well, I feel the same way too  
You know I feel that way about you

**Velvet Chain "Strong"**

########################################################################

As I followed Jake home, my mind raced and tried to comprehend what was happening. It didn't matter if I was involved in this battle or not, but my fear for the Cullen's safety was high. The pack was on alert, but they were safe. Charlie, Billy, and the people of Forks and La Push were safe. I kept trying to tell myself that the Cullen's leaving for Denali and meeting up with their friends' was the best way to deal with this fight.

It didn't really help.

The drive home was torture. I wanted to be with Jake, holding on to him for support. I also didn't want him to see me like this. When we finally crossed the border into Forks, my hands were shaking and sweat was beading on my forehead. I wasn't ready to say good bye to them, to leave Edward still confused a lot of the time, to have nothing resolved between us. It was going to be difficult and I was dreading it.

We reached the Cullen's, and Jake was by my side as I got out of the truck. I took a deep breath.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Jake asked. His features were schooled into something resembling calm, but after everything that just happened I knew it hurt him which in turn hurt me.

It was an endless cycle.

I nodded with some reluctance. "Jake..." I said hesitantly as he started toward the door. I pulled him back slightly.

"I... I won't do this if you don't want me to. You're too important to me and I don't want to hurt you." The decision to not hurt Jake again was strong.

"Bells..." he sighed. He hugged me as tight like he used to; so tight I could barely breathe.

"I won't stop you from this. I don't want to. I know you want to do this and that's okay. Just as long as you come back to me."

I touched his cheek. "Of course."

I flung myself at Alice when she appeared in the doorway. "Please, please, please be careful," I begged. My eyes were already beginning to water.

"Bella, don't worry. We will be careful. I'm really going to miss you; everything has just been so wrong and I miss just being able to talk to you."

I nodded against her shoulder. "I know. I wish things were easier."

"Is everything okay with you and Jacob?"

I glanced at her face, but she was calm and seemed fine asking me that. It wasn't something we ever really discussed since I actually started dating Jacob because of how strange it might have been for her. The wolves were supposed to be their enemy, I had been with Edward, and now everything was completely different.

"For the most part," I said quietly. "We're fine right now, but there are things we still have to work through."

She nodded, still holding on to me. "You haven't resolved much with Edward, have you?"

I bit my lip, the knowledge of that cutting deep. It was going to hurt so much, but I had to keep it together. I _would_ keep it together... for Jake's sake. I couldn't forgive myself yet for hurting him. I gave everyone a hug, begging them to be careful, even Rosalie who accepted it. My anger toward her had thawed; I knew she was just hurting because of her brother.

"I always thought you should have a normal life," she said a little stiffly after I hugged her. "We all thought you should move on when Alice told you that. It just hurt to see Edward so lost and you happy with the do... with Jacob," she amended.

Before I could open my mouth, she added, "I know this hasn't been easy for you, though. I know you still love Edward, but this is for the best."

I lifted my face to the stairs, catching sight of Edward, his eyes locked on me. It wasn't truly him, not fully anyway, but I hurried over to him and threw my arms around his neck. I couldn't stop the tears that trickled down my cheeks. I made an effort to rein them in, though, as I leaned back to look at him.

He lifted his hand, catching a tear on his finger. He looked at it curiously and then at me. "Bella, you shouldn't cry."

I sniffed and just gazed at his familiar face, so lovely in its frozen perfection. I breathed in his scent. "Be careful," I whispered. "Stay with your family."

His eyes met mine and then he pulled me against him. "I'll be careful, Bella. I wish I didn't have to leave."

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you more," I whispered thickly.

"What's important is that you did. You've helped me so much, Bella." He looked at me as the confusion warred with his need to come back. "I wish I could really be me for you before we leave," he added looking upset.

I squeezed his hand. "You'll know either way that I care a great deal about you. You'll make it through this, and we'll see each other again. I promise."

He hugged me again, and I pressed my cheek to his chest. A few more tears fell as I gave him one last squeeze. I moved instinctively closer to Jake, burrowing against him, as they moved outside to leave. Carlisle offered his hand to Jake, and after a moment's hesitation, Jake shook it.

What surprised both of us was Alice turning around and flying over to give Jake a quick squeeze. His eyebrows nearly shot off his forehead, but he awkwardly patted her on the back and they shared a more genuine smile. "Thank you," she said. "We appreciate what you have done to help Edward and also taking care of Bella. I know you would have done it anyway, but I still wanted to thank you."

He nodded. "I always will. No matter what. Thank you for keeping us informed on everything. Be safe."

With a slight shake of his head, Jake watched with a bemused look as Alice darted back to her slightly incredulous family. I burrowed into his side again, my heart giving a painful lurch as their cars pulled away. Edward's face disappeared from view as they kicked up a cloud of dust in their wake.

They were really gone.

I couldn't help myself; I turned into Jake and buried my face against his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I whispered over and over as my tears wet his shirt.

I wouldn't look at him until he knelt in front of me, pulling my hands away from my face. "Bella? There's no need to be ashamed. They love you, I can see that. And you're someone who can accept them for what they are and love them in return. I think a part of me will always find that weird, but we're not exactly normal either. You care, so I would expect you to be upset."

I perched on his lap, resting my head on his shoulder. "Thank you for being so understanding, especially after everything that happened."

He smoothed a hand down the length of my hair. His lips brushed against the shell of my ear. He held me quietly for a few moments.

"I wish I could stay with you, Bells, but I need to get to the garage. Will you be okay? Do you want company?"

I shook my head. "No, that's okay. I wouldn't mind being by myself for a little bit."

He tilted my chin up, kissing me softly, lips brushing lightly against mine. I held on to his wide shoulders and his tongue dipped inside my mouth for a brief taste. I sighed when he pulled away.

"Tonight we can cook dinner and eat together. We'll just spend some time together and then I'll make love to you until you pass out."

I laughed, turning my head so I could kiss his neck. "Sounds perfect. I'll see you later then. I think I'm going to go up to the cliffs and just relax for now."

"Okay," he replied. "Be careful. I'll see you tonight."

I kissed him again and he left for the garage. I drove the path toward the cliffs and parked. I sent Charlie a text letting him know I was home, that Jake was with me, and that we were okay.

I walked the short distance out to the cliffs and sat on a grassy spot, my back against a tree, so I could look out at the ocean. My mind couldn't settle; images of time spent with the Cullen's kept invading my thoughts. And to know they were putting themselves in harm's way with the Volturi was frightening.

The sun eased out from behind the clouds, filtering through the trees to warm my arms. The crash of the waves on the rocks below was a comforting sound, and I closed my eyes. I had to stop thinking about this, so I accepted the relief of not thinking about it and dozed off.

_I stood on the porch of my dad's house, the sky darkening as a storm began to roll in. The thunder was a distant boom and lightning flashed, illuminating the sky. The leaves scattered over the grass, and I felt a sense of foreboding. _

_ Charlie came out, looking worried. "Bella, you better get inside. It's getting closer."_

_ I started following him into the house, the warmth and scent of cooking chicken and blueberry cobbler beckoning me, but I glanced one last time out at the storm. _

_ Near the end of the road, I could just make out the silhouette of someone standing there. My heart gave an unsteady thump, my pulse beginning to thrum in my ears. When Charlie called my name, Jake was right behind him, waiting for me to come into the safety of the house. _

_ Within moments the figure was closer. It was Aro._

_ His ghostly-white skin glowed in the lightning flashes as we stared at each other. I was terrified, but he made no move toward me. "Isabella," he murmured. "Extend your ability to block your mind to help others. It will help save them."_

_ Another flash of lightning, and he disappeared from view._

I jerked awake, panic clawing at me, as I gasped and tried to breathe. My chest felt tight, and I tried to breathe like I had been taught in yoga in an effort to slow my heart. The sun still shone, the waves still crashed, and I could hear the gulls calling. The fear just felt wrong. Jerkily, I stood up and stumbled my way back to my truck. Uneasiness had settled into my stomach, and I didn't feel safe up here.

I drove home and just as I got into the house, my cell rang. It was Dana, and I answered eagerly.

"I just wanted to check and make sure you got home all right," she said. "Well, that and I wanted to find out if you were still interested in baking. I put some feelers out and there's a woman in your area that is having a baby shower for her daughter and wants a cake."

I grabbed a can of coke out of the fridge and sank gratefully onto a kitchen chair. I needed a good distraction.

"We got home fine," I said, not mentioning what happened with the Cullen's. I couldn't think about that now or I might fall apart. "And yeah, I would definitely be interested. Any specifics?"

She gave me the name and phone number of a Mrs. Waterson, told me what she was looking for in the cake, and I promised to be in touch with her after I purchased what I would need and delivered the cake.

"Thanks Dana," I said gratefully. "This comes at a great time. I could use a distraction."

"Bella, you know you can call me any time," she said.

I smiled slightly. "I know. Thank you."

After I got off the phone with her, I drove to the store to pick up the cake supplies and ingredients I would need. When I hauled everything back home, I started mixing and fell back into the rhythm I had when living in Hoquiam. The vanilla cake with butter cream frosting mixed, I poured it into a round pan and stuck it in the oven.

Jake came home when I pulled it out, preparing to frost and decorate it. I saw him smile as he stopped to watch me begin spreading the frosting on the cake. "I always did like watching you bake," he said sliding his arms around my waist.

"I think you always just like sampling," I replied, curbing a little smile. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell him yet about my dream or if I even should at all. I mean, there was no proof that it was real, right?

"Well, that, too," he agreed kissing my neck.

When I finished making a baby rattle, little pink bows, and adding the name Desiree to the cake, I covered it and called the woman to make arrangements to meet on the outskirts of Forks.

"I'll be back soon and we'll have dinner," I said as I got ready to leave.

I made the drop-off quickly, got paid, and headed back home. I wrote down the specifics and called Dana to let her know. Jake had already pulled some chicken out of the fridge when I came in so I started chopping up vegetables to make a stir-fry.

Jake pulled a bottle of wine out of the fridge. He gave me a sheepish look and said, "I decided to splurge and use my fake I.D. at a liquor store near where I work. It's outside of Forks, so we're safe."

I just shook my head, but accepted the glass of wine he poured for me. I couldn't forget my first experience with it, so I sipped it slowly as we continued to prepare dinner together.

########################################################################

**JPOV**

I could tell something was bothering Bella, but it was obvious she didn't want to talk about it. I didn't push her because I could see she needed some normalcy. Cooking together became something we enjoyed doing. It helped me learn as I watched her and participated, so I felt like I was contributing more for Billy, too.

The chicken and vegetables were finished sautéing, so I got out plates and put on the rice as she topped it off. We sat at the dinner table, eating and drinking the wine, and even with everything going on it was nice to just relax after a long day and put aside any problems.

It had been nice to see her baking again; I _did_ love when she let me taste-test, but baking seemed to calm her and make her happy, and I was glad for that.

"Lets sit out on the deck," I told her. "It's really nice out. We can play a drinking game," I added, teasing her.

It worked; she laughed and her eyes warmed to my teasing. "I don't know, Jake, I have experience with pounding wine. I think you might lose."

I chuckled, swept her up easily and snagged the last half of the bottle of wine to take with us. On the deck, she perched on my lap, facing me. She took a delicate swig of the wine, and I watched her throat work as she swallowed it.

"Truth or dare?" I asked her.

She pondered before answering, "Truth."

I thought for a moment. "Okay, I know. When was the first time you truly thought about me naked and got excited?"

"Jake!" she protested with a laugh.

I raised my eyebrows.

"Oh fine. I think I was aware even before we left here, but when I knew and purposely thought about it was when we woke up in bed one morning. You were poking me with a stiffy."

I laughed outright as she smirked. I took a sip as she asked me, and I answered truth.

"What really happened the night I drank that wine in Hoquiam?"

I smiled. "I really was a gentleman… for the most part. You tried to strip during the game, but I wouldn't let you. When I was trying to get you in bed, you needed help undressing. I turned away, but not before I peeked and got a nice glimpse of the side of your breast. I wanted to touch you so badly."

She giggled and sipped, but I could see her eyes darken slightly. Her arms linked around my neck, her lips hovering over mine, and I could smell the sweet, cloying scent of the wine. She tilted the bottle slowly for me, and I swallowed, my eyes on hers.

"Truth or dare?" she whispered.

"Dare," I said.

"I dare you to make love to me right here; in full view of anyone in La Push walking by."

It was definitely possible that could happen and the idea excited me. "That's not a dare," I teased. With one swift tug, her shirt was over her head.

Her cheeks were a little colored from the wine, though she wasn't drunk. A soft buzz made her feel good and a little more brazen which was fine with me. Her mouth collided with mine, her little tongue diving between my lips. She rubbed herself against me eagerly, stirring my dick to immediate rock-hard status.

I squeezed her ass, my hands trailing up her sides to unhook her bra and palm her pretty, pink-tipped breasts. Unable to resist, I leaned down and took one nipple into my mouth. I suckled at her as she squirmed and begged me for more.

"Please Jake, please," she gasped. "I want to feel you; feel every ridge of you pushing deep inside me…"

My eyebrows and libido rose to bursting.

I moved fast, and in a second, we were sprawled on the little rug on the porch. I ripped her pants off her, popping the button off, and tugged her right leg up over my shoulder.

She cried out, gripping me tightly, guiding me to her entrance. I didn't need much encouragement. I drove myself into her, every throbbing inch burrowing deep inside her silken heat.

Every single time, the feel of her body arching against mine, sent me into a frenzy of lust. My hips rocked against hers as I began to thrust myself into her over and over, pulling out and feeling her trying to hold me inside, just to sink into her again.

I could feel her lips sprinkling kisses over every inch of my chest she could reach until I leaned down and captured them again in a searing, tongue-tangling kiss. Her little tongue coasted over my lower lip as I pushed into her again, feeling the sweat bead on my brow.

I nipped at her tongue, drawing it into my mouth, suckling on it. She groaned and her hips began rocking faster against mine. That was when I heard the voices; Bella had as well because her body froze for a second.

"Your dare," I whispered.

Grasping the leg over my shoulder, I pushed the other wider and slammed my hips against hers. As I sank into her, triggering both of our releases, I covered her mouth as she gave a small scream. Whoever was close by paused for a moment and stars burst behind my eyelids as I released what seemed like an unending stream.

My body moved fluidly, holding Bella against me, as I hurried into the house in the nick of time. I could see the wide eyes of two single women on our rez glance at the porch. A burst of laughter escaped as I hurried into the bedroom, Bella still gripping me deep inside of her.

She slid bonelessly into our bed, a soft laugh finally escaping. She gave my ass a smack, causing an interesting friction, but I managed to pull myself out of her.

"Give me a few minutes," I murmured and she laughed as she stretched out completely on top of me.

I finger-combed her hair, and before I had the chance to get hard again, we were fast asleep.

I woke groggily later that night, uncertain of why, but when I heard the soft whimpers and felt Bella thrashing next to me, I was wide awake.

"Bells?" I said softly, gently smoothing her hair to keep her calm. These nightmares were horrible for both of us as she struggled to wake and I struggled to wake her.

"No," she sobbed. "Don't do this. I'm not that strong. Please."

Worried even more as she paled and struggled to breathe, I sat fully upright, gently slapping at her cheeks. "Bella, you need to wake up," I said more loudly. "Come on, honey, it's just a nightmare. Come back to me."

Her body spasmed, a small cry escaping her lips, but her eyes snapped open. They didn't focus right away, but I took her face in my hands, and made her look at me. She saw me, threw her arms around my neck, and I felt her body shaking.

"They're getting worse," I stated. My eyes focused blearily on the alarm clock; three thirty in the morning.

She whispered, "I didn't want to ruin our night together, but I had one earlier yesterday while you were at the garage. Jake, something's going to happen..."

"Bella…"

"No, I know it. They're warnings of something. I saw Aro and he was telling me to expand my mind shield or whatever it is. And I keep seeing fire and death. Jake, I'm really scared. I don't want anything to happen to you; to all the people I love…"

She swung her legs out of bed, restlessly moving toward the window. Suddenly, she gave a shriek, startling me into jumping up. She backed away, bumping into the nightstand.

"Oh my God, someone's out there!" she cried, still backing away.

I grabbed her arm, pulling her behind me, as I listened and looked. I heard nothing, and I didn't smell the distinctive smell of leech. There was nothing out there.

"Bella," I said worriedly. Her eyes were huge and her lips moved, but nothing came out. "Nothing is out there. What is going on?"

The fear for her sanity and safety was gnawing away at me. Her cell phone trilled, and the dread wound its way inside me. A phone call at this hour? She gave me a panicked look and answered.

"Alice?"

She listened and her step faltered. I caught her, lowered her to the bed, and I took the phone from her.

"What is it?" I barked.

"We're coming back," she said sounding hurried. "I got a vision from Aro saying that they decided to kill two birds with one stone. They'll be in Forks soon. We're on our way. Should we bring Bella and you back with us to keep them away from the reservation?"

I rested my head in my hand, worried beyond belief. "We could try, but I doubt my pack would be okay with this. Bella and I are their family, and they won't let me fight without them."

"We'll figure it out. I've seen that we'll get there first, but you need to gather them. Now. I'm sorry, Jake. Tell Bella I'm sorry, too."

I sighed. "I know you are. We'll meet you in the woods when you're back for a quick meeting." I ended the call and glanced at Bella.

Tears streaked down her cheeks, and I pulled her against me, kissing her temple. "I'll always protect you. We'll get through this, Bella," I said even as I worried about what could happen to my family and my pack. "I have to call Sam."

"There is absolutely no way you are leaving me behind when it happens," Bella said. "I need to be there, so please don't even think about it. I'll get a goddamn flare gun and help." Her expression brooked no argument.

I had things to say about that, but I tabled it for now and called Sam.

"They're coming here. Meeting in the woods. The Cullen's are coming back and will find us." He agreed and said he would call everyone.

We headed for the woods. No fucking way would these leeches take Bella from me; nor my father, Charlie, Sue, and my people. I was hell-bent on protecting what was mine. They wouldn't touch anyone that I held dear if I could help it.

########################################################################

**AN: Not too bad! 4-5 days later than I normally would post. Anyway, I guess this wasn't much of a surprise for anyone… but hope you enjoyed anyway! **


	32. Preparations

We are ready for the siege,

and we are armed up to the teeth.

Be careful how you live and breathe

Release what's brewing underneath

How many times do you wanna die?

How many ways do you wanna die?

**Silversun Pickups "The Royal We"**

* * *

**BPOV**

I followed Jake into the woods, eyes darting around, fearing every shadow-y spot; which was pretty much the whole forest. He reached back, and I laced my fingers with his as we continued moving silently through the forest. I didn't say a word because I could see Jake was alert and listening for any kind of suspicious sound.

It didn't take us long to reach the grassy clearing in the woods where everyone was gathering. Slowly, and in unison, all the members of the pack moved into the area cautiously.

"Jacob? They Volturi are really coming here?" Sam asked once we reached them.

He sighed. "Yes. I just spoke with Alice. She said they made the decision spur-of-the-moment to kill two birds with one stone. They'll come here, knowing the Cullen's will come back to protect Bella. They said they can take both of us to Denali with them, to keep them away from here…"

That was met with some growls and protests.

"We're family," Embry said simply. "We won't let you go face them alone, Jacob. You know that."

I bit my lip, knowing this would be the result. My stomach was tied up in knots, knowing they loved us enough to risk their lives for us. I hated that, but I knew it was useless to argue.

"I've been having dreams," I said quietly into the stillness. "The Cullen's seem to think that there could be some truth to them. They have been feeling too realistic lately. The Volturi is dangerous. I don't want any of you fighting, but I know you won't agree to that. Please, _please_, be careful," I begged.

Jake rubbed my back, and I leaned into the comfort of his body.

"We protect our own," Sam said simply. "You're one of us, too, Bella." They all nodded in affirmation, and I had to swallow back my tears.

I tried to gather up all the information I knew about the Volturi, though I knew the Cullen's could help fill in the blanks when they arrived.

"Jane has the power to make someone feel pain. She can affect only one person at time, though. Aro can read your minds, and can see into your past, though he seems to be on our side. I'm still not sure what to think of that; he was the one who ordered them to change me. Demetri is one of the best trackers they have, while Felix is basically like a hired thug. He's huge and a fighter. Marcus understands everyone's relationships, so he can target those you love. We need everyone else protected who mean something to you especially. They're all extremely old vampires and extremely powerful."

I could see the flash of concern on their faces; the faces of a family I had come to love.

"In my dreams, it seems my ability to not be affected by their powers physically, means that I have a shield of sorts. I got the impression that Aro seems to think I can extend this shield to protect others, though I don't know how. I'm hoping the Cullen's might have information on that when they get here."

Quil glanced up at me. "That means you would have to be here during the fight. Bella, we won't put you in danger like that."

"I can't let you fight for mine and everyone's safety without helping if I can," I said stubbornly.

Sam frowned, but said nothing.

"Bella, you don't know how it works; how you even have this ability. How can it help us?"

I bit my lip. I could figure this out, couldn't I? It couldn't be that difficult.

Jake's arms were welcoming as he slid them around me. "Bella, I'm doing this to protect you," he said, nuzzling into the hair covering my ear. "I want you safe."

"I'm safest when I'm with you," I said simply. "I'll wait and see what the Cullen's have to say about my ability, but that's the best I can do. If I can help, I'm going to do what I have to, to help protect anyone's mind that I can."

He sighed, and I lay my head against his chest, drowsy from lack of sleep. He sat me down, settling me comfortably against him, as he talked quietly with the rest of them. I wanted to pay attention, but my eyelids kept fluttering closed. I was half-asleep; unsure of how much time had passed when I felt as if someone were watching me. I jerked awake, feeling the loss of Jake's body against mine, although he had covered me with a flannel shirt so I would stay warm. A fire had also been lit, and I relaxed marginally when I saw all of them talking.

I craned my neck around, glancing over my shoulder, and saw the glittery eyes looking at me. My heart lurched, and my mouth opened in a scream, but I managed to squelch it with a squeak when I realized it was Edward. My body relaxed, and I sat up, motioning him forward. The wolves were already on the alert as Edward, and the rest of his family, filed into the clearing. The clearing was in the middle of the Quileute's land and Forks, but it was still close enough to La Push for the wolves to be worried.

Alice stepped forward. "Bella," she murmured. She reached her arms out to me, and I moved into them, giving her a big hug. I was glad to see her, but wished it was under different circumstances.

Edward's eyes met mine, and he moved toward me, worry and sadness etched onto his smooth face. He held his hand out to me, and I slid mine into his. My throat worked as he held my gaze; so much of what I felt for him always rushed through me upon catching sight of him even if only a day had passed. Suddenly, I realized the wolves were on their feet, barely holding on to their forms.

Carlisle stepped forward, raising a hand.

"Please," he said calmly. "I'm sorry to spring this on you, but things happened so fast. We brought Tanya, Kate, Carmen, and Eleazer back with us. They're part of the Denali coven, but you have nothing to fear. They are like us; they don't feed off of humans. We knew we would need all the help we could get. They are an extended part of our family and have offered to work with all of us if you're willing."

"You should have mentioned it," Sam said, the strain in his voice almost palpable.

"We didn't mean to make you feel threatened," Alice said, directing her words to Jacob. "I give you my word that they have the same agenda as us, and they won't touch a hair on anyone's head that you love or that you're sworn to protect."

The group was quiet, and I stood quite literally in the middle, feeling as if were the mediator of two fairy tales come to life. It wasn't entirely a safe feeling.

Jake met her eyes, and he nodded slowly. "I would give them the chance to prove themselves, Sam. It's up to you, but the Cullen's have proven trustworthy to me."

Everyone shifted restlessly, and I could barely make out the still forms of the Denali's as they hung back behind the Cullen's. Sam finally nodded. Jacob was his second-in-command after all – and the one meant to be Alpha – and I knew he would trust Jake implicitly.

The Denali's relaxed, though they looked wary. The realization dawned on me that this was new for them; they hadn't known the pack existed until recently. Carlisle stepped forward and said just that.

"The Denali's hadn't known you existed," he said quietly. "This is a great advantage in our favor. We were hoping you would all be amenable to being a secret weapon of sorts. The Volturi don't know you exist either. They will be expecting us, and most likely friends' of ours, but not shape shifters."

Jake smiled at the thought, and I could see the ripple through the rest of them. They were definitely into that idea. Jasper stepped forward, telling them all in quiet tones about the Volturi, and how best to defeat them. Jasper had the skill of a true fighter, and I knew the wolves would benefit from even his briefest of training. They were designed to kill vampires and knowing the secrets of the Volturi would make them more dangerous.

I stepped to the side, lightly tugging on Alice's arm, and motioning to Edward to follow me. We moved to the side, and I turned to them, worried but determined to do what I had to do.

"Have you learned anything about this mental shield I have? I had another dream where I was told by Aro that I could use it to protect others as well."

Alice nodded and motioned to Kate - beautiful with corn-silk blonde hair - who came over. "Alice?" she questioned.

"Bella wants to know about her shield. We talked about it on the way here, and you said you had an idea."

Kate nodded, turning her stunning golden eyes on me. It was then I noticed that Kate and her sister, Tanya, were the main attraction for the wolves. Worried and vaguely irritated, I turned to see all the wolves' eyes fixed on Tanya and Kate, and I felt a rush of jealousy as I looked to see what Jake was doing. I didn't know much about the Denali's, but I knew something was different about them. If the men staring at them were any indication of that anyway, I thought dryly.

Jake was looking at Tanya who was preening under the attention - even if it was from wolves - but his head automatically turned toward me. His gaze softened, and I could see his eyes darken as he watched me. The little knot of jealousy dispersed immediately. Kate and Alice were talking, so I tuned in.

"Bella, you don't actively try to block anyone, it just happens, right?" Kate asked.

"Yes," I told her. "I had no idea I was able to do anything until Edward said something to me about it."

"You might be able to extend it to protect someone with an extreme reaction," she mused. "You're only human, though, so I'm not sure how much you can do. I guess we'll just have to put it to the test."

I felt a tightening in my stomach; I wasn't sure I was going to like this.

Jake came over, sensing something was up. He eyed Kate suspiciously a second before she pounced on him. It happened so fast I barely had time to react. She gripped his throat, slamming him into a tree, a vicious snarl escaping her lips. Her stunning face was murderous. Jake's body blurred before my eyes as Kate's electrical shock of a grip rocked through his body. It was a combination of that and his body preparing to phase. He held it together, gripped her throat in return, as the shock waves tried to throw him back.

His teeth were bared as he held on finally throwing her off of him so hard she snapped a tree in half upon collision. She was back at him, reaching for him, and everything in me coalesced into a shining ball of rage. I forced my mind shield out - not knowing what the hell I was doing - just in time to see Jake _not_ react to her electric shock as her hand gripped his arm.

She backed off immediately, and I was furious. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I practically snarled at her. I didn't care who she was and that she could probably kill me with one finger. I was seething. Jake's pack was surrounding him, all of them barely holding on.

I reached out to Jake, my fingers moving carefully over his arm and throat, where she had shocked him. He was staring at her intensely, his body still vibrating. Alice and Jasper moved in between them to head off any retaliation.

"I'm sorry," Kate said sincerely. "I could have warned Jacob what I was going to do, but I needed it to be as realistic as possible. Bella, didn't you notice that you stopped him from getting that last shock? If you had thought it wasn't serious, you might not have done it."

I paused, realization dawning that I actually had stopped it. It didn't register because I was afraid of what could happen.

"I have no real intention to hurt any of you," she promised. "The Cullen's vouch for you and that's good enough for me."

Everyone relaxed marginally, and Kate turned to me. "For a human, you have some pretty damn great mind control. You just have to go with it. And your Jacob is incredibly strong, especially where you're concerned. No one can withstand touching me - or being touched by me - when I use my power. He did."

Everyone was a little wary after what happened, but grudgingly moved away to work through maneuvers and tactics. Jake glanced over at her as he followed his pack. "Try that again, or touch Bella, and I will end you."

She grinned. "It would be an interesting fight, wouldn't it?"

I watched in amazement as he smirked in return. "That it would," he answered.

I gritted my teeth. She attacked him in front of me and was now flirting with him? He even smiled back at her. I was only slightly mollified when he gave my hand a squeeze before walking away.

Irritated, I continued trying to force my shield out, but it was a lot for a simple human to handle. "It probably would be easier if you try and relax a little," Kate said.

I didn't want to relax; she was trying to help me, but I was getting increasingly annoyed.

Kate reached out and zapped Edward in the arm. My eyes narrowed as I attempted to stare her down. "Kate, maybe you should ease off a little," Alice suggested, giving me a worried look. I was no danger to anyone but myself, which was probably Alice's concern.

"There isn't time," Kate said simply. "She needs to be ready if she's determined to help."

She turned, hands tightening around Edward's arms, shocking him and rendering him incapacitated. She threw him to the ground easily, and I felt the heat in my head as anger hit me again. I knew why she was doing it this time, but it didn't matter.

"Don't touch him," I growled. She did touch him again and nothing happened.

I was still angry as I crouched by Edward, brushing some of his messy bronze hair back. "I know you're doing this to help, but leave Edward alone. He's been through enough, and I won't let you touch him again."

Edward smiled slightly. "I'm okay, Bella. If it helps you, it's a good thing."

"You look like you need a break anyway," Kate replied. "You're doing really well."

I sat with Edward as everyone else continued to discuss the logistics. I leaned against his arm and sighed. "I'm dreading this. I don't want anyone to get hurt," I told him.

His arm eased around me. "It has to happen. There's just no way around it; they can't keep doing this. I never asked to be a vampire, but they're going to destroy the order and secrecy we created for our existence."

I sighed. "I know."

His face cleared and his smile was his again. Edward was back and it was a smooth transition this time. "I remember nights of watching you sleep while you lay curled against me," he said staring off towards Jacob.

I couldn't look at him. "It comes back in bits and pieces. I also remember wanting to marry you."

My heart banged painfully against my ribs. I couldn't listen to this anymore; he was going to remember specifics soon at the rate he was going, and I hated the idea of what happened hurting him.

"Edward…" I said, intending to change the subject.

"I love you," he murmured.

Jacob was looking over at me, but before I could react to either one of them, Edward had slipped away again.

I stayed quiet as Edward's family called him over, almost dozing against a tree, as everyone finished up. "You ready to go home for now? We need to get everyone in La Push and Forks as safe as we can," Jake said, standing in front of me.

I nodded, taking his hand. We didn't say much as he led me back through the woods to the house. "We should sleep a little first," Jake said. "We have all day to prepare. They'll wait until nightfall."

I crawled back in bed, cold and shivering. "I know you heard him," I said as he got into bed next to me. "I'm sorry, I didn't know how… don't know what to say…"

He nuzzled his face into my hair, his arms winding around me, holding me close against him. "It's okay, honey. I know you're waiting to talk to him at the right time…" he said and pulled me closer.

Even though my stomach was twisted with nerves, I tried to get some sleep. I was going to need it.

* * *

**JPOV **

Bella was still sleeping – though fitfully – so I went out into the kitchen to call my dad. I wanted to set up a meeting with him, Old Quil, and the rest of the Tribal Elders before everything started. I also knew we needed to get Charlie and Sue here. They would be safer in La Push.

"Dad? It's starting," I said quietly when he answered the phone.

He sighed. "Where are we meeting?"

"Here," I replied. "I'm calling Sue right after this, and I'm going to ask her to pick you up along the way."

He agreed easily. I called Sue and she promised she would leave immediately. When I hung up, I just stared out the window at my beloved forest. There was going to be a battle in a place I loved, a place that was sacred to my people. I closed my eyes for a moment and heard Bella's soft footfalls.

"Jake?" She looked so tired. When we destroyed these leeches, I was taking her away for a long, long vacation.

I held my arms out to her, lifted her so she was perched on the counter, and moved between her thighs. I breathed in her strawberry scent, kissing just under her ear, my hands spanning the length of her back. Her fingers smoothed along my scalp, tangling in my hair, and we just held each other.

We stayed like that until I heard the knock on the door. Sam and the pack were right behind the Elders. Once everyone was situated as comfortably as possible, I called Alice and put her on speaker phone.

"They're nearly here," Alice sighed. "They know something is up, but it seems right now their suspicion is that there are just other vampires helping us. They have no idea about the pack."

"Old Quil is our medicine man," Billy told Alice and the rest of the Cullen's. "He has a protection spell on our homes."

"They are strong," Old Quil's voice interjected. His thick voice was weakening with age, along with his body, but his spirit was as strong as a warrior's. "It will not be easy to breech and get into our homes."

Carlisle's voice interjected. "I'm glad. I would like to respectfully request permission to move onto your land if necessary when this starts. You have my word that it will go back to normal when this is over and that absolutely no harm will come to anyone from any of us here to fight against the Volturi."

Billy glanced at Sue, Sam, Old Quil, and me. We all nodded. "You have permission to come onto our land."

Bella bit her lip. "What about Charlie? I suppose Billy could get him here easily enough – or Sue – but he's been involved with this since the beginning. I know he hasn't stopped trying to work out what's happened. He's suspicious, and I absolutely can not have him in harm's way."

"I can't guarantee anything; he's the Chief of Police, but I'll try my best to keep him here," Billy said.

Bella didn't look overly satisfied, but there wasn't much that could be done. So, she called Charlie while we discussed how this would go down. After we ended the call, Bella wanted to pick something up at her dad's house and to make sure he was on his way to La Push. I drove her there; she disappeared into the house, and reappeared with Charlie behind her.

He did seem suspicious, but he followed us back to the reservation. Once there, Charlie turned to us, eyes narrowed.

"What's going on?" he asked.

I shrugged lightly. "Billy said since Sue is down here, he thought the three of you could make a day of it. He wants to do a little fishing, grill up some steaks for dinner, and watch the game tonight."

Charlie nodded, though he still didn't look entirely convinced. Once he was in the house, I took her hand. "Come on, let's go to the beach."

She followed me toward the path that led to First Beach, and she tightened her fingers around mine as we walked along the water's edge. I kicked a small spray of water, startling a seagull into a squawking frenzy. Bella smiled, but then looked worried again.

"Jake?" she questioned. When I raised my eyebrows at her, she continued. "You can't imprint on a vampire, right?"

That startled a laugh out of me. "When hell freezes over, maybe. Otherwise, no. That would pretty much be a suicide mission of a relationship."

She shrugged. "There's something about the Denali's that draw men to them, and I think Kate finds you interesting..."

I chuckled again, pulling her against me. "They're a sort of succubus, I believe. I asked Carlisle about it. Kate finds me interesting because they aren't used to shape-shifters and because I didn't fall when I grabbed hold of her. The guys' find them attractive, too, but they're resisting. It's a repulsive attraction," I said, laughing some more.

"Good," she said decisively. "After you phase, you do realize when everything is over, I'm not letting you go anywhere near Lindsay or any other female you haven't already met, right?"

I smiled, perching on our driftwood log, and pulling her down onto my lap. When she looked up at me, I touched my lips to hers. It was a soft kiss as our lips pulled away only to merge again. I brushed her hair back, kissing the pulse point in her throat. We curled against each other, listening to the waves and call of birds as the hours ticked down. I was raring to destroy the Volturi, to end Bella's misery and everyone else's, but I couldn't help worrying, too. This wasn't going to be easy, and I hated the idea of her being involved in this.

My stomach growled, and she gave me a small grin. "Why don't we get some pizza tonight and eat with our dad's?"

I agreed, knowing I was going to have to talk to my dad before everything started. Once we got back to my old house, Bella called in the pizza order while they made some steaks. We sat outside while the rain was holding off, just basking in the weak afternoon sunlight and talked. We talked about anything and everything, the important and not-so-important. Every now and then, I would catch Charlie eyeing us.

We ate our pizza and before long, I had to head back to meet up with my brothers. As Bella was saying good-bye to Charlie, hugging him tightly, I felt my dad's hand close around mine. He didn't let go, and I looked down at him.

"Dad?"

His mouth opened, but nothing came out. It wasn't often I saw real emotion displayed on my father's face; not since my mom died. I knew it was just hidden and how much he loved me and my sisters. He didn't have tears in his eyes, but his mouth was set in a grim line, holding it in.

"Jacob, I'm begging you to be careful. Protect yourself and Bella; your brothers' are strong and can handle themselves."

"I will, Dad," I said squeezing his hand.

"I lost my wife. I do not want to lose my son. Jacob, I love you. I don't say that often enough, but I hope you know it."

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. "I know it. I love you, too, Dad. And Rach and Becca."

He still wouldn't let go of my hand and tugged so I knelt in front of him. He laid his hands on my cheeks. "Be the Alpha tonight. It's what you were born to do. Go with the grace of our ancestral spirits and be safe."

My eyes locked onto his and he hugged me tightly. I pressed my forehead briefly to his shoulder. I gave his hand a squeeze, reached for Bella as Charlie eyed us oddly yet again, and with another good-bye we were heading back to the house. We didn't speak until we were in the forest and I was about to phase.

Bella threw herself into my arms, and I lifted her. "We'll be fine and will get through this," I said.

"I love you, Jake."

"I love you, too."

I kissed her and watched as she hugged every single wolf there. She was soon covered in our scent and masked, and I watched as she was hidden. I turned to Alice, and she nodded, her eyes on me.

My brothers' and I melted back into the shadows. It happened so fast and the next moments were a blur. The Volturi was just… there. The Cullen's and Denali's growled low in their throats, and Edward looked insane with anger.

"We've come for some of you. The rest of you will die, including the girl," Caius said. His voice was devoid of emotion. Aro stood to the side, his face expressionless, but his eyes met Alice's briefly.

I still didn't see through the leaves the vampire that Edward spoke of until I saw the barest hint of movement lurking in the shadows behind them. His eyes were cold, his mouth curled in the barest hint of a smile. Edward saw him and holy shit. I had never seen Edward fly into a fury.

It was like watching in slow-motion. Everyone was racing toward each other. My heart hammered, my body vibrating with the eagerness to phase. In seconds my claws were digging into the earth, my muscles bunched, and my muzzle quivered.

The collision of the vampires was brutal and that was when we came barreling out of the forest, and my teeth were aimed straight at the neck of a soon-to-be-dead leech.

* * *

**AN: Sorry for the cliffy… but this is kind of where it had to end. Anyway, I just wanted to make note of Bella's ability. I know she was a vampire doing this in BD, but I believe she could have done this on her own considering she was blessed with that gift while human. There are some reasonings about this that will be mentioned a bit later, but I don't think she needs to be a vampire to be special. **

**Also, I just decided to forego mention of Irina; she wouldn't help at the end of Eclipse because of the wolves, so she's just off being pissy somewhere! Haha **


	33. The Battle

**You know that their time's coming to an end,**

**We have to unify and watch our flag ascend**

**They will not force us,**

**They will stop degrading us,**

**They will not control us,**

**We will be victorious**

**-Muse "Uprising"**

* * *

My teeth sank deep into the stone neck in front of me, ripping furiously, the hair bristling along my neck. All I could feel was the heat racing along my muscles, the ferocity of the attack, and the sounds of yelps.

A crushing blow hit my side, and I snarled in pain and anger. My body sagged to the side slightly, though I regained my footing and still hung on. My teeth managed to rip a chunk of the leech's neck off, and I barely dodged another vicious blow. My rib bone had already been cracked, but I could feel the tingle and the pain as it began healing already.

We moved around each other, circling and preparing, when I managed to catch hold of its hand flinging out, wrenching it from the leech's body. It howled with fury and dove at me. My body crashed into the ground, rolling, as we tried to pin the other to deliver the death blow.

My breath coming in pants, I kicked hard with my back paws, sending the leech crashing into a tree. I didn't waste a minute and dove for it. The damn thing caught hold of my neck in a crushing grip, but I slashed claws across its body, nearly slicing it in half. It was enough of a distraction for its grip to loosen slightly. I got out of its grip, catching hold of the neck again just barely, and dislodged its head from its neck.

I struggled to catch my breath as I ripped it to pieces, small enough that it wouldn't be able to reassemble before we got a fire going. My head turned back toward the fight – assessing before I got attacked again – and was oddly surprised by the carnage. The battle raged. I could see my brothers' fighting furiously, the Cullen's and Denali's doing the same, and they were working together.

Paul nearly got his leg ripped off, but the big Cullen – Emmett, I remembered – jumped in just in the nick of time.

I dove back into the melee, until I staggered back under a crushing weight in my head. Howling erupted around me, echoing my pain, as some of us collapsed to the ground. Agony – searing and blinding – ricocheted through my body, and I vomited up the contents of my stomach.

Suddenly, the pain ebbed and was gone. The confusion was brief as we stared at each other in surprise. It dawned on me then; it was Bella that stopped it. My senses on alert, I listened and checked the area she was in, but it was undisturbed. A huge grin would have spread over my face if I had been human, but as it was, I yipped in proud excitement for her ability to stop that attack.

I could see the little bitch leech, drab and tiny, as she went into a boiling rage over her ability being zapped. She was fucking fast; we all dove at her in a frenzy, but she was up in a tree before we could do anything about it. Furious, I snapped my teeth, paws up on the tree.

_Just wait, you bitch. I will rip each appendage from your body and enjoy it._

I saw what must have been the equivalent of Emmett in Volturi-fashion. He was immense and just tossed both Edward and Carlisle off him and sent them flying. He barely reacted. I could see the wicked gleam in Paul's eye when I turned, checking my back-up, and laughed at his expression.

We tag-teamed the big vampire just as Edward and Carlisle dove back into the fray with us. The four of us managed to take him down, while Carlisle delivered the final strike that had his head smashing apart. Paul caught hold of a body part and shook it viciously, like a dog with a bone.

_Stop playing, you douche_, I growled at him. He snickered and bounded after another vampire.

_Jake, look out! One of the papery ones is coming after you,_ Embry warned.

I turned, teeth bared, but he didn't try to attack. His voice was whispery and cool, "Julian, the punk-looking one, is the one you need your human girl to protect you from. He's gunning for you and he wants the girl to torture Edward some more."

He moved away, looking as if he was involved, but he wasn't actually fighting. My jaw tightened; that must have been Aro. I couldn't figure him out, and I met Edward's eyes.

He frowned. "I'm picking up bits and pieces of what people are thinking. It just started coming back to me recently, and Aro is not a threat. He has no plans to attack, but I don't know why," he told me quickly before we were attacked by yet another vampire. Kate jumped in to help us and her grin flashed at me in the dark. I barked out a laugh.

As we struggled to finish off the tracker I heard a piercing scream.

My body went on high alert, and I spun, taking off toward Bella, my paws pounding the earth. What I saw made my jaw drop.

* * *

**BPOV**

My hiding spot was well-concealed, and I hunkered low, struggling to rein in my mind. The fight was happening so fast that I had trouble keeping up. I saw flashes of color colliding, causing a tremendous crashing sound. I saw Jacob crashing through the brush and toppling Alec. My heart slammed over and over in my chest until I began to worry about passing out.

Hands shaking, I rested my fingertips against the flare gun and lighter tucked into the waist of my jeans to reassure myself.

I saw Jake and a few others get hit by Jane's power, and I felt a fury like never before. It was enough to throw out my shield and block them from further pain. Sweat trickled down my temples as I saw the venomous look on her face, unsure of what happened. It scared me shitless if she came to the realization that it was me. I watched as they chased her, but she disappeared up in the trees.

Aro drifted among the fighting wolves and vampires, not picking any fights with anyone, though it looked like he was involved. He was being furtive, and I felt a shot of adrenaline when he glanced toward where I was hiding. Did he know I was here? I saw him go toward Jacob, and I panicked, but he said something to him and moved away.

I watched as Edward and Carlisle fought Felix the bodyguard. He was flinging everyone around with the ease of someone who was not only indestructible, but reveled in serious fight training. He was proving a challenge, but I saw Paul and Jacob joining in. They circled Felix, who snarled and bristled at being circled like prey. Jane's power hit them once more, but I managed to ward it off again.

They all dove in a synchronistic move and took him down. I heard a yelp in the melee and saw Paul staggering, blood dripping from a wound in his side. Edward had a chunk missing from his arm, and I felt my stomach roll as my eyes widened in shock. I felt helpless sitting there, and I turned, debating on using the gun when I saw a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye.

It was Charlie.

I couldn't help the involuntary scream of terror at him being here, in the middle of this fight. What the hell was he doing here? Too much happened at once; the vampire's caught his scent and turned. I could see Jane's face, still expressionless except for her eyes, which glowed with a fierce hunger. I ripped the flare gun from my waistband, and as soon as she stopped her forward trajectory and was on top of Charlie, I lifted my arm and aimed. I imitated what I had seen Charlie do one time and sighted down the barrel.

_Whatever you do, do NOT miss. Do not start a fire._

The shot rang out, startling me, and I stared in surprise as I hit my mark. It caught her hair on fire, and she reared back just as she had been about to bite Charlie.

Her teeth gritted and narrowed eyes landed on me. She gave a low snarl of fury, but just at that moment, I saw Jacob throw himself against her. They tumbled, but she blurred past him and onto me. I fell with a crash and all I saw were teeth, and then Edward and Jacob both leapt from each side of me toward her. There was a blur of movement over me, and Edward backed up to let Jake kill her. With one quick jerk, he had ripped her head clean off her body.

I could see Charlie's eyes, and I had never seen such shock, disbelief, and fear in his face as I did right then. I wasn't far behind. I crawled over to him, grabbing his arm.

"Dad," I whispered. "Hurry. Follow me."

His limbs finally un-froze and we half crawled back to the spot where I had been hiding.

"Bella, what the fuck..." he managed to pant, his eyes darting frantically. Fear had got the best of him as he swore again.

"Dad, I'll explain, but the wolves are _not_ a danger to you. I promise. Neither are the Cullen's or the other's working alongside them."

He stared at the flare gun in my hand. Then he stared at me. "Bella…"

"I needed something that could ignite them," I explained lamely. He had no idea what to say to that.

His eyes went to what was left of Jane.

"Dad, she wasn't human," I said softly. "The wolves aren't murderers. They are protecting the people who live here from something extremely dangerous and the Cullen's are helping. Please, just trust me. They are vampires. The wolves are shape-shifters and are protectors. One of them is Jacob."

His eyes flashed back to me, not knowing how to react, as his mouth opened and closed.

"Bella... this is insane..." he muttered.

He sat back, shading himself in the brush next to me with his eyes closed, blocking out what was out there.

I couldn't blame him. This was all dumped on him so fast and he had just been attacked. As Charlie feigned ignorance, I stared out again and saw Marcus corner Jacob rather close to me. I could hear the growls coming from him, the hair bristling on his nape, and Marcus said quietly, "Are you so sure in the love of that human girl, dog? I can sense quite a strong pull toward Edward."

He was taunting Jacob, and I bit my lip to keep from crying out. Jake didn't react to what he said, but I could see the flicker in his eyes. Upset at what was being done to him, I tried to will Jake to look at me.

Marcus edged closer, his thin lip curling upward. "I know the truth behind these relationships, dog. She's with you for the sex. She's still in love with Edward. You know it's true."

Jake flinched back as uncertainty began to show, but I managed to block whatever power Marcus had over Jake. I was relieved when Leah crashed into Marcus from behind. She took him down and Jake helped her take him apart.

The fight was winding down, but I muffled a horrified cry as I saw one of the wolves crash to the ground, dead.

"Oh my God," I whispered. "No."

Charlie was still quiet, but I felt him reach out for me. I clung to his arm as he pulled me back, not knowing which wolf it was. I couldn't tell and then so much happened so fast that I didn't know what to do. Rosalie was motionless on the ground, Emmett pummeling anything that came near her.

I could see Tanya and Kate standing by, the grief etched into their faces, and I didn't know what else had happened.

I heard a howl, long and eerie, cut short. My breathing was becoming so frantic I was afraid I would pass out. Then I realized something; the mysterious vampire that took so much of who Edward was… there was no trace of him.

I couldn't bear to think about it, and I hunched back against a tree.

Suddenly, a face appeared in my line of sight, and a scream lodged in my throat. "What do we have here?" a voice whispered. It was him.

His voice was cool, but collected. His spiked hair was almost in a Mohawk-style. It was so dark out that his red eyes glowed in the darkness. My breathing spiked, and I sucked in a breath to scream bloody murder, but it was cut off when he yanked me out of my hiding spot. The force was enough to fracture my wrist. My cry was muffled by his hand.

"J….j….ake," I tried to get it out, but his face was so close to mine and he pressed his fingers against my lips.

"Jake, hmm?" he said, crouching over me. My heart was thundering in my ears. "I see I can not only torture Edward, but this Jacob as well."

Charlie was edging closer, and I widened my eyes at him, trying to tell him to stay back. _No, Dad, don't come closer_, I pleaded silently. He raised his gun, trained it on the vampire's back, but before he could pull the trigger, he was hit so hard that he sailed backward.

"No," I tried to cry, but he muffled my voice.

"He's unconscious, not dead," the vampire said idly. "At least not yet."

I needed to distract him. "How… did you do what you did to Edward? How did you manage to keep him hidden for so long?"

His eyes were hard, though a slight smile touched his lips. "I'm gifted," he said slyly. "I have the ability to damage someone's mind. I can render a person – or vampire - confused in a short span of time. With a lot of time? I can poke more than enough holes to make them forget and mold them to what I want them to be."

I couldn't believe the power he had.

"Since I have a form of control over their mind, anyone looking for them won't get much. His little psychic sister? That's why she couldn't see him. How she found us I still don't know…" His teeth were bared as his lips curled back in irritation.

"Why?" I whispered. His fingers were edging along my throat, and I was trying not to move.

He eyed me speculatively. His grip tightened around my neck, and I gagged, struggling to breathe. He smiled slightly at his power over me, and I cut my eyes toward Charlie. He still wasn't moving, and I swallowed back bile.

He shrugged slightly, fingers pressing deeper into my skin. A whimper escaped, and he smirked. "We all know the Volturi is the main vampire power. I decided I wanted to be the power, so I allied myself with them, managing to convince them with a little mind power and persuasion that we could form a real army with gifted vampires."

He paused, leaning closer to me. I tried to draw a deeper breath, but felt panic gripping me so hard, I could barely move. I hoped that Jacob was safe; I didn't want him anywhere near this vampire.

"It's all about finding the gifted vampires and taking out the useless ones. Edward is one of the coveted gifted vampires; we missed out on Alice, though. My power of controlling vampires was a gift deservedly given to me by an unknown being, and I planned to use it to turn the gifted ones into willing robots to do my bidding. We will reign supreme."

His smiled turned vicious. "Now… let's get Edward and this Jacob over here, shall we?"

My eyes widened in horror as he hissed, "Now scream," and cracked one of my ribs.

I didn't want to, but the pain was blinding, and the scream ripped out of me. He laughed softly as the thudding of feet came closer. My eyes squeezed shut, and I felt a tear trickle down my cheek.

_Please God, don't let them get hurt. _

"Edward, how good to see you again," the vampire said dryly. "Do you remember me?" He snickered at his own joke. "And Jacob is a wolf? Wow, she gave you up for a dog."

"Let her go, Julian." Edward's voice was shaking with suppressed emotion.

"I don't know. I'm kind of enjoying this."

I screamed again when he sliced a fingernail over my abdomen. I could feel the trickle of blood starting and was terrified he would lose control. Even in my state of alarm, I could hear other wolves and vampires closing in; the one's not fighting.

I could see through my tears Jake's muzzle quivering with the anger and effort of not diving at Julian. He was salivating - as if rabid - while he stared intently at Julian. I had never seen him look as scary as he did right then.

My right hand was close to my waist where I had the small lighter along with the flare. I could do this. My head turned and my eyes met Charlie's. He was awake and staring at me. He knew what I was doing, and he nodded.

Suddenly, Edward dropped to his knees, his hands gripping his head. "NO!" he screamed.

Jake's body collapsed as well, a loud whine escaping his lips. Horrified, I knew exactly what was happening. He was digging his way into their minds. Anger began to sweep through me, burning and clawing at my insides, and I pushed out to counter-attack what he was doing.

He was confused for a second when Edward looked up, calm. Then he seemed to realize what was happening. Apparently, my ability to shield was more common knowledge now.

"Bitch!" he hissed, and I heard a popping sound in my lower leg and screamed again in pain.

Sweat was dripping down my temples, and I saw Charlie trying to get up. His look was determined, but I shook my head frantically. "No," I gasped.

Julian whipped around, his hand smashing the gun out of Charlie's hand. He hissed at him, teeth bared, and lashed out again sending Charlie flying.

"Dad!" I cried, tears falling faster.

Carlisle was by his side immediately. He nodded slightly at me.

Aro was by our side then, his hand on Julian's shoulder, and he knelt next to me. "Now Bella, just relax. There isn't anything you can do, my dear."

His hand touched mine, his papery skin sliding against mine. I realized then he was trying to help me. I forced my shield out by sheer willpower, and I was flooded with Aro's knowledge on Julian's life as he accessed the information by touching him. It gave me insight on his weakness.

I would need the lighter.

I nodded imperceptibly at him and swallowed with difficulty. I could tell my throat was bruised. My hand brushed against the lighter, and hands shaking from the pain radiating everywhere, I eased it out. I knew I never would have gotten it out if Julian didn't find himself far superior to me; he didn't even glance down at me when I carefully slipped it out.

When he did turn to me, all I saw was a haze of red as I jammed the lighter stick into his mouth and clicked the button. He howled so loud it was painful, but he backed away. Everything happened so fast, I barely saw it.

I struggled to shield Jacob and Edward as they both dove at him. The fire had weakened him. There was a blur of movement, and I saw Edward take a blow so hard, I cringed.

When I saw Julian target Jacob, I screamed, "No! Jacob!"

My body screamed in pain in response to my yell, but out of nowhere another wolf dived in front of Jake seconds before. A yelp, a howl, and I saw Jake rip an arm off Julian. He and Edward fought furiously – and even weakened, Julian was strong - until Jacob fell to the ground, struggling to get back up.

Something was wrong, and I couldn't move to go to him. He was whimpering, but he managed to reach out and swipe across Julian's body, taking off another body part. He then phased back to himself afterward – my vision was beginning to waver at the edges – and I saw him turn to Edward.

"Kill the fucker," he growled. I knew he would have dragged himself back up, but he was letting Edward exact his revenge.

"Jake," I whispered thickly, reaching an arm out to him. He was reaching for me, his eyes wet with tears.

I caught sight of Edward before passing out; he delivered the killing blow and Julian was destroyed.

* * *

I was reaching toward Jake in my dreams, toward my own personal sun. His smile was blinding as he reached for me in turn. I wanted to believe everything had been a nightmare, but the pain was making itself well known.

My body was throbbing everywhere, there was a lot of yelling, and I was staring up at the trees waving in the rain-driven breeze.

"Jake…" I sighed.

Carlisle's face was above me, and he was lifting me. Everything hurt so badly, but all my bruised throat could do was whimper. My head flopped to the side, and I saw Charlie being helped by Sam. He was alive, that was all that mattered. His eyes met mine, and I knew there would be a lot of explaining to come. He looked shell-shocked.

The wolves' faces were now the familiar faces of Jacob's brothers. There was grief etched onto them, and I was afraid of the damage done. My eyes searched for Jacob's again, and I caught sight of him being carried by Quil and Jared. Fear spiked because I knew something had happened to him.

Before I went under again, I desperately searched for any sign he was alive. His eyes fluttered open, seeking me, and I realized we both still had our arms outstretched, reaching for each other.

_"She's going to be okay, Charlie."_

_"He suffered internal bleeding; it was choking him, so I relieved the pressure. His ribs aren't just broken; they're not set right, but I did what I could. He'll mend a little slower than normal."_

_"Someone will have to inform the mother. I'm sorry."_

_"No, no, no, noooo!"_

_"She protected him. She threw herself in front of her Alpha. I can't be positive she'll pull through."_

The words drifted through my mind, like leaves blowing softly by in a breeze. I could feel warmth against my right side, and I instinctively moved closer to it as the voices continued.

"_Whatever you do, do not separate them. They never stopped reaching for each other. And keep Edward close by just in case."_

When I woke the final time, I turned and saw Jacob lying next to me in bed. It hurt to move even the littlest bit, but I had to reach up and touch his face, make sure he was truly there next to me.

I turned my head slightly to the left and saw Edward lying on a sofa nearby, his eyes closed, though I knew he wasn't asleep. He purposefully breathed deep so I could see he was still moving, still here. It was a relief.

I heard him slip out of the room silently, and I turned back to Jacob, my beloved wolf, protector, boyfriend, my love; and I knew there was more we had to deal with. At least we were here to do it together.

* * *

**AN: OMG. That chapter was hard to write. I know I left a couple things hanging still, but I did what I could to explain some of the mysteries. You'll know more next chapter! **


	34. The Aftermath

The worst is over now  
and we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high,  
you steal my pain away  
There's so much left to learn,  
and no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high  
and steal your pain

**Seether (ft Amy Lee) "Broken"**

* * *

**JPOV**

I woke slowly, pain slicing through my ribs and around my back. I winced and slowly wiggled my fingers and toes, and then began testing my arms and legs. My legs moved okay, but it was a bit of a struggle for my arms at first. The pain in my ribs area made it hard to do a whole hell of a lot with my upper body.

A warmth was settled against my side, and I turned, relieved beyond anything I'd ever felt when I saw Bella. The sight of her chest rising and falling was enough.

Though I felt terrible anyway because her face was even paler as she slept. I could see her wrist was wrapped, her leg was in a short cast, and every time she shifted she winced. Her ribs weren't in such good shape, just like mine, but I would heal faster. She had a scattering of bruises as well. I shifted, wincing myself, as I smoothed her tangle of hair back.

"Oh, Bells," I whispered. My throat felt thick, but I couldn't even cry. Too much hurt to even think about it right now.

Then I thought about Leah and felt a stab of panic. She had been hurt, but everything had happened so fast. We had needed Julian destroyed before he could hurt anyone else, and I didn't know what happened to her.

"Dad?" I called out hoarsely.

The door opened and he wheeled himself in, face lined even more with worry. "Oh, thank God you're okay," he said, reaching out for me.

He held onto my hand and brushed my hair out of my eyes. "Dad, what happened to Leah?" I asked, panicking. "Is everyone else okay? I know Paul got hurt, too, but it was hard to keep track of everyone."

His eyes darkened with grief. "Leah's hurt pretty badly, son. Carlisle said he still isn't sure if she'll make it."

The twist in my stomach was painful and I closed my eyes, struggling to maintain calm. Leah dove in front of me to protect me from an attack from Julian. I might have been fine, or I might not have been, but she wanted to keep me from getting hurt. In the end, she was the one who was hurt. She was strong, though, she'd pull through. Right? I prayed fervently that she would.

Billy squeezed my hand. "Jake, she was protecting her Alpha. I know that hasn't been discussed between you and Sam, but I think you both know it. You were meant to lead the wolves and you did with Sam's help. I think it's time to accept that. What Leah did was what other wolves have done for their Alpha in times past; we can only give her the love and support - and the care of a doctor - she needs and hope she pulls through. Don't blame yourself. Just be there for her."

I swallowed around the lump in my throat and nodded. "Who else?" I whispered.

"Well, Paul was hit pretty hard, too. He's not doing that great either, though his prognosis is better. He's the biggest dick I know, I have no doubt he can pull through."

I gave a watery laugh at my father using the word dick.

Then Billy's eyes turned serious. "Brady is dead, Jacob. Embry barely escaped that attack or he would have been gone, too. Your pack needs you now, though Brady's mother has been informed."

My eyes filled as I leaned back against the pillow. "Christ, he was so young," I mumbled, the tears now sliding down. "And he was so eager to please all of us. He had become a close friend to Seth."

Billy's eyes were watery as we sat there in silence, our thoughts on a boy too damn young to be involved in this, too young to have lost his life doing what he had to do to protect his family and friends and our tribe. He would never get the chance to grow up, fall in love, and experience life.

"What about the Cullen's and Denali's?" I finally asked. I had to ask; they truly worked diligently with us to eliminate the Volturi.

"A few minor chunks taken off of a few of them, but when they feed…" He paused, grimacing at the thought. "Anyway, they'll heal. I guess the blonde one got the worst of it. She was nearly ripped apart and is still down, though she's being force-fed and will recuperate."

He thought about it for a moment. "Oh, and Carlisle said one of the other sisters' of the Denali women was killed. She wasn't there at first, because they said something about the wolves killing one of her friends? Anyway, she had sided with the Volturi at first and they hadn't known it until the battle happened. She apparently came over to your side in the end, but was killed by one of the leaders."

I remembered killing the dread-head vampire and that the Denali's were against helping with the newborn army because of it.

I nodded. I was exhausted, in pain, and I couldn't deal with the injuries – some minor and some life-threatening – and death of anyone at the moment. I couldn't even get up yet.

"Is Charlie okay?" I asked, exhaustion threatening to take me over.

"He'll be fine. He had a cracked rib and a small concussion. He went berserk on me, screaming about not telling him what was going on. I've never seen him that worked up, but I certainly understand it. He seemed to go back into shock after that, though he wants to talk to you and Bella when you are both feeling up to it."

I sighed. "That'll be fun."

Billy smiled half-heartedly. "Get some more sleep. You can visit and talk to whoever you need when you feel up to it. Preparations will need to be made."

I closed my eyes, the grief overwhelming me again, and willed the sleep to come so I could escape it for a little while.

When I woke again, it was because something disturbed my sleep. I had no concept of time except that it was night. The moon was shining weakly in the window. I was confused at what woke me, but then I realized it was Bella. She was stirring in her sleep, muttering, and I knew it was a nightmare.

My ribs still felt like they were jabbing at my organs, but I turned anyway, gently pinning her arms down in preparation for her night terrors. After everything she – and the people she loved – had been through, it didn't surprise me.

"No, stop it," she whispered. "Stop hurting him!"

"Bella, honey, wake up please," I urged her. I hated that she suffered from this; what the fucking bloodsucker royalty did to her.

Her breath was coming faster as she struggled a little against me. My heart wrenched when she cried out in pain. I gritted my teeth against my own pain, and pleaded, "Bella, it's a nightmare! Wake up."

Finally, after a quick spasm and another sharp cry of pain, she woke. "It's okay, you're safe," I said immediately, cradling her as carefully as if she were made of glass.

She began crying in earnest, burrowing as best she could against me. I held her, letting her get it out of her system, and stroked her hair. When she finally slowed down, she was quiet for a few minutes.

"I need another pain pill," she whispered. "Everything hurts." She sniffled again, close to more tears. I reached over to the nightstand gingerly and helped her re-adjust so she could take the pill and swallow it with the bottle of water I handed her.

"Jake? I was so scared I would lose you. Are you really okay?"

I tilted her chin up and kissed her lightly. "I'm fine. My ribs are healing; apparently there was some internal bleeding with damage done to my organs. Carlisle did some re-adjustments I'd rather not think about because it hurt like fucking hell, but they're healing now."

She took a shaky breath. "What about Charlie? Is he okay?"

"He's here, too. My dad said he wants to talk to us, but he suffered only minor injuries, honey. He'll be fine."

"What… what about… everyone else?" she asked hesitantly, looking fearful.

I told her about the more minor injuries, but then had to tell her about the rest. She cried again when I told her Paul was badly hurt and that Carlisle wasn't sure if Leah would pull through. She gripped my hand when I told her about Brady; my voice shook the whole time.

"Are the Cullen's okay?" she finally asked after we both settled down.

I gave her the report and she relaxed a little. "Bells, try to get some more sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day and you're already hurt."

She nodded, laying her head on my arm, and we both stared into the darkness for awhile, struggling with the aftermath before sleep claimed us.

* * *

The morning dawned, gray and breezy, and my ribs finally felt a little less achy. And I was eager to get up and move around after lying so long on my back. Bella was still sleeping, the pill having knocked her out pretty good, so I eased out of bed. Moving around the bedroom was a little painful, but do-able.

I walked carefully out of the bedroom, finding my dad in the spare bedroom of Sue's house, fast asleep. Slowly, I made my way down the hall to the kitchen, the scent of cooking luring me. Sue was in the kitchen making breakfast, which surprised me, while Charlie sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. Apparently no one wanted to go to their respective homes after everything that happened.

I could see sausages spitting on the stove, platters of French toast, fresh fruit, and a big bowl of eggs. My stomach growled; I hadn't eaten much since before the fight.

"Morning," I said tentatively.

Charlie looked up, his face pale. When I moved closer, he jumped slightly. Sue laid a hand on his arm. "Charlie, I know this is a lot to deal with, but remember that this is still Jake."

He glared at me, his face slightly bruised and his eye puffy. "What the hell are you?" he growled.

I sighed, scraping my fingers through my hair. "I'm a shape-shifter, Charlie. You remember the legend of our tribe? It's all true. It can skip a generation depending on if there are any vampires nearby, so it skipped Billy's. Mine? Not so much. We don't hurt humans; we're all the same people you know, but we just change into wolves when necessary to destroy vampires that are a threat to our people."

Charlie looked so freaked out, I wasn't sure I wanted to continue.

So, I turned to Sue, who seemed to be barely holding it together.

"You really didn't have to do this, Sue. How is Leah?" I asked quietly.

She swiped a hand over her eyes. "She's the same. Is it horrible that I had to get out of the house where Carlisle is treating her? I can't stand seeing her like that, so I'm glad to do this to keep busy."

Charlie took her hand, and I shook my head. "Not at all. We all need a little break now and again. She knows you're coming back to her," I said and Charlie agreed.

She nodded, brushing away tears. "Seth is with her right now. He wanted some time alone with her anyway, so I thought I'd come here and help."

Bella called out for me then. Charlie made to get up, but winced slightly. "I'll bring her out to the sofa," I told him. "I know you want to talk to her, too."

"Damn right," he muttered.

I made my way back to the bedroom, realizing I had a problem when I got there. I wasn't sure if Bella could maneuver into the living room, and I wasn't so sure I could carry her just yet.

"Jake, I need to go to the bathroom," she murmured, looking a little embarrassed.

"Okay…" I bit my lip, trying to figure this out.

I helped her sit up, trying not to wince as she struggled simply with that. Unable to watch her suffer through a walk - even with crutches - to the bathroom, I gingerly lifted her. My ribs protested, but I tried to ignore the ache and got her to the bathroom. She held on to the counter, her face pale.

"I'm okay," she said a little breathlessly. "I'll call you when I need you." I could tell she was feeling a little embarrassed, so I gave her privacy.

When she called me, I went back in and carried her out to the living room.

"Jake, you're going to hurt yourself," she said with a worried tone.

"I'm okay," I said, settling her on the sofa. My side throbbed, but she didn't need to know that. I would probably be fine in the next day or so anyway.

Charlie went immediately over to Bella, examining her closely.

"I'll be okay, dad," she murmured weakly.

Everyone was quiet as breakfast was eaten. Once the dishes were cleared away, Charlie turned to Bella. "You should have told me," he said.

Bella glanced down at her hands, looking exhausted. "I know, but how do I tell you something like that? I'm sorry, I should have been honest, but I didn't want you involved. I didn't want you to get hurt."

He raised his eyebrows. "Bella, you think I want _you_ involved in that... this... shit?" he finally said, floundering for words. "Why the hell _were_ you involved?" His voice was beginning to rise.

"I discovered both Edward and Jacob's secret on my own. I wasn't just pulled into it by them. You always said thought something was different about the Cullen's, and well, I decided to find out because I fell in love with Edward."

Charlie looked supremely freaked out. "Oh hell, you dated a vampire. What am I even saying?" He dropped his head in his hands.

Bella sighed, giving me a worried look. "Dad, I know all this was dumped on you so fast. In fact, how did you even find us? Or know to look?"

He paused, not meeting anyone's eye. "I knew something was wrong, and I kept tabs on you as much as I could. I got lost in the woods," he muttered. "I found you accidentally and, well, you know the rest. Damn vampire attacked me. But you saved me," he added a little more softly. "Thank you."

After a pause, he said, "How the hell did you know about them?"

I shook my head in amazement. He found us accidentally and nearly got himself killed.

Bella just stared at him in surprise. "Well, I got pulled into the Cullen's world, and I met the Volturi for the first time when I went to save Edward in Italy..."

Charlie's head shot up. "Italy? I thought you went to California..."

Bella wouldn't meet his eyes. "Are you telling me you lied to me about where you went, with no word of warning, and went out of the _country _and met those... whatever the hell they are?" His face was getting redder as he spoke.

"Again, I'm sorry, but I had been afraid Edward would be destroyed. I wanted to help him and there was no time. I know it was no excuse to run off, leaving you a measly note, but I was terrified."

Charlie looked like he wanted to yell, but nothing came out of his mouth when he opened it. I stepped in, cutting the tension by helping Bella re-adjust her leg. I could tell it was bothering her. Charlie cringed away slightly, and Bella and I both sighed at the same time.

"Dad, Edward tried to leave for my sake. I know how hard it was for you seeing me like that, but at the time I was blinded by how I felt about him. There were dangers, I knew that, and I was selfish. I thought I wanted to be turned, to be with Edward forever, and I admit that I got really close to that."

"You mean you would have..."

"I don't know for sure in the long run, but at the time, yes."

He looked at her, and the hurt in his eyes was palpable. Bella started sniffling, and she turned to Charlie, awkwardly trying to put her arms around him. His eyes softened at her struggle to put her arms around him, and he held her.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled thickly. "I honestly don't think I would have gone through with it, though I thought so at the time. I'm so sorry you got involved in this, that I hurt you and lied to you, but I swear to you Dad... humans aren't supposed to know about vampires, and I got myself in that trouble and I couldn't bear for you to be involved, too. It's not like I didn't want to talk to you, I just couldn't. They weren't my secrets to tell."

He was rubbing her back, and he stared at me. "And where do you fit in, Jacob Black?"

Billy finally spoke up. "You know our legends, Charlie. Our boys' protect; they don't hurt people. Jacob wanted to tell Bella his secret when it finally happened, but he was angry at what happened and scared of hurting her. She figured it out, though, and accepted him. I'm sorry I didn't tell you anything either. I have daughters, too, and I should have knowing how it feels to worry about them. She was always safe with Jacob, though."

"Damn right you should have told me. My daughter was involved with a vampire and spent time with its family! Her best friend turns into a wolf. How about everyone lets me worry about my own safety and give me the right to worry about my own daughter?"

Bella reached out and took my hand. I smiled wearily at her, knowing this was going to be an uphill battle with Charlie.

"Dad, the Cullen's would never hurt me either. They don't hurt humans; they have other means of... feeding," she added lamely. "I need you to know that. There's nothing to fear, and you know they were protecting you, too. The women that helped the Cullen's have the same lifestyle, but who they were fighting against did not. They took Edward, tried to turn him into one of them, pretty much ruined his memories."

Charlie rubbed a hand over his forehead, paced in front of the window. "I don't think I'll ever fully grasp this, and I'm not sure I want to. Bella, I'm taking you home." I could see on his face the wavering between leaving Bella here to be safe, and the need to get her away from us.

"Dad, no. Don't do this. You have every right to be upset, but please try to understand. It took me and Jake a long time to get here. I love him. I don't want to do this," Bella said getting upset.

Charlie stared at her.

"I ultimately made the decisions - after too long - to try and be strong for myself and the people I love; to grow up, and to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better person. The whole time, though, Jake was always behind me, supporting me. He helped me and without him it would have been a hell of a lot harder. I feel safe here with Jake, and I really want you to stay."

I glanced up at Charlie discreetly trying to rub his eyes.

"Charlie, I love Bella. I know it'll take some time for you, but we all just wanted each other safe, so secrets were kept. Billy and Sue are tribal elders; it had to be done. It doesn't lessen what anyone feels about you," I added.

Sue went over to Charlie and took his hand. "I hope you can forgive me. I love you," she said, looking uncharacteristically shy. She leaned forward and kissed him, and I saw a light in Bella's eyes seeing that. She was right; he'd been alone too long and Sue was just right for him.

"Ok," Charlie said. "I'll stay."

* * *

**BPOV**

After our talk, I felt weary right down to my bones. It was close to lunch time, so Jake heated up a small bowl of soup for me. Before taking another nap, I insisted he take me the short distance to where they had Leah and Paul.

"Bells, I really think you need to rest…" Jake said.

I held up a hand. "I know you want to see them, but you feel bad leaving me. I want to see them myself, so let's just visit a little."

He nodded reluctantly and let Charlie carry me out to the car. He drove the short distance, and I grabbed my crutches. "Here, let me…" he started to say.

"Jake," I interrupted. "A lot of people use crutches. I can, too. You don't have to carry me everywhere."

He smiled a little. "Maybe I like carrying you."

I laughed and then winced at the pain in my ribs. I made my way inside where Carlisle met us. "Bella, how are you? I wanted to come over and check on you today."

"I'm as well as can be expected. Everything hurts, but the pills you left for me help," I said, taking his offered hand.

Jake was looking nervous and antsy.

"Leah still isn't out of the woods," Carlisle said somberly. "Paul is getting better; he's quite vocal about being taken care of by a vampire."

"Leah's injuries were extensive. Her body is trying to heal, but it's a difficult process."

In the bedroom, I caught sight of her and felt the horror wash over me. Her breathing was labored, hair damp with sweat, and she was wrapped in bandages to the point where she couldn't move even if she was able to. Jake dropped to his knees next to her, brushed her hair back, and tried to stay in control.

Carlisle helped me into a chair and backed out of the room. "Leah, I'm so sorry. You never should have felt you had to do that."

I laid a hand on Jake's back as he cried quietly, and I felt my own tears slide free. Leah looked like she was barely holding on. He rested his head against my knee as he continued holding her hand.

"You'll be okay, Leah. I know how strong you are."

We sat there for so long that I started to feel the pain again and knew it was time for another pill. Jake finally stood, brushing a kiss against Leah's forehead. "I'll be back soon," he promised.

He helped me up, and we stopped in the other room to see Paul. He looked better, and annoyed, which was a good sign. He caught sight of Jake's face and relaxed. "Hey man, it's good to see you. You look better," Jake said.

Paul shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I'm just ready to get the hell out of here. It's unnerving being treated by a vampire."

Jake gave a half-hearted smile. "Things have changed, haven't they?"

He cast a glance back toward Leah's room.

Paul's smirk faded. "I'm just glad that Leah hasn't been alone. Between Sue, Embry, Sam, and Emily they have that covered."

My eyebrows rose in surprise, and I could see the same expression on Jake's face.

"Embry? Everyone else makes sense..." I trailed off.

Paul nodded. "I think there was something between them that hasn't been leaked to us. Since we haven't been phasing up until the other night, I'm not surprised they managed to keep it a secret."

"Embry never said anything to me," Jake replied, still surprised.

Paul leaned back against the pillows; he was still pretty worn down and looked as if he was about ready to pass out. "There's been a lot going on. He probably didn't want to add some more news to the big shit pile. I think Rachel is coming over later," he added with a yawn. "I know she stopped to see you, but didn't get to talk to you... so she'll be looking for you, too."

Jake nodded absently. "Ok. We'll see you later, Paul. Glad your hard head saved you from further damage."

Paul gave a weak snort of laughter and waved us away. I made my way outside, very slowly, with Jake trying to look patient. "Come on, it's time for you to rest," he said, helping me into the car.

I didn't want to - I'd been flat on my back for a couple days now - but my ribs ached, and my leg and wrist were starting to throb, too. If I wanted to be allowed to do anything, I was going to need to. I was tired anyway. Back at the house, he got me settled into bed.

"I take it you feel better," I said wryly.

He smiled. "It still hurts a little, but my ribs have stopped jabbing my vital organs at least. And thankfully punctured nothing. I'm just going to go call Sam and find out what's going on, and I'll be back in here to rest with you."

I nodded sleepily, took my pill, and Jake helped adjust me on the bed. I felt the press of his lips against mine, and I slipped off to sleep.

When I woke, I heard clanking around in the kitchen. I was surprised at how long I slept. Carefully, I tried to push myself up on my good arm, but it was difficult. Finally, I got up, sucking in deep breaths as everything protested. I snagged my crutches, positioned them gently, and made my way slowly out of the room. It was a chore just getting to the living room, but Jake heard me at that point and came in, shaking his head at me.

He took my crutches and carried me the last few steps to the sofa. "I know you can use crutches, Bells, but until your ribs mend I'm going to carry you as much as I can."

I shrugged, pain radiating out to my fingers and toes. I had no interest in complaining right now. "Where is everyone?" I asked.

He went back into the kitchen, continuing to clang stuff. "Sue is back with Leah and your dad went with her. I took Billy home for a little while; he needed to be by himself for awhile."

"What did Sam have to say?" I asked. The clanging stopped and he came in carrying a tray of food.

Surprised, I stared down at the meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, and salad. "You made this?" I asked doubtfully.

He gave a short laugh. "Sue was still cooking after breakfast, so she had the meatloaf and potatoes ready for me. I made the salad and heated up the beans, though."

"It's a start," I said teasingly.

We ate in companionable silence. "Sam is going to be my beta if the need arises again, which I hope to hell doesn't happen. I'm finally accepting the responsibility, even though the danger is over. We set the funeral for tomorrow morning, right at sunrise. And there was a call from Edward; he wants us to know that they are planning on speaking with Aro tonight and any of us can come."

"You're a natural leader, Jake. Oh, and I'm going with; to the funeral and to the meeting with Aro."

"I had no doubt you would," he said. "I won't try to stop you, but I _will_ be carrying you and once you get tired, we're coming home." I agreed.

"Oh, and all your friends will be here late tonight. Dana called and your dad spoke with her; they all insisted on seeing you. And while they can't come to the actual funeral - due to tribal reasons - they will be here for the gathering afterward. Dana insisted on bringing desserts."

I bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears. I wasn't sure how lucky I got to have such amazing friends. I sniffled a little while Jake cleaned up, and then he carefully cradled me on the sofa. The sky was darkening, and I could see the moon just beginning to rise behind a thick copse of trees.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he whispered huskily. "I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you. I can barely think about it."

I kissed his palm and rested my head on his chest as we stared out into the night, waiting to meet Aro and settle everything once and for all.

* * *

**AN: Had to cut this a bit… it was taking on a life of its own and getting longer! So the Aro conversation will be next chapter. And… this is getting close to the end. :o( I think there will be two more chapters and then an epilogue. Just wanted to let you know in advance! Thanks for sticking with me and being supportive. :o)**


	35. Decisions

Keep me safe inside  
Your arms like towers, tower over me, yeah  
'Cause we are broken,  
What must we do to restore our innocence  
And, oh, the promise we adored?  
Give us life again  
'Cause we just wanna be whole

**Paramore – "We are Broken"**

* * *

I awoke slowly and painfully to Jake's warm touch on my cheek. Sleepily, my eyes blinked open and I stared around, confused. I wasn't in bed, I realized, but still on the couch and reclining against Jake.

"I'm sorry," I said thickly. "This must not have been very comfortable for you."

He tilted his head down to brush his lips against mine. "I'm fine. I slept, too, but it's time to meet up with everyone."

He slid out from under me, carefully lifting me up and handing me my crutches. My body ached fiercely from the exertion, and I paused, gritting my teeth. Jake's dark eyes were worried as he watched helplessly.

"I'm okay," I gasped slightly. "It's… just… getting up after sitting for awhile is difficult."

Thankfully, it was time for my next pill. After I swallowed it, I hobbled to the bathroom again, sent a text to Charlie to let him know I was perfectly safe but was wrapping up a loose end, and then let Jake carry me outside. Charlie wouldn't have known I was headed into the forest, but after what I had put him through, I wanted him to know.

I knew there was no way I would be able to hobble through the brush on my crutches, so Jake carried me into the forest. Memories of the night before washed over me as we passed by the clearing. I closed my eyes, leaning my head against Jake's chest.

The woods opened into another small clearing, one filled with the pack, the Cullen's, and the Denali's. Jake carefully set me down, handing me my crutches. I stood there awkwardly, aware of just how fragile I was compared to everyone else. Edward came over to me; concern and confusion warred on his face before smoothing out.

"Bella," he whispered. I reached an arm out to him and he hugged me gently.

I pressed my forehead to his shoulder, took a deep breath, and leaned back. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly. "Is the confusion still there?"

He looked alternately irritated and upset. "Yes," he admitted. "It's not as bad. I'm starting to remember things even when I get lost in the confusion. I'm fine, though, as is everyone else."

I could see Rose standing by Emmett. She looked okay for which I was glad.

"I'm truly sorry about your loss, and I hope Leah recovers," Edward said, turning to Jacob and the rest of the pack.

Sam and Jake inclined their heads as everyone else echoed the sentiment.

"I'm sorry about your sister," Jake said to Kate and Tanya. I could see the pain on their faces and on the Cullen's as well. No one had been spared a loss.

Everyone stood silently, two very separate strengths and supposed mortal enemies, not knowing what to say but sharing grief. I saw everyone's head turn at an invisible sound, and I knew Aro was here. He glided across the forest, a whisper of darkness. With his white, papery skin and the way he glided, he looked ghost-like. Except for his eyes, which were a bright red. He paused several feet away, eyes flitting back and forth from the vampires to the wolves.

"I see it's a party," he said in a silky voice. "I get not only vampire covens, but a pack of shape shifters as well. Let me congratulate you on a job well-done with the sneak attack of the wolves. It caught a number of us off-guard."

Sam bristled. "Yes, and we lost one while another was seriously wounded."

Aro inclined his head slightly. "Ah, yes. That is war, though, is it not?"

His eyes fastened on Kate and Tanya. "And you lost your dear sister, Irina. She was promising, but family ties were stronger. I was sorry to see her destroyed by Caius regardless."

Kate bristled, energy sparking off her, but kept her mouth shut.

"There are a few things we need to clear up," Jake spoke up coldly.

Aro's eye flashed to Jake. "Black, correct? You're the true Alpha of this pack. I did some research; your father is the Chief of your tribe and you are in line for that role."

"Leave my father out of this." Jake's voice turned icy.

Aro raised a placating hand. "I mean him no harm, Alpha."

Edward was shaking slightly next to me; worried, I turned to him, to see his eyes slightly unfocused. He was remembering his time with the Volturi, and whether or not Aro was directly involved in his torture, it was enough to trigger a relapse. I took his icy hand in mine; squeezing, trying to let him know it was okay. He could hang on me, something tangible and real. Something that tied him to his home.

He began to relax.

"Why?" Alice finally asked simply. It was the burning question in everyone's mind.

Aro smiled, and I shivered at the sight of it. It didn't matter if he helped us; he was still creepy. "Ah, yes, the thousand dollar question."

He paused, glancing at everyone's tense faces. "Marcus, Caius, and I were in the midst of a battle with unruly newborns in Volterra. They were not careful enough in their feeding and were being punished. With the newborns was Julian, and we were too late in realizing he was not one."

He stood stock-still, the wind rustling through the leaves, lifting his hair slightly. I shivered a little from the cool air, and my ribs and leg throbbed in response. Jake's warm hand wrap around mine and squeezed.

"Newborns are typically uncontrollable, but Julian brought them to show us just what he could do. There minds were gone, and he was controlling them. We had never heard of a vampire with a power like that; one to control other vampire's. We were understandably worried and went along with his scheme to get everyone to fall in line and become even more powerful.

He wanted control over the human government as well. He was a greedy bastard and wanted everything… including a perfect race of vampires to fall in line behind him. Having that kind of power over humans and vampires alike was strong. I have no interest in involving myself with humans other than to feed, so I was not interested. However, Caius and Marcus were more easily corrupted."

We all stared at him in shock, surprised at the lengths this one vampire was willing to go. "He couldn't affect that many at one time with his power, though, could he?" Jasper finally asked.

"Well, no," Aro replied. "He was able to increase the number of how many he _could _affect, but it wasn't that many. After enough time, though, it didn't matter. Their minds were too affected and they still listened to him, so he could find new targets. My brothers' were greedy, letting themselves be corrupted, though I don't believe he used his powers against them. His offer was just tempting enough. Julian was looking for vampires' with power, and he was tipped off about Edward and Alice."

Edward was rigid as he listened to Aro speak. "He wanted your whole family, but Edward and Alice were the main targets; he was just unable to get to Alice at the time."

"I have made no secret of wanting Edward and Alice as part of my guard," he continued, "but I would not have gone to these lengths. It was Julian, Caius, Marcus, and the army they had begun that kept recruiting. I was unable to stop them on my own. I helped out of respect for Carlisle and his time with us."

Carlisle inclined his head.

"He had ended up wanting Isabella to control as well, but she was not with Edward which is what had been counted on."

I froze in shock, the increasing pain from my injuries forgotten, as I stared at Aro. He finally looked at me, red eyes glittering in the moonlight.

"Me?" I whispered faintly.

Jake growled deep in his chest. "Bella?" he snapped. "Why Bella? She's human."

"She is… was… whatever the case may be, attached to Edward and it was unheard of for a human to be immune to our powers. We believed that Isabella was destined to be a vampire. So, when this fight came about, Julian thought to come back here to get her as well. He wanted to turn her himself."

I didn't know what to say, but voices erupted furiously for me.

"She is not a fucking leech." Paul's voice was furious, even if he was still swaying a little on his feet.

"No one is destined to become a vampire…" Rosalie's voice.

"Fuck that!" Quil.

"Ridiculous," Kate muttered.

"Enough," Jake's voice said. Edward was staring at Aro, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head.

"Bella never was destined nor will she become a vampire if I have anything to say about it. It will have to be over my dead body. And the pack's dead bodies."

Aro laughed softly. "I thought that would cause a stir."

Alice waved her hand impatiently. "So you didn't want to do this to us because of Carlisle, you say. So that's why you sent me visions… but how did you manage that? I don't understand why I wasn't getting any…"

I piped up. "Julian had told me that the minds he damaged meant that anyone with other powers couldn't access anything about them."

Alice's eyebrows raised in surprise. Aro nodded, again looking at me. I felt a shiver slide up my spine. Jake's growl was soft, a warning.

"She's correct," Aro replied. "We have a similarity in our powers, Alice, and when Julian wasn't nearby to detect, I found with practice that I was able to give you visions to help you find Edward. I couldn't do anything myself or I would have been targeted and my own self-preservation was more important."

"What about Bella?" Carlisle asked. "She had dreams that were similar to what could have happened."

"Isabella must have seen the outcome if this wasn't stopped. She's human, her power is nothing like mine or Alice, but I didn't technically send her dreams. She has a bit of the Sight it seems and with all the psychic connection she must have been picking up on it."

Everyone was silent, mulling over everything Aro had said.

"Mmm," Aro finally said abruptly. "You do smell good, my dear…"

He grinned at me, teeth flashing in the dark. I nearly stumbled in panic and Jake's body began wavering before me as growls erupted around me.

He laughed softly. "Sorry, sorry… I won't harm Isabella. She just smells delightful. My intentions have never been fully pure throughout all this, I'm afraid to say."

"I've also come with a request," he said to Carlisle, who stood stony-faced. "Now that more than half the Volturi has been destroyed, I would like for you to join me as ruler."

I gasped and it echoed among many. "You… want me to join the Volturi?" Carlisle said, caught completely off-guard.

When Aro nodded, he started incredulously. "I… would have to talk to my family. Regardless if it happens or not, things will be _very_ different. I will not live in Italy, my family is more important to me. You will not send humans to be slaughtered by your minions or yourself. I sat by and let this happen, for which I'm eternally disgusted, but that will come to an end."

Aro made to protest, but Carlisle stepped forward. It wasn't often that Carlisle looked frightening. "You are outnumbered. I appreciate that you helped, I really do, but we can figure something else out."

Aro's lips pressed together. "Yes, well… we can discuss that if you choose to do so." I knew that would be an uphill battle.

"As for now, you will leave and go back to Italy, and I will be in touch with you. You will not harm or feed on one single person on your way, understood?"

Aro raised an eyebrow slightly, and he and Carlisle locked eyes. Neither of them backed down at first. Finally, Aro said, "I will go. I am done here anyway. However we may disagree, I do hold some respect for you, so I won't feed. For now."

"Thank you," Alice said, stepping forward, holding onto Edward's arm. "However it came about, I have to thank you for helping us find Edward."

Edward's eyes still held anger and confusion, but he understood why Aro couldn't do anything for him at the time by himself, so he thanked him as well.

"What about his memory?" I asked quietly before Aro left.

Aro turned back to us once more. "I'm sorry, but I have no idea how that will turn out."

And in a heartbeat, his misty figure disappeared into the dark.

* * *

As Jake carried me home, I knew his mind was occupied by the disturbing thought that I was born to be a vampire. That was impossible, but the thought was still there. I was half-asleep, my head tucked under his chin, when he placed me gently into bed.

I stirred, reaching for him. When Jake slid in next to me, I shifted as close as I could, wincing from standing so long. Jake knew I was hurting and I heard him berating himself as if it was his fault. His fingers traced up the delicate bumps of my spine, tangling his hand in my hair.

"I was not destined to be a vampire, Jacob Black, so just get that thought right out of your head," I murmured against his neck.

I could see his little smile; we knew each other too well.

"Okay," he whispered back. "Get some sleep. We only have a few hours. I love you."

"I love you, too."

We woke around six in the morning, and I struggled to get out of bed, feeling and probably looking exhausted and rumpled more than usual. Jake helped me dress, got himself dressed, and he helped Billy into the car. He drove to First Beach and we all headed toward the gathering.

The beach was already full of people, a drum circle set up in the middle. There were large, expertly crafted cedar canoes resting by the water's edge as we made our way toward everyone. It looked like Charlie and I were the only outsiders allowed to witness the funeral. All the wolves lined up, talking to Brady's family members. I stood with Charlie, his arm supporting one side of me, the crutch the other. Jake stood toward the front, doing most of the speaking. I saw him falter a little, and struggle with his emotions, when he came face-to-face with Brady's mother.

The woman with the dark hair twisted into a braided knot at the back of her head, dressed in a suede and beaded dress, was sobbing. The sight of her face, etched with such loss and grief, had me covering my mouth to hold in a sob. Charlie wrapped his arm around me fully, and I leaned my head on his shoulder.

Jake wrapped his arms around her, speaking softly, and she clung to him. Her husband finally - and gently - pulled her away. I could see the tears on Jake's face as he continued speaking, and Sam spoke as well. They finally nodded and the couple, holding on to each other, moved away.

The Elders sat around the drums. The very first pink rays of the sunrise began to creep across the sky as the drumming began. It started out soft and rhythmic, turning into a haunting and beautiful melody. When the drumming slowed, Jake stood up with Sam by his side, and finally spoke out loud.

"Brady will be missed by all of us. He should have lived out a normal life and not have phased so young just like so many of us. He was always willing to step in and help, to protect our people and land, and he was always in a good mood. He looked up to the older wolves, but what he didn't know was that we respected him as well. He will go to the Great Spirit as a hero and will truly be at peace." And he cleared his throat and continued:

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,  
I am not there; I do not sleep.  
I am a thousand winds that blow,  
I am the diamond glints on snow,  
I am the sun on ripened grain,  
I am the gentle autumn rain.  
When you awaken in the morning's hush  
I am the swift uplifting rush  
Of quiet birds in circling flight.  
I am the soft starlight at night.  
Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
I am not there; I did not die."

Nearly everyone was in tears, and I couldn't hold back my own as I stood encircled in Charlie's arms. Brady's parents were sobbing, heartbroken, and I saw the pack was crying openly as well. We all stood there, watching as Jake and Sam got into the large canoe with Brady's body covered in a sheet and his parents. Every single person laid a rose in the canoe and we watched them row out to James Island. They had made the concession of laying him to rest there even if he wasn't a Chief. He was a protector and everyone felt he deserved that honor.

We made our way to the tribal hall where they would hold the memorial gathering. As soon as we made it there, I caught sight of Dana and the rest of my friends. Within moments, I was surrounded by them. Dana had tears in her eyes as she hugged me. "Oh, thank God you and the rest of your friends are okay. We were so worried."

I hugged her in return, not sure of what she was told. "I'll be okay," I said quietly.

"I could scarcely believe how bad that car accident must have been. So many of you got hurt. And I'm so sorry about Brady."

Clarissa hugged me next. "Is Jacob okay? How is Leah doing?"

I figured it was best to stick to simple answers. "Last I heard Leah still isn't doing that great. In this case, it's probably no news is good news. And Jacob is handling it as best he can, but it's been hard for him."

Jake came into the center shortly after, and he came right over to me. I wrapped my arms around him. "Are you okay?" I asked, sliding my fingers through his silky ponytail.

He nodded wearily. "Yeah, I think so. Carlisle just got a hold of me to let me know that Leah has finally begun improving. The venom had nearly frozen the ability for her to heal, but he thinks he extracted all of it. He had no idea if the venom would eventually kill her because she didn't die right away from the poison. He decided to try this and it seems to be helping."

"Oh, Jake, that's great," I said. "I'm so glad."

We made our rounds, ate, and Jake thanked my friends for coming. I saw a bouquet of yellow and purple roses that were from the Cullen's, and I remembered what I had to do. It was a sweet gesture, especially all things considered, and I knew it was time for me to do this. Things were beginning to wrap up, so I asked Dana if she would drive me to the Cullen's.

I told Jake there was something I had to do and that I wouldn't be too long. He held my hand a moment longer, his eyes troubled, but then he let go. I knew that he knew, and I wanted to just sit down and cry, but it needed to be done.

Dana drove me to the Cullen's and squeezed my hand. I think she had an idea of what I was about to do and squeezed my hand in reassurance. "Just follow your heart, Bella," she said with a small smile.

"Thank you. I'll see you later today?"

She nodded. I took a deep breath and headed up the walk.

* * *

Edward was standing at the massive window in his bedroom, looking out at the forest, seemingly lost in thought. "Edward?" I said tentatively.

"Bella," he replied without turning around.

"Is… is it you?" I asked.

He turned, his eyes pale gold, and simply nodded. He seemed troubled as well. I reached out a hand to him and felt his fingers close around mine. He smiled wanly and just gazed silently at me. It wasn't making this any easier.

We sat on the edge of the big bed, and I sighed. "Bella, I am aware that you have been dating Jacob. I know it never came up before, especially under the circumstance, but if that makes it easier…"

I felt the burn of tears behind my eyelids. "Edward, I could never regret making that choice because I'm in love with Jake, but I'm still sorry…"

He held up a hand. "There's no need to apologize. My family was right in telling you to move on. It _is_ what I would have wanted."

My lips trembled as I pressed them together. "It was so difficult – I can't even describe – after what happened. I had a breakdown, more than one, and was an emotional wreck after everything. It took me awhile to begin to try, but I had to, for my own sake first of all and for Jake, my dad and mom, my friends…"

He smoothed a hand over my hair. "You did what was necessary, I know that."

"I didn't jump into a relationship with Jake. I screwed up a lot, I hurt him more, and when we did try there was a degree of difficulty because of the nature of my relationship with you and of the way you and I had… ended up being apart," I finished lamely, picking at the gold bedspread.

He nodded, gazing down at our entwined hands.

"You want to remain with him," Edward said quietly. "You're in love with him."

I felt a few tears escape and brushed them away. "I do," I said tremulously, tasting the salt of my tears. "I need and want to live, Edward. I want that to be with Jake, to make up to my father that I wanted to end my life and become a vampire, and to be friends with the people who have been there for me through all of this."

There was a beat of silence, and I turned to him, saying shakily, "You do know that I love you, though, right? I was wrong to think we could have lasted long-term, but I was new to love and didn't understand so many things. You meant _so much_ to me. You still do."

He nodded, looking as if he could cry himself. "I do know. I'm also glad that you want to live; that's what I wanted for you, but I was too weak. I want you to marry someone – flesh and blood – and have babies, go to college, travel, and be a grandmother one day."

"I never did want you to be a vampire," he said quietly. "And after how I reacted during the fight, I really don't want you to…"

I frowned, still sniffling. "What do you mean?"

"I was out of control… he… Jul…" he struggled, and I could see he was losing it again, and I gripped his hands to turn him toward me. I framed his face, meeting his eyes.

"Edward, relax," I whispered softly. "Just focus, concentrate on me, okay?"

He looked so confused as he slipped away, but then moments later he came back, breathing harder.

I hugged him tightly as he struggled to remain calm.

"Thank you," he murmured, still a little out of sorts, but back again.

"When I killed him, I never felt such a thirst for vengeance except for when I convinced myself it was okay to kill murderers and rapists. I saw Jacob and the other wolves, even my own family, but I was under the delusion that I wasn't that into it. Apparently that's not true, and it scared me the kind of ferocity I had. Maybe every one else is just used to it, and I'm too used to keeping myself under control, but it made me want you to be human. I don't want you to ever be like that."

I patted his hand, tucking a leg under me. "Edward, you aren't a monster, just like none of them are. I don't care that you reacted violently - everyone did. The situation called for it. It's who you want to be that's important."

"Regardless, I could never ask you to be like me. Not again. I still can't remember everything all the time... to foist that onto you would have never been fair. I think I knew that for awhile now."

I glanced down, picking at my jeans. "I've been telling Jake that I wasn't destined to be a vampire... and I believe that, but why..."

"Carlisle looked into it. He found through some of his contacts that there was one other person over a century ago that was human and helped take down some powerful vampires. It's widely believed that this person was gifted and meant to create some good in the world. It's all about balance. It seems you were meant to bring the shape shifters and the vampires together and to bring us all a measure of peace."

I was dumbfounded at the idea. "Even Charlie," he added. "I don't know if I ever told you, but his mind was a little muddled sometimes to me. He might have been able to have the power, but it went to you. This is why he was meant to be there, to see what really was."

Again, I was even more dumbfounded. Charlie had the same power as me just in lesser form?

I leaned my head on his shoulder, processing that.

After a moment, Edward sighed. I could see him struggling again, and he slipped away for a few moments. He stared around the bedroom and then looked at me in concern. "Is everything okay?" he asked, smoothing my hair.

I closed my eyes, feeling the tears start up again. I met his eyes and laid his palm over my heart, so he could feel it beating. It was a struggle for a few minutes, but he came back again. "I hate that this happened to you," I mumbled into his rock-hard shoulder.

He leaned back to look at me. "You have changed so much in the time since this all happened. It's still you and all the changes are good ones. You aren't clumsy anymore. You're strong. You're brave in a really smart way; you know when to back off and hide now. You have really good friends and seem comfortable with yourself. I held you back too much, Bella. I should have encouraged you to be your own person, to flourish, and to help you become stronger instead of always trying to do what I thought was best. I like the new you and I know Jacob helped with that. He's good for you, Bella, and I can see how much he's grown, too, and how much he loves you."

My chin shook with the effort not to cry.

"My family is leaving for Alaska tomorrow. We're going to spend some time with the Denali's partly to help with the loss of Irina and because they think it will do me some good to be somewhere else for awhile. As far as I know, we're coming back, but I'm going to miss you. I want you to be happy, and I know you will be, but I also want you to know that I've grown as well. I know I can be happy again, but I will always love you in some way."

I was crying now. He was leaving. Even though I knew for right now it was best, it still hurt.

"I have something for you," I said blinking away tears. "You're starting to read minds again, right?"

When he nodded, I closed my eyes and focused on pushing my shield away. When I did so, my eyes met his and they began to widen. I showed him so many of my memories of him before... things he had always wanted to see. The meadow, the dinner in Port Angeles, nights where he hummed my lullaby to me, and time spent in school and with his family. It was a painful gift to give, but it was worth it to see the look on his face.

"I wanted you to see how I felt about you. I'd like to think I would have changed my mind about dying, Edward, but I did love you. I still do, just differently now."

He hugged me tightly, and I pressed my lips to the corner of his mouth. "Thank you for that and for saving me; for saving my family," he whispered.

I could barely see him through my tears, but I breathed in his scent. "Keep in touch and over time we'll see what happens," I said. I needed to give Jake that decision, to see if he was okay with it.

I hurried down the stairs, crying. All of them were there. They didn't say anything; they just hugged me and kissed me. When I threw myself into Alice's arms, she whispered, "I knew this was going to happen and so did they. We're all okay with it. I suspect we'll be in touch." She gave me a sweet, secretive smile.

She ran me to La Push and then disappeared. I sagged against a tree, letting the full force of my sobs release. Jake knew, but he didn't need to see this. I had made my choice and even though it was painful for me to end it with Edward, I knew – and had known for a long time – that it would hurt so much more to lose Jacob.

He was my sun, my natural path, and I was so in love with him. I hoped he had waited for me, that he could forgive me. It gave me a pang of fear, but I wouldn't stop until he knew that I wanted him. Only him.

It was time he knew that. My choice was him and as the tears finally stopped, a huge weight lifted. No matter the outcome, I was overjoyed at seeing him. At finally telling and showing him just how much he means to me.

* * *

**AN: Wow, the degree of difficulty in writing this was high. Yeesh. I hope I did it justice… I wanted to show it was difficult for Bella to separate from Edward, but that Jake was more important. I hope that came across! Oh, and the poem… gotta give credit where credit is due… it was written by Mary Elizabeth Frye in '32. It often comes up as Native American, though I know the author is not, but I decided to use it because I think it's a beautiful way to think of someone after they're gone.**

**And wanted to clarify about Leah… she was bitten and the venom had frozen the ability for her to heal from injuries (crushed bones, punctured vital organs, etc). I think that makes sense… don't think death has to be instantaneous with venom especially since wolves heal. I figure Carlisle extracting the venom would give her the ability to start the healing process!**


	36. A Sweet Escape

There's nothing you can know that isn't known  
Nothing you can see that isn't shown  
There's nowhere you can be  
That isn't where you're meant to be  
It's easy…  
All you need is love

**Beatles – "All You Need is Love"**

* * *

**JPOV**

I leaned back against the driftwood log on the beach. It was what started everything between me and Bella. My fingers traced over the bumps and ridges of the log as I idly watched the gulls swoop down in their search for fish. After Bella had left at the end of the memorial, I couldn't help all the old fears popping up.

What if she changed her mind?

What if what that Marcus asshole had said was true? Maybe her ties to Edward were still too strong.

I knew she loved me; she said it, and she had stayed with me even after the Cullen's had come back, but she was going to see him. She was finally bringing up the issue that had been there and never discussed. It could bring those feelings to the surface, the feelings she still had for him. I wanted desperately to talk to her, to finally ask her what I needed to ask, though. And I was scared.

But I had to try.

I stopped at my dad's first to tell him. He listened to me quietly, not interrupting once until I told him what I wanted to do.

"You need to talk to Charlie, son. You know you have my blessing."

I had already planned to do that, but hearing him say it cemented it for me. He took my hand, pulling me down to his level. "This old man wants you happy. You deserve it, and I know how much Bella does that for you. It'll take some convincing for Charlie, but I think you have a pretty strong argument with how much you love her."

He gave me a hug. "I am so proud of you, Jacob. You have grown up so much and become one hell of a man. Just remember that there can be difficulties, no matter your age, but I believe you and Bella can weather it together."

He rolled back to his bedroom and came back out and pressed something into my hand. I stared down at it, tears clogging my throat. I hugged him tighter, and then with a deep breath, I went to Charlie.

He was still leery of me, of whom I was, but I had to give him credit for not freaking out over what I had to tell him. He listened, nodded, and asked if I had spoken with my father. I told him I had before I came to him.

"Jake," he had called before I left. I wasn't sure if he was going to answer me today.

When I turned back around, he held a hesitant hand out to me. I took it, making sure not to move too quickly, and we shook.

"You know, as long as I've been friends with your father, I've thought of you as a son. This wolf thing complicates it more, but I know how much you love Bella. I could see it before, I can see it now, and I can see how you've helped her find herself again. You're the best thing to happen to her, Jake, so I think I can learn to handle all... this. I also, um, want you happy as well. And I really appreciate you coming to me about this. So, my answer is yes."

Bella got her blushing from Charlie. He blushed the exact same way. I knew it wasn't easy for him to admit caring, and to actually say yes, so I just nodded and didn't give him any flak.

"Thanks, Charlie. It means a lot to me to have you admit you'll try to deal with this. I know it's a lot, and I'm still sorry some things had to be kept secret, so I really appreciate that. It's nice having another father figure in my life."

He had nodded, and I left for the beach.

I fingered my pocket and sighed, leaning my head back, and closing my eyes.

I felt the sun weak against my face as I tried not to imagine Bella over at the Cullen's with Edward. Maybe they were still talking, but I kept imaging Bella with Edward, Bella kissing Edward, and Bella entwined with Edward...

I shook my head, trying to chase the horrid thoughts away. I knew that was ridiculous, even if I was uncertain about some of Bella's feelings. We had never talked about them because I hadn't wanted to push her. I knew the situation was tenuous and difficult at best. A gusty sigh escaped my lips and I leaned my head back again, hoping she knew where to find me...

"Jake?"

The sound of her voice washed over me, and I turned. She looked the same; long, wavy brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, skin pale and soft, her outfit plain, and her full lips pressed together. I could see that her brown eyes were still red and there were dried tears on her cheeks. I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. When I stood, she ran into my arms. I knew her well enough to know that she was near tears, but was holding it back. Her body was too tense.

I took a shaky breath, wishing I knew what she was thinking. It wasn't often I couldn't read her, but right now I didn't know what to think. The insecurities were overwhelming.

"Bella… what happened?" I finally asked. "Is everything okay?" My heart hammered as I waited.

She nodded, lifting her face to mine. "It hurts, Jake, but I had to do it…"

I cut her off nervously before she could finish. "You love him. Its okay, Bella, I knew there was a possibility this could happen…" I started to say as everything in me began to shatter.

She smacked me in the chest. "Jacob Black, I told Edward I was in love with _you_. Yes, I love him, and it hurt a great deal to tell him I choose you, but I did. You're the one I want, Jake."

I froze in place, still not quite daring to believe it. "And… he was okay with that?"

She bit her lip, blinked her eyes a few times, and whispered, "Yes. He's had time to think about things, and he said he could see how much I love you, and he wants me to be happy."

"Will you still see him?" I asked.

She touched my chin, turning my face to meet hers more fully. "I want you to have that choice, Jake. Whatever you want is the most important thing to me. And don't feel bad whatever you choose. I love you and I want you happy."

I felt the hope she was giving me deep down, spreading through my body. Then I remembered something and hesitated.

"Bells? That leech leader I killed… he said you have a strong connection with Edward, that you were using me for…"

"Jake, seriously? You know better…"

"I mean, no, I never thought you used me just for sex. But the other part…"

She looked agitated, tugging on her ponytail, and moved back to stare up at me. "I should have showed you more after we came back to Forks how much I love you. Jake, I've really hurt you, haven't I? I can never say how sorry I am for that…"

I tried to interrupt, but she glared at me tearfully, and I shut up.

"Marcus was exaggerating. Yes, I care about Edward a great deal, and he does for me. Jacob, my bond with you is stronger, though. You're my natural path; you make loving you as easy as breathing, and I know I want to be with you. I love you."

"I know you do, just as much as I love you, but I'm still your second choice, Bells. You were engaged to Edward." I hated looking a gift horse in the mouth, but this thought would just continue to fester if I didn't get it out there.

Her mouth trembled as she stared down at our entwined hands.

"I don't know how things would have ended up, Jake. At the time, I felt a lot of hesitation despite how much I loved him. I know that was because of you and because I wasn't sure I really wanted to die even though I thought I was. Is that enough? I think I would have changed my mind when it came right down to it and would have realized just what you meant to me. I really do."

The tears on her lashes flashed in the sun as she looked up at me. "Isn't the most important thing right now, though? I was given a second chance at love and I have found what I really want. You. I'm so in love with you," she whispered. "I'll never stop showing and telling you that."

It was enough. I believed deep down I could have changed Bella's mind in the end, and she was right. She was with me now, the girl I always loved. A weight had lifted and she threw her arms around me as I lifted her. I buried my face in the thick fall of her hair and breathed in her scent.

I finally set her down and she pulled me down on the driftwood log with her. I knelt in front of her, resting my hands on her knees. "Bells? I have something to ask you," I said quietly, feeling my nerves jangling.

She met my eyes. I reached into my pocket, pulled the little black box out, and glanced up at her. The sun highlighted her hair, flashing on the red in it. Her eyes began to widen in shock as I knelt back on my haunches and opened the box.

"I know without a doubt I want to spend the rest of my life with you. This was where our relationship began and it's where I want to ask you… Bells, will you marry me?"

Bella's stared down at the ring, eyes wide and unblinking. Her mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out. Just as I began to feel self-conscious, she reached out and brushed her fingers over my jaw.

I realized her hesitation then and smiled. "Honey, it'll be a longer engagement. I want to get my GED and go to college. I think you want to go, too, and once we're done with that we can get married. I think we're both a little too young yet, but I still wanted to make it official."

Her eyes were liked melted chocolate when they met mine. "Yes," she whispered. "A thousand times yes." She threw her arms around me as we tumbled back into the sand.

I felt a thousand times lighter holding Bella in my arms, kissing her, knowing nothing was conspiring against us anymore. Her lips were soft and pliant as the kiss deepened. Suddenly, she pulled back.

"Oh no. What about Charlie?"

I laughed. "I talked to him already. I went to him after you left. It took some convincing, but he gave us his blessing. My dad did as well."

"Wow, you must have given him quite the speech," she said, surprised.

"He's still not all together ready to accept my secret, but we were honest, and in the end he knows how I feel about you. He'll be okay with it one day, just give him a little time. He still likes me well enough at least," I teased.

She grinned, and half-sprawled against our log with Bella in my lap, I took the ring out of the box and she held her left hand out for me to slide the ring on. "It was my mom's," I explained. "My dad gave it to me when I told him. I know it's not really fancy…"

Bella took my face in her hands and kissed me. "I love it because it came from you and your mom. I don't care about fancy. I think it's beautiful anyway."

The band was thin and each side delicately curved out to curl around a small diamond in a simple, pretty design. I touched it lightly as it shone in the waning sun, mesmerized by the look of it on Bella's hand. I swallowed around the lump in my throat at her words.

I wasn't quite ready to go back just yet to visit with our friends from here and from Hoquiam; this time with Bella was hard to give up. I wrapped my arms around her, her head rested on my shoulder, and her ringed hand spread on my chest between our hearts.

* * *

**BPOV**

A smile curled my lips as I gazed up at the beach house that Dana and her boyfriend now shared with her sister and husband. There were a lot of good memories here, and I was excited to be spending a four-day weekend here. After Jake had proposed to me, I kept it hidden, wanting it to be a surprise at the right time. The guys' got a bonfire going and we all spent some time there celebrating Brady's life and the beginning of Leah's recovery. She had woken up, and Jake had gone to talk to her.

It had been an emotional encounter. Something had shifted in the pack dynamic and Leah and Jake had held on to each other for awhile, refusing to let go. A bond had truly formed, and he had been there for her in the next few days as Carlisle had passed his care of her over to a doctor at the hospital in Forks.

The Cullen's had left, and I grieved their absence. I knew right now at least it was necessary for us to spend some time apart - Jake needed that and so did I. I couldn't say good bye again, so I let Jake and the pack do so. It was a nice gesture, one that truly seemed to show that these natural enemies could form an unlikely bond. Alice had hugged Jacob, and I was proud of him and Edward for shaking hands.

"I know you will, but take good care of her, okay?" I had heard Edward say from my spot inside the house. It had been a monumental gesture for the Quileutes to allow all of the Cullen's onto the La Push land. I closed my eyes, glancing out the window only when they were leaving.

They were just too good at hearing me even when I thought I was being silent in the house. They all waved to me, and I grinned in spite of myself. I knew they understood why I didn't come out. I waved good bye and met Edward's eyes before they disappeared around the bend. I blew him a kiss and his answering smile was worth it.

Dana had offered us the house Friday through Saturday, just the two of us... and then Sunday through Monday she and the rest of our friends would arrive as would any of our friends from La Push who could make it. She knew everyone had been through a lot, and I was grateful at how generous she was.

"I'll carry you up..." Jake started to say, but I shook my head.

"You can carry our bags, but Carlisle told me I need to exercise my leg a little more. I'll manage it."

He walked up behind me to be on the safe side as I made my way slowly - though at least slightly less painfully - up the steps. The walking cast made it easier to get around. My ribs had healed and my wrist was nearly healed.

Once we got inside, I unpacked the food and smiled as I thought of Jake's reaction when we drove by the farmer's market. He had just looked at my eager expression and shook his head sadly. I laughed as he obliged me and we walked around the market as I chose vegetables, hamburger patties, chicken breasts, and stocked up on fruit. I knew Jake's friends would bring all the snacks and breakfast stuff and Dana promised to bring drinks and desserts.

I finished unpacking, getting distracted often by my ring, while Jake got our stuff put away in the bedroom. I couldn't stop staring at it and feeling a happy warmth spread over me.

"We have all day," he said wrapping his arms around me from behind as I stared out the big glass doors to the beach. "What do you want to do?"

I kind of felt like I should move around some more, maybe get a little fresh air, so we agreed to walk around the town. We explored a bookstore and poked into a couple of shops, Jake just grinning and bearing it. He bought me little dangling rose earrings I kept eyeing. We got hamburgers at a cafe and then walked up to the beach to eat them and watch the ocean.

"I love it here," I told him, leaning against his arm. "We had a lot of fun here."

He smiled. "We did. It's nice to be able to finally, fully relax here and not have to worry about anything."

I agreed whole-heartedly.

We ate our burgers, watching the surfers in wetsuits try to catch waves. When we finished, I wrapped my walking cast in the plastic bag I had with, and we walked along the beach a little bit so I could continue to exercise it a little. I picked up seashells to make a necklace and then we headed back to the house.

I sat on the deck with a book and a glass of lemonade, feeling the cool, brisk breeze off the ocean brushing over my face. Laughing, I watched as Tinker came bouncing out and stalked her little toy mouse that Jake had thrown out for her. When it got too cool, I decided to try and take a little nap before we decided what we wanted to do for dinner.

It was such a relief to relax and not worry about anything for once, I thought, as I climbed under the cool sheets of our bed. When I woke an hour later, I noticed Jake had brought up a small stockpile of wood and had lit a fire in the fireplace. It was perfect weather for it; the breeze coming in the windows was rather cold for the beginning of October.

"What do we want for dinner?" I asked Jake. He flicked the television off and came into the kitchen.

He dug around in the fridge. "What about a chicken casserole? I liked that one you made a couple weeks ago. I think we have everything for it."

I agreed and we set to work chopping up vegetables and putting the casserole together.

"I'm so glad Dana suggested this," I said to Jake as I slid the baking dish into the oven. "I haven't been this relaxed in quite awhile."

He smiled, propping his chin on my shoulder, wrapping his arms around me. "Me too. I think this is exactly what we needed."

When we finished dinner, we watched a movie, and I woke groggily as Jake carried me to bed. He curled around me, and utterly content, I dozed off wrapped in his arms.

I woke with a start and stared blearily at the alarm clock. It was three in the morning and a nightmare had woken me. They had lessened in intensity when everything was over, but I still occasionally had them, though they weren't as vivid. I got carefully out of bed so I didn't wake Jake. I needed to do something calming, so I padded out into the dark, silent kitchen.

A box of flour, sugar, carton of eggs, milk, and various spices later, I had mixed a batch of pumpkin flavored cupcakes and chocolate cupcakes with little chunks of apple in it. I stuck them in the oven and whipped up a butter cream frosting. Once they were out of the oven, I began making tree trunks with melted chocolate from a pack of Hershey bars we had bought on the way. I added autumn leaf sprinkles to it and let them harden.

I was still decorating when I heard Jake come into the kitchen. "Bells? What are you doing?" he asked, his voice husky with sleep, as he stared sleepily at all the ingredients scattered around.

"I couldn't sleep," I replied. "So, I'm baking."

He came over, and I lay my head sleepily on his chest. "Are you still having bad dreams?" he asked quietly.

I nodded. "They aren't as often, or as vivid, though. Sometimes I don't even remember having them. Don't worry, it's getting better. This was a minor one, but I just felt like getting up and doing this."

He tilted my chin up and kissed me. "Okay. Finish your cupcakes and then let's go back to bed." He sat at the table and watched me as I put the chocolate-hardened trees into the frosted cupcakes.

He laughed. "Forest-themed cupcakes, huh?"

I grinned. "Yeah, in celebration of fall and Forks, I decided to go with that theme."

I gave him one to eat before we went back to bed. As we got under the covers, I turned to him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. I kissed his neck, his jaw, and when he turned, I pressed my lips to his.

He urged my lips apart, his tongue lazily winding around mine. "Mmmm," I hummed, my hand creeping down his muscled torso until I encountered him. It had been awhile since we made love, and I was feeling quite ready.

He caught hold of my hand. "Bells," he groaned softly. "Are you sure you feel well enough to do this? I didn't want to rush you…"

"Last I checked, even people with casts can have sex," I teased him.

He rolled his eyes, but laughed. "I just wanted to make sure you would be comfortable."

"We'll figure it out," I murmured, shifting so I was on top of him.

He helped adjust my leg so I was in a comfortable spot as I sat astride him. He slid his hands up under my t-shirt, pushing it up over my head.

"No underwear? Naughty vixen," he teased. I smirked and leaned down, kissing him deeply.

Nibbling his lips, I started my descent again until I had his hardened length in my hand. I rubbed him slowly, up and down, pressing just the tips of my breasts against his chest.

His eyes drifted shut as his hips pulsed under me.

He gently pulled me a little higher, urging me down so he could capture my right nipple in his mouth. The heat of his mouth, the light suckling, sent a bolt of pleasure right between my thighs. I whimpered, slowly rocking against him as the pressure increased. It didn't take long for him to get me worked up.

His hands carefully spanned my ribs, giving one last gentle tug to my breast. My breath was shaky as I leaned down again, leaving a trail of moist kisses from his neck to his stomach. When our bodies lined up, I rubbed myself against him, eyes fluttering closed.

"Ohhh…" he groaned. "Bells, I want to be inside of you…"

I wanted it desperately, but I wasn't finished, so I slid down further. My lips encountered his silky hardness, suckling just the tip of him. His pants increased and I exalted at pleasing him. I ran my tongue the length of him, taking him into my mouth again, only to release him with a little pop.

His hands were a little rougher in his eagerness as he hauled me back up, only to slide his hand between my thighs, and slip one long finger into me. I cried out as he slid in and out, circling his thumb over the swollen nub, sending shock waves of pleasure through my body.

"Inside… now…" I managed to gasp.

Our hips lined up again, and I sank down onto him. The feel of him stroking me on the inside was incredible as his hands helped lift me, lowering me back down. My head dropped back, and I was moaning, as I continued to rock with his help.

He sat up, his hand sliding up into my hair, angling his mouth for a penetrating kiss. His tongue mimicked the pumping of our hips, and I clung to his shoulders when he gave one last, hard thrust up into me. The orgasm rippled through me in waves as he gave another quick thrust and gave a gasping moan when he emptied into me.

My breathing was shaky, my leg was pulsing with slight pain from the exertion, but I wouldn't have traded that for this moment.

"Damn, that felt good," he mumbled into my shoulder. "It felt like a never-ending orgasm."

I laughed, dropping my forehead onto his shoulder. He turned, easing us down onto our sides, sliding out of me. "It really did," I murmured. "I think I needed that."

He kissed me softly, over and over. I snuggled into him, carefully resting my sore leg over his, resting my cheek over his heart and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

We spent the following day driving up to the bluffs to enjoy the view, went up onto the beach again, and then came back to the house. We read, watched movies, and invented a new game with sprinkles that ended with Jake on top, thrusting into me. We got a case of the giggles when we found sprinkles stuck to our skin.

We went to a movie at the local theater, as usual going for the cheesy horror movie.

We laughed our way through it, earning a few glares. He made the cheesy killer-going-after-the-victim noise after the movie and pretended to come after me.

Laughing, I pretended to be scared. We earned a few weird looks. "You're such a dork," I snickered.

"You like it. Without me you probably wouldn't know how to laugh," he teased, giving me a poke in the ribs.

I made the same noise he did, chasing after him, and making him laugh. "See? You're just as dorky as me. We're a perfect match."

With the light breeze riffling our hair, the sun setting and highlighting Jake's profile, I smiled and was glad I had let myself see how perfect together we really were. I was grateful for him, and for making me have a little more fun, and told him so.

"And you're obviously crazy about me," he whispered in my ear after I kissed him. I gave him a smack, setting him off again.

Afterward, he treated me to a Thai dinner in town. It was his first experience with it, and I giggled as he tried to eat the slippery noodles. He deemed the food delicious, though. We walked through the town, holding hands, and played a round of mini-golf. Our laughter earned a few good-natured head shakes as Jake tried to temper his strength. He sent the ball flying a few times, which set me off into peals of laughter.

When we got back to the house, we curled up in front of the fire. We were watching an old television show when Jake's head snuck under the blanket, sliding over my thigh, and dipping between.

I gave him a look, smirked, and said, "Really? We're going to make love in front of the fireplace? How corny."

He turned and pinned me to the ground in front of it. "I think I can make you forget just how corny it really is…" And he did. Easily.

The following morning, I woke early, unable to sleep anymore. Jake was sprawled on his stomach, and my head was resting in the middle of his back. Yawning, I slid my hand around his side, stroking my fingers lazily across soft, brown skin.

He stirred, murmuring, "Mmm… vixen…"

I grinned, and Jake turned, catching my hips and sliding right into me without any warning. I gave a small gasp, tangling my fingers in and tugging at his hair, as he took me half-asleep. It was a slow build-up, and I whimpered when I came apart in his arms. He was holding on to me, his body shaking with his release, when I heard voices entering the house.

My eyes widened in surprise.

I heard someone say our names and heard Paul's distinctive response. "Yo! Jake and Bella, I know you're both awake. It's time to stop playing Hide the Salami."

I rolled my eyes as Jake gave a snort of laughter. We dragged ourselves out of bed, freshened up, and met everyone in the living room. They had all arrived at the same time which was earlier than we were expecting.

"Having a good time?" Dana asked, giving me a hug.

I smiled wryly. "You know we were. This morning and since we arrived."

She cracked up at that. "I love this feisty side of you."

We helped carry the rest of the goodies in, and I saw Embry carrying Leah into the apartment, Seth right behind him. Leah looked kind of pissy about being carried, but once Embry settled her on the couch, he knelt in front of her. It was pretty amazing to see her gaze soften as he whispered something to her and lean forward to kiss her lightly.

Jake's eyes met mine, and he grinned. "So, Embry…" he said after we showed everyone to their rooms.

Embry rolled his eyes as Quil came up behind, snickering. "I know, I know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys. It just… wasn't the right time. But she makes me happy," he added quietly.

Quil slapped him on the back. "I'm glad for you, bro."

"So am I. And I understand why you didn't. But you will undergo teasing for a little while, though. You know that right?"

He smirked. "Sure, sure, Jacob."

Once everyone was settled, I went out onto the patio to sit and enjoy a doctored up cup of coffee. Dana brought pumpkin flavored coffee and added a little dash of cinnamon, sugar, and some whipped cream for me. Leah was sitting out there, watching the guys' burn off some steam playing touch football down on the beach.

I hesitantly sat with her. "How are you feeling?" I finally ventured asking.

She glanced over at me. "I'm sore. Everything is healing, but it feels like it's taking too long."

"I'm sorry…"

She lifted a hand. "Don't be sorry, Bella. I signed up for this. I did what I felt I had to do, and I'm glad I did, even if I suffered consequences from it."

I was quiet for a moment. I decided to try again. "I'm glad Embry has you. He's a really good guy."

Leah's face softened again. "Yeah," she said quietly. "He is."

"Can I ask how it happened?"

She pondered that for a moment. "I guess so. Honestly, it just happened so fast. I've been working in the hospital, gaining some lowly experience before I go to school, and he came in with his mom. She had fractured her wrist, and I took her to where she needed to go, and Embry just asked me if I'd help him with some bit of homework he knew I had done already in school."

"I said yes, but was harassing him about it. He didn't say much, and I felt bad for teasing him. So, I helped him out, and he kissed me before I left. I had no idea I was even remotely attracted to him. He didn't know either." She shrugged.

We watched them play football some more. "You know, Swan, you've toughened up lately. I wasn't so sure you would be good for Jake. You seemed too needy."

Even though it was true, I bristled at that. "Well, I'm glad I meet your approval now."

She chuckled. "See? Like that. I like it."

I just rolled my eyes.

"I had been pretty needy after what happened, though that was due to not being able to move much. I think it gave me a sense of what it was like for you, and I admit I'm impressed with how far you've come; from loving leeches to Jake."

I glared at her. "I may have made choices that in the long run obviously wouldn't have been good for me, but don't disrespect the Cullen's. They don't deserve that."

She shook her head. "I'm not; wrong choice of words. Surprisingly? I don't dislike them. The doctor did what he had to, to save my life, and I'm grateful for that. They also fought with us and were good at it. That blonde one is something else."

"Rose?" I said. "Yeah, she is. She reminds me of you in that she's prickly and bitchy at times, but is pretty decent deep down."

Leah looked surprised and laughed heartily. I stood up, and she grinned. "Yeah, Swan, you really aren't so bad. I think Jake was right from the beginning."

I shook my head with a chuckle and turned to go. "Leah? I _am_ truly sorry you were hurt, but I thank you regardless for saving Jake. You're a hell of a woman."

She laughed softly as I headed down to the beach. Embry was on his way to get Leah, and I heard her voice waft down the steps in complaint. "Embry, I can walk. Get off me."

I snickered, glancing back up, as Embry lifted her anyway. "Leah? Shut up. This is easier. You can walk later." And he kissed her.

Her arms wound around his neck, kissing him back. I was happy they found each other.

We spent the rest of the day at the park, watching the guys' play on the baseball field, and laughing as everyone walking by – especially women and girls of all ages – stopped to stare. We eventually joined in for a little while.

We showed them around the town, and then back at the house everyone chipped in to make meatball sandwiches, grilled chicken, burgers, and hot dogs along with various sides of vegetables and pasta salads. When I brought my desserts out to add to the other bakery items, Samantha grinned.

"Bella, I see you haven't lost your touch. They're beautiful!"

"And taste good," Jared added as he stuffed nearly the whole chocolate tree in his mouth.

"I swear, your appetites never cease to amaze me," Jamie said, shaking her head.

We laughed and ate dinner, everyone relaxed and content, and I was so happy to have all of our friends here with us. After the guys' cleaned up for us, we took a couple bottles of champagne and non-alcoholic sparkling cider up to the beach. Blankets were laid out as everyone gathered around, the sky still streaked with faint lines of gold and silver. The stars began popping out making it even more of a beautiful night.

I smiled as Dana curled against her boyfriend. Jamie and Brian were holding hands, Embry was lying on his back with his head in Leah's lap, and Jake pulled me onto his lap, and I curled up against him to ward off the chilly air.

"I am so happy," I told him quietly.

He kissed me, wrapping his arms tighter around me. "So am I."

We each got a glass of cider or champagne – depending on age and maturity as Jake put it – and Jake raised his.

"A toast to all of us and to being here together. And to Dana for being so awesome and offering this place to us yet again. And to new relationships and old, but most importantly, to someone we lost. We all miss Brady, and it will take time to heal from that, but I think he would be glad we're here having a good time. So, be at peace, brother."

Everyone echoed the sentiment, even my friends', and I could see the edge of sadness on everyone's face. It didn't matter that all my friends' didn't know the circumstances of Brady's death; they were just amazing people who cared because we did.

It had been an amazing day, but I knew even among the happiest moments, that there was still grief over the losses. I missed the Cullen's, and we all missed Brady. I reached out for Seth's hand and gave it a squeeze. He smiled at me, and mouthed a thank-you, because I knew this was even harder for him.

We all took a sip and started talking and laughing again, the happiness and relief we felt palpable. What mattered most was I had my friends, my family, and Jake. That was what would get me through. I knew now was the time to tell our big news.

"Hey, everyone," I said. "Jake and I want to tell you something."

"You're pregnant!" Paul crowed.

I rolled my eyes as everyone laughed. "No, I am not pregnant. Jake and I are engaged," I said, suddenly feeling shy.

I was tackled in a group hug by my friends', my face buried in someone's hair as they all piled on top of me, squealing in excitement. Emily, Rachel, Kim, and Leah did the same as soon as they could. Every single one of the pack, Brian, and Elijah swept me up in a hug after smacking Jake on the shoulder. I could see Jake being tackled by all the women.

It ended in one big, tangled pile of limbs with squealing, laughter, and tears. The congratulations were overwhelming, and it was the perfect way to end the night. I couldn't have been any happier than I was at that moment, and from Jake's smile, I knew he felt the same.

* * *

**AN: Okay, folks, the epilogue is next. I'm a little sad about that, but it's time!**

**Bella's engagement ring: http:/bluediamondengagementring-s[dot]com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/black-diamond-engagement-rings[dot]jpg**

**On a side note, I am writing a J/B one-shot for the Fandom Against Famine compilation. If you're interested in donating, you will receive the compilation by the end of October for exclusive access to mine and all the stories' of other authors involved before anyone else can see them. The money is to support the East African food crisis so it's for a great cause. All the information is here if you're interested: ****http:/fandomagainstfamine[dot]blogspot[dot]com**** and they're on twitter as well as fandomafamine. **


	37. Epilogue

Little trip to heaven on the wings of your love  
Banana moon is shining in the sky  
I feel like I'm in heaven when you're with me  
I know that I'm in heaven when you smile

**-Tom Waits "Little Trip to Heaven"**

* * *

**JPOV**

"Daddy?"

I heard Noah's voice call to me as I passed by his bedroom. I poked my head into my four-year old son's room and smiled at the sight of him. His ebony hair was sticking up every which way, and he had that I'm-really-sleepy-but-fighting-to-stay-awake look about him.

I walked into the room, sitting on the edge of his bed. "What is it, buddy?"

"Do you hafta go to the meeting?" he asked, looking put out.

There was a tribal meeting in the morning that Bella and I were attending. The Cullen's had come back for a visit – thankfully no longer turning any of us into wolves. Phasing had ended a long time ago for all of us. We were going to go over what Carlisle was trying to do as one of the two Volturi leaders. I didn't trust Aro in the slightest, but he had stayed in Italy after the battle years ago, and he never posed a threat. Now that Carlisle was part of it, he was able to keep us apprised of the situation.

He said Aro had no interest in any of us. I was beyond grateful for that.

"Yeah, Noah, I do. It's an important one. Don't worry; Samantha will be here to play with you until we're done."

He pondered that, his little mouth squinching in thought, brow furrowed. "I like Samantha. She's the best baby-sitter ever. But you're my best friend, Daddy," he said.

He flung his little arms around my neck, and I could practically feel my heart melting. I hugged him back, smoothing his hair. "You're my best little kid," I said, inhaling the little boy scent that was so familiar to me.

"We'll have plenty of fun tomorrow," I promised, easing him back and getting him settled under the covers. "After the meeting, we're going to the pool to go swimming. The weather is going to be nice and sunny. You'll soon get to see mommy's friends who are visiting. And we're having a bonfire with all of your uncle's and Grandpa Billy, Aunt Sue, and Grandpa Charlie will be there."

I knew the weather courtesy of Alice. She had texted us earlier telling us she was hoping to see Noah and Madelyn soon and wanted to inform us that swimming was a good idea because it was going to be a rare dry, partially sunny day.

She was much better than a weatherman.

I felt Bella's hand on my back as Noah struggled to keep his eyes open. "Mommy. Hug," he murmured sleepily, reaching his arms out to her.

She handed me Madelyn, and I cradled our daughter, her tiny head with the soft fuzz of dark hair nestling into the crook of my shoulder and neck. I breathed in the scent of baby powder, milk, and her own unique scent. She was four months old now and absolutely perfect. Bella leaned down so Noah could wrap his arms around her neck.

Their noses brushed - as they always did - before he got his kiss. It always made him giggle. "I love you, sweetheart," Bella whispered against his cheek as he hugged her tightly.

"I love you, Mommy. I love you, Daddy," he mumbled. His eyelids were nearly closed now, and it was only a moment later that he was fast asleep.

I stood and Bella pulled the covers up to his chin, leaning down to brush a kiss over his forehead. She clicked on the little night-light in his room and then we slipped out of the room.

Bella looked tired, so I brushed a kiss over her cheek. "Go lay down, honey. I'll put her to bed."

She smiled wanly, thanked me, and disappeared into our bedroom. Madelyn was still squirming against me, tired, but also fighting it a little bit. I carried her into the nursery, walked her around a few minutes while she fussed, and finally began humming the lullaby my mom used to sing to me, Rachel, and Becca when were little. She finally relaxed and fell asleep, little pink lips pursed.

I lay her carefully in her crib near her stuffed wolf and crept out and back to our bedroom. Bella was curled on her side, already asleep. I undressed and slid in next to her, smoothing a hand down her bare arm, nuzzling the back of her neck. She always smelled so damn good.

"Hmmm," she murmured, turning over to wind her arms around me.

Her lips brushed lightly against mine, and I could feel my body respond to her immediately. Our love-making had slowed down recently because of dealing with our two children, but we still always managed to find time for each other when we could. Her mouth became insistent, and I moved my hand up and down her silky thigh, finally gripping her backside and pulling her into me.

Her soft moan when I brushed against her had me rock-hard, and I was desperate to feel every inch of her. She was wearing just a t-shirt, which I easily pulled off of her. Her breasts were fuller due to our daughter, and I lavished kisses over them, lightly tasting her nipples.

She gasped, her back arching. I knew they were sensitive, so I eased off, instead sliding my hand between her thighs. She sighed eagerly, slowly stroking her palm over my aching dick. I groaned softly as she pushed me onto my back, moving over top of me.

She knew how much I loved watching her on top of me, taking what she wanted. Her body moved sinuously, her figure fuller from giving birth a few months ago, and still incredibly sexy.

I slid my hands up her softly curved hips, up her sides, and to her breasts. She had sunk down onto me and her head was tilted back, lips parted. I brushed my thumbs over her nipples as she rocked on top of me. It wasn't going to take me long, so I reached down and began rubbing and circling her, eliciting a soft moan. I sat up, capturing her mouth with mine, and her tongue slid sensuously against mine.

My hips started to move faster, pumping against her harder, making her bounce even more as I stroked her to completion. I bit down on that sensitive spot she enjoyed and heard her muffle a scream as I came inside of her.

Gasping, we both collapsed back onto the bed.

"Damn," she whispered throatily. "It _has_ been too long, hasn't it? That felt incredible."

I laughed, keeping her firmly anchored on top of me, still buried deep inside of her. "It really did. I'm glad we can always find time for each other."

"Mmm," she murmured against my neck. "Will it always be like this?"

"Yes," I said, nipping at her ear. "I'll still be making you scream when we're in a nursing home together."

She giggled. "I'd probably have a heart attack from an orgasm at that age!"

I smirked, rolling so I was on top of her, looking down into her smooth, unlined face. "We just have to get through all the trials and ups-and-downs with our kids first and hope they never walk in on us. Again."

She snickered, winding her arms around my neck. "Yeah, that was rough when Noah came in that one time."

He hadn't seen anything, thank God, but we had to move quickly and get our clothes on while still under the covers. He had asked what we were doing, but it was easily covered over and never came up again.

"Good thing my hearing is still a little extra-sensitive even after not phasing for so long… otherwise we would have been shit out of luck and had to explain what playing between mommy and daddy means," I teased her.

She rolled her eyes and snickered. I smiled down at her, pressing my lips to hers. She snuggled into me, and with her in my arms right where she belonged, I fell asleep.

In the morning, the sky outside was a little leaden, but so far there was no rain. Noah woke up in an extremely bouncy mood, excited to see Samantha and to go swimming and to a bonfire later. It was a big day for a little guy and his excitement was spilling over. He flew around the house in a flurry of energy, further proving my point. Bella and I couldn't help but laugh at him.

Bella was in the kitchen, pouring a small bowl of cereal for him, while juggling Madelyn who was beginning to whimper a little louder as her want for food grew stronger.

"Here, honey," I said, taking the bowl and spoon from her. "You feed Madelyn; I'll take care of Noah."

She sank gratefully into a chair in the living room and began to feed Madelyn. I could never get tired of watching her breast feed; to know that her body produced what our daughter needed. She always looked beautiful doing so, her hand cupping our daughter's tiny head, even when she was tired.

Noah babbled excitedly about going swimming. The pool in La Push had become extremely popular since we had put in back in the spring. I had ended up going into construction and business in school. I now shared a fledgling business with some of my brothers' based between Forks and Port Angeles. La Push had always been behind, needing so many things, and I had wanted to be involved in building a home for me and Bella as well. It just seemed natural and combined with the strength we still possessed it seemed like a no-brainer.

We had constructed blueprints and were involved in building a playground for the children in La Push as well as a public swimming pool for in the summer. It was something I was particularly proud of. Bella and her friends had helped to work on the gardens surrounding the pool, and it had the backdrop of the forest and even a little glimpse of the ocean. It was only our first summer, but there had been a steady stream of kids there, and it brought in some money for the reservation if any of the children in Forks wanted to use it. It saw its fair share of kids from the surrounding area and the people of Forks seemed happy to allow it.

My and Bella's house had been constructed on a leveled area that sat up a little higher than the rest with the forest behind us. It afforded us a view of the beach and the ocean from the side windows and the front of the house. There was a small yard, but plenty of room for Noah - and eventually Madelyn - to play. Our home was a small cottage, but with plenty of space inside. There were three bedrooms, a bathroom and half bath, living room, kitchen, and a dining room. Bella had decorated it in earthy tones, keeping it simplistic but nice.

Bella had graduated with a business degree. She and Dana had hired me and my company to build the bakery that was set between Forks and Port Angeles. Dana and the rest of her co-workers traveled back and forth, though other help had been hired in the area, to help out in getting it running and to visit. They were still as tight as could be.

"Daddy!" Noah cried. "Samantha is here!"

I glanced up to see Noah had finished most of his cereal and that Sam, Emily, and Samantha were indeed walking up the sidewalk. "Jake," Emily said warmly, giving me a hug when I opened the door.

"Hey Emily," I said, tousling her hair affectionately. "How is Samuel doing?"

Emily and Sam have a seven-year old boy, who I knew was spending time on the Makah reservation with Emily's parents today.

"He's doing really well," Sam said, giving me a slap on the shoulder.

Samantha was laughing as Noah gave her legs a hug-attack. She was turning into a beautiful young woman already; it still surprised me. She had Emily's thick, black hair and it was cut to just below her shoulders. She looked more like Emily, but had a few of Sam's characteristics. She also inherited their responsibility even at the almost-age of twelve. She was a little young to baby-sit, but she loved spending time with Noah and vice versa, so we made a few allowances.

As long as she could get Charlie and/or Sue to be at Sue's place which could easily be walked to, then she could watch him for a couple hours. Charlie and Sue still lived in Charlie's place in Forks, but they still occasionally stayed at her house in La Push.

Bella came out into the kitchen, fresh from feeding Madelyn, who was now dozing on her shoulder. "Hey Sam, Emily," she said quietly.

Emily gave her a one-armed hug and cooed over Madelyn. Sam grinned and shook his head. "You know your daughter is making her anxious for another," he said to me.

I laughed. "You love kids. You probably want one, too."

"Well… maybe. But two is a handful."

I watched Bella's eyes light up when Emily complimented our daughter's extreme adorable-ness. There was so much love in her gaze when she did anything with our children. Even when she was pregnant with them, she got that look on her face. Everything about her being pregnant was pretty fucking incredible.

"True," I agreed. "But I know I wouldn't mind seeing Bella pregnant again, carrying another child we created…"

"I heard that, Jacob Black," Bella said eyeing me. She was suppressing a grin. "I won't be ready for a third child for a little while, you just remember that."

Emily turned imploring eyes on Sam, and the two of us started laughing. "We're doomed," Sam said.

"Ew," Samantha said, wrinkling her nose and making a "gross" face. "You two making another baby? Yuck," she teased, harassing her parents like only a pre-teen can do.

I laughed as Sam gave her a gentle, but playful shove.

"Ok, we should go," Bella said, shaking her head. "Samantha, my dad will be at Sue's house right down the road. We won't be more than two hours."

"No problem," she said, ruffling Noah's hair. "I won't tie him up in a closet or anything, promise." She grinned and we all laughed.

I wrapped Madelyn in the little chest holder thing – I never remembered the name of it – and took Bella's hand. It didn't take us long to walk to the Tribal Center, and I caught their scent before I saw them. The Cullen's had arrived.

* * *

**BPOV**

I saw Alice first, and laughing, held my arms out as she appeared in front of me within less than a second. She threw her arms around me, hugging me gently. "Bella!" she said excitedly. "I've missed you! You look amazing. I could swear you don't look any older than you did at twenty."

I grinned, pushing her back so I could get a look at her. "So do you, as always."

Alice gave Jake a one-armed hug. It still struck me as funny to see that bit of a bond the two of them shared. She was peering in at Madelyn, whispering excitedly. "Oh Bella, Jake, she's beautiful!"

Madelyn sleepily opened her eyes, closed them again, and nuzzled against Jake's chest.

Alice shook her head wonderingly. I wasn't sure Alice had ever _seen_ a baby before. She stroked the tip of her finger oh-so-gently against Madelyn's cheek.

"Thanks," I said, smiling at her wonder. Jake looked a little amused.

"May I hold her later?" Alice asked us. She looked so eager. "I'll keep her wrapped up in blankets so I don't make her cold."

I met Jake's eyes, needing to know how he felt. We could read each other's expressions perfectly. He was okay with it. "Of course you can," I told her.

I saw the rest of the Cullen's approach and was hugged by all of them. Emmett swung me around in his excitement, making me laugh. The last one I encountered was Edward, and I saw his grin widen and echo mine as I launched myself into his hug. I hugged him tightly, thrilled to see him looking good… and happy.

"How are you?" I asked him, grinning up at him.

"I'm really good," he said. "I've enjoyed spending time sporadically in Denali. Tanya and I… are getting closer."

I wasn't surprised by that, and in fact, I was happy he had found someone. "I'm glad," I told him as we all headed into the center. "You deserve to be happy."

He brushed my hair back. "Thank you, Bella. It's nice being there, but I'm also happy we can still spend time here in Forks so I can see you as well. You still look as beautiful as ever. In fact, I think you look even more beautiful now," he said.

I smiled, a little embarrassed. "So, old age agrees with me?" I said jokingly.

He chuckled. "I think a normal life, being happy, and giving birth to two beautiful children makes you more beautiful."

"You always were a charmer," I teased, but I was happy he felt that way because that was how I felt, too. When I was with Jake and my two babies, I felt incredible.

There were greetings all around, though some members of the tribe always held a hint of hesitation because of letting the Cullen's in. It had been accepted awhile ago; they were never involved in what happened in La Push, but they were invited before the actual meeting to give progress updates on the vampire world. It was mainly Jacob and Billy's acceptance of this that everyone came to understand how things truly were.

Carlisle stood by Billy as everyone sat and waited. "Being a part of the Volturi is... difficult," Carlisle began. "It's been a struggle trying to maintain order and keep innocent people from dying. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop everything immediately; that it would be an ongoing process, but it's still going even after all this time."

"What was decided is to try and create a synthetic blood that we can drink and that will sustain us. It's still in the early planning stages, but we have some of the best vampire minds working on this, and I really do believe that we can do this. There is still animal feeding going on, though we are careful about issues regarding extinction."

He paused, glancing over at Jake and Billy, who both nodded. They looked vaguely disgusted, but didn't say anything.

"There are some... humans... that willingly give blood to Aro and select members. They are very few and far between because of the danger of word spreading that vampires exist. They are sworn on pain of death."

There was a collective murmuring amongst the wolves and elders. "That's disgusting," Paul muttered.

Edward frowned slightly. "None of us condone this, but we have to work with Aro to maintain the order and peace. The humans are treated kindly - we insist upon it - and at least no one is killed. It's our only alternative until the synthetic blood can be created."

Jake looked as if he sucked on a sour lemon, but he nodded. "Understood. As long as they are willing and not dying, we can deal with it. It's not something that's wanted, but I understand options are limited."

Carlisle went on to discuss some of the finer aspects of what they were working on, and he informed everyone that Aro had no interest in harming anyone in Forks and was fine to leave the matter at rest. There was still no threat to the people on the reservation and surrounding counties, and it was spreading to other parts of the world as they tried to implement change. There was an occasional rogue vampire that was dealt with. Jake confirmed that even when the Cullen's came back, there hadn't been any need to phase and no new wolves phased.

The Cullen's went outside after their update and headed far enough away that they wouldn't hear the rest of it. It wasn't because anything was being kept from them, but they did it out of respect. After a few essentials were discussed about the reservation, the meeting was over and we headed out to see the sun peeking through the clouds. It already felt warmer.

Madelyn had woken up, so I passed her to Alice first. She laid a blanket over her arms as she held my daughter, her eyes wide and unblinking as she stared down at her in awe.

"She's so perfect," Alice said, barely feathering a finger over her cheek. She gently rocked her, and Madelyn gave a little gurgling happy noise.

When she finally gave her back to me, I looked over at Edward. He smiled and held his arms out. Alice laid the blanket over his arms, and he held her as if she were made of glass. Jake wrapped his arm around my waist, and I rested my head against his chest as we watched Edward stare raptly at our daughter. She was passed around to all the Cullen's so they could coo over her, and she rewarded them with smiles and baby gurgles which further enthralled them.

We left shortly after to go pick up Noah to go swimming, with promises to visit the Cullen's in a day or two so they could visit with Noah and us. We waved good bye and went home.

Noah was just finishing his lunch when we got there. "He's so picky," Samantha said with a laugh.

I chuckled. "Yeah, he's on a kick where he'll eat only grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, or peanut butter and jelly. I'm sure soon enough he'll be like Jake and try to eat us out of house and home."

Samantha giggled as Jake gave me a poke in the ribs with his elbow.

"You ready to go swimming, buddy?" Jake asked Noah.

"Looks like you got a little barnacle there," I teased as Noah clung to Jake's leg fiercely.

Jake swung him up into his arms and carried him upside-down into his bedroom to get his bathing suit. A wave of giggles could be heard.

I shook my head, smiling, and gave Samantha a little spending money for watching Noah. She waved as Sam pulled into the driveway. Jake came out with Noah and we set off for the swimming pool. I was always amazed each time we went there; Jake and his friends and co-workers had done such a fantastic job with it. It was lined with smooth paving stones, the flowers were bright and healthy, and the fence lining the area set everything off.

Noah bounced around eagerly until Jake finally went into the pool with him. I smiled, finished changing Madelyn's diaper, and sat at the edge watching them. Jake was so good with our son; patient, kind, playful, and he knew how to discipline him. I was glad that we didn't play the good-cop-bad-cop routine. We praised and disciplined alike.

"Mommy!" Noah cried as Jake held him and zipped him around in the water. "Come in the water!"

Noah hung on to my leg as I passed Madelyn to Jake. I slid into the water, winding my arms around my wiggly little boy. Jake gently dipped Madelyn's legs into the water, and we all laughed as her mouth opened and a big smile creased her face. He swirled her around gently and she giggled.

I swam with Noah, watching and cheering as he went down the slide by himself for the first time. We saw Leah and Embry come in; they had gotten married not long after us and had their little boy, Logan, only a few months apart from when we had Noah, so they had been friends immediately.

They were excited to see each other, and within moments, Logan was in the water and playing with Noah. Leah sat at the edge of the pool, holding Madelyn, while we all stayed in to keep an eye on the boys.

"Rachel and Paul are coming soon, too," Leah told us as she fed Madelyn for me.

"Oh good. I've been meaning to check on her, see how she's feeling."

When Paul and Rachel came in, I could see her big, protruding belly. She was pregnant with their first child. It was nice to see everyone happy and doing well. When they came over, Jake gave Rachel a hand into the pool.

"How you feeling, sis?"

"I'm really tired," she admitted. "But other than that, I've been feeling pretty good. I'm really anxious to just have her already."

I smiled, remembering how I felt after all those months of pregnancy. I just wanted to have our babies so I could hold them in my arms, to meet the little life that Jake and I created together.

"It'll be here before you know it," I said with a smile. "And it'll be so worth it once you're holding her."

We enjoyed the rest of the afternoon, swimming, sitting out trying to catch the weak rays of sunlight, watching our kids laugh and play in the water. We went back to our homes to shower and change before heading to the beach for the bonfire. I could see Noah was getting tired; it had been a busy day for him, but he was excited to see everyone.

Charlie and Billy were there with Sue already, and Noah ran to them. I smiled, watching my dad with him. He was crouched down listening to what Noah had to say about his day. The ruckus started when the pack arrived. Noah loved hanging out with his Uncle's, and Quil scooped him up and put him on his shoulders.

There were greetings all around, and Noah got lifted and tossed, and he giggled wildly when they all pretended to chase him, stumbling over each other playfully. It was an amusing attempt at trying to be slow so Noah could outrun them.

"So, Bella, your thirtieth birthday is coming up soon," Embry teased, nudging me. "Hmm, what should we do…?"

I groaned. "How about… nothing?" I smirked at him and nudged him back.

"Party in Vegas!" Jared crowed.

"Skinny-dipping in the Caribbean!" Embry insisted, earning an elbow in the ribs from Leah. He laughed, turning to kiss his wife.

"Sky-diving in the desert!" Paul added.

"Let's go to Chuck-E-Cheese!"

Everyone laughed at Noah chiming in with his suggestion.

"How about just a party right here, sans skinny-dipping?" Charlie said dryly.

We all laughed and agreed that would be fine. Noah perched on Jake's lap, anchoring me right there with them, by draping his legs over mine. The food was passed around and we all chatted and ate barbecued chicken and hot dogs. Madelyn dozed off during the story-telling portion, while Noah fought sleep, anxious to hear the stories.

It didn't take long to wind down, and I knew it was time to head home. Noah was getting cranky from all the activity today and being tired. He climbed into Billy's lap for a hug and then went around to Charlie, Sue, and everyone else for one.

"Mommy, hold me," he whined sleepily, tugging at my pants leg.

Jake took Madelyn – still asleep – so I could carry Noah. He laid his head on my shoulder, we said our good bye's, and carried our kids' home to bed. For once, it didn't take long for Noah to settle down. He was exhausted. Jake put Madelyn down, and after our showers, he came into our bedroom then with a bottle of sparkling wine and two glasses.

I smiled at him. "What's the celebration?" I asked.

He shrugged. "You? And how happy you and our children make me?"

He sat next to me, and I reached up to kiss him. "That goes both ways, big guy," I said with a smile.

He poured me a glass of the wine, and I curled against him, sipping slowly. I loved ending our day in this room; it was so comfortable and relaxing. The walls were a soft green, the curtains a gauzy, light brown, and there were splashes of very pale yellow in the few pieces of artwork or decorative things we had. It was just like the forest, that place of escape for both of us.

The breeze lifted the curtains, and we heard the rain begin. "Alice was right on target," I said, yawning.

"Yep, it really was a perfect day, wasn't it?"

We finished our wine, and Jake pressed me down onto the bed, his lips warm against my throat.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," I whispered back, wrapping my arms around him.

There had been so many trials and danger early on, struggles with money until we got things figured out, and the usual difficulties in a marriage… but I still spent the best years of my life with Jacob, and I was looking forward to spending many more with him.

* * *

**AN: I hope you all enjoyed this story, and I thank you for the continued support and nice comments! It's been fun as always. :o) Anyway, yes, I totally took the True Blood way of things for the Cullen's… Meyer made this vampire thing so odd and difficult, IMO, with the whole venom thing. So this really seemed the easiest way to change the issue with the Volturi and resulting people-feeder vampires. **

**Anyway, as for future goings-on I'll be involved in… I want to finish a few little things I'm working on currently, but I'll have an entry in the ****http:/printingpaws[dot]blogspot[dot]com**** contest and I'll have a OS submitted to the fandom against famine compilation if you're interested. I do have plans for another fic as well, though any future multi-chapts will be much shorter than this and the previous have been. They'll probably be anywhere between 10-20 chapters. No more than that. It probably won't be that long until I start it, so keep an eye out if you're interested!**

**So, hope to see you again, and thanks so much! *muah***


	38. Outtake

**So take my hand, and knowing,  
with it, I also give my heart  
wanting, never to be separate again  
let eternity begin**

**-Jewel, "Face of Love"**

* * *

"Holy crow," I muttered as I stared at the gift my friends had given me on the eve of mine and Jake's wedding. My eyes nearly popped out of my head.

It was a very silky and _very_ see-through scrap of material. It was nothing like the sexy bra-and-panty set I had bought when Jake and I had first started dating; it was much sexier and very skimpy. My friends were cackling with glee at my reaction.

"Come on, let us see," Elijah said with a grin. "You need a man's opinion on it, and they wouldn't let me and Brian take a look at it when they got it."

I didn't really want to show it off, but reluctantly I held it up. Dana, Samantha, Clarissa, and Jaime began laughing when they guys saw it. Brian's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, and Elijah only stared, his mouth open slightly. The black scrap of thong didn't look like any kind of underwear I had ever seen and the top opened up right under the breasts, revealing the stomach. The bra cups were mostly see-through.

I felt my cheeks flush. Jake and I had experimented a little, but I had never dressed like this for the sole purpose of being seductive. I could do it, though, right? I knew Jake would love it.

"Damn," Elijah muttered. "Jake is one lucky guy." And with that, I turned more of a fire-engine red.

Jamie nudged Brian. "No more staring or you're banished from the room."

He chuckled, pulling her in close for a kiss.

Dana was flipping through the music collection that we had picked out for our wedding, and she frowned when she got to the end.

"Bella, don't you have any ass-shaking music? Seriously, you need to have some bump-n-grind; get Jake going for your wedding night."

"Um, you do know our parents will be there?" I said dryly.

Clarissa snickered, picking up a shrimp and dipping it in the cocktail sauce, and popped it into her mouth. "Once all of us and the rest of your friends are out there, no one will notice you and Jake sexy-dancing."

"Remember that time Jamie tried that with Brian and ended up tripping over his foot?" They all howled with laughter.

Jamie sighed. "Yes, I know I will never live that one down."

I hadn't been there to see that, but they made sure to tell me just how it happened. Jamie took it in stride, and I decided to admit that I didn't even know _how_ to dance like that. They all stared at me in surprise.

"Really?" Samantha stood up. "Okay, Bella, we're going to teach you. Since you've been sheltered in the art of dancing like a slut, we'll help you out. Jake will love you even more for it."

"I'm not sure that's possible," Dana said, and all my female friends looked teary-eyed at that.

Brian snorted. "I'd offer to help you out, Bella, but Jamie would probably castrate me…"

Jamie kicked him, and I giggled. "I don't know… my klutziness is so much better now, but doing something like this is kind of iffy…"

Dana gave Elijah a shove. "Go on, Elijah, help her out. Jamie and Brian will do it, too, so Bella can see it as well."

Elijah was blushing along with me, but he obliged by placing his hands on my hips. Dana turned the music on, and I saw Jamie begin to swivel her hips, her arms around Brian's neck. The swiveling included her lower body coming into contact with Brian's as they rubbed against each other.

Horrified, I glanced up at Elijah. His voice was somewhere above my left ear. "Don't worry, Bella. I'm showing you, but we won't… uh… be in contact quite like that."

I relaxed a little as his hands guided my hips into swiveling. He was true to his word; he kept his touch light, showed me how to move my hips, but we only brushed against each other instead of grinding.

That was unlike Brian and Jamie who seemed to be aiming for a World Record.

I began to feel the rhythm a little bit more and moved and swayed. "Good," he assured me. "You just have to relax which you're beginning to do now."

"Let your body feel the music, too," Samantha called out.

"Let your inner sexy beast out," Dana added.

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner!" Clarissa said and everyone cracked up, effectively ending the training session.

I shook my head, laughing, and reached up to give Elijah a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks," I said, smiling when his dimple flashed in a grin. The rest of them cheered and clapped for us, congratulating me on my first attempt at dirty-dancing.

I took a deep breath. I would show Jake tomorrow, on our wedding day, and I knew he would be thrilled.

* * *

I stood on the wildflower-strewn platform, my arm entwined with Charlie's, staring only at Jake as he stood at the front waiting for me. His black eyes met mine and everything else was lost. I felt Charlie kiss my cheek; he hugged Jake and placed my hand in Jake's big, warm one.

The dress flowed down around my ankles in soft white, a glittery white band that started between my breasts wound up around my neck, leaving my shoulders bare to the cool and comfortable air. My hair was braided and pinned artfully, and a few loose strands lifted in the breeze, tickling my face.

The minister spoke, and I dutifully repeated my part, so ready for when he pronounced us man and wife.

"You are my sunshine, Jacob Black. You make every single day brighter. We struggled through a lot together, but I always knew you would remain the single best thing in my life. Thank you for being who you are; I love you so much."

Jake just stared at me when he was supposed to start his vows. "I… you… beautiful… love you."

Everyone was laughing gently at his stammering, and my smile grew. It was rare for Jacob to be so tongue-tied. I took pity on him, squeezed his hand, and mouthed _I love you._

He laughed at himself and got back on track.

"Bella, you have become stronger every day, and a lot of that was because of you not me. You have impressed me with your love and overwhelming acceptance of so many things, but it never surprised me. You are capable of so much, and deserve so much, and I'm thrilled you're going to be my wife. I love you more than anything."

We kissed – long and deep – and we were pronounced man and wife.

We faced the crowd, and I couldn't tell who was louder; the pack or my bakery friends. I started laughing as they cheered even louder, whistling, as we walked back down the aisle.

The reception was a wild blur of bodies dancing, drinks pouring, and a delicious mix of fresh-caught salmon and stuffed chicken breasts. I threw myself into my friends' arms when we first got there. It was one big group hug, all of us laughing, the women crying, and Brian and Elijah rolling their eyes at us. The pack just lifted me and passed me from one to the other.

Dana, Samantha, Clarissa, Jamie, and I spun in a crazy circle on the dance floor.

"I can't believe you're married!" Dana said for the fiftieth time. It still sent a thrill through me.

"I know! Holy shit, Bella, you and Jake are husband and wife!" Clarissa exclaimed.

"You'll be the cutest married couple ever!"

"And you'll probably have a ton of kids!"

I laughed, still in the middle of their circle. "I don't know about a ton, but a few maybe."

Jake was looking for me not long after and they all gave me a collective shove. "Go… it's a good song for some bump 'n grind. We'll all hide you."

Laughing, I wrapped my arms around his neck, smiling up at him.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Having fun, Mrs. Black? It looks like you've been having some wine."

I giggled. "A bit, but I'm not going overboard."

"Good," he whispered in my ear. "I want you fully alert for later tonight."

That was enough to send a rush of heat spiraling downward. "I have a couple surprises for you, Mr. Black."

When the music began pumping, I wound myself around Jake, gyrating my hips and pressing up against him. I felt more than heard him suck in a breath and grinned secretively. His hands settled on my backside, his thigh between mine, and I rubbed and shook my hips like nobody's business.

When the song was over, he whispered to me again, "Damn, Bells. Where the hell did you learn to do that? You're going to have to walk in front of me until I can sit down without anyone seeing. And our wedding night might be starting a lot sooner."

I grinned at him over my shoulder, thrilled to see the pleasure on his face. All my friends were giving me the thumbs-up, and Elijah winked at me. I blushed at our display, but knew it was totally worth it.

* * *

We would be leaving for our honeymoon in California in two days, and I was glad that our first night as husband and wife would be in our new home. It was beautiful and fit both of us perfectly. Jake had disappeared into the kitchen while I showered and changed into the lingerie.

I bit my lip when I stared in the mirror. My freshly washed and dried hair was a mass of waves over my shoulders and the black sheer lingerie emphasized my pale skin, but in a good way. I brushed my hands down the sheer fabric that barely concealed my breasts... and the underwear was pretty much non-existent. I knew it would tear easily in Jacob's big hands.

Hair smoothed down, I peered at myself in the mirror and figured this was as good as it would get. I looked pretty good all things considered and opened the door when I had the robe wrapped securely around myself.

Jake was in the bedroom, outlined by the light from the moon. He turned around, his smile warming me from the inside out.

"Mrs. Black," he murmured. I was his wife and the idea thrilled me. It didn't matter we had been together countless times, loved each other for what seemed like forever... I couldn't stop the butterflies in my stomach at revealing myself to him in this get-up as his wife. We would make love for the first time as a married couple.

"Mr. Black," I echoed, enjoying the sound of our shared name.

I moved straight into his arms, his heat sliding up my back, working its way into me. He leaned down to brush his lips over mine. He eased back, and I saw in the dim light, one single candle showing off a small tray of champagne and glasses, strawberries, and cheese on the nightstand.

"Nice touch. A bit of a romantic, huh?" I teased him, calming myself in the process.

"Mmmhmm," he murmured, nipping at my ear. "And you know you love it."

I smiled and let him sway me to the strains of something soft and melodic coming from the speakers. "I really liked your bump 'n grind," he said with a wicked grin. "How about we try that again?"

My cheeks flushed, but I obliged him. He turned me so my behind was pressed up against him. My hips swayed and I rubbed against him, feeling his immediate response. Jake moved sinuously, and my body tuned in to his, our bodies coiling and moving until I felt charged and even more ready for him.

His lips were parted, his breath thickening, and at that moment everything disappeared... the self-consciousness of showing him what I wore, the silliness of how I might look in it. All I wanted was my husband. My fingers trailed over the planes and traced the line of muscle in his chest and stomach; his breath shuddered a little as I dipped to right above the top of his jeans.

I stepped back, untying the belt at my waist. The robe fell open and slipped down my arms. I stood there, content and happy, and felt the rush of excitement when Jake's eyes widened and his tongue swept out to moisten his lips.

"Damn, Bells..." he said faintly."No matter how many times I see you, I still get a hell of a charge. And that outfit..."

"You like?" I asked demurely.

I giggled as he started exploring immediately while nodding eagerly. I closed my eyes as his fingers stroked and teased over the bared skin of my stomach, brushing them over my nipples. I felt the jolt as if I wasn't even wearing anything. Which I mostly wasn't.

Suddenly, his hands were on my hips, lifting me. Automatically, I wrapped my legs around his waist, looping my arms around his neck. His mouth went from hot and soft, to hard and hungry, and then achingly soft again. My mind buzzed as his tongue pressed against the pulse point in my neck. "I want you more than anything," he breathed into my ear.

"Then take me," I told him, my voice soft but bold.

He grinned, tumbling me down onto the soft, pillow-top bed we would share as husband and wife. His mouth moved hungrily from my neck, down to my breasts. He kissed my hardened nipples through the sheer fabric, and I held onto his head, anchoring him there. Little shoots of pleasure raced through my body as he tasted first one, then the other. My heels moved restlessly over his back, arching my hips up to rub against the already hard bulge in his pants.

He took both my wrists in his hand, pinning them over my head, as the other one dipped into my panties. He was gentle, persistent, and I whimpered as his fingers slicked along the length of my opening. He lifted my legs so they rested on his shoulders, his mouth seeking out sensitive spots along my thighs. I squirmed at the ticklish feeling, and I could feel his smile curve against the sensitive skin of my inner thigh.

He hastily pulled the lacy thong off of me, surprisingly not ripping it, and his head dipped between my thighs and sent me into a fast climax as he tasted me. My body was quaking, and I felt so hot and alive, as he sat up and brought me up onto his lap. I kissed him, distracting him with my tongue, as I reached down and gave him one full-fisted, heavy stroke. He groaned against my mouth as I sank down onto him. We both moaned simultaneously as I slid back up, pulling off him, only to sink back down again.

"Ahh, Bells," he gasped as I bit his earlobe and began rocking my hips faster. "I want to see you orgasm; see the flash of pleasure in your eyes before they glaze over..."

Another whimper escaped as he breathed the words into my ear, his nose rubbing along my jaw, before pulling back to meet my eyes.

His hands squeezed my backside, firmly pulling me back down after I would move up. Our eyes stayed on each other, our lips would occasionally dive together for a luscious kiss, as the feelings began to build in intensity inside me. My head fell back.

Jake's mouth found my breasts, tugging on my nipple gently with his teeth.

I grasped his hair, held on.

As I burst apart in pleasure, Jake pulled me back up, his eyes locked on mine as my body quaked. He came then, too, after one more hard thrust and our gazes never wavered. I watched him just as he watched me and then I collapsed against his chest. He lowered us back down to the bed, still connected, and kissed me softly. We eventually sat up and made good use of the snacks before lying back down again.

"I love you, Mrs. Black," he murmured.

I smiled. "And I love you. And now I'm exhausted."

He chuckled. "Take a nap, sweetheart. You're going to need to re-energize.

I raised an eyebrow sleepily at him. "Oh, is that so?"

"Oh yeah, I have plans for you."

I grinned, snuggled into him, and dozed off.

* * *

The surf pounded on Ocean Beach in San Francisco as Jake and I strolled along, watching the few brave and serious surfers out trying to catch the huge waves. I breathed in the briny air deeply, idly watching the joggers, the kids playing, the people sunning themselves with friends and family. It was one of the rare sunnier days in October thankfully, though the water was beginning to make my feet cold.

We had just arrived that morning and checked in at the Ocean Beach Bed and Breakfast we would be staying at and came out to enjoy the weather. We had picked up a couple sandwiches on the way up to stave off our appetites until dinner.

Jake's hair was whipping around in the breeze, the sun playing off his smooth, bronze skin. He was wearing cut-off shorts and a white t-shirt that hugged the muscles in his chest and stomach; he was getting more than his fair share of stares from women.

Probably men, too.

He was also paying attention to a guide book we had picked up. "There is plenty to do," he said as we walked back toward where we had come onto the beach. "I wouldn't mind visiting Alcatraz."

I agreed, thinking that could be rather interesting. We shot ideas back and forth and decided we also wanted to go to the San Francisco Zoo, Golden Gate Park, and I decided we should go to the Napa Valley and Sonoma Valley Wine Region and do a few wineries.

"Hmmm," he murmured. "I'll agree to that if you promise not to over-do it," he teased.

I gave him an elbow in the ribs, making him snicker.

He took my hand as we walked back along the short stretch to the B&B. The streets were busy, everything was colorful, and I was thrilled that we were able to get away again – and somewhere new – for our honeymoon.

In our room at the B&B, I stood by the window, gazing out at the panoramic view of the city and the Pacific Ocean. Jake came up behind me and slid his arms around my waist.

"It's really beautiful here," I said. "I'm so glad we were able to get away."

"Oh, hell yeah! A blissful week and a half away with you? That's heaven," Jake said. I laughed at the fervor in his voice.

"And this B&B is beautiful," I added. "It was a good choice."

The room was wide and spacious with a big, beautiful bed and the bank of windows overlooking the city and the ocean. It was connected to a sitting room as well, which was nice, because we had more space to move around and didn't have to spend it in just one room. We had our own bathroom, too, with a nice big walk-in shower.

"Plenty of room for the both of us," Jake had declared upon arrival, making me flush deeply and making the owner of the B&B laugh.

"You two enjoy your honeymoon," she said, winking at me.

"I found a restaurant," Jake declared as I finished unpacking our clothes and toiletries. "I'm going to make a dinner reservation for six thirty, if that's okay?"

"Sure," I agreed. "What restaurant?"

"It's an Italian restaurant called Bella Trattoria."

I snickered as he gave me an innocent grin. "Hey, it got good ratings!"

He made the reservations as I pulled out a fresh change of clothes. When he hung up, I glanced up at him. "I'm going to take a quick shower. What do you want to do first?"

"First?" he murmured. With a wolfish grin, he stalked me across the room. "I think first, I'm going to follow you into the shower…"

I gave a small squeal of laughter as he chased me into the bathroom.

"You know we have to start practicing plenty for all those kids we're going to have," he murmured.

I grinned and warmed at the thought.

"Anyway… once I make love to you in the shower… I'm going to bring you back out here and make love to you on that big bed… and just keep going until it's time to eat."

Laughing, I let him undress me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Now _that_ sounds like the perfect start to our honeymoon…"

* * *

**AN: Ok, sorry it took me ages to get this outtake done. November came too fast and I had begun NaNoWriMo (50,000 words in a month) and if you can believe it… I actually have a novel almost finished. Then with Christmas coming, and then the news that I will be laid off after this month, kind of took its toll. So, I finally just started working on stuff again. I'll be updating soon hopefully with a new multi, a couple OS's, and then I'm back to my original novel. So there you have it.**

**A few links:**

http:/www[dot]bridesmaidupdos[dot]org/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/beach-wedding-dresses[dot]jpg (Bella's wedding dress)

http:/www[dot]gorgeousworld[dot]net/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Sexy-lingerie-%E2%80%93-How-to-wear-it-with-confidence-3[dot]jpg (Bella's lingerie)

https:/oceanbeachbb[dot]com/OceanBeachBB_Accommodations[dot]html (Ocean View Suite at Ocean Beach B&B)


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